Mr. Endowed and his not-so-humble brother

I need to take a detour to two other gentlemen I met and dated between February and May before we get to the really good stuff.

Mr. Endowed, and his brother “I had to pretend to gag”.

Mr. Endowed:

I dated this hot looking blond for roughly a month, and all we did was have sex. He never bothered to take me out on dates (why would he buy the cow if he was already getting the milk for free anyway?) He was incredibly well-endowed, but opposite of Larry, was much more considerate and gentle when it came to sex. However, after a few weeks on non-stop sex, it occurred to me that he would only come see me to have sex. We never really talked or shared anything about each other, and at one point told me that because he liked me a lot, needed to let me know where his beliefs for God stood. He was fairly religious and wanted his partner to follow in the same path. Unfortunately for him, I’m agnostic, and don’t follow any denomination or religion. Because of this, we probably wouldn’t work out. We ended up splitting ways soon after, but kept loose contact (and became FWB for a short while during the summer).

“I had to pretend to gag”:

This was a great guy that I met online as well and had a wonderful time with. He was a new teacher, and to this day, remains as one of the best/most fun date I’ve ever had. We went to dinner at this quiet Thai restaurant near my apartment and had a great conversation, and afterwards went to a country nightclub (Wild West) where he taught me to line dance. It was so much fun! Over the next few days, we’d message each other and made plans to meet a couple more times.

One night, I managed to make my way over to his apartment and spend the night after we’d watched a movie. He never made advancements toward me sexually, but as soon as I removed my bra and lay down beside him, he expressed an incredible fascination towards them. Mr. Teacher became the greatest foreplayer in history. He would play and pay attention to my breasts for hours, all of which was incredibly arousing. However, he said he didn’t want to have sex because he’d mentioned he’d had bad luck with condoms coming off before and didn’t want a baby/plan B scare/and was religious.

I reached into his pants and immediately understood why.

His penis was no longer or bigger than my middle finger. That’s 3”. Erect. Oh. My. God. Whyyy?? This guy was great, outgoing, such a gentleman, and incredibly sweet. But he wasn’t packing anything more than a roll of quarters in his pants. I was bummed out, but was actually ready to forego such a small penis only because I liked him so much. 

Then came the heavy petting. Which unfortunately didn’t last more than 47 seconds. Not only did he have small jewels, but P.E. (premature ejaculation). He’d bragged about coming over and over, and to be completely honest, there wasn’t much work on my end to be done. As soon as I’d touch him, he’d come. I’d give him a few strokes and poof! Done. I had to pretend to gag because his penis never even touched the back of my throat. One morning, I was able to make him come four times in fifteen minutes! And I only stopped because I had to go back home, or else he could have kept coming. While it was exciting to see him come so easily, I couldn’t help but imagine what sex would be like. And no wonder the condoms always came off. They were too big for him! He was completely oblivious to the fact that he had a small penis. He swore he had huge balls.

No honey, you’re far from having huge balls. I’ve seen big balls. They’re like apricots. You’ve got half a walnut in there. For both balls.  

We stopped dating when I admitted that I had HSV-1, or oral herpes. Unfamiliar with the virus, he immediately stopped kissing me on my lips and became overly paranoid. I couldn’t help it. He was ignorant, and I couldn’t do much to help him see it was okay. 

I quickly moved away from both men, not before falling into an old familiar habit. 

God*mnit.