Or maybe I do, and I'm trying to brave it out and be a tough girl.
So we've decided to spend Halloween together. I went online this past weekend while I was at his place and placed the order for his Beetlejuice outfit (he paid for it.)
I went home on Sunday to have dinner with my family and borrowed the black dress that has been used for costumes since 1997. I tried it on and it felt a little bigger than what I remembered it to be. I'll have to make some adjustments to it and use some lace to give it that creepy-emo effect. Sebastian won't be donning a wig. They looked horrible online and very crappy. I suggested he grow his hair out until then and spray paint it green and white.
Sebastian also spent most of Saturday afternoon slaving over a hot stove making his famous enchiladas. After he had finished boiling the chicken, he comes to show me the pot and says "See? Now we'll have chicken broth for this winter." I couldn't help but think "Wow, you expect us to still be 'together' then?" My best friend is convinced he is making progress. I still think he won't commit.
After the RHPS show on Saturday night, I found out the movie would be playing again on the 30th and 31st. Sebastian and I had originally agreed to go on the 31st, but my friends will most likely get together at a club that night, and I would rather do that than spend the entire night at the movies. I told him we could go on Friday night instead and he agreed. He also mentioned in passing that his friends would be throwing a party at their house, and that we could possibly go. I added that I wanted to take my sisters trick-o-treating, and asked him if he would accompany given that we would be wearing costumes. He said yes.
I just don't know what to think. I'm pretty sure we won't be spending the holidays together. My family still thinks we're together, but I know he wouldn't come over for family dinner because he feels uncomfortable. I understand the whole language barrier thing, but not having him there would raise questions from my parents. Questions of which I'm not sure how to answer.
I haven't given our birthdays much thought either. We are 2 weeks apart; his 27th, my 25th, and I'd like to do something nice for both of ours, but really don't know if it's my place to. He only has a couple of friends here in Houston. He only ventures out with me; but he's also a homebody like me. We still have each others' keys; he gave it back to me about a month after we broke up, and I gave him mine about 2 weeks after I moved into my new pad. I still expect him to call before he comes over; I don't expect him to drop by unnounced. I do the same thing with him. The only time I went out of the blue was when I was having doubts. I felt he was still too close to the ex-wife, and I would show up unexpectedly thinking I'd catch them together, or with someone else.
I admit I was very untrusting and looking for imperfections.