Monday, November 16, 2009

I'm sad- why can't you see it?

 Not everyone's perfect. And Sebastian is no different.

Now, I probably consider him the best in a "packaged deal" from all the guys I've dated and been in relationships with. He is/ has
  • Good job
  • Respectful
  • Good mannered
  • Funny
  • Self-giving
  • Great cook
  • Spoils me (in good way)
  • Good looking
However, I have noticed that there is one minor flaw which I have willingly overlooked time and time again- He is indifferent to my feelings.

He can't tell when I'm upset or when something is bothering me.
Sometimes I sense that he chooses to ignore it.

It happened last night as we were heading back to our cars. We had met up for dinner and done some shopping for some things when he mentioned "I take it you're not coming over tonight?"

"Um, no" I replied. I hadn't packed a bag assuming he'd be the one to spend the night at my place instead. So as he continued talking, I slowly started inching my way to my car and got in.

"Hey! You're not going to say goodbye?" he asked.

"Oh, bye."

"What? No kiss?" he, with a smile on his face, me, with a gloomy, sad look on mine.

Why couldn't you come over? You start work at 11 in the morning.

And we split ways. Once on the road, my eyes welled up with tears. I felt ignored, let down, and forgotten. When I got home, he called to talk as he put his stuff away, never once realizing that I was sad.

"You're not talking much tonight" he said

"I don't know." I responded, as he continued talking about his stuff.

I can't dismiss him as downright inconsiderate; I keep telling myself that the pros outweigh the cons. His "con" has always been his unability to distinguish my sadness with my disinterest. He won't rush out after me if I storm out of someplace; He'll just stay wherever he's at. He really won't console me if I'm upset at something he's done, because he just doesn't know he's been insensitive to me.

It sucks! Even though he likes to plan excursion and events months into the future, I can't put my heart into it; it feels like I'll never be allowed to fall in love with this person, because it's not for long term.

I understand that in order for him to know and understand what I'm feeling, I need to be vocal. Guys aren't mind readers, so when he asks "What's wrong?" and I say "nothing"  chances are he's going to assume nothing is wrong. 

 We've never gotten into a real fight. Maybe it's because we're still in the "honeymoon" phase; we haven't hit the one year mark yet. Then again, I feel like we can't argue because it's not our place to. We're not a regular couple. I'm not his girlfriend, he's not my boyfriend either. This "open relationship" has me walking on eggshells for fear that any negative aspect can send him walking away for good.

1 comment:

  1. I think you two need to sit down and have a good can't go on like this, can you? Very messy. Nice post.