Thursday, January 7, 2010

Do guys really need us to be MORE vocal?

I'm incredibly confused.

I've heard time and time again that if something bugs us, we should come out and say it to our male partners. Be open, talk, share. Guys aren't mind readers, and unfortunately, guys really don't think anything's wrong if you say "nothing."

I dated Josh for 4 years. I will now admit that he was the best emotional partner I've ever had. But I was immature and inconsiderate and practically destroyed our relationship. He went through a lot, and years after, I learned from it. He was the sweetest person, but I was really mean and emasculated him. He stuck around for so long because he really thought I could change. I knew I couldn't, and I didn't- at least while with him.

But fast forward a few years and I notice that a lot of guys I've come across aren't really...... emotionally attached, and it takes me a bit to get used to that fact. They may be successful and have stable lives, which I actually prefer and am attracted to, but they don't get when I'm upset.


Whenever I think about opening up about my feelings, all I can imagine is him thinking I'm nagging. "Can't this relationship just be fun?"

I mean, is that what it means? Vocal=Nagging? Do guys really want to hear that we're depressed or upset about something they did, or would they just prefer to let time pass and get over it on our own?

Personally, I'm not big on appologizing. I'm stubborn, but a lot less than before. I'm matured in the sense that I've finally come to understand it takes two to tango. I try to be considerate about his habits or hobbies, the things that he likes. I try to listen about stuff I don't personally care about, and converse- even if it bores me to death because I think guys like to be heard. But then if that's the case, do they want us to talk about our feelings more??


  1. To answer your question, I don't think that vocal=nagging. There is a difference between being whiny and being vocal. My ex and I had an emotional relationship. He always knew when I was upset or there was something going on with me. I tend to be more quiet about things that upset me, and he was always encouraging me to be more vocal about what I want and what was wrong.

  2. damn. i had this same exact convo with myself this morning. going through something like that with my guy. this gave me a lot of objectivity. thank you.

  3. I really don't know about this. I'm still trying to figure this out.

    I guess it just depends on the individual.

  4. When something pops in your head, yes, talk to us about it. Just don't come to us 12 days later and expect us to care too much...we are more likely to listen to your current frustrations than your frustrations from 3 months ago.