Monday, November 8, 2010

An apology 4 years later

It's been 4 years since I broke up with one of the greatest loves of my life- the person who I planned to marry, the person I never doubted, and the only person who treated me like a queen. His name was (still is) Josh.

That 4-year relationship came to a screeching halt when I moved with my family from California to Texas. It was a deafening wake-up call from fantasy, one that left me single for 2.5 years (until I met Sebastian) and has made me depressed ever since.


Once we broke up, we never saw eye to eye on things, and while we were both hurt and angry at each other, we proceeded to alienate ourselves from one another and never be on speaking terms again. A year later, I called him to ask for money that he owed me, hoping he would somehow be able to pay me back. He promised that he would, but never did. The following year, in 2008, Hurricane Ike hit Houston, and while the rest of the country was watching the news, Josh wrote to me and asked if I was okay. We tried to make peace, but things were still painful for me and we eventually became bitter and angry at each other again. That was the last I heard of him.

Until this week......

It's Monday morning, and I'm checking my phone and see a notification on my Facebook.
I have a new message and it doesn't hit me until I read the sender's name.

"I really need to apologize for everything that ever happened.  I've been dwelling a lot lately about getting older, and growing up in general. I blamed you for the shit that happened between us for a long time, and it's taken me a while-- but I realize that I share blame in what happened between you and I. I was immature and young, and while I'll never condone the way you treated me, I instigated and forced upon you issues that you never should have dealt with.  What we both did to one another wasn't fair in the slightest, and I apologize for the stupid shit I put you through. 

Sorry to bother you. I know it's been forever, but I had to get it off my chest."

I was surprised and confused. I don't think he ever did anything remotely as bad as I did to him. Still, I couldn't help but wonder why he was coming back so many years later with an apology that he really didn't need to make.

I responded the following afternoon:

"You never did anything wrong. If anything, the only wrong thing you did was caring too much for someone who didn't deserve it..... I learned to understand that I was immature and irresponsible to have been in that relationship. I'm sure things worked out for the best and I'm glad you can finally put this behind you and move on, although, I quite honestly thought you had already."

He went on to say that looking back, he'd realized that he'd forced me to be with him (though I don't consider it so) and because he was unable to control his emotions, he put my family and I through some trying situations. He continued saying that he thought he was over it too, but some things had happened that were a consequence of what had happened between us two in the past, though indirectly. Frankly, it made me curious, because I really don't know how someone can still harbor "grudges" or "sentiments" for something that happened so long ago- especially since he is still with the same girlfriend, 4 years later.

"As far as if it worked out for the best: It's had some good things come out of it, and some bad."

Regardless of the vague statements he expressed, I still thanked him for the apology. I knew him well enough then to know that he is probably feeling depressed now; Possibly because of how his life turned out. I don't know, I'm only guessing.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Halloween 2010

I had a very successful weekend for Halloween. Everything that I planned for didn't happen, and someone completely took me by surprise as well.

Last week, I ended up meeting a guy I had been talking to for the week prior. We hit it off in conversations rather well, and thought we would end up meeting sometime the following week. We ended up meeting late on a Saturday night and hit it off rather easily but it soon occurred to me that this would only turn into a "benefits" thing. Things heated up and we became physical right away, but days later, he said he would be joining the Air Force in the new year. This didn't surprise me at all because he had openly admitted it before we'd even met in person.

Still, he offered to take me out on a real date the Friday before Halloween, and I accepted and told him to meet me after class in my side of town. Somewhere along the way, he was... "detained" and had to attend to his mother who had "mysteriously" gotten a "flat tire" on the "other side" of town. I was angry that I had to wait so long and asked him to tell me right away if he would cancel altogether so that I could go out with my friends instead. When I didn't hear back in time, I took off to my friend's. An hour later, I received a text asking me that if I still wanted to wait, he would be ready in an hour- at 11:30. Dinner that late? Yeah Right.

"I already left for the night" I responded.

Once at my friends, we dressed up in our costumes and went out to Washington St. to the different bars and pubs having their festivities that night. (I was Red Riding Hood)

The following day, we proceeded to do the same but this time went to the gay side over at Montrose. I admit, I haven't had that much fun in a really long time. The gay guys in costumes were hilarious! And a lot of them looked absolutely amazing in their outfits.  Soon after, I start thinking about my Gorgeous Guy. GG or "Duff", is someone I met last year and went on a few dates. It never materialized; the guy was way out of my league, both intellectually and physically. The guy is the most amazingly good looking guy I've ever had the pleasure of kissing. However, every few months or so, we get back in touch, talk and hang out for a while before splitting ways and not hearing from each other again. It's normal, I'm ok with it, and it makes me excited when I see him again. The last time we hung out was..... in April and we parted ways with an unexpected kiss.

At about 11:00 pm, buzzed and feeling very happy, I decided to text Duff to see if he was out enjoying the festivities as well.

Ren: 10:58 pm: Whatcha doing tonight?
Duff: Hey we're on washington, come =)
Ren: I think we're headed out that way later. What are you wearing?
Duff: 11:15 pm: Text me when u around. Pearl Bar.

Unfortunately, to my dismay, Saturday night was reserved for our gay friend, meaning that we would only be going to the gay bars that night. I was disappointed considering I wanted to see Duff, but figured that maybe the next day could bring on another opportunity.

Around 3:30 or so, we decided to head back home, completely wasted out of our minds. I remember texting people that night, but the one I remember the most is Duff's.

Come over? Oh wow. Now that's an intriguing invitation considering we've never gotten physical.

I won't lie. If I could have gone, I would have, but I could not see straight, and he didn't have his car either. He was only 4 miles out, and the temptation killed me. However, the alcohol got the best of me and I ended up falling asleep on the couch regardless. The next day, I woke up to find out Duff had passed out cold as well. At about 2 pm, I decided to give him a call and see how he was doing. I suggested we go out to eat, and an hour later, I was at his apartment. With a hangover. He as well. 

We had a long lunch with painful, strained conversation, which was to be expected. About two hours later, I take him back to his friend's to pick up his car and he gives me a hug good bye. I can see him moving forward to give me a kiss, but I turn my head and he kisses me on the cheek. We look at each other, and I plant him a kiss on the lips as he's getting out of the car, and flat out say "I really want to make out with you."

He smiles, says "OK!!" and closes the door back.

"No, not here!" I tell him.
"Ok, then where? You want to go somewhere?" he asks
"Um, yeah. But I don't know where" I reply.
"We can go back to my place, and take a nap" he suggests.
"Ok, let's do that" I agree.

A short while later, we're in his bedroom, listening to his band's rehearsal pieces. He comes over to me and starts kissing me. We eventually DO end up falling asleep and waking up randomly to continue kissing. I'll admit, it was very hot, but I never once felt uncomfortable. If anything, the intensity of the kissing was exciting, and I could, ahem, *feel* that he was enjoying it as well. At about 7:30 or so, I ended up leaving to go to my friends, with my hair disheveled, but with a huge grin on my face.

I'm glad I got my treat. :) 

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I paid $12.99 for a cancer bottle

I've had my eye on the Starbucks To-Go cups for a while but couldn't find them online anywhere. Some Ebay vendors were selling them for $30-40 a pop; simply outrageous! I read forums where people were saying Starbucks had only made them available during the holiday season and had quickly sold out. Another person simply suggested to check the local store to possibly find it on the shelf.

I let the idea go for a while, and was actually considering paying up to $20 to get one online if I found one.

I decided to go to my local Starbucks last week just to take a look, and found them stacked on the shelf. YAY! I paid my $12.99 plus tax, and became the proud owner of an overpriced Grande Cold Cup Tumbler by Starbucks Coffee. Oh yeah......

Earlier today, as I was reading through my Yahoo news, I came across an article about 5 Scary Cancer Questions, Answered.

One of the questions asked if we should worry about dangerous chemicals in some bottles. In brief:

"Whenever possible, give plastic water bottles a pass and sip from glass or steel containers instead (I often choose a metal commuter cup);.....and avoid plastics with the code 7 on the bottom—those are more likely to contain BPA"

I happened to turn my cup over and noticed a small "7" on the bottom.

Hmmm, well, isn't that interesting.

Cancer cups are now available online at Starbucks.