She's getting married!

In the last few days, I've been thinking back to some of the conversations Sebastian and I have had regarding his past; i.e.: the exes.

Sebastian mentioned that he wanted to take a vacation somewhere. Japan. And my stomach turned over. Yeah.... I know why you'd want to go out there. And don't even think of making me believe that it's to see your friends. It's pretty obvious it's to see your Japanese ex. He was madly in love with her, and to this day, I still have to hear "I should have married her." It's evident he never really got over her- because she was perfect.

You know, I wonder if he ever brought this stuff up with his ex-wife at the time they were married. I never bothered to ask.

So he continued talking about taking a trip, when he mentioned he wanted to go to France, and out of the blue he says "Would you go with me?" To which I pessimistically answered "Sure." "Really?" he said. "Yeah. I'm overdue anyways. We could go during Spring Break. That'd be good timing. " "And visit surrounding countries too. Oh that'd be awesome!" he added enthusiastically.



All I could bring myself to think was how much I wished that damn Japanese ex had a boyfriend (if she didn't already) or would get married. It would definitely give him closure, right?

Sebastian calls me one day after work like he normally does and unwinds about his day at work. About 30 minutes in or so he calmly says "I found out that my.... ex.... ex......"As soon as I heard "ex," my eyes rolled and I was about to take the bluetooth out of my ear when he concludes with "......is getting married." I quickly calculated in my head and knew that the "ex-ex" was the Japanese girl.

Married.

SCORE!

So it may not mean much for us again, but that should control him for a few years right? I mean, divorce is bound to happen. Hell, it happened to him, so why not her?

"Oh well, congratulations to her" I said blankly. "Yeah, I wished her the same thing" he answered.


Would that be the reason why I saw that he had logged into his Plenty of Fish profile and updated it? (You can find this out by adding a person to your favorites. It shows the last time they were online.) That was quite the blow to the stomach. I was mad and deceived. Hurt and pained. He said he wasn't ready to date, but updated his profile anyway.
Quite suddenly, BEG didn't seem so unattractive after all....

Don't procrastinate when it comes to housing

I thought I had enough time. I always play this game. It makes me more stressful and forces me to rush through things.

Earlier this week I went to State Farm to get a quote on renter's insurance because Sebastian had recommended me to them. I had managed to get a quote from Progressive, my auto insurance provider, but they had quoted a ridiculous high rate enough to rape you. About $38 a month, or almost $500 for a yearly premium.

As soon as I walked in I was greeted by the most enthusiastic handshake. Oh boy... I'm gonna get screwed here too. I told the agent I was here to obtain a quote for renter's insurance, and that I was unfamiliar with the process. She asked me what my total worth in personal property was and I told her $7,000.

She laughed.

In my face practically.

"Well the minimum we offer is $10,000" she responded. "Well then can I get a quote for that?" I asked her.

"Oh but are you sure you don't want to go for at least $20,000? I mean, think about how much it would cost to replace your clothes, your furniture. And we're not talking about items that are on sale. We're talking full cost."

I don't have that much stuff. Just get me the $10,000 quote.

I told her I needed $25,000 renter's liability according to my apartment's requirements.

The lowest they offered was $100,000.

Ok, I don't care.

I asked her to explain to me the definition of this coverage, because I still didn't quite understand it. Basically, liability insurance covers the apartment unit for any fuck-ups that I cause, be it fire, flooding, and can also cover vandalism and invasion. However, I wasn't quite sure if it covered damages caused by hurricane winds. I mean- that's not my fault right? Shouldn't the complex cover for that?

She worked up the quote and offered $12.50 a month, which is what Sebastian had advised me it would cost. I asked her if I could pay it monthly, or if it was annually and she laughed again. "It's $150!" At this point, I was pissed. It was rude of her to laugh at a question I had. For the rest of the meeting, I was cold towards her. The only reason why I signed up that day was because the leasing agent told me I needed to have coverage set up at least 5 days before move in day. I still put my move in day as my start day for my coverage. I called the leasing agent and asked if I needed to show them my certificate, and she said I could just bring it in the day of move in with my check.

The following day, I started researching electric providers online so I could get my service started. I asked BEG, Sebastian and my colleagues. I was referred to Gexa and Amigo Energy. After understanding their rates, I decided to start with Amigo Energy.



I opted for a 6 month fixed rate of 11.1¢ for the first 500kwh in the Centerpoint Area (there are a lot of different rates for different areas, and I know that my apartment is in the Centerpoint district). I don't remember what it was for 501-1000kwh. Their cancellation fee was $100, but I don't plan to do that during the service.

And here's the part where I screwed up. I went to apply for their service, but the soonest they could start was 6 days away; it was Wednesday, and the following Monday is Labor Day. I called their customer service line and I asked them if they could turn it on on Friday (which was 2 days away) and the agent told me they were booked until Tuesday. They didn't connect service on weekends or holidays.

Shit.

Won't the apartment charge me for those days I don't have service?

I asked Sebastian and he said they would most likely charge at double the price, which is what had happened to him when he had moved into his apartment. Or the apartment would charge a flat rate- I don't know. I can't remember.

So the big day is coming. I'm excited, and nervous that not all my papers will be in order.

I went through my renter's insurance paperwork, and just noticed that the name of my complex is not listed as an interested party on the certificate.

Well, shit. Another lesson learned I guess.

Local Anesthesia makes you admit the wrong things.

The Blue Eyed Guy went to the dentist to get one of his molars extracted. I already knew about it, and he text-messaged me the morning of as he was waiting in the operation room. I wished him good luck, and he told me he would most likely text me when he was drugged later. I reassured him that I wouldn't take anything he said to heart.

Within minutes of being discharged, he texted me to ask if I wanted to go to his place to watch a movie because he wanted to...... cuddle? I responded by saying that I couldn't because I was at work, and it was most likely the novacaine talking. I was hoping he'd stop there, but he kept on going. Let's call him BEG, the acronym for his nickname, though a bit ironic considering the outcome.

"I like you" he admitted

"I kind of noticed by now," I responded.

"Good. Still like me so far? It's ok if you're not. You won't kill me." He replied

"I'm still in my "grieving" stage from my last relationship so I'm not rushing into anything."

And this is where it got even.... weirder:

BEG: I know, but I want to cuddle with you everytime I see you. Wish I could be your prince. I'm probably getting weird.

Yeah, no shit I thought. I was at a loss for words. I had no idea what to say. I couldn't think of anything remotely nice to say anymore at that point. However, the conversation did continue:

BEG: But I do like you and am hoping to go on a date with you. I really want to stop seeing this other girl but don't think it's right until me and you at least go on one date and hit it off.

Say what? There are two options?

Me: Are you a jealous person?

BEG: Competitive, but not jealous; meaning, if I'm dating someone exclusive; but if they keep hanging out with some dude without me all the time, then I will get a little worried; why do you ask?

Hmm..... I wonder how he'd react to me spending most of my available time with Sebastian.

Me: I was thinking if maybe you were trying to get me jealous on purpose.

BEG: Fuck... no I'm sorry; Yeah maybe I shouldn't talk to you right now.....I really am sorry, didn't mean it like that. Fuck I just read what I typed and there was no need for me to have thrown that in there.... I'm sorry. I like you too much to ruin this.... I'm going to stop talking to you until my head isn't loopy. Message me later if you want. How about I just call it off with the other girl for you, I would do that if you want.

But I want to keep playing!

Me: No. I don't want you to. [Notice that I don't care much at this point?]

Yet he continues:

BEG: Just know I really like you so far, and would be willing to already if you wanted, you are sweet, kind, interesting, and a princess, even though you hate that I find it attractive.

My stomach did a funny little flip at his last comment. I found it amusing, practically cute that he liked the fact that I acted prissy. He had mentioned it that day at lunch and said "I can tell that you act like a little girl. It's cute." As long as a guy tells me I'm cute, I'm all for the compliments.

Me: I think at this point it'd be best if you called it off with me and we tried to be friends. I wouldn't want you to ruin your chances. You'd still have the other girl.

BEG: Yeah, but I like you. The thing is, when we get lunch and stuff I get excited that I'm going to see you. That doesn't happen with her. I've already decided me and this other girl doesn't click, I'm just trying to find the right time to let her know. I would do it today if I knew you were still interested in me.
God, what are we- in High School all over again??
Me: Cause if I wasnt you'd try to work it out with her.
BEG: Nope. I'm through with relationships out of convienence. I want to find a girl I like. Look, I'm trying to tell you I like you. Why are you having a hard time with this?

Me: I'm not. I'm watching out for myself. And I really enjoyed talking/spending time with you, but every time we went out (which to me WAS a date) you'd bring up another girl into the picture. I'm sure you did it by accident, but stuff like that makes me lose interest.

BEG: How about this, I'll find a way this week to break it off with her. I don't like dating two people at once anways and then I wont even think about trying to date anyone else until we come to a complete stop and say, "this wont work out."

Me: Well, I told you I wanted to be friends first. That was the simplest and safest way to see if it could turn into something.

BEG: It's just I don't come across people I actually like often, usually I end up settling, and so far I really like you and don't want to ruin it. Also I can't say too much until we go on a date and do something fun so I know how you react to things other than talking about work.

So I left it at that. I signed off and went back to work.

I messaged him later that night to see how he was doing with his pain, and he was relieved that I had stopped by to check on him. I wished him good night and went to sleep.

So he's a pushover?

That was me too. Maybe it still is. I don't know, but the blue eyed guy sure as hell seems to be. My friend told me he was probably just being overly nice at the beginning until I let my guard down and felt comfortable enough with him so he can do a full 180. Or is it 360. Wait no, that's not right, cause if it was so, then he'd be right where he started.

My friend once told me that everyone is the biggest hypocrite in the first 3 months of a relationship. It's all perfection at first. Then the inner demons slowly start to seep out and there's no holding back from the person he or she really is.

The thing is- I know I've changed. I'm no longer bitter towards men, and I am more attentive to their needs. Yet, I'm shocked when a man acts that way towards me. The blue eyed guy texts me practically every morning to fill me in on what's going on, and I feel an obligation to respond. Sometimes, I really don't have anything to say, so I respond half-heartedly.

Most nights, we'll chat online, and it sort of kills it for me. I wish there was more on the phone conversations, but then again, I'm too tired or not willing to get on the phone for anyone but Sebastian. Two hours on the phone with him is enough. Where have those days gone? Oh wait- 1998, back in middle school.

We managed to get together for lunch one day. He decided to take a longer lunch and meet me at Taco Cabana which was right around the corner from my work. It was a nice lunch...... but we ran out of things to say at one point. I started looking around me trying to think of topics off the top of my head. He complimented me on my wear, which was quite a shock. This guy wears a cap, black tshirts and jeans. Every single day. So I really don't expect him to have much fashion sense. He asked when we could get together again, and I told him most likely next week as I was going to be moving this weekend *and spending most of my free time with Sebastian*.

The blue eyed guy to me is the type of guy I would have wanted back in high school. He's just too predictable for me. I know when I'm going to get a text from him. I know the next time I'm going to see him. I know when we're gonna chat again. Because it's all up to me.

The ball is always in my court. And I'm getting bored.

Shopping for my first apartment!

I managed to get some shopping done this weekend at Ikea, Target and Ross- the latter which I decided not to buy from until Senior day discount (a good 10% off).

I bought a fiery red microwave from Target for $59:A red Oster 12 speed blender on sale for $29.99, also at Target

Chefmate 8pc cookware set marked down from $31.29 to a whopping $24.99:

And a small Chefmate 2-slice toaster for a bargain price of $6.33:

I needed a kitchen trash can ($10.49) with a swing top and a hamper ($6.99) so I bought the following two items:

I also bought some kitchen utensils, but opted to buy them separately rather than in the 10pc-$10 pack because I felt I could get more stuff my way. Plus, there's something called the 99 cent/$1 store where I can get a lot more for my buck. I just haven't been, so I really don't know what's in store for me- literally.


My grandma was with me at the time, and since I still wanted to go to Ikea to get my dining table, I decided to take her home and ask Sebastian to come with me instead. Once there, we had dinner and went through the entire store once again to buy some seat cushions for my poor beaten up hand me down sofa bed, and some..... linens for my bathroom. I've decided to do it in yellow and white, so I had to buy the shower curtain ($14.99,) the bath mat ($12.99) and one yellow towel ($3.49) and small white towel ($1.49). They were really cheap material- but they're only for decorative purposes. As if I'm going to get so many visitors. I'll most likely turn them away because my place is so small.
Sebastian even managed to throw an "ex" commentary in there about how the ex wife loved to spend money and always had to buy the most expensive item in the selection.

Please. Keep. It. To. Yourself.

I don't think I'm ready to date

As much as I'd like to have someone to share my time with, I know I'm emotionally unstable to even begin a relationship with someone.

I don't see myself with the blue eyed guy.
I'm not attracted to him.
I see him as a friend to spend time with at most.

And all of it is Sebastian's fault.

See, I'm not willing to separate myself from Sebastian because he's in my comfort zone. I know I need to back away, but I'm too weak to let him go. He's always there, it's convenient and he gives me what I need.

Everything, but the emotional attachment that comes from being in a relationship. He won't give that to me.

We spent part of Saturday together when I asked him to come to Ikea with me to pick up my table (which I opted not to buy.) We had dinner and talked and he helped me pick up things for my apartment.

Then on Sunday, I woke up at 9 am, rolled around in my bed for a while, then decided to get up and go see him. I showed up at his place around 11 o'clock, and we just sat around, until he got a bug in his ass to go out and have a picnic. We went to Central Market on Westheimer and picked up salami (which wasn't too good) and brie (which was disgusting)(and I should know better- I'm French!), strawberries (good deal, $1.50 pk) sourdough baguette (not my favorite) and another type of sourdough bread, just not as sour.

We went to Memorial Park for the first time, where we had a relaxed 25 minutes before the ants started crawling on us and biting. Then we went to Phoenicia to check out their selection of salami. We've been looking for the good salami- the hard, not chewy and juicy kind- to no avail. I can't remember which kind we bought last. It's unnerving!!

Then we went back to his place and watched Weeds, got drunk (me, not him) and took care of business. 3 times. After the third time (or was it the second....?) it hit me again. The separation, and the comprehension that we weren't together, and would never be together.
He had made a comment early on in the day which had made me bitter. Then later that night, he had mentioned one of his exes again. "I should have married my Japanese ex. We'd still be together. Probably for good. "

We're not that type of friends to share those things.

I can't stand it. It shortens my breath, stings my eyes and hurts my heart to hear him say that. I'm right there still! So while I was still inebriated, I let what was really on my mind out. And it hurt. I told him he had been a man for ending our relationship, but not quite strong enough to put an end to it completely and let me grieve. I couldn't move on because he was still there. And I didn't want to move on because he was still there. I said I would be the one who'd be hurt in the end because what we had now was convenient for him. He was getting what he wanted, yet could still claim his single life. And I cautioned him that I'd be so angry when he'd move onto someone else because he claimed to not be ready to date me or anyone.

Then something hit me.

I had been too nice. I had made things too easy. It hadn't occurred to me that men want a challenge, or else they quickly lose interest. And that was what I had done. After my last boyfriend, I had changed. I had become very nice and attentive. I had become all the things that he wanted me to be but was to stubborn to do. And I had given Sebastian all of that when he didn't deserve it.

I have recently noticed that if I ignore Sebastian or become distant, he cuddles up with me and becomes even more amorous. If I don't give him attention, he comes looking for it. I noticed that I had to be a little tough with him as well to make it more interesting. And I never picked up on that. I was too busy being overly nice, and in the end, I was dumped.

I feel sorry for the next guy- cause I'm going to be a bitch to him.

It's a vicious cycle.

Lease is signed!

I finally went in to the apartment complex to sign the lease. Which reminds me- I need to research renter's insurance for a different rate. The complex has their own for $15/month.

And I also need to set up water and electricity.
Wait.... isn't water allocated for the units? So that just leaves electricity for the moment.
Right? Shit. Why do I feel like I'm forgetting something?

So I wanted to take matters into my own hands and read the lease agreement on my own. The agent briefly goes over the first page and tells me to initial at the bottom, and I stop her and tell her I want to read the agreement on my own. That is until I realize this agreement is not your standard 7-10 pages. It's more like 20-25. So I read the first 5, and then I notice I've been there for about 30 minutes and I really need to get home to take my sisters to their parent-teacher orientation. So I start skimming over the next 15 pages, and come across some verbiage that I don't understand and make a star next to it so I can ask the agent to explain it to me.

Another fifteen minutes pass and I'm "done." I take the pages and ask her to review the section about lawful entry (do they give a notice?), pest control (how often do they come by?) and fire extinguishers (are they in the apartment units?)

She seemed a bit peeved that I'd played "big girl" and taken matters into my own tiny hands. I did feel a bit foolish for taking the pages away from her, and not able to finish them all. But I personally don't feel comfortable hurrying off to sign something I haven't fully read. Or understood for that matter.

On move-in day, I need to pay my first month's prorated rent of $416.
And then the sweating begins.
Especially now that the situation at my work seems a bit unstable and is forecasting an insecure future.

W. T. F. did I get myself into?