Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The men in my life....

Just keep disappearing.

I wonder if I'm supposed to play with them, treat them like shit, or be sensitive, but all of them just disappear so damn quickly. We have a great week of emails, chatting and phone talks. We meet, things get exciting, heat up then quickly fizzle.

Could it also have anything to do with putting out too quickly?

My friends say I should stop and meet men the old fashioned way and stay away from the internet.  Online dating websites have become a supermarket for me- carefully picking out from the top shelf near the back for the good stuff. Yet, everything just happens to fall right onto my face cause I can't quite grasp things so far out of reach.

Am I supposed to play with men the same way I've been played and hope that one of them will actually want to follow me?  Do I need to be dominant at first, and submissive later?

Friday, October 8, 2010

We've got a Stage 5 Clinger!

Yep, that would be me.

Definition: A member of the opposite sex that is likely to become overly attached, overly fast; in reference to: virgins, those on the rebound, and the emotionally fragile.

Ok, so I don't technically hound J with calls or texts; I call him during my lunch break and catch up for a few minutes, and he'll call me later on in the evening while he's on a call for work. But lately, it hasn't happened. So much that in the past 2 business weeks, we've hardly really talked.

J appologized last week for being so out of touch; he'd been having a stressful time at work and wanted to crash as soon as he got home in the evenings. I was considerate of his ability to come forward and be open about what was going on with him, telling him "It's good that you told me. I tend to think of the worst when I don't hear back from you."

Last weekend, J invited me out to go to an Astros game along with a few of his friends. We hardly talked, and I noticed there was some pent up tension between us resulting from the previous night. He thought I was mad about something, but I really wasn't, and turns out he didn't really believe it. Later on, we went to a bar with his friends to celebrate a birthday, and it wasn't until I had enough alcohol in me that I began to feel comfortable. We drove back to his place later that night and quickly fell asleep. The next morning, we went out for his groceries, and later that afternoon, I went back to my friends for a bbq; he was having a bbq at his place after I'd told him of my plans.

During the week, I continued calling him during my lunch breaks, each time getting his voicemail. I didn't make an effort to ask to spend the night at his place because I knew he'd be getting ready for a trip out to Florida this weekend and didn't want to get in the way. We talked a couple of times during the week, and yesterday before work, I sent him the following text:

Ren: 7:00am: I can't help but think that something's wrong. You hardly call, you hardly write.... How do you feel?

A few hours later, probably after he awoke, I received:

J: 9:54 am: Nothing is wrong... I guess I didn't realize it but I'm losing steam.

.... um... ok.... WTF?

I was confused. I'd never heard that expression before, and I was completely lost as to the hidden meaning behind it. I thought about it for most of the day and asked my coworkers what they could make of it. I called him when I got off work, but surprise, got his voicemail. Once I got home, I texted back

Ren: 5:53 pm: Losing steam? What does that mean?

I never got an answer or a call back. I was really pissed off.

I deserve an answer damnit! Don't be a coward and ignore my messages. Technology is everywhere. Even if your phone is dead, facebook me. For the next few hours, I glanced back at facebook to see if he'd updated something on his end; between last night and this afternoon, he did. So he just flat out ignored me.

I hate the dreaded 2-week period. Things take off great; it's exciting, we talk a lot and want to hang out, but as soon as the 3rd week rolls around, things fall flat and I get faded out. It has happened without fail the last 3 times. I want to blame myself for it, I mean, the odds are against me, but I can't blame myself for what I truly want. I want someone who wants to spend most of their available time with me, because I want to do the same.

As soon as I didn't get a response within appropriate time from J, things started heating up with Matt. He's only temporary, but who says I can't have twinkies too?