The original article was seen on Yahoo the other day: 6 financial moves that sound good but aren't
I regularly read articles about personal finance on MSN and Yahoo. Most of the time, I end up following their suggestions and I also learn new things. #6 listed left me scratching my head:
"Paying Off a Major Loan in One Payment
Advantages: You've been working hard and saving – smart! Before your loans start accumulating interest, or even if they have, you decide to pay them off in one payment. That's a wonderful accomplishment that will save you months', or years' worth of interest.
Downside: If you choose this route, make sure you take a look at your interest rate. Some loans have such a low interest rate that you'd be better off putting your money in a savings account that earns you a higher return and paying off your debt monthly. Keep in mind this is only a good idea if 1) your savings interest rate is higher than your debt interest rate and 2) you are disciplined enough to pay the debt off on time, every month, and not to spend your hard-earned cash on luxuries instead. The bonus? Responsibly paying off monthly debt helps you to establish a good credit history. This is especially helpful if you don't have a credit history (or you are trying to rebuild a bad one)."
Here are some rates from the major US banks. Keep in mind that these rates are for simple savings account, and most banks require a checking account in conjunction.
With Bank of America, "interest is compounded daily and paid monthly." Regular Savings Account Interest Rate is 0.10%
Wells Fargo: 0.05% Compounded Daily. The interest rate increases an extra 0.10% if you have a Prime Checking Account with them, and also an extra 0.40% if you have a balance over $25,000.
J.P.Morgan Chase is a bit more competitive: for balances $0-$9,999 the APY is 0.10%, balances $10,000-$24,999 it jumps to 0.35%, and continues increasing 0.15% each time it doubles the previous tier.
However, the highest I've seen was with Citigroup. They can offer 1.25% APY with a minimum balance of $100.
Now I don't know of a single bank that will give you a loan for under 1%. If you do- shout it out! The only ones that will are for their introductory offers- the ones for 0%, and it's not a loan, it's basically a line of credit that will only last 12 months. Ok, that would make sense, but only until you pay off the balance in full by the end of the offer. And granted you aren't late on a single payment, or else they will rescind the offer, charge with a late fee, and charge you the interest you've accumulated since your purchase. This happened to me with Bank of America. I made the payment on the day it was due, but at 5pm Central time. Their cutoff time was 3pm Eastern time.
I was able to fight off the late payment fee of $39, but I lost my 0% APR offer. You can bet your ass I paid off my balance within 2 months to avoid payment interest when I had the money handy.
So theoretically it is acceptable not to pay off a credit card if its interest rate is lower than what a savings account will give you, but where do you find such a bank??
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Being Single Sucks... sort of
There was a point in my life where I had an enormous amount of time all to myself. It was both sad and satisfying. I think as a result, I've developed acute depression. I used to be chipper, and hyper as hell. Then, I moved out of California, away from the sunshine, to Houston and got stuck with the unbearable humidity in return. I spent 4 months in Houston, recently single, without a car, job or school until I decided I'd had enough. I went to France for a little under 6 months to try to knock some joy into my life.
It was probably the worst feeling ever.
I got to reconnect with some old classmates and relatives, but the only thing I was after was attention. I needed comfort and compassion. I needed to be held. I needed to feel wanted and loved again. It never happened. I ended up falling for the wrong guys that wouldn't give anything in return, or worse- desperately accepting anyone who would.
I came back to Houston the following year, with a chip on my shoulder the size of an iceberg. My whole purpose of trekking out to another country was to experience excitement and adventures. Though I got to pick up the language again and managed to create some lasting friendships, I was not the same person I had been.
I was quieter. I still loved to laugh and make jokes with my family, but over time, I became bitter and more negative. I had (and still have) low self esteem, so I always felt that I was never good enough. For almost two years, my friend in France talked to me every single day via MSN. Being single, he could understand the frustration I was experiencing at the moment.
But I found the time to do my own things. I managed to finish my 2 year degree in record time, and for the first time ever, I wasn't actively looking for a partner. I was happy being single. I repeatedly told myself that if I was involved with someone, I would forget about everything else and push my priorities aside- which I did when I started dating at the beginning of this year.
Being single meant being able to do whatever I wanted, at anytime. Granted that I was still living at home and wasn't able to leave at 10pm for say, a visit to the pub, I still enjoyed the ocasional movie in bed. I started watching various series and reading books I'd purchased without looking. There were no dinners, no trips to the movies, and no one to do special activities with.
In a sense, being single gives you freedom. But being single also gives you solitude, which is dangerous for a person like me. You start to question your entire existence in search of reasoning.
Luckily I've met people along the way, and even though I don't actively spend time with them because they are usually in large groups and I'm rather shy, I still enjoy the ocassional dinner and talk with some of them.
It was probably the worst feeling ever.
I got to reconnect with some old classmates and relatives, but the only thing I was after was attention. I needed comfort and compassion. I needed to be held. I needed to feel wanted and loved again. It never happened. I ended up falling for the wrong guys that wouldn't give anything in return, or worse- desperately accepting anyone who would.
I came back to Houston the following year, with a chip on my shoulder the size of an iceberg. My whole purpose of trekking out to another country was to experience excitement and adventures. Though I got to pick up the language again and managed to create some lasting friendships, I was not the same person I had been.
I was quieter. I still loved to laugh and make jokes with my family, but over time, I became bitter and more negative. I had (and still have) low self esteem, so I always felt that I was never good enough. For almost two years, my friend in France talked to me every single day via MSN. Being single, he could understand the frustration I was experiencing at the moment.
But I found the time to do my own things. I managed to finish my 2 year degree in record time, and for the first time ever, I wasn't actively looking for a partner. I was happy being single. I repeatedly told myself that if I was involved with someone, I would forget about everything else and push my priorities aside- which I did when I started dating at the beginning of this year.
Being single meant being able to do whatever I wanted, at anytime. Granted that I was still living at home and wasn't able to leave at 10pm for say, a visit to the pub, I still enjoyed the ocasional movie in bed. I started watching various series and reading books I'd purchased without looking. There were no dinners, no trips to the movies, and no one to do special activities with.
In a sense, being single gives you freedom. But being single also gives you solitude, which is dangerous for a person like me. You start to question your entire existence in search of reasoning.
Luckily I've met people along the way, and even though I don't actively spend time with them because they are usually in large groups and I'm rather shy, I still enjoy the ocassional dinner and talk with some of them.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
He spoils me
Crap, I never thought this would happen to me. Sebastian is a charming man. He spoils me to death that it's subconsciously setting the bar way up high for future flames.
Before meeting him, it never would of bothered me to open up my own door. It's very nice at the beginning of a courtship, but not a requirement. Sebastian does little favors here, there, everywhere in between. He orders for me at the restaurant, unlocks my car door even if I'm the driver, opens restaurant doors, and asks me to pick the restaurant. He'll even pull out the chair for me to sit.
Wow....... Where did he learn this? He was a country dude! A farmer!
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He'd made quite the impressive transition to the corporate world after he'd moved out of his small hometown.
When we're out grocery shopping together, he turns into my nutrionist. He doesn't let me eat foods with high fructose corn syrup or too much sodium. Well, it's not so much as prohibiting me entirely, but rather advising me not to. I've never really paid much attention to ingredients, but when I told him that I was getting headaches from soda, but couldn't figure out why, we started narrowing down the ingredients. We settled on high fructose corn syrup. It also never occured to me to check the sodium contents in a can of ravioli. We were both floored when we saw that it contained 1300mg. "They might as well start measuring them in grams at this point!" he mentioned.
About half of the time, Sebastian will buy my groceries. When he does, I tend to put less in my basket because I don't want to come off as a money hungry b*tch. Sebastian offers because he knows my income is a lot smaller compared to his, and doesn't mind helping me. He cooks most of the time, and makes enough to have leftovers for the both of us the next day. I remember the second time that I hung out with BEG, we ended up going around the mall and finishing up at the Target that was connected to its wing. I hadn't yet moved out and was buying some home furnishings. As soon as we hit the register, he blurts out "I'm not paying for that!" It completely caught me off guard.
Did you hear me asking for you to?? WTF do you think my expectations are?
I like my men well groomed. BEG was always overstressing about not having shaved, and not having clean clothes to impress me. At first it didn't bother me, but then I realized that I was more attracted to guys with a clean outward appearance. BEG's couture consisted of jeans, beat up boots and a black tshirt, whereas I'm dressed in office attire and stilettos. Somehow, it just doesn't balance out. I pleaded with him to get rid of the cap,which he did, but he was always scruffy and had dirt under his fingernails. A polo shirt here or a flannel shirt there would have been nice.
One time, he went in to carress me and ran his fingers through my side to which I let out a painful "Ow!" When I asked to see his fingernails, he said "It's probably my cuticles. You've never dated a laborer before have you?" I replied with "Nooo," to which he added "Yeah, you've only dated office people huh?
It was true. I'd never been attracted to the rugged look. At one point, Sebastian decided to let his hair and beard grow. I liked it a lot. He looked completely different- like one of those explorers out at sea, but without the wrinkles. But it's something that grew on both of us and got used to. I wouldn't have looked at him twice if I'd met him that way. I'm not one for facial hair- especially when it's fairly new and feels like sandpaper on my lips.
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It's a problem that will haunt me though. I half expect the dates to open up doors, and I purposely stop in front of one so he can open it for me. I've been spoiled to expect the guy to pay for the check if he was the one to invite. I'll spring for the movie tickets, snacks and outdoor activities and events like concerts or comedy shows.
When asked what I'm giving in return, I say "a boost to his ego."
Is that enough?
Before meeting him, it never would of bothered me to open up my own door. It's very nice at the beginning of a courtship, but not a requirement. Sebastian does little favors here, there, everywhere in between. He orders for me at the restaurant, unlocks my car door even if I'm the driver, opens restaurant doors, and asks me to pick the restaurant. He'll even pull out the chair for me to sit.
Wow....... Where did he learn this? He was a country dude! A farmer!
He'd made quite the impressive transition to the corporate world after he'd moved out of his small hometown.
When we're out grocery shopping together, he turns into my nutrionist. He doesn't let me eat foods with high fructose corn syrup or too much sodium. Well, it's not so much as prohibiting me entirely, but rather advising me not to. I've never really paid much attention to ingredients, but when I told him that I was getting headaches from soda, but couldn't figure out why, we started narrowing down the ingredients. We settled on high fructose corn syrup. It also never occured to me to check the sodium contents in a can of ravioli. We were both floored when we saw that it contained 1300mg. "They might as well start measuring them in grams at this point!" he mentioned.
About half of the time, Sebastian will buy my groceries. When he does, I tend to put less in my basket because I don't want to come off as a money hungry b*tch. Sebastian offers because he knows my income is a lot smaller compared to his, and doesn't mind helping me. He cooks most of the time, and makes enough to have leftovers for the both of us the next day. I remember the second time that I hung out with BEG, we ended up going around the mall and finishing up at the Target that was connected to its wing. I hadn't yet moved out and was buying some home furnishings. As soon as we hit the register, he blurts out "I'm not paying for that!" It completely caught me off guard.
Did you hear me asking for you to?? WTF do you think my expectations are?
I like my men well groomed. BEG was always overstressing about not having shaved, and not having clean clothes to impress me. At first it didn't bother me, but then I realized that I was more attracted to guys with a clean outward appearance. BEG's couture consisted of jeans, beat up boots and a black tshirt, whereas I'm dressed in office attire and stilettos. Somehow, it just doesn't balance out. I pleaded with him to get rid of the cap,which he did, but he was always scruffy and had dirt under his fingernails. A polo shirt here or a flannel shirt there would have been nice.
One time, he went in to carress me and ran his fingers through my side to which I let out a painful "Ow!" When I asked to see his fingernails, he said "It's probably my cuticles. You've never dated a laborer before have you?" I replied with "Nooo," to which he added "Yeah, you've only dated office people huh?
It was true. I'd never been attracted to the rugged look. At one point, Sebastian decided to let his hair and beard grow. I liked it a lot. He looked completely different- like one of those explorers out at sea, but without the wrinkles. But it's something that grew on both of us and got used to. I wouldn't have looked at him twice if I'd met him that way. I'm not one for facial hair- especially when it's fairly new and feels like sandpaper on my lips.
It's a problem that will haunt me though. I half expect the dates to open up doors, and I purposely stop in front of one so he can open it for me. I've been spoiled to expect the guy to pay for the check if he was the one to invite. I'll spring for the movie tickets, snacks and outdoor activities and events like concerts or comedy shows.
When asked what I'm giving in return, I say "a boost to his ego."
Is that enough?
Monday, October 5, 2009
Halloween is upon us
This past weekend was spent lounging around indoors. It was very relaxing. After work on friday, I proceeded to go to my mom's to accompany my sisters and grandma to their school carnival. It was tiring, humid and boring. The only fun part I had was riding a lap on a Barbie horse. After the carnival, I took the girls to McDonald's so they could get some "dinner."
I had already messaged Sebastian earlier that day and told him of a midnight showing of a movie I was interested in seeing. He said he was willing to come, and I told him to pack his bag and that he was staying at my place for the weekend.
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He showed up at my place with a rice pot and stir fry in tow. We ate dinner, took a short nap and went to the local theater to watch the limited release of Parnormal Activity. It was great. I haven't looked forward to a movie in a very long time. And even though the movie was a bit slow paced, it only got better as it continued. That night I went back home still shaking.
The following day we awoke fairly late and had a very filling breakfast- eggs, hot dogs, mushrooms and smoothie. BEG texted me asking how my day was going, to which I simply replied "At home. How are you?" Sebastian and I had planned to go to the Greek Festival that day and enjoy the festivities. However, it was soon aparent that the Houston weather wasn't going to let us have any of it as it continued to rain the entire afternoon.
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We decided to head out to the mall instead for a sale at XXI (Forever 21), but realized it was too late and the mall would be closing within the hour. I was feeling pretty bummed out, but I didn't want to stay couped up indoors for the rest of the night. Seeing the disappointed look on my face, Sebastian asked me what I wanted to do. I asked him if he wouldn't mind going grocery shopping with me, to which he enthusiastically answered "Sure! I need to do some shopping myself also."
We drove around the corner to HEB and spent 1 1/2 hours slowly browsing. We took our sweet ass time. At one point, Sebastian asked me what I wanted to have for dinner on Sunday, which took me about 30 minutes to decide. It was hard to narrow it down since I had a full stomach and not thinking of food at the moment. I finally settled on shrimp, rice and vegetables. Seeing as to how I didn't have any seasonings and flavors at my place, Sebastian decided we take all the food to his place and have dinner there instead.
I looked through my coupon book and started "sifting" through the tabs to find the things that I needed, then noticed that they didn't have everything. I suggested we finish there and head over to Wal Mart to get the rest- which just so happens to be next door also. I got the rest of my groceries and went back home. We finally got home around 11:30 and started putting the groceries away. We snacked on some crackers, watched some TV and went to bed.
On sunday morning, I awoke to hear a beep from a text message on my phone. It was BEG. It appeared to have been a mass text asking "Anyone want to go black light putt putt?" I ignored it and didn't message back. Sebastian and I lazily got out of bed and had mimosas for breakfast along with cereal, mushrooms and toast. I had planned to go to the mall then to take advantage of the sale, until Sebastian told me the sale was only up to the previous day. I decided to do laundry as Sebastian continued reading his book. I finished up my chores, and we drove to his place where I would spend the night.
Once home, we finally got on the topic of Halloween and decided to narrow down a costume set. We came across Beetlejuice and Lydia, and Spy Vs. Spy. We loved both sets, but figured it'd be more appropriate to do Beetlejuice. I'm really interested in doing the Spies, but would have more fun doing the other.
I came across some photos of other users and saw these two designs:
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I personally love the red dress and think it'd be much funner to play dressup and easier to show off who I'm supposed to be since Beetlejuice's costume is evident, but I think it'd be much easier to create the black dress- I already have one like it. Sebastian preferred the black dress as well.
Spy Vs. Spy looks like so much fun, however, a bit uncomfortable with the mask.
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Sebastian said we'd work on our costumes this weekend, and I'm really looking forward to it!
I had already messaged Sebastian earlier that day and told him of a midnight showing of a movie I was interested in seeing. He said he was willing to come, and I told him to pack his bag and that he was staying at my place for the weekend.
He showed up at my place with a rice pot and stir fry in tow. We ate dinner, took a short nap and went to the local theater to watch the limited release of Parnormal Activity. It was great. I haven't looked forward to a movie in a very long time. And even though the movie was a bit slow paced, it only got better as it continued. That night I went back home still shaking.
The following day we awoke fairly late and had a very filling breakfast- eggs, hot dogs, mushrooms and smoothie. BEG texted me asking how my day was going, to which I simply replied "At home. How are you?" Sebastian and I had planned to go to the Greek Festival that day and enjoy the festivities. However, it was soon aparent that the Houston weather wasn't going to let us have any of it as it continued to rain the entire afternoon.
We decided to head out to the mall instead for a sale at XXI (Forever 21), but realized it was too late and the mall would be closing within the hour. I was feeling pretty bummed out, but I didn't want to stay couped up indoors for the rest of the night. Seeing the disappointed look on my face, Sebastian asked me what I wanted to do. I asked him if he wouldn't mind going grocery shopping with me, to which he enthusiastically answered "Sure! I need to do some shopping myself also."
We drove around the corner to HEB and spent 1 1/2 hours slowly browsing. We took our sweet ass time. At one point, Sebastian asked me what I wanted to have for dinner on Sunday, which took me about 30 minutes to decide. It was hard to narrow it down since I had a full stomach and not thinking of food at the moment. I finally settled on shrimp, rice and vegetables. Seeing as to how I didn't have any seasonings and flavors at my place, Sebastian decided we take all the food to his place and have dinner there instead.
I looked through my coupon book and started "sifting" through the tabs to find the things that I needed, then noticed that they didn't have everything. I suggested we finish there and head over to Wal Mart to get the rest- which just so happens to be next door also. I got the rest of my groceries and went back home. We finally got home around 11:30 and started putting the groceries away. We snacked on some crackers, watched some TV and went to bed.
On sunday morning, I awoke to hear a beep from a text message on my phone. It was BEG. It appeared to have been a mass text asking "Anyone want to go black light putt putt?" I ignored it and didn't message back. Sebastian and I lazily got out of bed and had mimosas for breakfast along with cereal, mushrooms and toast. I had planned to go to the mall then to take advantage of the sale, until Sebastian told me the sale was only up to the previous day. I decided to do laundry as Sebastian continued reading his book. I finished up my chores, and we drove to his place where I would spend the night.
Once home, we finally got on the topic of Halloween and decided to narrow down a costume set. We came across Beetlejuice and Lydia, and Spy Vs. Spy. We loved both sets, but figured it'd be more appropriate to do Beetlejuice. I'm really interested in doing the Spies, but would have more fun doing the other.
I came across some photos of other users and saw these two designs:
I personally love the red dress and think it'd be much funner to play dressup and easier to show off who I'm supposed to be since Beetlejuice's costume is evident, but I think it'd be much easier to create the black dress- I already have one like it. Sebastian preferred the black dress as well.
Spy Vs. Spy looks like so much fun, however, a bit uncomfortable with the mask.
Sebastian said we'd work on our costumes this weekend, and I'm really looking forward to it!
Friday, October 2, 2009
I pulled the plug
I went out with BEG last night to one of his friend's concert in downtown. We met up for dinner before the show and had a really good time. Once at the lounge, we met his other friends- one of which happened to be his ex-girlfriend. This is the first ex-girlfriend of a potential flame that I've ever met in my life! I've never had to with anyone else before, and I think it was because the occasion never arose.
We had a drink until we waited for his friend to perform. At one point BEG turns around to me and says "Do you want another drink?" I respond with "Not right now, but maybe later." He replies with "Ok, cause when you do, you're gonna have to not touch me for about 5 minutes."
I was a little confused by his remark so I asked him "What do you mean 'not touch you'?"
"Because I'm sporting an erection and I don't want everyone to notice" he said.
Dang-I was just caressing the back of his neck!
We enjoyed the show and he leaned in to kiss me.
Shrimp breath. Total Killer. It was foul! Oh my god. How could he not notice to put gum or a mint in his mouth? They even had them at the restaurant! I was starting to get a little tired and decided to tell him I needed to get on home. He drove me back and was about to shut off his car and follow me up when I quickly said "Well thank you for dinner"
"Oh you don't want me to follow you?" he asked.
"No, I'm really tired and sleepy" I answered.
I leaned over again, and got a full taste of that shrimp again. It was enough to make me gag. It smelled so bad.
"So are you free this weekend?" he asked"
"No, I'm with my family" I replied
"So when are we hanging out again?" he said
"We'll talk about it tomorrow. Have a good night." I said as I shut his car door.
I had decided in my mind that I wasn't going to continue seeing him romantically knowing full well I was giving him my divided attention. I called Sebastian that night and spoke with him a bit more seeing as to how I'd missed his call ealier that night.
I didn't tell him I had gone on another date. I stretched the truth and told him I'd gone to dinner and a show with some friends. He had called me to invite me to eat dinner at his place.
Today, BEG texted me to wish me a good day. He wanted to get on AIM to play a round of 21 questions- where we ask questions back and forth to each other, never asking the same question back to the person again. It's tough, because sometimes, you are asked a good question that you'd like to ask them in return, but can't during the session.
It was just a simple game, until he asked me the following:
BEG: why aren't you ready to be in a relationship? or are you just not ready to be in a relationship with me? if that's the case I understand, just let me know so I don't waste my time
ME: i'm not ready to be in a relationship with anyone.i haven't gotten over my last one completely. i'm sorry.maybe one day i'll regret it, cause you're nice to me, but my heart's not in it, and i dont want you to develop anything for me. i only want to be friends.
BEG: no more dates then, thanks for telling me early
I slowly began feeling a bitter taste in my mouth
ME: wow, i didn't think it'd hurt to tell you but it did. i got this queasy feeling in my stomach
BEG: I'm not sure what to tell you about that. I like you Ren, but I can't wait around for you to realize your past is out of reach. I guess let me know if you change your mind and want to see me.
ME: ok so be it
5 minutes pass then,
BEG: well... I can't wait around forever, but I can wait around some... I didn't think I would ever get over my ex, and you were the first girl i've had some feelings for in a while. I guess that's why it just hurts to hear you say youre not over your ex after meeting me.
I proceeded to sugarcoat the "it's not you it's me" excuse.
ME: i know , and i feel bad. i get attached really hard, and i wish i was over it. it took me a month to get over the previous guy, and we were only together for 2 weeks. i couldn't handle rejection all that well.... i've been rejected so much that i dont want to fall for anyone. my heart's.... brittle right now.
BEG: it's been two months for me to get over the last girl I had feelings for so I understand. well if you don't have feelings for me after dating me, maybe it's not meant to be. but i'm here if you change your mind. i'm gonna get offline, have a good day at work.
We parted ways. It was a little sad considering I'd offered to take him to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show next saturday. I'm more than willing to do it still.
But for right now, I'm not going to get into a serious relationship with someone new. My heart and mind are not there. Sebastian still lingers, and I have so much fun with him still. We do share a special "friendship" and a true one at that. He calls me everyday and we talk for hours- something we never did when we were actually together.
What changed?
We had a drink until we waited for his friend to perform. At one point BEG turns around to me and says "Do you want another drink?" I respond with "Not right now, but maybe later." He replies with "Ok, cause when you do, you're gonna have to not touch me for about 5 minutes."
I was a little confused by his remark so I asked him "What do you mean 'not touch you'?"
"Because I'm sporting an erection and I don't want everyone to notice" he said.
Dang-I was just caressing the back of his neck!
We enjoyed the show and he leaned in to kiss me.
Shrimp breath. Total Killer. It was foul! Oh my god. How could he not notice to put gum or a mint in his mouth? They even had them at the restaurant! I was starting to get a little tired and decided to tell him I needed to get on home. He drove me back and was about to shut off his car and follow me up when I quickly said "Well thank you for dinner"
"Oh you don't want me to follow you?" he asked.
"No, I'm really tired and sleepy" I answered.
I leaned over again, and got a full taste of that shrimp again. It was enough to make me gag. It smelled so bad.
"So are you free this weekend?" he asked"
"No, I'm with my family" I replied
"So when are we hanging out again?" he said
"We'll talk about it tomorrow. Have a good night." I said as I shut his car door.
I had decided in my mind that I wasn't going to continue seeing him romantically knowing full well I was giving him my divided attention. I called Sebastian that night and spoke with him a bit more seeing as to how I'd missed his call ealier that night.
I didn't tell him I had gone on another date. I stretched the truth and told him I'd gone to dinner and a show with some friends. He had called me to invite me to eat dinner at his place.
Today, BEG texted me to wish me a good day. He wanted to get on AIM to play a round of 21 questions- where we ask questions back and forth to each other, never asking the same question back to the person again. It's tough, because sometimes, you are asked a good question that you'd like to ask them in return, but can't during the session.
It was just a simple game, until he asked me the following:
BEG: why aren't you ready to be in a relationship? or are you just not ready to be in a relationship with me? if that's the case I understand, just let me know so I don't waste my time
ME: i'm not ready to be in a relationship with anyone.i haven't gotten over my last one completely. i'm sorry.maybe one day i'll regret it, cause you're nice to me, but my heart's not in it, and i dont want you to develop anything for me. i only want to be friends.
BEG: no more dates then, thanks for telling me early
I slowly began feeling a bitter taste in my mouth
ME: wow, i didn't think it'd hurt to tell you but it did. i got this queasy feeling in my stomach
BEG: I'm not sure what to tell you about that. I like you Ren, but I can't wait around for you to realize your past is out of reach. I guess let me know if you change your mind and want to see me.
ME: ok so be it
5 minutes pass then,
BEG: well... I can't wait around forever, but I can wait around some... I didn't think I would ever get over my ex, and you were the first girl i've had some feelings for in a while. I guess that's why it just hurts to hear you say youre not over your ex after meeting me.
I proceeded to sugarcoat the "it's not you it's me" excuse.
ME: i know , and i feel bad. i get attached really hard, and i wish i was over it. it took me a month to get over the previous guy, and we were only together for 2 weeks. i couldn't handle rejection all that well.... i've been rejected so much that i dont want to fall for anyone. my heart's.... brittle right now.
BEG: it's been two months for me to get over the last girl I had feelings for so I understand. well if you don't have feelings for me after dating me, maybe it's not meant to be. but i'm here if you change your mind. i'm gonna get offline, have a good day at work.
We parted ways. It was a little sad considering I'd offered to take him to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show next saturday. I'm more than willing to do it still.
But for right now, I'm not going to get into a serious relationship with someone new. My heart and mind are not there. Sebastian still lingers, and I have so much fun with him still. We do share a special "friendship" and a true one at that. He calls me everyday and we talk for hours- something we never did when we were actually together.
What changed?
Thursday, October 1, 2009
How living with my parents helped save $$
My mom accuses me of being cheap. She teases me and brings it up in conversations with my grandma, uncle and dad. I like to consider myself as being frugal. Such a comment from her doesn't hurt my feelings at all- it just pisses me. It's something I don't quite understand because my father always told me to take care of my money; I would finally learn the value of a dollar when I was paying for my own things, he said. I finally learned it when I saw how expensive an 8pk of Bounty paper towels was at Target.
"But they'll last you longer" said Sebastian. "Yeah, but $12 hurts!" I whimpered.
I don't have my savings earmarked for anything big- probably the reason why I'm depressed 80% of the time; I've got nothing big to look forward to in the near future really. No house, no car, no extravagant vacation and no kids either. But I'm glad that I'm not in debt. I've got one credit card balance of approx $1600 that I have to pay off before the 0% APR offer is over in Feb. 2010. So far, I've been able to take full advantage of my introductory offers on the American Express (0% APR for 15 months) and Bank of America (0% for 12 months.) I played it safe and paid my balances in full at the end of the month. When I moved out, I started charging most of my purchases on my Discover (0% for 12 months) knowing full well I would pay it off when the offer was over. I was doing it for the cashback incentive.
I'm responsible when it comes to money. I've managed my father's business and personal finances, and I have never once in my life bounced a single check or overdrafted on my accounts.
Well, there was that one $2.88 purchase at Starbucks that I made from the wrong account when I was 18 years old- the account that was empty. But at the time, WAMU was very understanding and in touch with their customers' needs. I never paid an overdraft fee.
I have good credit history also; I started out when I was 18 and today, I have a good FICO score. I've only been hit with identity theft once, and luckily, I caught it and took care of it right away. I check my credit reports and my dad's every 4 months from Equifax, Experian and Transunion for free. So far, I haven't come across any black marks. I have too much available credit than I know what to do with. It's merely there for catastrophes. I have enough in savings to take care of emergencies at the moment, thank God. I request my credit line to be increased every so often to create a bigger gap between percentage owed.
I am a frugalista. I was a bit bummed out the other day when I went to the store and didn't see anything that I needed to buy. I had everything taken care of. I've saved more money in the past year than I did since I started working. And the reason why?
I lived with my parents until I got too old. I didn't have a rent to pay, or groceries to buy; I babysat my sisters in return. So all the money I was making, I was spending on my own personal affairs or going into the bank. I don't make that much money either; I make 28k. When I thought about finally taking the leap out of the nest, I started buckling down and stopped shopping out of habit when I was bored. It became a competition with myself. I had to distinguish the difference between want and need. I've taught Sebastian how to do it, and as a result, walked away from buying a brand new car.(His Tercel started working again, and after asking me for the umpteenth time as to what I'd recommend him doing, I simply stated that I personally felt it was a better choice to pay off his debt completely from his previous marriage before thinking of buying a car. Once the debt is paid off, I suggested he continue putting the same amount of money in a savings account until the car finally gave out. At that time, he would have accumulated money for a bigger down payment)
It hurts me when a friend is in financial trouble. Then I see their 42" Plasma TV, or their Armani and Dolce & Gabbana wardrobe in the closet, and realize they put wants over needs first. I wish I could help them, but I don't want to mix money and friends. I did it once, and though I was lucky and got the money back after a few months, she wasn't too happy when she asked to borrow a bigger sum and I drew up a promissory note.
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I eat on the floor on a tiny "coffee table" taken from leftover pieces of an old dresser that Sebastian was going to throw out. And I took a wine rack that I had previously given to my dad. He didn't use it once. I now use it to store my magazines. And a couple of wine bottles as well......
Having a small space cuts down on the amount of furniture I have to buy, and I'm glad. Sebastian and BEG have both told me how much they like my new place. I've organized it in a way that is cozy and isn't cluttered. Everything has its place. My wall decorations are pictures my sisters have drawn out which I have placed in simple black frames, and my own black and white photographs I took of them when I was in school.
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I stopped going to the salon to get my nails done this year. Now, I do them myself. It beats spending about $40 a month. It's very time consuming doing it myself, but people notice the nice work. All the guys I've dated have complimented me on it. Who thought guys could notice that kind of stuff? Plus, it's a lot more sanitary than the parlor. My mom got a fungus on her toes because they don't disinfect their tubs. Naaasty!
I buy off-brand when it comes to certain food items and apparel. I'll wait for a book to be in publication for a while before I buy it used online. I do the same for series on DVD- I buy it at Best Buys when the show is on the 4th season on TV, and then I try to resell on Amazon when I'm done with it. I listen to music on Pandora and LastFm for free online. I'm always on schedule with my credit card payments. One late payment and I'd have to pay the entire interest I've accumulated since the purchase.
I will be enrolling at the University of Houston in the spring where I'll most likely start to experience the money crunch. I will be majoring in Accounting and minoring in Spanish.
"But they'll last you longer" said Sebastian. "Yeah, but $12 hurts!" I whimpered.
I don't have my savings earmarked for anything big- probably the reason why I'm depressed 80% of the time; I've got nothing big to look forward to in the near future really. No house, no car, no extravagant vacation and no kids either. But I'm glad that I'm not in debt. I've got one credit card balance of approx $1600 that I have to pay off before the 0% APR offer is over in Feb. 2010. So far, I've been able to take full advantage of my introductory offers on the American Express (0% APR for 15 months) and Bank of America (0% for 12 months.) I played it safe and paid my balances in full at the end of the month. When I moved out, I started charging most of my purchases on my Discover (0% for 12 months) knowing full well I would pay it off when the offer was over. I was doing it for the cashback incentive.
I'm responsible when it comes to money. I've managed my father's business and personal finances, and I have never once in my life bounced a single check or overdrafted on my accounts.
Well, there was that one $2.88 purchase at Starbucks that I made from the wrong account when I was 18 years old- the account that was empty. But at the time, WAMU was very understanding and in touch with their customers' needs. I never paid an overdraft fee.
I have good credit history also; I started out when I was 18 and today, I have a good FICO score. I've only been hit with identity theft once, and luckily, I caught it and took care of it right away. I check my credit reports and my dad's every 4 months from Equifax, Experian and Transunion for free. So far, I haven't come across any black marks. I have too much available credit than I know what to do with. It's merely there for catastrophes. I have enough in savings to take care of emergencies at the moment, thank God. I request my credit line to be increased every so often to create a bigger gap between percentage owed.
I am a frugalista. I was a bit bummed out the other day when I went to the store and didn't see anything that I needed to buy. I had everything taken care of. I've saved more money in the past year than I did since I started working. And the reason why?
I lived with my parents until I got too old. I didn't have a rent to pay, or groceries to buy; I babysat my sisters in return. So all the money I was making, I was spending on my own personal affairs or going into the bank. I don't make that much money either; I make 28k. When I thought about finally taking the leap out of the nest, I started buckling down and stopped shopping out of habit when I was bored. It became a competition with myself. I had to distinguish the difference between want and need. I've taught Sebastian how to do it, and as a result, walked away from buying a brand new car.(His Tercel started working again, and after asking me for the umpteenth time as to what I'd recommend him doing, I simply stated that I personally felt it was a better choice to pay off his debt completely from his previous marriage before thinking of buying a car. Once the debt is paid off, I suggested he continue putting the same amount of money in a savings account until the car finally gave out. At that time, he would have accumulated money for a bigger down payment)
It hurts me when a friend is in financial trouble. Then I see their 42" Plasma TV, or their Armani and Dolce & Gabbana wardrobe in the closet, and realize they put wants over needs first. I wish I could help them, but I don't want to mix money and friends. I did it once, and though I was lucky and got the money back after a few months, she wasn't too happy when she asked to borrow a bigger sum and I drew up a promissory note.
Only lend what you can afford to lose.
I shop at Target, and sometimes at Ross. Sometimes, I even shop at the thrift store. I find new looking clothes and purses and get really excited when I pay a fraction of what it would cost brand new. I give my clothes too. It's a circle that keeps it going. My favorite purse was $5 from the Thrift Store. It's starting to wear out.
I buy the bare necessities. I don't buy snacks- it's easier on the waistband that way. And when I'm bored at home I watch TV, write, or call a friend. I haven't bothered to sign up for internet yet. I've got a school campus around the corner, so if I need the internet, it's a short drive away. Impulse buys are the worst, but I can control myself. If I'm in the mood for a smoothie on the way home from work, I stop myself and remember that I have frozen fruit and apple juice at home to make it myself. It saves me $4 every time I drive by Jamba Juice. That's why I spent $30 for a good blender. (Sebastian taught me that too)
When I'm at the store and I see something pretty, the first thought that enters my mind is "Where am I going to put it?" If I don't find a spot for it, I realize I don't need it. My place is simple and doesn't have too much furniture. I decided not to buy a bookcase for my living room because I didn't want to spend the $55 at Ikea. I organized all my DVDs and books in a way that was "modern" and efficient. I didn't buy a dining table for $100 either because I didn't really need it or want it. It's just me at home, and if I invite someone over, we're most likely not going to eat there because I don't cook.
I eat on the floor on a tiny "coffee table" taken from leftover pieces of an old dresser that Sebastian was going to throw out. And I took a wine rack that I had previously given to my dad. He didn't use it once. I now use it to store my magazines. And a couple of wine bottles as well......
Having a small space cuts down on the amount of furniture I have to buy, and I'm glad. Sebastian and BEG have both told me how much they like my new place. I've organized it in a way that is cozy and isn't cluttered. Everything has its place. My wall decorations are pictures my sisters have drawn out which I have placed in simple black frames, and my own black and white photographs I took of them when I was in school.
I have medical bills from a procedure, and it's taking me until September 2010 to pay it off. I plan to take advantage of the 0% APR on that as well and make all my payments on time. I drive my 2000 Protegé , and am not considering to trade up. I've recently started clipping coupons, and though it takes some time getting used to, I get very excited when I can save $1 on toilet paper- something I need to get anyway.
I stopped going to the salon to get my nails done this year. Now, I do them myself. It beats spending about $40 a month. It's very time consuming doing it myself, but people notice the nice work. All the guys I've dated have complimented me on it. Who thought guys could notice that kind of stuff? Plus, it's a lot more sanitary than the parlor. My mom got a fungus on her toes because they don't disinfect their tubs. Naaasty!
I buy off-brand when it comes to certain food items and apparel. I'll wait for a book to be in publication for a while before I buy it used online. I do the same for series on DVD- I buy it at Best Buys when the show is on the 4th season on TV, and then I try to resell on Amazon when I'm done with it. I listen to music on Pandora and LastFm for free online. I'm always on schedule with my credit card payments. One late payment and I'd have to pay the entire interest I've accumulated since the purchase.
I will be enrolling at the University of Houston in the spring where I'll most likely start to experience the money crunch. I will be majoring in Accounting and minoring in Spanish.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
I don't know what I want with Men
So I've known for some time now that BEG's still dating around. Early on last week, he broke up with the other girl he was seeing because he wasn't feeling it. When I asked him how far he had taken things with her he said without flinching "You mean sexually? Oh, all the way."
Damn, and I thought you only slept with girls you were in a committed relationship with.
Since then, I went onto Plenty of Fish and saw that his last sign in was early on the same morning.
This guy is definetely fishing.
But you know what? I've learned to accept it because I'm not being completely honest either. I'm still seeing Sebastian, and though he told me he wouldn't want to know if I was seeing someone else until I admit I'm no longer interested in him, I still feel I need to be honest on that. But I haven't yet decided what to do about that. Sebastian and I get along good, and if I wasn't so nervous with BEG, I might be willing to let things progress.
But a part of me wants to intentionally sabotage it. Ren wants to rebel to get a rush. I long for excitement. I've been down in the dumps ever since I moved to Houston, and I want to live life once again. The more time I spend with Sebastian, the more I'm finally able to see more of his flaws. Maybe this whole "friends with benefits" could work out, I don't know. Maybe I'll learn to get over him and slowly begin letting him go rather than just cut off ties abruptly. I don't know. It's just my way of thinking for the moment. And as long as I'm not upset or.... heartbroken, I feel I'm okay with the decisions I'm making in my personal life.
I don't know if BEG is what I need. Maybe he is, or maybe he's just the rebound. Maybe with time I can learn to see Sebastian as the friend I truly need. I don't know.
The other day, I was feeling it was time to come clean with BEG, and tell him that I didn't think it would work out. We've been "dating" for over a month, and I want to tell him that although I might regret it later, I don't want to be in a relationship right now. I don't want the same things he does. Or maybe we do. I don't know. I know he wants to spend those lonely nights with someone, and to have someone miss him when he's gone on jobs. Hell, that's what he told me he wanted for himself. "I want someone to miss me while I'm gone. I want someone to text when I'm far away sitting on a job somewhere. I want to come home to be with someone. Sit on the couch, cuddle and watch a movie. Have dinner with them. I want to feel needed."
I don't blame him. I want that too, I just don't want the stress or the tension to have to put out when he needs it. What's the point of going through all the awkwardness with BEG when Sebastian is available and are both content with the "relationship" we have? I would only be adding BEG to my list. He'd be just another notch on my wall.
No thank you. I want my security deposit back when I move out.
Damn, and I thought you only slept with girls you were in a committed relationship with.
Since then, I went onto Plenty of Fish and saw that his last sign in was early on the same morning.
This guy is definetely fishing.
But you know what? I've learned to accept it because I'm not being completely honest either. I'm still seeing Sebastian, and though he told me he wouldn't want to know if I was seeing someone else until I admit I'm no longer interested in him, I still feel I need to be honest on that. But I haven't yet decided what to do about that. Sebastian and I get along good, and if I wasn't so nervous with BEG, I might be willing to let things progress.
But a part of me wants to intentionally sabotage it. Ren wants to rebel to get a rush. I long for excitement. I've been down in the dumps ever since I moved to Houston, and I want to live life once again. The more time I spend with Sebastian, the more I'm finally able to see more of his flaws. Maybe this whole "friends with benefits" could work out, I don't know. Maybe I'll learn to get over him and slowly begin letting him go rather than just cut off ties abruptly. I don't know. It's just my way of thinking for the moment. And as long as I'm not upset or.... heartbroken, I feel I'm okay with the decisions I'm making in my personal life.
I don't know if BEG is what I need. Maybe he is, or maybe he's just the rebound. Maybe with time I can learn to see Sebastian as the friend I truly need. I don't know.
The other day, I was feeling it was time to come clean with BEG, and tell him that I didn't think it would work out. We've been "dating" for over a month, and I want to tell him that although I might regret it later, I don't want to be in a relationship right now. I don't want the same things he does. Or maybe we do. I don't know. I know he wants to spend those lonely nights with someone, and to have someone miss him when he's gone on jobs. Hell, that's what he told me he wanted for himself. "I want someone to miss me while I'm gone. I want someone to text when I'm far away sitting on a job somewhere. I want to come home to be with someone. Sit on the couch, cuddle and watch a movie. Have dinner with them. I want to feel needed."
I don't blame him. I want that too, I just don't want the stress or the tension to have to put out when he needs it. What's the point of going through all the awkwardness with BEG when Sebastian is available and are both content with the "relationship" we have? I would only be adding BEG to my list. He'd be just another notch on my wall.
No thank you. I want my security deposit back when I move out.
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