Monday, October 12, 2009

A string of mixed signals

Following this week, things went by.... as half expected. I was pushed and pulled into two different directions. Not knowing which road to take, I decided to opt for both.

Though I had officially pulled the plug with BEG and told him I wanted to be only friends, he insisted I kept sending him mixed signals. He even remarked at one point "You sure do hang out with a lot of guys" when I told him I wouldn't be able to spend Friday or Saturday with him because I'd made other plans with my other guy friends. He was convinced I was going on other dates; at which is not 100% true. He wrote asking if I was being "friendly" with my other guy friends. I responded "No." He asked if I was using him until someone else came along. Again, I said no.

No, there are no new guys. Well, there are two others, but I haven't made any advancements towards them. These guys are simply there in the background, awaiting my acceptance to go get dinner. Since I met these guys through Plenty of Fish before I started my relationship with Sebastian in March, I'm not too concerned about what they think of me. They do know that I dated, and they are merely guy "friends" to me. Actually, they're hardly even that since I don't know that well.

So here's a rundown of what happened from Wednesday to today:

Wednesday: I don't know how it happened, but I ended up going to BEG's house for the first time to watch a couple of movies and have Pizza.  The only reason why I agreed to go was because his gay girl friend Lauren was there; I had met her last week at her music show. She was pretty cool, and I actually enjoyed her company. Around 8:30, she went into downtown for practice, which left BEG and I alone. But nothing happened. He offered to cuddle with me, and as I lay my head on his lap, he softly caressed my hand and shoulder. It made me comfortable. By 10:30, I decided to leave and head over to Sebastian, who lives 5 miles away. He had called me earlier that day on my way to BEG's and I had asked him if I could stay at his place after the movies. He automatically agreed. As soon as I walked into Sebastian's place, I crashed on the bed and fell fast asleep.

Thursday: I think I was feeling rather bored and messaged BEG to see what he was doing. Since Flashforward was playing that night, I told him I wanted to see it. This time, I decided to invite him to my place, but he said he wouldn't have a car because Lauren (the gay friend) was going to use it to go to practice. He offered to watch it at his place, and I found myself driving the 30+miles again to his place. We had leftover pizza and watched the show. However, there was so much talking, that I only watched half of it. Lauren later left us alone again to go to her practice.

BEG decided to lay down on the couch and have me lay on top of him. He was slowly putting me to sleep with his caresses when he says "You know, I canceled a date to hang out with you tonight." I quickly shot back "Why??? Don't do that!"

My phone buzzed. I looked at the caller ID: Sebastian. I pressed ignore, and quickly got up; and that's where I think I made it obvious that I had other plans. BEG didn't say anything, but I noticed a shift in mood. Knowing that Sebastian would be at the gym that night, I wanted to stop by his place to catch the first two episodes of Desperate Housewives that I had missed. I said goodnight to BEG and drove to Sebastian's, who was leaving just as I got there. He told me he'd go do some grocery shopping after the gym.  I took a shower there, and got to streaming online. About two hours later, Sebastian called me to say "I'm here at Walmart, in the cereal aisle. Pick any cereal you want."  I thought it was cute the way he offered; I chose Golden Grahams.

Friday: Let me remember..... Oh that's right, I came to my mom's to visit my grandma and sisters. I had planned to stay the night, until Sebastian called me during his break. "Are we.... doing anything tonight?" he asked me.

How sweet, he wants to hang out.

Me: Um.... I don't know..... are we?

Sebastian: I don't know...... you tell me.

Me: I guess we could do something tonight. You hungry?

Sebastian: A little. You want to do Zio's? (Italian Restaurant on his side of town.)

Me: Sure. Let me finish up here, and I'll meet you there.

I decide to talk to my grandma a little more and began to run late. I leave my house around 8:00 and meet Sebastian at the restaurant at 9:00. We have a quiet dinner, enjoy a few laughs and head back to his place. He asks me what we were doing this weekend and I tell him that I made plans with friends when he told me his schedule was going to be different. Turns out he had the entire weekend free, but I couldn't cancel on my friends.

Saturday: I'm to take BEG and his friends to the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the River Oaks theater. When I tell Sebastian this, he asks "Oh, can't I come?" to which I give him a confused look. As I'm about to respond with "Well, how do I introduce you to people? Cause you're more than just a 'friend' " he says "Oh no, it's okay. Go with your friends. I'll spend some time with Jason and Lorraine. I'm making enchiladas today." "Good, save me some" I say.

I'm also supposed to meet my Plenty of Fish friend David for lunch. We met online while Sebastian and I were still an item. He wanted dating advice and we quickly bonded. We shared a platonic friendship, with no ambiguity present between us. We had met in person once to have lunch over the summer and had gotten along very well. We communicate through emails since he is always traveling. I had told him mid week that we should have lunch on Saturday afternoon at a restaurant in my area. At the time, I wasn't planning on spending Friday night at Sebastian's. The next day, I completely lost track of time, and when I saw David's text to meet at 1pm, I soon saw he had sent it two hours previously. It was already 1:10 and I was all the way up north, still 25 miles away.

I felt like shit. I had carelessly passed up on a friend. And I wasn't happy. I had let Sebastian come between my friend and I. I grumpily sat on the couch, and told him what had happened.

"I'm sorry I f**ked with your time" he said.

"Yeah, literally." I replied.

Later that night, I texted BEG to see if he was free, to which he replied he was having a crisis with his friends. One of them wasn't going, and risked canceling for everyone else.

Crisis was averted  as BEG, Lauren and a few other friends, met in front of the theater around 11:30pm. And then I noticed the change. BEG was distant. And I knew why. He had gone on a date earlier that day, and for all I know, it had gone well. About an hour into the movie, BEG is texting someone. I don't read what it says, but I see the name Julie on the Contact slot. It's probably his date. But why is she texting at this hour? it's after 1:30

The movie over, I drive back up to Sebastian's house, who is still up, watching a series online. We talk and kill time. I tell him I want to travel. "We just got back from Austin last week" he mentions. "No, it's not that. I need to get out of Houston. I want to splurge" I say. "You want to do New Orleans?" he asks. "Yes, let's do it." I reply.

We finally go to bed at 4 am.

Sunday: I'm used to receiving a text from BEG in the mornings, but this time, nothing. I don't know if I'm sad or relieved that he's not quite there anymore. But hey, this is what I pushed him to do, right? So I can only blame myself. As soon as all the wonderful things start popping into my head, I quickly begin concentrating on the negative things.....

So where's that bill of health exactly?

I received a text a couple of hours later, but it's a random one. Well..... almost like all his other random ones, but this one doesn't make sense. I reply, but I don't receive anything in return.

He probably sent it to me by mistake. 

Sebastian is still sleeping beside me. I get his iPhone and start catching up on my blog subscriptions.

I'm supposed to go to my neighbor's art show in my neighborhood, but once again, I leave Sebastian's place extremely late. Then, once on the road, I realize I've left the leftover enchiladas at his place. I double head back to his place to get my food. He kisses me good bye and I hit the road once again.

I call my mother who has been at the exhibition for 30 minutes already, and is ready to leave. I suggest we meet for dinner, but she gets lost along the way, and tell her to head back home and stop at a restaurant around the corner. I text BEG to vent out, but he tells me he's busy, sorry and "ttyl".

I've just been dumped.

No comments:

Post a Comment