As I sat there, with the IT Pilot's profile photo staring right back at me, I felt a sudden rush of blood go through my face. It was official- he had chosen the girl who wouldn't put out, over me. I bet it was a lot easier to decide to stay with her after I had given it to him. I wonder what happened that weekend to make him decide to stay with her, I thought.
I'll admit it, I was furious. I was angry that he'd gotten his cake, and had managed to grab a snack the entire time on the side. I felt used. It was a complete blow to my.... feelings. The IT Pilot had been someone I'd grown attached and attracted to because I hadn't had any connection to anyone else before I met him. I met him with no excess baggage- no other prospects in mind. For an entire year, I'd fallen for him, and wanted him more.
I decided to continue dating and went back online to OkCupid and POF. I did meet a few guys (who I will talk about in a separate post), but my heart was still bruised. Three months later, I decided to do what any ex-girlfriend would do- Facebook stalk. I had an idea of who the new girl was (through past posts), but I decided to take it one step further and went and stalked his mother. I had hit a low point. I went through her feed, and there I saw it.
I actually had to read it a couple of times, and the comments that followed just to confirm that it was indeed true.
He was engaged. To her. And the mother was positively radiant about it. I didn't have a reaction about it when I first read it. It took me a long time to let it sink it. I started thinking of things to say if ever I would run into him again, and embarrass the hell out of him- especially since he was dating her when we were having sex. But the opportunity never presented itself, and when I told my friends about what had happened, they all supported me saying that it wouldn't last. They hadn't even been together a year. It had only been a few months.
I set the thought aside for a while, but about a month later, I went back and looked, and through my google hunt skills, I found the wedding registry, and the wedding date- December 29, 2012.
Am I reading this right? I thought. December 29? Of THIS year?? As in.... 3 months away??
Knowing him, he'd probably chosen the end of the year for tax purposes. He's smart like that.
I couldn't believe it. A part of me hoped it wasn't true- that he would come to his senses, break off the wedding because he'd rushed into it. It was always a thought at the back of my mind; I couldn't help it. I even found where the wedding and reception was going to take place, and where they'd be going on their honeymoon. God*mnit Google! Tahiti and New Zealand?! Are you kidding me? Lucky virgin (her).
So as the months passed on by, I tried my hardest to let it go. His family is very religious, and so is hers, so I knew deep down, they most likely wouldn't call it off, or get divorced any time soon after. I had to learn to live with my missed opportunity, and finally let go. The week before the wedding, I told my friend about it and she suggested I crash it. But I didn't have the guts in me to make it happen. Plus, I had a different reason why I wouldn't bring myself down to that level.
Someone I met had said to me "don't give anyone who doesn't mean something to you the time of day. If you do, it probably means you still care."
This much was true- I had to let go for good.