Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Your opening statement when dating online

A lot of my friends are against the idea of online dating. I had lunch today with my colleague, and while he mentioned frustration of being single 3 years after his last relationship, couldn't really wrap his head around meeting people online.

"But it's the best way to meet people who are looking for the same thing! How many times have you met someone and been faced with an awkward situation because you didn't know if it was appropriate to mention dating?" I told him.

What if the girl is dating someone else? Or not looking at all? How do you know unless she tells you? And if she does tell you, doesn't it sound a bit forward to volunteer that information? Maybe the other person isn't interested.

So it really brings up a whole other scenario- when and how is it appropriate to ask "Are you single?" when you're in the dark.

That's why online dating is so convenient. You're on a dating site. You're looking to date. Chances are, the other person is looking to date if they've got anything but "hang out" on their status.

I'm only going to give you guys SOME pointers on how to approach a girl. I will speak from personal experience to make it more realistic.

I recently logged back onto to my Plenty of Fish account to check the messages I'd neglected the past few weeks. I was disappointed in the poor choice of words my fellow gentlemen were using to try to woo me.

 Here are some example:
  1. "Just wanted to say hi... hope you have a good day "
  2. Hi how are you doing? I came across your page and i'd thought i'd say hi.You seem like a sweet girl.
  3. How are you doing today sweety? Want to hang out? Call me or text me at 832-xxx-xxxx
  4. Hi, how's it going?
  5. Hello there! I am Marcelo I was looking around and saw your profile. Hope we can talk sometime, Take care!
  6. Hi. You seem like a kind person. What was it like living in France?
  7.  Hey whats up? Is that a real guitar in your hands or "Guitar hero" ? lol
  8.  Hey whats up, my names Daniel. I liked your description I would have to say I am similar in a few ways. I don't get out much myself and I would prefer one-on-one conversations. Well I have to get on my way to work, but maybe I will hear back from you and we can start a conversation. Take it easy
  9.  Hi. How are you doing?
  If I stay logged on any longer, the messages just keep coming. I gotta get off this thing!

Out of the following nine messages, only 2 seemed worthy enough of a response. Can you guess which ones? Numbers 6 and 7. Want to know why? Because they asked open ended questions.

[Number 5 was a repeat offender. I saw him during a New Year's Eve party last year, and we have chatted online. He just didn't remember me. Number 3 was just weird. I've never talked to you- why would I want to meet?]

See, that's the importance of making yourself stand out in online dating- CONVERSATION is key. You need to be a good topic starter if you want it to get past anything. 5 guys asked the same question- "How are you?" How does that make you stand out from all of the above? It doesn't even show me that you read my profile. I put some effort into creating it, so the least you could do is read it if you're interested in getting to know me- I mean, that's the whole reason why you contacted me in the first place, right?

A few weeks ago, I received a message from a guy that was at least two paragraphs (I wish I'd saved it.) It was very obvious that the guy wanted to meet, and even though I wasn't available for dating again, I felt I owed it to him to reply. Some guys get upset when they don't receive anything in return, and they become bitter with the whole experience. I could tell he'd spent quite some time breaking the ice, so he deserved a response. And I sent it to him-

Hello hello-

i'm sorry for the late response, and i didn't want you to feel like you did all that work for nothing. Your letter took a lot of effort, and i appreciate the time you took for it. THANK YOU. it was sincere, honest and very nice. i've recently gone back into a relationship, and i've had to cut out the search for that "special person" with someone new. i hope you'll understand and not be too upset that i can't accept to meet up with anyone with the intention of it going down a romantic path.

have a great day, and again, thank you for showing interest. it was very flattering. :)

I was honest. I couldn't meet anyone new while in limbo with Sebastian. I did meet 2 guys soon after we broke up this past summer, but I haven't met anyone new since our relationship got a bit more exclusive and he mentioned not dating anyone else on his behalf.

GUYS: You need to read her profile. If you find similarities, use those as a weapon- ask away! A simple "Hello how you doin'" will most likely not land you a response unless you are drop dead gorgeous......well, with the exception of one that I met actually....... but we just didn't click. [sigh]

Do not COPY/PASTE. We know that you're fishing, so we know that the "so what are you doing this weekend?" is probably the same question you asked the last five girls.

Personalize your message: You're trying to win here!
Length matters: The length of the message that is. One line is not enough.
Humor us: Don't you hear it over and over that we want "a sweet, sensitive guy who has a good sense of humor?"

We don't need you to be perfect. We just need you to be good enough to make us forget you're not perfect.


  1. Absolutely brilliant post. I will just say though, looks are clearly the most important thing for you lot regardless - because I send quite brilliant messages which often don't get a response.
    Anyway...I think you are going to enjoy MY next post. It's online dating tips for GIRLS...

  2. Great post! I wish everyone out there would read it!

  3. I heard the same exact thing from my friend when she was on Match, where she met her fiance - who she actually e-mailed first.

  4. Hello,

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving the comments that you did. I appreciate any viewership and loved reading your opinions.

    To be honest with you, Number 6 and Number 7 were the ones I picked to be the most annoying. I don't know why, but it was like they were purposefully asking those questions, obviously knowing that an open-ended question would mean something.

    Perhaps it's the fact that, like you mentioned, one line is not enough. Perhaps if they talked a bit about themselves, before asking a question, I would've agreed that they were worthy of a response.

    I don't know. Online dating seems like a process that's not for me - I'm impatient, and dislike not being able to see the person in real-life as I'm talking to them, not knowing what they look like, or sound like.

    Definitely a thought-provoking post, and blog altogether, so I'm following you.

    What's the state of your correspondence with Number 6 and Number 7 now?

    Do you hate it too?
    "If you're going through Hell, keep going."

  5. Great post this should be on those dating site to show guys how it is done. By the way number 8 sounds like a total stalker!

    Kate x

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