Saturday, November 14, 2009

Am I a prude?

It's 2009 and I'm being conservative and safe with my health.


How do you know you're not making a mistake?

I can count the number of guys I've been intimate with on one hand. That's it. That's all it takes. 1, 2, 3, 4. In 9 years, I've only had 4 guys.

In those 9 years and 4 guys, I've only had to physically turn down 2 other guys that were already packing. Reason being? Sexually transmitted diseases. I'm scared shitless of them. That's quite the way to put a damper on a hot situation.

Roger* was one of the guys I had to turn down. We dated for a few weeks, and one night, met in a bathroom of a friend's house while at a party. At the time, I hadn't had sex with anyone since my last boyfriend, the previous year. One full year without sex, and it didn't bother me one bit. Actually- it just made me even more nervous to be intimate again after so long.

We locked the door behind us and he started fondling me. That night, I remember I was wearing one of these so I could fit into a tiny skirt:

He tried hard, but didn't get anywhere. The farthest he got was to pinch a nipple. I now consider it to have been my chastity belt. I haven't used one in a while now.

He had told me of how many partners he'd had, and that number terrified me. "I really don't know. About 30 or so."

Hmmm... yeah, ok no thanks. I'm not going to be a number on your list.

He tried hard to get me to follow him to his place that night, but I wasn't up for it. I couldn't stop thinking about the 30+ girls and any STDs he could possibly have. We'd never even discussed it because we'd never been really serious.

BEG became #2. We had talked about our bills of health and he had admitted from early on that he'd been diagnosed with HPV (something which I still don't believe because men cannot be tested for it) and oral herpes. He said he'd gone to the doctor when he'd noticed a white pustule/hair follicle near his penis. I can't remember where he said exactly; I've since forgotten. I asked him when was the last time he had been checked and he'd said "Right before my ex- 3 months ago. So if I got anything else, I got it from her."

After continued conversation, I found out he had slept with another girl after his ex, which was now making up 2 girls post test.  We took it pretty far, but I had to put the brakes when I felt a scab on his penis; I didn't see it because the lights were off. To this day he has not let the "I pleased you  and you left me completely hanging" argument. "I'm probably not going to let this one go for a while." he added.

So my personal feelings are that if we haven't spoken about STDs or shared our medical reports, I will not sleep with you. I know that reduces my chances for having sex by a great deal. I know there are many STDs that can be cured nowadays, but I can't shake the feelings about the ones that can't. And who's to say that the next guy I meet won't turn me down because I get herpes from one of these sexcapades?  Condoms don't protect against everything- especially not HPV.

Does that make me unrealistic or health conscious?


  1. I'm reposting my last comment because I found a typo:

    I think that makes you very, very smart.

    The statistics are staggering.

    Personally, I have always been safe. Safety - for me - doesn't just start with a condom. I am pretty selective with whom I choose to be intimate... but typically sexually active people who are also SMART - are safe - regularly tested - use protection - BECAUSE they understand the risks of gettin' their freak on...

    But Ren, sky divers jump out of airplanes every day without fear of their chute getting tangled. Does it happen - yes - but they don't let it stop them from jumping - safely - after training and preparation.

    Driving is VERY risky, but we do it. But we wear our seat belts, avoid texting, and pay attention to what we're doing - we stay safe.

    As a guy - I have been more concerned with unwanted pregnancy.

    I think you need to do a little better research.

    "Consistent condom use provides substantial protection against the acquisition of many STDs, including statistically significant reduction of risk against HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, and syphilis."

    "Some studies show that, for those who already have a clinically apparent genital HPV infection, using condoms promotes the regression of HPV lesions in both women and men."


    So are you a prude? Myeh... You are concerned and cautious, and THAT is awesome. However, I would suggest that sexual chemistry between two people is important, and it may take a little while for you to figure out what your preferences are.

    Paranoia - that is something very, very debilitating.

  2. I don't think it's prudish if you believe that your health is at risk. If you really are scared shitless of STDs then compromising your beliefs would probably end up causing a lot of psychological damage (stress, guilt, etc.) even if you didn't end up contracting anything. (I would suggest talking to a doctor, though, and making sure you have all of your facts straight, because you don't want to be worrying unnecessarily about anything) At the same time, I don't see anything wrong with simply practicing safer sex.

  3. My number is almost as small...though with me it's because I have to REALLY know someone before I can trust them with a sight of my small nipples.