Saturday, February 26, 2011

The loudest Sex

The loudest sex I ever had happened to be in another guy's bed with a frame. I normally end up having sex in my own environment, because I don't have to worry about going home that night, next day etc. When I moved out of my parent's house, I decided to leave behind my wooden frame, with the intent of upgrading to a more "mature" set.

So Sebastian and I went to Ikea to check out the designs. Of course he didn't fail to show me the set he'd purchased with his ex-wife, and of course he didn't forget to mention that it wasn't sturdy and that they'd broken it during a sex session. Really? Can you be any more indiscreet? Jerk....

I came across a frame similar to this design, and felt the need to test its sturdiness. I hopped on the bed, and while no one was looking, I bounced up and down to get a feel for the way it moved on its legs. "Hmm, it seems pretty durable. Try bumping it from the side" I told Sebastian. He went to the end and shook it vigorously on the feet frame. A young couple nearby laughed quietly.

I thought about it long and hard, and envisioned myself having sex on the bed. And it didn't look good. I'm afraid it'll break....

For this reason, I have opted out of the bed frame, using only the box spring and the mattress in my bedroom. I'm scared of notches on my walls....

Since then, the guys I've shared a bed with have had the same setup as mine- no frames to dent any walls. Nate had a brand new set, but made out of thick oak which was perfect- (My parents have the same thing, and that thing won't budge)(Yes, I've gotten down in their bed, you read that right.)

When I met with one of my conquests, we started off slowly in his bed until it turned into rhythmic thrusts... that made the particle wood creak louder and louder.

"Omg it's loud!" I told my date, to which he completely ignored it. After 20 minutes of full-on thrusting, I couldn't take it anymore- I was embarassed. I could imagine the neighbors next door hearing all of it.

"Don't you worry your neighbors will hear it?" I asked him. "There's no one next door" he said. "What do you mean? Is there empty space between the walls?" I asked again. "Yeah, there's no wall" he reassured me. I couldn't believe it. Even if he didn't have neighbors next door, I'm pretty sure the ones downstairs had an earful.  When I left his place the next day, I looked outside to see if what he'd said was true- was there really a gap between the buildings?

No. There wasn't.

Friday, February 25, 2011

What I've learned from Online Dating

Online dating is meant to be fun, and most of the time it really is. We catch each other's eye, we drop that first line, and pretty soon, we're writing essays to each other, sharing our past, our present and our future.

We're nice, attentive and open to try new things. At first.

And then, the shit backfires.

  • The chubby/overweight guys are the ones who reply the most selectively.
  • My attention span is approximately 10 minutes. You better come up with something funny to keep me online and not looking at other profiles.
  • I tend to get a little concerned if you're still logging on to your dating profile when I think we've hit it off.
  • I may end up overdrinking on the first date, and even though I'm having a great time at first, the rest of the night is a blur, and I honestly can't remember what we did, or if I imagined it.
  • I want to jump into that comfort zone right away, knowing full well it'll scare 81.3% of the guys.
  • I want to have my cake and eat it too. Meaning, I want to date around, but don't want you to.
  • I want you to do the courting and call, text, surprise me for lunch, buy me flowers etc.
The problem is, I don't know how to be tactful; I don't know how to date like a lady. And I've also noticed that most of the guys like the feisty bitch every once in a while- that's not me. I gave up on her a long time ago, and I'm very sweet to my partner.

[Sigh] I don't know... I guess I just need to continue subjecting myself to more heartbreak. Damn it.

    Thursday, February 24, 2011

    I stalk you on OkCupid

    I stalk with the attempt to feel better about being single. You see, there are different time frames when being on a dating website define who you are.

    When I see a guy I dated as being "Last Online: Today -7:20 am," I feel great. That means he's still single and looking first thing in the morning before going off to work.

    When I see a guy "Last Online: Yesterday -- 11:20pm," I know he's lonesome and bored.

    When I see "Last Online: Today -- 1:59 am," I can sense a hint of desperation, especially if I remember he works first thing in the morning.

    Even though I just recently hid my profile, I can remember that I used to be careful about who I checked out and what time it was. Being online at 7:00-10:00 is safe. It means the guy has a life outside of a dating website, probably went to the gym, cooked dinner and is watching TV. When I see someone that dumped me, on at 2:00am, I like to think of him as the picky one who couldn't be satisfied.

    What's even greater is seeing your ex-bofriend, Sebastian, last online "Yesterday" when his status on OkCupid is "Seeing Someone" and "In a Relationship" on Facebook for the past two months. It just proves to me he's nowhere near ready for commitment (as BEG previously mentioned some time back.)

    Sunday, February 20, 2011

    The shortest relationship ever

    Oh man, I really do not want to have to write about this, mainly because it feels like a damn slap in the face. But to remain true and honest to my dating life (and readers) I have to suck it up and face the shame.

    While I'd gone back for another round on OkCupid, I'd messaged Mr. Anime, and we seemed to hit it off rather well. Granted that he was the one doing much of the talking on the phone, we did manage to talk for at least 4 hours each night before we met up on Saturday at an oriental mall.

    He was paler than I expected, but had the most breathtaking eyes... blue, and pupils grossly dilated which appeared to give him dark eyes instead. He looked just like Jared Leto.... without the eyeliner. I was charmed....smitten and completely intoxicated. He was very softspoken, and what I mean by this is that he spoke very, very softly.... If anyone could chime in on this behavior, they would assume he was gay because he was gentle and delicate, and took long strides as he walked. I admit I was very impressed and very much intrigued.

    We hung out at the mall for about an hour, catching a photography expo along the way, when we simply came to a halt and had no impending plans for the rest of the afternoon. He asked if I was hungry and invited me back to his place where he'd make something to eat. A cook? Don't mind if I do!

    We went back to his apartment, and while I watched something on TV, he cooked pasta. He had a nice smile, seemed generally chipper and was very very nice. As the evening progressed, we watched a few anime shows and even played on the Wii. I was enjoying my time, and he was too.

    We began cuddling on the bed, where things took a turn for the... well..... you can guess. I pushed on the fact that I didn't want to have sex on the first night, and he was of course understanding, but that didn't mean we couldn't experiment "alternatively." So we went at it, had my jollies, and I ended up spending the night, knowing full well he had to go into work for a few hours the next morning.

    The next morning, he woke up around 6:00 am and got ready for work. I remained in bed, dozing off, while he made himself breakfast. 15 minutes later, he comes to see me and says "Don't go anywhere, I'm making you something" with a beautiful smile on his face. He came back and presented me with french toast (which I'd mentioned to him a few days prior.)

    Wow.... I think I may be in lust...

    Mr. Anime offered to give me a key to his apartment to sleep in while I was at work, whaaaa.... your key? but I told him I'd be going back to my apartment to take a shower and get dressed instead. We left at the same time, and I headed on home to rinse away the "sex."

    I texted BEG and we talked for a while.

    BEG: So it went well?
    Ren: Went pretty well. I spent the night, and then just got home cause he had work this morning and I didn't want to stay there alone.
    BEG: Interesting. So he cooked you dinner, and ice cream and you spent the night. Did y'all do anything?
    Ren: Uh yeah... Ren 5, Him 0 though.
    BEG: Why him 0?
    Ren: Cause I orgasmed and he didn't.
    BEG: Why didn't he though I guess is what I'm asking.
    Ren: Oh cause I gave up. He said it took him a while, and I got tired.
    BEG: Gotcha. Maybe he takes Ritalin or something...

    A few hours later, Mr. Anime called me and told me he was home again. I finished getting ready and went back to his place where we continued hanging in. I can't exactly remember now what we did for the rest of the night, but if you guessed that we had sex, then you guessed right. A very long session. With coincidentally, no grand finale on his end.

    What the hell.....?

    Seeing as to how he lived a mere 4 miles away, I decided to spend the night again, and wake up early in the morning to go get ready for work at my apartment. Later that evening, I called him again and went straight to his place after work. We hung out again, and did our business where 40 minutes later, I started experiencing a bit of pain.

    Why hasn't he come yet??

    I looked at him and asked frankly- "Why aren't you coming?". In between thrusts he looks at me and comes to a halt. 

    "Um, well.... I'm actually on medication...." he said.
    "Medication? For what?" I asked.
    "Um... depression" he answered.
    "Oh I see" I responded.

    A few hours later, I tell BEG about my newfound discovery- "You're right about the meds. Not ritalin though, but for for depression."

    I ended up spending the night at Mr. Anime's for the rest of the week, repeating the same routine and going back to my apartment in the morning to get ready for work. I remember going out with a group of friends on Friday night, but not hearing from him at all. The next day, I texted him to see if there were any plans to hang out. I didn't hear from him for a few hours, and I dreaded the worst.

    Crap... I'm getting dumped.... Prepare yourself for the "He's just not that into you" excuse.

    A few hours later, Mr. Anime texted, apologizing and saying he'd been out at work (to which he doesn't take his phone) and had dropped off a friend back home. He felt that we didn't have much in common and that he wasn't interested in a relationship based mainly on sex.

    Well hell. "He's just not that into me" then. F*** what did I do wrong this time??

    I texted my friend who said "Wow... why did he spend so much time with you and then decide that?"
    "My thought exactly" I replied.

    So 7 days after we'd met, it was over. I felt like such a fool.  I felt like perhaps the online dating thing wasn't really in my favor for the time being and that I needed to stop.

    A few days later, I'd gone back to OKCupid to look at his profile and see if he'd been active, and there they were- Changes-Edits-Revisions- to his profile. The one that stood out the most was:
    • I find a petite or athletic frame the most flattering. And lastly I tend to prefer shorter women who are around 5" although I'm not sure yet why lol.<I'm average, 5'5">
    I felt like that last one had been directed straight at me. Ouch. 

    Saturday, February 19, 2011

    "He's just not that into you"

    I enjoyed the movie. I hated the f*cking book though. If you ever get your hands on it, I'll tell you right now that most of it spews negativity and shoots down any excuse we might have given ourselves for a guy's erratic behavior. To sum it up- hardly any guy is worth our attention and time, but what irks me the most is that it was partially written by a guy who pretty much tells us that:
    • If the guy doesn't call when he says he will- he's just not that into you 
    • If the guy doesnt call the next day- he's just not that into you
    • If the guy says he's not looking for anything serious- he's just not that into you
    • If the guy doesn't ask you out- he's.... well, you get the idea
    So what if the guy doesn't want to get married? I find it completely acceptable for a guy to no want to legitimize a relationship- mainly for the proven fact that 50% of marriages end.... well, in the shitter. What's wrong with simply being committed to one another without having to make it legal? I'm on board!

    If he doesn't call me when he said he would, I'm not going to dismiss the fact that he's not into me. 100% of the time I expect him to call me each time. Well... what happens if he's thinking the same thing about me in the very beginning, when he doesn't know how I feel about certain things? "She must not be into me if she's not calling....." and soon enough, it begins to faze out. I get very busy and sidetracked, so if he sends me a text and I can't respond right then and there- it doesn't mean I'm not thinking about him; it just means I'm extremely busy and can't get to it. Side note: If he doesn't text back until the following afternoon however, yeah, I can take a hint.

    My main argument is that if we just give up at the first slip up, we're eliminating the chances of finding someone who's truly worth it. Can someone at least agree with this theory??

    Friday, February 4, 2011

    "It's all or nothing"

    I'll admit it- I was juggling my chances with Mr. Anime and Wes. But I never honestly believed Wes and I could happen.  The worst outcome could have been that they both dumped me- but I'd be getting ahead of myself, and we haven't even breached the topic on Mr. Anime yet. So let's continue....

    Past midnight one night, Wes texted me asking "How come you don't hardly talk to me anymore?"
    Yes, I know, poor grammar, just bear with it.

    Ren: Because I don't want to crush myself anymore.
    Wes: More what? I already told you once my schooling is done I'm going back
    Ren: And I told you we wouldn't work out. We'd end up hating each other in the end.
    Wes: So in the meantime you are just going to not talk to me? F*ck that....... You can't go from liking me as much as you did to nothing... f*ck that... either you do or you don't.... there is no in between... what's it going to be.... it's all or nothing.
    Ren: And I'd rather not do anything to risk the chance of losing your frienship.
    Wes: Well I want more than that. And all I asked for was your patience... I'm going back home... I just have to finish school first... and I don't want to be just friends.... Sorry.

    Well Shit. He never asked me to be exclusive, and him flirting and me reciprocating it was not exactly the same idea then.  I never thought about being in a committed relationship while he was away; it never even occurred to me. Can you assess the chances of us meeting face to face and being disappointed by the physical outcome? Ugh.

    My thought was that if he came to Houston in the summertime and I was still single, then we'd meet and see if we hit it off. But the thought of waiting for him never even entered my mind; I simply didn't think it would work that way. So I told him the truth.....

    Ren: You don't want to be my friend, then you don't have to be. I need to trust my gut on this, and say that I'm not comfortable with you. As a friend it's okay because I'm not involved, but romantically I'm scared of you which is why I know it wouldn't work; which is why i prefer to hold back and keep you at a distance.
    Wes: Why are you scared of me? What the f*ck... I've done nothing to you...
    Ren: it's the way you express yourself!!

    A few minutes later, my phone rings. "Wes" on the caller ID.
    [Sigh] Damnit.

    And we argued, and talked and argued some more.... but it was mainly Wes venting out his frustration, while I just listened.

    He said "I dont give a f*ck about Houston. I've been overwhelmed with funerals. I'm tired of it. One thing's for sure though, I'd never do you wrong. No lie, the day you told me not to talk to you anymore, I almost went to my boss and to my school to quit for you. I almost quit everything just to be with you."

    My jaw dropped, but I let a heavy sigh escape. This can't be true. I don't believe it. Drop everything for me? Is he playing the guilt card?

    "No don't do that" I told him. "Why not??" he asked. "Because we won't work out" I told him.

    I continued telling him that the way he talked, expressed himself actually scared me to which he said "You're a sweetheart and I love the f*ck out of you. The way I act is not directed towards you. I miss talking to you and you just keep pushing me away!"

    When it got to the point where I couldn't get my words in because he wouldn't let me I frustratingly yelled "You see this is what I mean!! We're not even together and we're fighting! I've already told you what I felt- why do you keep asking me??"

    I honestly can't remember how the conversation ended, or what answer he accepted; all I remember was me telling him that it past 2:00 AM and I needed to go to sleep for work the next day. A few minutes later:


    I haven't heard from Wes since that night, and he hasn't responded to the AIM and text message I sent him within the last few days explaining that I didn't want him out of my life completely and that I did care for him, and hope he'd be okay.

    We "broke up."