A taste of Europe

Well, it looks like New Orleans will have to wait. I don't think Sebastian and I will be going any time soon.

Last Tuesday, while at work, amidst vacation talk with my coworker for the end of the year, I started feeling a bit bummed out about not getting to do what I really wanted. Another year had passed and I had saved enough money to travel abroad, but not really serious about doing it.

I texted Sebastian:


Me: I'm getting a big itch to take off to France for Thanksgiving......
Sebastian: You find any cheap tickets to help scratch that itch?
Me: $800 for 9 days. Sound tempting to you? I'm doing research and finding friends along the way who can lodge.
Sebastian: Sounds nice.... Yeah might as well while we're young.


I decided to wait until later that evening when we could talk it over more seriously. I only had 20 hours of vacation left, but I wouldn't be able to go in January before classes started because my coworker was leaving for 3 weeks to Colombia. My time was now, and it was nearing.

The very next day, Sebastian and I talked with our bosses to see the possibility of getting that time off. My boss was more than willing to let me take 2 weeks if I needed it- unpaid of course. The end of the year would prove to be a slow season for us, and she was more than glad to unload me as long as possible to save on a paycheck.

Sebastian got the time off approved, and called to check up on me. The very next day, I went to his place to continue doing the research, and the following day, we booked our tickets. After many time restraints and schedule conflicts, we settled on London, Paris, Marseille and Rome. I had to sacrifice Pisa, Italy to spend an extra day to see my brother, sister and their friends in Marseille, France. My brother told me we could use his mother's house for our stay (3 days).

Here's a preview of Marseille:

We will be traveling November 24th to December 6th, which means I will be spending my 25th birthday in Rome at the time.Sebastian is very exited about this trip because it will be his first time out of the States. He's really looking forward to getting a stamp on his passport from each country, which I found to be really cute.

I don't have my American passport yet, and I will have to expedite it when I get my certificate at the Citizenship Oath Ceremony this Wednesday. I have my French passport, which I can use when I'm in Europe, but won't be able to use it to come back into the states because I will no longer have my Green Card.

I'm still awaiting the word from my brother if he can use his Employee discount at the Holiday Inn hotels in London, Paris and Rome. I hope so because the rates were great.

So that's it- I've finally got something to look forward to. It's official, the countdown begins.

Quit playing the victim!

My mother played the guilt card. I needed to take my grandma out of Houston one of these weekends because she can't drive out to anywhere, else she'll get lost (my mom, not my grandma.)

She knows that by making me feel guilty, she'll get what she wants. However, she also knows that by doing so, she will get the irate version of me.

My parents have comfortably played helpless ever since I could speak perfect english-for the last 12 years or so. Whenever I didn't want to ask someone for directions because I was shy, my dad would throw it in my face and say "Are you embarassed?? You're not helping because you're selfish."

Yep. Guilt trips got them everything they wanted.

And I believed it too, because when you're young, you believe everything your parents tell you; and I believed my dad until just a couple of years ago, when I realized he was talking out of his ass about 50% of the time.

When I visited my brother in France, he cautiously gave me a piece of advice that has since stuck with me:

"Manny (our dad) can talk a lot of nonsense. Don't believe everything he says or take it seriously."

That's right- my brother refers to our father by his first name. I understand him now; My father wasn't a present figure in his life, and when he was, he criticized him most of the time.

So when I was old enough, I started planning the family trips. I made the reservations, and planned out the itinerary. Anyone who's gone on vacation will agree that the itinerary is probably the most tedious work. In a sense, it helped me out in my adult life, though it sometimes made me feel like a control freak. Then again, all fingers pointed to me if I ever screwed up or missed something along the planning process. The positive aspect of these experiences was that I could plan everything on what I wanted to see. My parents would be none the wiser and never realize they'd missed out on something for their taste.

Since then, I've always scheduled my parent's trips around the country. I only screwed up once, and I got chewed out for it bad. I had reserved with Expedia, and as I was finishing up with the credit card numbers, expiration date and verification code, I went through a tunnel and lost the call. I received an itinerary that night by email, and assumed the flights were booked. The day of the trip, the airline told my dad that a ticket had never been purchased. It turned out that Expedia didn't confirm the order because of the dropped call, and what I had received was a confirmation to an itinerary, not an actual booking.

I've never purchased from Expedia since then. I go directly with the airline. I use them as a search engine, and get 100% confirmation when I book directly with the airline........... at the same price. At the time, Expedia was charging a booking fee of about $7.

Sometimes, I feel stressed because I know they were doing all of these things on their own when I was young. They never seemed to show a problem. But now that I'm older, all of a sudden, they're handicapped. When we were out at the Riverwalk in San Antonio yesterday looking to take a tour on a river boat, my mother turned to me and said "Ask him how much the tickets are and where we can buy them."

I snapped and said "Can't you ask him??"

My mom speaks English. Not 100% perfect, but very well compared to others. She plays the victim and has gotten very comfortable in knowing I'll do, write, call wherever she needs to. ANd these things take time. When I come home, I want to unwind, not continue working on her tasks. Supposedly, my job is stress free because I sit in an office all day, and she does manual labor and is physically tired.

My mind is running at full speed when I come home, and all I want to do is zone out for at least 30 minutes. Is that selfish?

Enjoy the pictures from the Natural Bridge Wildlife Ranch Animal Safari in San Antonio from this past weekend.

U2/MUSE Concert Tour

It was my first real concert.

I've been to some concerts in the past, but never to one that I was really looking forward to.
And I wasn't even there for U2. I was there for the opening act: MUSE, a UK alternative rock band.

I heard them for the first time when I was abroad in France in 2006-07. I fell in love with them and have been listening to their music religiously. It's unfortunate that they are not mainstream in the US; however they do really well in Europe. They sell out for concerts in Paris and Germany, as well as in England.

So it came as a complete shock when last week, I saw the billboard for the U2 360° Tour, and written below:

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!

Was it a coincidence that Sebastian and I were talking about going to their concert if they EVER came to town??

I remembered my colleague saying he had a ticket to the show, and I asked him if he was still thinking of going. He told me his friend still had an extra ticket- for the floor, but wouldn't know until later that night if he was selling to a friend or not. The cost: $100.

I was more than prepared to buy it.

Later that week, my colleague notified me that the friend had in fact sold the ticket to someone else. I was bummed out that I wouldn't be able to go because second tier tickets were so far up and $100 each. That weekend, my colleague called to surprise me that the ticket had not been sold, and asked if I was still interested.

YES!!! How much?

$90

I gave him the money the next day and got my ticket. 

Once there, we cut in line, pissed a whole bunch of people off and got in place behind the outer circle, where we knew they would be walking, to await the first act.

It was AMAZING.

Enjoy the show,

Renrexx

 

And today's Forecast....

I get Sebastian.
Actually, I don't.

Or maybe I do, and I'm trying to brave it out and be a tough girl.

So we've decided to spend Halloween together. I went online this past weekend while I was at his place and placed the order for his Beetlejuice outfit (he paid for it.)

I went home on Sunday to have dinner with my family and borrowed the black dress that has been used for costumes since 1997. I tried it on and it felt a little bigger than what I remembered it to be. I'll have to make some adjustments to it and use some lace to give it that creepy-emo effect. Sebastian won't be donning a wig. They looked horrible online and very crappy. I suggested he grow his hair out until then and spray paint it green and white.

Sebastian also spent most of Saturday afternoon slaving over a hot stove making his famous enchiladas. After he had finished boiling the chicken, he comes to show me the pot and says "See? Now we'll have chicken broth for this winter." I couldn't help but think "Wow, you expect us to still be 'together' then?" My best friend is convinced he is making progress. I still think he won't commit.

After the RHPS show on Saturday night, I found out the movie would be playing again on the 30th and 31st. Sebastian and I had originally agreed to go on the 31st, but my friends will most likely get together at a club that night, and I would rather do that than spend the entire night at the movies. I told him we could go on Friday night instead and he agreed. He also mentioned in passing that his friends would be throwing a party at their house, and that we could possibly go. I added that I wanted to take my sisters trick-o-treating, and asked him if he would accompany given that we would be wearing costumes. He said yes.

I just don't know what to think. I'm pretty sure we won't be spending the holidays together. My family still thinks we're together, but I know he wouldn't come over for family dinner because he feels uncomfortable. I understand the whole language barrier thing, but not having him there would raise questions from my parents. Questions of which I'm not sure how to answer.

I haven't given our birthdays much thought either. We are 2 weeks apart; his 27th, my 25th, and I'd like to do something nice for both of ours, but really don't know if it's my place to. He only has a couple of friends here in Houston. He only ventures out with me; but he's also a homebody like me. We still have each others' keys; he gave it back to me about a month after we broke up, and I gave him mine about 2 weeks after I moved into my new pad. I still expect him to call before he comes over; I don't expect him to drop by unnounced. I do the same thing with him. The only time I went out of the blue was when I was having doubts. I felt he was still too close to the ex-wife, and I would show up unexpectedly thinking I'd catch them together, or with someone else.

I admit I was very untrusting and looking for imperfections.

I needed retail therapy

I did quite a bit of shopping within the past week. And it actually only happened when I wasn't sleeping at home; I haven't slept in my bed since last Tuesday night. I guess boredom is starting to creep up on me.

Either that, or I needed to splurge.

I managed to go to the thrift store last week and paid $39.90 for:

• 3 purses, (1 of which was by Nine West, the other by Liz Clairborne),
• 3 jeans (Express, Lei and Sonoma),
• 1 Pair black Polyester/Spandex slacks (New York & Company; not pictured),
• 5 turtle necks; one of which I wore and Sebastian complimented me on; he had no idea where I'd bought it.

I also got a 30% discount for my next Sunday purchase which I gave to my mom. I like shopping second hand, but I don't like going to that store because their stuff is dusty, and not all the dresssing rooms have mirrors. I leave with itchy eyes and a runny nose.

As I've grown up, I've developed a more feminine taste for shoes and purses. I don't need to wear brand, because I hang out mostly with guys- and can they really tell designers apart? Most likely not. And if he can, he's not the one for me.

I also went to Target and bought a Converse blouse because it was on sale for $19.99 and fit my frame very well; regular price is $22.99. Then yesterday, I went to Ross and bought 4 pairs of shoes for about $71.

So I might not be exercising frugality when I pay full price at a "department" store, but I still manage to shop within my price range. I hardly ever pay over $30 for a pair of shoes, unless it's tennis shoes, and brand (that I will pay for). I manage to stay at $20. And Ross always has beautiful shoes.

A string of mixed signals

Following this week, things went by.... as half expected. I was pushed and pulled into two different directions. Not knowing which road to take, I decided to opt for both.

Though I had officially pulled the plug with BEG and told him I wanted to be only friends, he insisted I kept sending him mixed signals. He even remarked at one point "You sure do hang out with a lot of guys" when I told him I wouldn't be able to spend Friday or Saturday with him because I'd made other plans with my other guy friends. He was convinced I was going on other dates; at which is not 100% true. He wrote asking if I was being "friendly" with my other guy friends. I responded "No." He asked if I was using him until someone else came along. Again, I said no.

No, there are no new guys. Well, there are two others, but I haven't made any advancements towards them. These guys are simply there in the background, awaiting my acceptance to go get dinner. Since I met these guys through Plenty of Fish before I started my relationship with Sebastian in March, I'm not too concerned about what they think of me. They do know that I dated, and they are merely guy "friends" to me. Actually, they're hardly even that since I don't know that well.

So here's a rundown of what happened from Wednesday to today:

Wednesday: I don't know how it happened, but I ended up going to BEG's house for the first time to watch a couple of movies and have Pizza.  The only reason why I agreed to go was because his gay girl friend Lauren was there; I had met her last week at her music show. She was pretty cool, and I actually enjoyed her company. Around 8:30, she went into downtown for practice, which left BEG and I alone. But nothing happened. He offered to cuddle with me, and as I lay my head on his lap, he softly caressed my hand and shoulder. It made me comfortable. By 10:30, I decided to leave and head over to Sebastian, who lives 5 miles away. He had called me earlier that day on my way to BEG's and I had asked him if I could stay at his place after the movies. He automatically agreed. As soon as I walked into Sebastian's place, I crashed on the bed and fell fast asleep.

Thursday: I think I was feeling rather bored and messaged BEG to see what he was doing. Since Flashforward was playing that night, I told him I wanted to see it. This time, I decided to invite him to my place, but he said he wouldn't have a car because Lauren (the gay friend) was going to use it to go to practice. He offered to watch it at his place, and I found myself driving the 30+miles again to his place. We had leftover pizza and watched the show. However, there was so much talking, that I only watched half of it. Lauren later left us alone again to go to her practice.

BEG decided to lay down on the couch and have me lay on top of him. He was slowly putting me to sleep with his caresses when he says "You know, I canceled a date to hang out with you tonight." I quickly shot back "Why??? Don't do that!"

My phone buzzed. I looked at the caller ID: Sebastian. I pressed ignore, and quickly got up; and that's where I think I made it obvious that I had other plans. BEG didn't say anything, but I noticed a shift in mood. Knowing that Sebastian would be at the gym that night, I wanted to stop by his place to catch the first two episodes of Desperate Housewives that I had missed. I said goodnight to BEG and drove to Sebastian's, who was leaving just as I got there. He told me he'd go do some grocery shopping after the gym.  I took a shower there, and got to streaming online. About two hours later, Sebastian called me to say "I'm here at Walmart, in the cereal aisle. Pick any cereal you want."  I thought it was cute the way he offered; I chose Golden Grahams.

Friday: Let me remember..... Oh that's right, I came to my mom's to visit my grandma and sisters. I had planned to stay the night, until Sebastian called me during his break. "Are we.... doing anything tonight?" he asked me.

How sweet, he wants to hang out.

Me: Um.... I don't know..... are we?

Sebastian: I don't know...... you tell me.

Me: I guess we could do something tonight. You hungry?

Sebastian: A little. You want to do Zio's? (Italian Restaurant on his side of town.)

Me: Sure. Let me finish up here, and I'll meet you there.

I decide to talk to my grandma a little more and began to run late. I leave my house around 8:00 and meet Sebastian at the restaurant at 9:00. We have a quiet dinner, enjoy a few laughs and head back to his place. He asks me what we were doing this weekend and I tell him that I made plans with friends when he told me his schedule was going to be different. Turns out he had the entire weekend free, but I couldn't cancel on my friends.

Saturday: I'm to take BEG and his friends to the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the River Oaks theater. When I tell Sebastian this, he asks "Oh, can't I come?" to which I give him a confused look. As I'm about to respond with "Well, how do I introduce you to people? Cause you're more than just a 'friend' " he says "Oh no, it's okay. Go with your friends. I'll spend some time with Jason and Lorraine. I'm making enchiladas today." "Good, save me some" I say.

I'm also supposed to meet my Plenty of Fish friend David for lunch. We met online while Sebastian and I were still an item. He wanted dating advice and we quickly bonded. We shared a platonic friendship, with no ambiguity present between us. We had met in person once to have lunch over the summer and had gotten along very well. We communicate through emails since he is always traveling. I had told him mid week that we should have lunch on Saturday afternoon at a restaurant in my area. At the time, I wasn't planning on spending Friday night at Sebastian's. The next day, I completely lost track of time, and when I saw David's text to meet at 1pm, I soon saw he had sent it two hours previously. It was already 1:10 and I was all the way up north, still 25 miles away.

I felt like shit. I had carelessly passed up on a friend. And I wasn't happy. I had let Sebastian come between my friend and I. I grumpily sat on the couch, and told him what had happened.

"I'm sorry I f**ked with your time" he said.

"Yeah, literally." I replied.

Later that night, I texted BEG to see if he was free, to which he replied he was having a crisis with his friends. One of them wasn't going, and risked canceling for everyone else.

Crisis was averted  as BEG, Lauren and a few other friends, met in front of the theater around 11:30pm. And then I noticed the change. BEG was distant. And I knew why. He had gone on a date earlier that day, and for all I know, it had gone well. About an hour into the movie, BEG is texting someone. I don't read what it says, but I see the name Julie on the Contact slot. It's probably his date. But why is she texting at this hour? it's after 1:30

The movie over, I drive back up to Sebastian's house, who is still up, watching a series online. We talk and kill time. I tell him I want to travel. "We just got back from Austin last week" he mentions. "No, it's not that. I need to get out of Houston. I want to splurge" I say. "You want to do New Orleans?" he asks. "Yes, let's do it." I reply.

We finally go to bed at 4 am.

Sunday: I'm used to receiving a text from BEG in the mornings, but this time, nothing. I don't know if I'm sad or relieved that he's not quite there anymore. But hey, this is what I pushed him to do, right? So I can only blame myself. As soon as all the wonderful things start popping into my head, I quickly begin concentrating on the negative things.....

So where's that bill of health exactly?

I received a text a couple of hours later, but it's a random one. Well..... almost like all his other random ones, but this one doesn't make sense. I reply, but I don't receive anything in return.

He probably sent it to me by mistake. 

Sebastian is still sleeping beside me. I get his iPhone and start catching up on my blog subscriptions.

I'm supposed to go to my neighbor's art show in my neighborhood, but once again, I leave Sebastian's place extremely late. Then, once on the road, I realize I've left the leftover enchiladas at his place. I double head back to his place to get my food. He kisses me good bye and I hit the road once again.

I call my mother who has been at the exhibition for 30 minutes already, and is ready to leave. I suggest we meet for dinner, but she gets lost along the way, and tell her to head back home and stop at a restaurant around the corner. I text BEG to vent out, but he tells me he's busy, sorry and "ttyl".

I've just been dumped.

I'm sorry I'm late!

This originally is meant to be posted on Thursdays, but I just read Steph's blog today and forgot about "group blog thursday"

1. Your Favorite beverage:

 Orangina. Think of it as a Mimosa, but without the alcohol.

2. Your hometown

I've got two:
Pessac, France: birth to 8 years old

And Hemet, California
12-21 years old

(I lived in Whittier, California between the ages of 8-12)

3. Your favorite TV show:

4. Your Occupation/You are in school for

Current Employment:
Project Coordinator for an EIFS installer (synthetic stucco)

What I'm in School for:
Accounting

5. Your first car

The first set of wheels I ended up driving was a full size van for the summer before college.

But the first car I owned was a 1991 Ford Tempo

6. Your favorite dish
Pad thai at a Thai Restaurant in Hemet

7. Celebrity you've been told to resemble

Christina Vidal from Freaky Friday, but I'm not dark like she is.

8. Celebrity on your "to do" list

I don't have one! They change with the summer Blockbuster's. This year it's Shia Labeouf

9. Favorite Childhood toy
Polly Pocket. Coincidentally, my mother never bought me one because they were too expensive at the time.

10. Any Random picture