Friday, October 8, 2010

We've got a Stage 5 Clinger!

Yep, that would be me.

Definition: A member of the opposite sex that is likely to become overly attached, overly fast; in reference to: virgins, those on the rebound, and the emotionally fragile.

Ok, so I don't technically hound J with calls or texts; I call him during my lunch break and catch up for a few minutes, and he'll call me later on in the evening while he's on a call for work. But lately, it hasn't happened. So much that in the past 2 business weeks, we've hardly really talked.

J appologized last week for being so out of touch; he'd been having a stressful time at work and wanted to crash as soon as he got home in the evenings. I was considerate of his ability to come forward and be open about what was going on with him, telling him "It's good that you told me. I tend to think of the worst when I don't hear back from you."

Last weekend, J invited me out to go to an Astros game along with a few of his friends. We hardly talked, and I noticed there was some pent up tension between us resulting from the previous night. He thought I was mad about something, but I really wasn't, and turns out he didn't really believe it. Later on, we went to a bar with his friends to celebrate a birthday, and it wasn't until I had enough alcohol in me that I began to feel comfortable. We drove back to his place later that night and quickly fell asleep. The next morning, we went out for his groceries, and later that afternoon, I went back to my friends for a bbq; he was having a bbq at his place after I'd told him of my plans.

During the week, I continued calling him during my lunch breaks, each time getting his voicemail. I didn't make an effort to ask to spend the night at his place because I knew he'd be getting ready for a trip out to Florida this weekend and didn't want to get in the way. We talked a couple of times during the week, and yesterday before work, I sent him the following text:

Ren: 7:00am: I can't help but think that something's wrong. You hardly call, you hardly write.... How do you feel?

A few hours later, probably after he awoke, I received:

J: 9:54 am: Nothing is wrong... I guess I didn't realize it but I'm losing steam.

.... um... ok.... WTF?

I was confused. I'd never heard that expression before, and I was completely lost as to the hidden meaning behind it. I thought about it for most of the day and asked my coworkers what they could make of it. I called him when I got off work, but surprise, got his voicemail. Once I got home, I texted back

Ren: 5:53 pm: Losing steam? What does that mean?

I never got an answer or a call back. I was really pissed off.

I deserve an answer damnit! Don't be a coward and ignore my messages. Technology is everywhere. Even if your phone is dead, facebook me. For the next few hours, I glanced back at facebook to see if he'd updated something on his end; between last night and this afternoon, he did. So he just flat out ignored me.

I hate the dreaded 2-week period. Things take off great; it's exciting, we talk a lot and want to hang out, but as soon as the 3rd week rolls around, things fall flat and I get faded out. It has happened without fail the last 3 times. I want to blame myself for it, I mean, the odds are against me, but I can't blame myself for what I truly want. I want someone who wants to spend most of their available time with me, because I want to do the same.

As soon as I didn't get a response within appropriate time from J, things started heating up with Matt. He's only temporary, but who says I can't have twinkies too?

1 comment:

  1. I've been through that before. I can't say for sure what he meant but I will tell you something that I really regret, looking back on it. I regret fighting for something that the other person wasn't fighting for as well. And, I swear, it seems like the more they pull away the more we chase...and you end up feeling really desperate. If I could have done it again, I would have walked away when someone started backing off because, in retrospect, that was the only way I could have had a chance to save it.

    But, in the end, the truth is we all deserve someone who can't wait to speak to us. Someone who doesn't have to come up with excuses for not calling. Someone who never makes us wonder.

    I found that "someone," but I had to lose the wishy-washy guys to find him. The longer you spend fighting for someone who isn't fighting back, the longer you delay finding your true Mr. Right...because I can tell you, when it starts going downhill, it rarely gets better. Almost always, it just gets worse and worse until you're miserable.