Wednesday, January 27, 2010

"How are thing with you and Sebastian? "

I came across some reflection today with my friend on AIM chat. She asked how things were going with Sebastian, and I proceeded to delve into my...... worries....

Me: Things are casual; too casual for my own taste. We haven't really had "the talk" and I think he doesn't want to face it, so I’ve been trying to think of how to bring it up.

I’m not too concerned for long term at this point, such as "where is this relationship going?" type of thing, since I know he'll tell me the same as before: "For the moment I’m just enjoying spending time with you. I’m having fun with you," let's just leave it at that type of thing. But I at least want him to acknowledge our relationship and make it formal.

I’ve seen that he's kept mum on the subject far too much, and when presented with the opportunity to catch up with other people and what he's currently doing, doesn't mention me at all (which makes me wonder if he's just really private or keeping me secret) and just mentions he's single. I don't know if that has to do with having been "married" and "divorced", which technically makes him "single" a year later to other people who knew him and his wife....

OR if he's not really certain about this relationship, so would rather not announce anything to anyone in case it breaks up again.

I know you told me not to be pessimistic, and in the meantime, am changing some other things about myself to get around to that, but the "relationship status" is just one thing that has been on my mind lately, because it is important to me.

Maybe it only matters if we both know what we are and what we mean to one another, not caring what other people may think, but truth is, I really don't feel it [dedication] coming from him if he repeatedly states he's single to other people or that Ren is "just a girl I’m seeing on and off."

 In the end, I'm not personally confident in this relationship, and I know I should bring it up to him at one point. He probably has no idea what I'm thinking since I've kept quiet and never initiated the conversation on the topic. I just……. Don’t really see him as the one to have deep conversations with.

And I haven’t hinted any concern on the matter either. "We're just exclusively dating" would be the official status of our relationship. And I, for one, don't really like how that sounds. I’m not 100% comfortable with it as it gives no security and nothing to look forward to say.... 3 months from now. "Take it day by day" is something I’m definitely not accustomed to.

Ok, I talked too much. That's what's on my mind. Sorry to burden you. I just needed to air it out before I actually decide to tell him all of this. Thanks for "listening".... lol.... even though you were away at the moment…

Relationships shouldn’t be difficult or confusing even. They should just require some balanced work between two people and true commitment. And openness; and communication. I only have 50% of the equation, and I really miss the entire formula.

I can't take this relationship seriously, and I know given the circumstances, he's feeling the same exact way. It's to his benefit, so he's not complaining. The guy is good. He's very Considerate and Helpful; Respectful, Generous, Kind, and Selfless.

Things seem to change each day; what he said last week about long term could be overshadowed with other vacation plans today. It's difficult to juggle with his indecisive and contradicting character.


  1. Ren, you want someone who is proud to be with you, someone who'll want to shout your name from the rooftops! That's all I'm saying - try to be happy, love.

  2. Hmm... hard to say what you should do. I am more demanding of honesty than you. I wouldn't be able to stand by a guy who's not telling me what he's thinking in a straightforward manner.

    Good luck with what you choose to do. As Fish said, try to be happy anyway and not to think too much. He seems to want to keep it carefree without the serious discussion.


    Do you hate it too?
    "If you're going through Hell, keep going."

  3. Hmmm this is really tricky one I think it just depends if you will be happy with something more casual for the moment. I hope whatever you decide it all works out for the best.

    Kate xx