Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Casual dating?

In the 9 months that Sebastian and I have been "together," he has managed to meet just about everyone close to me. He has met my parents and sisters, my coworkers, my two groups of Houstonian friends, my grandmother who lives in France, my brother and friends in France, as well as a friend from California.

What have I met of his? Just one coworker while we were in an open relationship.

At first, I found it rather amusing that he had managed to meet just about everyone who was important to me- including people who live in other countries (only because we were vacationing) but then I started thinking why I hadn't met people from his group.

We talked about it and he admitted that he didn't have many friends here in Houston, that most of his friends were in California, and he didn't hang out with people outside of work. I playfully asked him if he was keeping me under wraps and he said that he was just a homebody/hermit. If he wasn't with me, he'd stay at home couped up on the internet, or sketching.

No, I don't think so. You'd be dating someone else.

He reassured me that I'd get to meet some of his friends for New Year's as we'd be spending it with them.

In the meantime, I couldn't get past the idea that he wasn't into monogamy forever. He didn't see relationships past 5 years as he'd get bored with them, didn't believe in marriage after his failed one, but didn't want to dismiss it altogether.

"At this time, I'm just living in the moment. I'm having fun with you, spending time with you, doing new things and going to new places with you." he said.

"It seems as if I'm wasting my time then"  I quipped.

"I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to end things now" he said.

"Your argument sounds like a paradox. You say you don't believe in long term, but won't dismiss it. It's like you don't know what you want" I remarked

"I think you know exactly what I mean. I couldn't have said it better myself" he responded. "I just don't believe two humans are meant to be together forever; I don't know; maybe. Humans are meant to procreate; that's our sole purpose. If a child comes from that relationship, then marriage should be the next step."

"So you only believe in marriage if there's a kid involved?" I asked

"Yes," he said

"So in your opinion, the marriage is for the kid, not for the adults?" I asked

"Yes. It's to protect them." He answered

So I know what I'm walking into. I was told from the beginning. "Let's just live it and let us be happy with each other's company."

What's strange is that a long time agoI too thought like this. I didn't believe in marriage. I knew that if I got married to the last one, I'd divorce. I didn't believe I could stay with just one person forever. Maybe it was because I was young and didn't believe much in "what the future holds," but now that I'm actually hearing it from someone's mouth, it....... upsets me. It makes me feel like I'm not important to that person. I'm not worth it. Can I hold it against him for being realistic?

On the other hand, I can't help but feel that this is his way of toying with me; of giving me false hopes. I never thought I'd meet the guy I read about in magazines who's afraid of committing and settling down. I always thought I'd meet someone, and we'd agree on the same future. I guess as you get older, you tend to take things more casually because you have more experiences and want to protect yourselves. Until then, I can't bring my walls down- not unless he does first. I don't want to be hurt again, and that sucks, cause there's so much compassion I'd like to share, but believe he doesn't deserve because of the way he says he feels. I sure as hell hope I don't become a husband fluffer.

What do you think?


  1. I think he may be confused with what he wants. With him being separated at such a young age I think it's knocked him for six.

    I don't think he's toying with you, I really think you should wait for him to bring his walls down first and not mention marriage until he does.