Saturday, December 26, 2009

May-December Romance

When I was much younger- between 18-20, and managing my dad’s auto repair shop, I had an oil service rep, Chris, stop by my work and chat it up with me. At the time, I was completely naive, and never thought he was actually flirting with me, and I was too nice and respectful to cut our conversations short, so he probably thought I was flirting back.

He was really nice to me, and always stopped to say hello even if I didn't buy any supplies from him. It wasn't until years later that I called him again out of the blue to say hi (and while living out of state.) This guy is.... if I can remember correctly... almost 20 years older than me. Not a bad looking guy- British with a slight accent, blue eyes and golden hair. He had such a great smile. But he was too old for me, and I never thought about dating him.

During our phone call he said "So was this the first time I crossed your mind?"

I was shocked. I felt uneasy at the time and tried to bs my way out of it, but he kept pushing and asked “Well, let me ask you something....... do you think that maybe the thought of you and someone older, someone like me- considering our age difference- has ever crossed your mind?"

All too quickly, our past conversations came back into view, and I could remember him telling me that he had only ever dated younger women "they seem to like the stability I can offer" he said. Chris admitted he was attracted to me and would have asked me out on a date if I wasn't already with my boyfriend.

I told Chris I only wanted to date within my age group, or at most times tend to lean to younger because I still felt like a kid at heart. “Older men intimidate me. I've never thought about it" I told him.

And then he said "Well….. you never know. To tell you the truth, I think you are a very mature young lady and very attractive. I don’t remember most people, but something about you stuck in my mind. I was actually just thinking about you a couple of weeks ago and wondering what was going on in your life. And I always thought that the fellow you were dating was a really lucky guy.”

He suggested we exchange emails and I send him a picture. All of my guy friends were against it, and I never sent him one. I was just too embarrassed, and I didn’t want to start anything I knew wouldn’t lead anywhere. He asked if I was coming back to Cali anytime soon, and if I did, to get together and have lunch or dinner. He wanted to keep in touch and asked “Do you mind if I call you?"

I paused and blurted out "I'm really busy. The only reason why I called now was because I had free time.”

One thing that stuck to my mind was when he said "If you ever need help with airfare, let me know. I'd be glad to help…."

I didn't have the balls to call him back ever, but I often catch myself thinking about him. Sometimes, I want to pick up the phone and explain why I never called him back, but I chicken out every time. Now, I can see it, and I admit NOW, at 25 years old, that yes I was very flattered. It's true. He was charming and I'm pretty sure he would have been great to date, but I could never get past the 20 year age difference. I'm pretty sure my family and friends would have been against it also.

However,  I want that for my future. I want a man who can provide and I want security. I didn't have that with my last boyfriend of 4 years. I was mainly having fun, but I want a real man this time around.


  1. My boyfriend is older than me, not by 20 years or anything, but there's a significant gap. The only time age really comes up is when I joke about how he's going to die soon...which, I guess isn't actually that funny. If you haven't seen it, you should watch the movie Shopgirl. It deals with the age/stability thing in a very cool and compelling way.

  2. I can definitely see the appeal of an older guy when you're ready to settle down. Guys your own age just seem to not want to grow up... not sure if they ever grow up...

  3. This is a new problem I'm running to now that I'm not with my Ex. He was my age but was really calm and mature. But now guys in my age range 24-27 seem so empty and only into partying. But I've been dating older guys like in their 30s and it is intimidating and its freaks me out that they tend to be closer in age with my mom...who is 41 then with me at 24! Talk about creepy!! I want a real man under 30 who has his shit together...why is that so hard?

  4. Yeah 20 years is a pretty big age difference, regardless of you guys may having had been in the same state of maturity mentally. But for security, in the long run, it will become difficult being with an older person because of the physical aspect. But be patient by friend, good, stable, secure guys are a treasure to find in the twenties

  5. You can see how chances like this flew. I can say that you should grab the opportunity when there is. Like to what happen to me, I never doubt with my instinct. I like this May-December Romance.