The Venus Flytrap

Wes and I got into an intense makeout session that worked its way into my bedroom. There was no element of surprise on my behalf. I knew exactly what was going to happen as soon as I suggested we go out for drinks just a block from my apartment.

I go into my closet to reach for a couple of condoms and hand it to him. Initially, he didn't want to wear one, so he grabs it and says "Okay, you want me to wear one, fine." He puts it on and his penis becomes limp immediately, and I'm like Dude WTF? So I help him out, and he starts thrusting. We start having messy sex, where the movements are out of whack and not entirely exciting.

In the back of my head, I'm thinking "Man, it better only suck cause he's had too much to drink, cause his moves are completely out of sync right now." With much effort, I manage to orgasm, I don't know, I may have faked, and he climbs off and lays on the bed. He asks for a blow job, to which I answer "Ok, but go wash up first." I momentarily fall asleep as he takes a shower, and as he comes out, I mention "You didn't come."

"It's a good thing I didn't" he answers.
"Why do you say that?" I ask him.
"Cause I took the condom off" he replies.

My eyes nearly bulge out of my head.

"What???" I nearly scream out. "Why the hell did you do that for?? I'm ovulating right now. You picked the worst possible time to use the pull out method. And moreover, I didn't give you permission to take off the condom" I chastise him.

At this point, I just want him to GTFO and never look back. I'm pissed and irritated that he would choose to take the condom off in the first place.

Head down, he begins dressing back up, not saying a word and goes out the front door. Seconds later, I realize I need to go unlock the gate to let him out in the first place, so he comes back up the stairs and says "You do realize you need to let me out right?"

Nice way to kick someone out, yet still have to walk them to the door. Fail.

I angrily stomp down the stairs and open the gate to let him go. We both say goodbye, and I rush back up to my apartment, get into bed and try to fall back asleep.

A few hours later I wake up and check my phone, and see an incoherent text from him:

Wes: Oh.... btw I didn't pull our off it came off on its own and j didn't notice..... but thanks for kicking me out..... I'm going back tomn... you were the real reason I came down here.... you hate me so wtf ever.... I'll never come back.

Looks like predictive texting couldn't help him on this one.

I check the floor, the trashcans and I don't see the condom. I look around the room and there's clothes everywhere, including his undershirt and his t-shirt on the floor. WTF did he leave with last night???

I text him back and say "I need to know- did you throw the condom away or is it inside me still?"

At this point, I have a bunch of thoughts going through my head. I don't feel anything weird inside me, but I somehow manage to smell a condom. Or at least I think I do. So I check myself. I check for a while, but I don't feel anything in me. Yet, I'm still convinced that I have a lost condom inside of me so I start digging as deep as I can (which is hard considering the angle...)

I do my kegel exercise and push as hard as I can and I finally feel something-
the ring to the condom.

I'm like... Ooooh F&%$........  How the F&#@ am I going to get it out??

I swear to God I started going through names of people in my head that I could trust to give me a hand. Literally. My friend Slut Monster was the only one I could think of. If I don't get this condom out today, I have to call her tomorrow.

I keep pushing, and digging deeper. I just need to grab it with both fingers so I can tweeze it out. I need to pull this condom out before I see Joshua. There is no way in hell I could explain a lost condom inside me if he finds it.

I finally glide it out just a tiny bit- enough to pinch it and grab it. I'm laying there on the bathroom floor, one leg up against the wall, the other against the counter, with my fingers inside my vagina, while I muster enough strength to push out and pull out- Is this what birth will look like? - until finally, I slowly pull it out and it comes out in one piece.

My vagina has become a flytrap.

The introduction of the IT Pilot

I continued my exploration of OkCupid, sending out messages to a few guys here and there, making small talk. When it comes to online dating, girls definitely have the advantage; the ratio has mainly been in our favor.

I came across a picture of a guy with a soft smile and calm expression on his face. I read his profile, and as soon as I read Muse and Deadmau5 in his list of music tastes, I was sold. He'd moved from Alabama to Houston about 5 years ago (just as I had from California) and had been exploring the city on his own. He worked in IT (always a plus) and also managed to pilot planes (a double plus). He didn't smoke (a requirement) and he was in school and living on his own. He looked a bit geeky-ish in his pictures, and I was definitely attracted by it.

I broke the ice with a reference to music, and we began exchanging messages for a few days before he called me and we set up a date for the upcoming Saturday. Since I was at my mom's in Katy for the weekend to take care of my sisters, he decided to come out to my side of town, about a 40-minutes drive, and met up for drinks at Wild Wing around 9:30pm. Conversation started alright. I could tell we were both sort of shy. I normally am not a good storyteller with someone new because all my stories involve sex, so on first dates, I expect the guy to talk more and ask me questions that I can answer. By the end of the first beer, I started getting chattier and we were talking about random stuff. At one point we talked about porn, and he seemed interested/shocked that I liked breasts and girls. He even asked me if I was bi to which I said no.

Since he had driven over from the Medical Center, he didn't want to drink too much. 2:00 am came and neither one of us was ready to go home. We still wanted to hang out but we didn't know of any after-hours. Since a bartender at Jet Lounge had told me they play music there till 6:00 I said to him that it was the only place I knew of asked "would you like to go? I know it's downtown and far and I can't drive right now, so you would be the one driving us and I actually have a curfew- I have to be back before my mom leaves to work at 5:30 am." He thought it over and said "yeah let's go!"

The ride felt never-ending. I normally don't feel like the distances are far but damn, I could actually feel the miles on the counter. We show up at Jet Lounge and well f*ck- it's closed. I'm thinking "Oh shit. We drove all the way out here for nothing...." and he says "Well, we can go back to my place- I live in the medical center- 10 mins away......."

So we take off and I ask him "You normally take your dates back to your place on the first night?" he thinks about it and laughs and says "No, actually this is the first time."

Damnit!! Am I just too easy??

So we go back to his place, take a shot of Patrón, and then get stupidly giggly and just continue talking on the couch while the tv provides background noise. We're just conversing and I'm laying down on him as he looks down at me and pulls me in for a kiss. We have an intense make out session, laugh and talk in between breaths until my alarm goes off. "Damnit- It's time to go" I say.  We're both bummed out and he drives me back the forty miles to Wild Wings to pick up my car. My mom calls me around 5:30 just to make sure I'm coming home.

He drops me off at my car and we're just hugging it out and he says "I want to see you again next week- and I mean before the weekend" so I'm like "Yes, I do too."  Of course we didn't make plans because I'm still on cloud 9 and I can't think straight. We part ways and I text him to let me know when he gets home safely. I pass out at home, and when I wake up later on I see his text "I'm home. :-) had a great time... talk to you in a few hours... sleep needed. ;-) "

Sooooo overall I'd say date was a success. WE DIDN'T HAVE SEX cause obviously I'm still on my period but even if I wasn't, I wouldn't have. I like this guy. He's coy and teased me while we were out and I felt really comfortable with that. And even though we were both drunk, it wasnt awkward and I didn't feel horny or felt the need to jump him. I did feel the need to kiss him at the bar, but it was too soon for that. I don't want to rush it. I'm interested in getting to know him and he didn't make any sexual advances (other than slapping my ass when I was laying down, but that's no biggie) so overall, he was a gentleman.

We recalculated the last time he had sex- even he didn't realize it had been since August of last year.
Damn. Poor guy.

30 going on 17

Against better judgment, I got sucked into the worst douchebag of all time. I can't exactly figure out why, but I'm tempted to say that it was his gaze that made me go bonkers.

I met this guy online, and from the beginning he made the rudest and most awkward comments. We talked for a few days, but this guy was just..... I don't know. He would offend and say "I'm just kidddiiiing!" I hate that. Just because you say 'no offense' doesn't mean you can say whatever it is you want.

I decided to meet this guy at Bingo and go simply as "friends" which automatically translated to 'Friends with Benefits.' Ay chihuahuas..... as my coworker would say.

Anyway, we have fun at bingo, but it's clear that we're both physically attracted to each other cause we're playing footsies and what not, and he's petting me and carressing when we're in line (ie- putting his hand on my back, running his fingers through my hair etc.)

I don't mind it. I'm not going to complain about getting attention. We share two pitchers of beer during Bingo, and we're having a really fun time, cracking jokes at other people's expenses and making funnies. After bingo, he suggests we go to a bar not too far away. I follow him there, and we continue drinking and teasing each other, flirting, even being mean to one another-

And then he starts saying a whole bunch of stuff like "I love you and I want to be your boyfriend. Want to be my girlfriend? What do you want?" etc, etc. Then it just gets graphic. "Let me suck on your breast. Lets go have sex. I want to eat you out." I laugh it off of course, cause I know that it's most of the alcohol doing the talking. I was pretty drunk too, but I kept my composure. I always pushed him away, but I did it slyly, and in actuality, I was teasing him back too when I would smile and laugh it off. So I guess he got upset at something, told me I said something mean, and he said he was leaving and asked if I was leaving too.

He just walked out so I'm thinking "Well I guess I have to go as well. I'm not staying here alone." We walked back to our cars, me ahead of him, and he's just dragging along in the back, in silence. He comes running and grabs me by the waist and hugs me. So we get back to the car, and he opens the back door to get into the back seat and he's like "Come on... get in."

I'm drunk, but not that drunk.  I'm like "Uh huh. No. I'm not getting in there. So you can Just close the door and stand outside with me."At this point we're facing each other, he's holding me, and I'm about to kiss him but I back off until I finally just go ahead and kiss him. We make out for a bit, and then I hear my mom's ringtone. Somehow we end up separating and as he's walking back to get into his car he says "Finally I'm free" and I just give him the confusing look, like, "Umm okkkk.... WTF? You're weird."

We go home our separate ways, and the next morning, I end up texting him and saying 'thank you' because you know... I have manners? He responds saying he was late to work by an hour and a half. I reply "Sorry dude. You must have been really drunk" to which he says "No, just sleeppyy."
He had asked me at the bar about the whole bf/gf thing and why I kept saying no, and he asked me "You want a FWB (Friends with Benefits) don't you?" and when I didn't answer, he said "Yeahhh you want one."

The more I think about it, the more I realize he's a douche. That's why he's not boyfriend material. I wouldn't mind him as a FWB cause I don't feel anything emotional for him- he's fun to flirt with, there's a sexual attraction, but his character turns me off so badly and leaves me scratching my head. It's like he's 17, when in actuality he's 30. Dude, act your damn age! It was a lot of "I'm just kidding" during the night when he'd say something slightly offensive,  so there was never a serious moment.
 I remember him telling me "Man you didn't even thank me for buying you a beer"- which sounded more like a complaint.

Sorry dude, but I was pretty drunk to care about what you thought of me.





PS: If you live in Houston, Bingo night at the SPJST Lodge 88 in the Heights on Thursday nights is TONS of fun. Cheap food, beer and games. Bring your own liquor/alcohol/food as well (not beer) if you prefer. I guarantee at least 3 hours of fun.

Jet Lounge Douche

After the disappointing date with The Uncle, I went back to OkCupid to search for someone else to hang out with. A guy about five years older than me, with interesting pictures messaged me about my musical tastes. We talked for a few days before he offered his number and he asked me out. Since I wasn't mentally in the mood to go out on a date, I told him I was only on OkC to make new friends. He agreed too (shocker) and said we didn't have to go on a date. Since he was a band promoter, he mentioned that he'd be booking some bands for a Saturday show and would be managing the door. He told me he could get me in for free, and when I invited one of my girlfriends to come with, I asked him if he'd be able to get her in too. "Ok, I think I can sneak her in, but tell her she owes me a beer"

Um... ok.... That's nice of you....

My friend took forever to get ready and we showed up downtown near midnight. I saw the guy at the door, and he looked..... doable- after about 3 drinks on my behalf. The lounge was alright. It was kind of dead.
My friend hated the lounge because it wasnt at all her scene. A while later he came over to where we were at the bar and hung out for a while, but he always had to excuse himself cause he had to keep an eye on audio equipment. At one point I told him "So I guess I owe you a beer for letting my friend in" and he said ok and I ordered us 2 beers. The bartender gave him his for free and I paid for mine, then he turned around to say "oh mine's free. I guess you still owe me beer! Ha ha "

Yeah. Ha. Fucking ha.

When my friend found out she said "He didn't even offer to pay for yours? Yeah, drop him. A girl shouldn't buy a guy his drink"

She kept asking me the entire night if I liked the guy, what I thought of him, did I see potential and I just had to say "not really."  The guy isn't ugly, just, didn't make me go "wow" in my head when I saw him. There wasn't sexual chemistry for me, and I actually saw him as a possible friend friend. He was really nice but we were both boring together. So even then I didn't see us having a blast as friends if we hung out. He asked me what I was doing that weekend, and since I was spending it with my family, he asked if I wanted to come back next Friday and hang out. I told him I'd see what I had planned for then.

No back seat for this guy- I think he's one of those really awkward, don't-know-how-to-flirt types of guys. Like, smiling was the only thing he was doing. He barely hugged me and didn't get into any petting at all. Like.... incredibly shy or something. Or he's just completely clueless about girls.

My friend kept complaining to go and around 1:15 or so asked if we could leave to go to Wonderbar instead. The guy was busy so I had to wait until he came back outside so we could say bye and left around 1:40. I took a wrong turn (I hate downtown) and she just said to go home. 

Seven days later, he texted me asking if I wanted to go to Fitzgerald (another music venue) for a show. SEVEN days later.

Well, I guess he took that "friend's first only" speech I gave him to heart.

I didn't go.

I got dumped in under 30 minutes

Alright, so let's get the next set of stories lined up.

Back in April, I decided to give the online dating thing back another try. My intention was to use OkCupid mainly as a means of finding a friend. I guess I really didn't get the part that it is next to impossible to find a real friend without benefits in the online community.

I am so naive.

I started talking to a guy, and a few days later, we decided to meet up for sushi and a movie. He appeared to be a real gentleman, and I quickly agreed. Since his sister had just given birth to her first child, let's call him The Uncle, cause I honestly can't remember what his name is. Not like it matters much.

My thought exactly

He suggested a sushi restaurant over about 30 minutes away from me. I didn't bother asking why since he was the one inviting. I arrived a few minutes early, and just stayed in my car waiting for him to show up. I never wait inside. I don't like giving the obvious impression that this is a first date if we greet inside the restaurant- I feel like all eyes are on us.

He showed up about 15 minutes later, and he stood at the entrance reaching for his cell. He was dressed business casual, and as I approached him, my face suddenly started shifting to the disappointment. In all honesty, I think his face did too. We greeted each other and immediately walked in. We sat at the bar and ordered our dishes, barely making conversation.

Me: "So how was your grandmother's birthday party yesterday?"
Him: "Oh it was alright. We ate a lot of food"
Me: "Was most of your family there too?"
Him: "Yeah"

.....silence.....

The minutes inched by. I was so glad to see our food arrive, because that way at least we wouldn't have a reason to talk as much.

Me: "So why did you pick this restaurant? I thought you lived in another area"
Him: "Oh well I figured it would be easier for you. You live in this area right?"
Me: "No. I live over on the west side of town. About 30 minutes away."
Him: "Oh I guess I'm not too familiar with Westchase. I live about 30 minutes up north"

Well that was smart. I understand your intentions were good, but we both had to drive out of our way for this seemingly boring date.

We went through the notions of discussing our lines of work (which I can't remember) and our time spent living in Houston (which I don't remember either.) It was obvious we weren't clicking at all, and I was desperately looking for a way to end this date, but didn't see how I could since he had invited me to the movies afterwards.

This is so boring!

As he called up the check on minute 25, and pulled out his credit card before the server had even handed him the bill, he said "So, do you mind if I take a rain check on this movie. I'm feeling pretty tired"

Sweet music to my ears.

"Sure, no problem" I answered jovially.

He paid for dinner, signed the receipt and we walked out.

"Well it was nice meeting you. I'll call you" he said.
"Yeah, thanks for dinner" I told him.

I quickly walked back into my car, looked at my watched and let out a sigh. 7:30pm

I quickly called my friend Shannon to fill her in on my date.

Shannon: "Aren't you supposed to be out on your date? What are you doing calling me?"
Me: "I was. It just ended."
Shannon: "Whaaat? It wasn't even an hour!"
Me: "Thirty minutes to be exact. Can you believe the ride to the restaurant took me longer than the date itself??"
Shannon: "Well that sucks"

The shortest relationship ever

Oh man, I really do not want to have to write about this, mainly because it feels like a damn slap in the face. But to remain true and honest to my dating life (and readers) I have to suck it up and face the shame.

While I'd gone back for another round on OkCupid, I'd messaged Mr. Anime, and we seemed to hit it off rather well. Granted that he was the one doing much of the talking on the phone, we did manage to talk for at least 4 hours each night before we met up on Saturday at an oriental mall.

He was paler than I expected, but had the most breathtaking eyes... blue, and pupils grossly dilated which appeared to give him dark eyes instead. He looked just like Jared Leto.... without the eyeliner. I was charmed....smitten and completely intoxicated. He was very softspoken, and what I mean by this is that he spoke very, very softly.... If anyone could chime in on this behavior, they would assume he was gay because he was gentle and delicate, and took long strides as he walked. I admit I was very impressed and very much intrigued.

We hung out at the mall for about an hour, catching a photography expo along the way, when we simply came to a halt and had no impending plans for the rest of the afternoon. He asked if I was hungry and invited me back to his place where he'd make something to eat. A cook? Don't mind if I do!

We went back to his apartment, and while I watched something on TV, he cooked pasta. He had a nice smile, seemed generally chipper and was very very nice. As the evening progressed, we watched a few anime shows and even played on the Wii. I was enjoying my time, and he was too.

We began cuddling on the bed, where things took a turn for the... well..... you can guess. I pushed on the fact that I didn't want to have sex on the first night, and he was of course understanding, but that didn't mean we couldn't experiment "alternatively." So we went at it, had my jollies, and I ended up spending the night, knowing full well he had to go into work for a few hours the next morning.

The next morning, he woke up around 6:00 am and got ready for work. I remained in bed, dozing off, while he made himself breakfast. 15 minutes later, he comes to see me and says "Don't go anywhere, I'm making you something" with a beautiful smile on his face. He came back and presented me with french toast (which I'd mentioned to him a few days prior.)

Wow.... I think I may be in lust...

Mr. Anime offered to give me a key to his apartment to sleep in while I was at work, whaaaa.... your key? but I told him I'd be going back to my apartment to take a shower and get dressed instead. We left at the same time, and I headed on home to rinse away the "sex."

I texted BEG and we talked for a while.

BEG: So it went well?
Ren: Went pretty well. I spent the night, and then just got home cause he had work this morning and I didn't want to stay there alone.
BEG: Interesting. So he cooked you dinner, and ice cream and you spent the night. Did y'all do anything?
Ren: Uh yeah... Ren 5, Him 0 though.
BEG: Why him 0?
Ren: Cause I orgasmed and he didn't.
BEG: Why didn't he though I guess is what I'm asking.
Ren: Oh cause I gave up. He said it took him a while, and I got tired.
BEG: Gotcha. Maybe he takes Ritalin or something...

A few hours later, Mr. Anime called me and told me he was home again. I finished getting ready and went back to his place where we continued hanging in. I can't exactly remember now what we did for the rest of the night, but if you guessed that we had sex, then you guessed right. A very long session. With coincidentally, no grand finale on his end.

What the hell.....?


Seeing as to how he lived a mere 4 miles away, I decided to spend the night again, and wake up early in the morning to go get ready for work at my apartment. Later that evening, I called him again and went straight to his place after work. We hung out again, and did our business where 40 minutes later, I started experiencing a bit of pain.

Why hasn't he come yet??

I looked at him and asked frankly- "Why aren't you coming?". In between thrusts he looks at me and comes to a halt. 

"Um, well.... I'm actually on medication...." he said.
"Medication? For what?" I asked.
"Um... depression" he answered.
"Oh I see" I responded.

A few hours later, I tell BEG about my newfound discovery- "You're right about the meds. Not ritalin though, but for for depression."

I ended up spending the night at Mr. Anime's for the rest of the week, repeating the same routine and going back to my apartment in the morning to get ready for work. I remember going out with a group of friends on Friday night, but not hearing from him at all. The next day, I texted him to see if there were any plans to hang out. I didn't hear from him for a few hours, and I dreaded the worst.

Crap... I'm getting dumped.... Prepare yourself for the "He's just not that into you" excuse.

A few hours later, Mr. Anime texted, apologizing and saying he'd been out at work (to which he doesn't take his phone) and had dropped off a friend back home. He felt that we didn't have much in common and that he wasn't interested in a relationship based mainly on sex.

Well hell. "He's just not that into me" then. F*** what did I do wrong this time??

I texted my friend who said "Wow... why did he spend so much time with you and then decide that?"
"My thought exactly" I replied.

So 7 days after we'd met, it was over. I felt like such a fool.  I felt like perhaps the online dating thing wasn't really in my favor for the time being and that I needed to stop.


A few days later, I'd gone back to OKCupid to look at his profile and see if he'd been active, and there they were- Changes-Edits-Revisions- to his profile. The one that stood out the most was:

• I find a petite or athletic frame the most flattering. And lastly I tend to prefer shorter women who are around 5" although I'm not sure yet why lol.<I'm average, 5'5">

I felt like that last one had been directed straight at me. Ouch. 

What I really mean when I say the following

The dating scene has been.... exciting to say the most. I've met some great guys, funny, intelligent and all respectful- real gentlemen, thank God. About half of them went as far as the third date, while the other half never made it past the first.

It got me thinking the other day while I was reading an article on Yahoo about the things guys will say, and the truth behind those expressions. I figured I'd add my two cents in to contribute my own version of encrypted statements.

What I say: We really shouldn't
What I really mean: If I didn't stop drinking after one beer and I'm in your apartment, you can bet that I REALLY WANT TO, but I don't want to get burned like I did the last time around. I'm only sleeping with you if you're my boyfriend. SO at least pretend to give me that.

What I say: I just don't think we clicked
What I really mean: You aren't attractive enough for me to overlook that and be sold on your personality alone.

What I say: You really need to visit California/Vegas/any major place I've been
What I really mean: I'm hoping we can date long enough so that we can take this trip together.

What I say: I've had sex with 3 guys
What I really mean: I've had vaginal sex with 3 different guys. You'll figure out the rest in time when I'm more comfortable talking about it with you.

What I say: What's your longest relationship?
What I really mean: Are you more for long term or short term?

What I say: Are you and your ex on speaking terms?
What I really mean: How did your romance end? Will I consider her a threat in our relationship; Will she make appearances or be brought up a lot in conversations?

What I say: How are you with kids?
What I really mean: Can you get along with younger kids, prefereably my 10-year twin sisters so one day we can all go out together.

What I say: Heeeey, haven't heard from you in a while.
What I really mean: Where the @$%& have you been and why haven't you called until now?!

What I say: So what's a regular week like for you?
What I really mean: I want to know your schedule so I can tell if you're avoiding me when you don't call because you're "busy" all of a sudden after the first date

What I say: I had a great time. We should do this again sometime.
What I really mean: Call me tomorrow

What I say: Well, thank you for dinner/coffee. It was nice meeting you.
What I really mean: Yeah, this isn't going to work out.

What I say: Oh my God you're huge.
What I really mean: OMFG you're HUGE.:)

Looking past the "First Date Mistake"

Early Friday afternoon, my boss came up to my desk and said "I have two tickets to the Astros game tonight. Do you want them?" "Sure, yes!" I answered.  "Here, take them. Have fun. I want to see pictures on Monday."
 
As a good friend, I texted one of my girlfriends first to see if she wanted to go but said she couldn't. I had two other options: two guys I was currently talking to. One was Aaron, the other was Nate. I had befriended them both on Facebook in the hopes of finding out if they had more pictures that would help me determine if they were in fact as attractive as their profile pics.
 
I first accepted Aaron’s request and went to look at his pictures. I was very disappointed by what I found, or didn't find for that matter. Most of his pictures were 4 years old. Oh hell no. As we had talked earlier, I had asked him what kind of girl he was attracted to and he'd said someone who took care of herself physically saying he ran 3 miles every other day.
 
I really don't think you run cause the most recent picture showed a really chubby guy. Ugh. I hate guys who put "average" instead of "a few extra pounds". Man up and be honest!
 

Nate on the other hand appeared to be more physically fit and had a stare that really attracted me.
 
Aaron had already asked me out twice on too much of a short notice which I had turned down. Nate seemed like the perfect candidate so when my friend said no, I texted him if he was free that night to go to the game. He replied saying yes and we made plans to go for dinner before the game. I was a bit concerned that we might not be able to hit it off and that we'd be stuck with each other for 3 hours afterwards during the game.
 
Luckily we hit it off right away and had much to talk about. We arrived at the game and settled in to our seats right by the dugout and had a great time.
 

 
Even though I was attracted to Nate, I was concerned that he might not be attracted to me. This is what happens when you have low self esteem- you believe that you’re never good enough to be liked; Therefore I didn't want to get my hopes up for fear that it would backfire. When the game ended we remained in our seats to watch the fireworks display afterwards. He slowly put his arm around me and let me lay my head on his shoulder. The first step to mutual attraction [sighs.]
 
When the fireworks ended, Nate asked me if I wanted to go to the bar across the street. He got us drinks and as the alcohol slowly started taking over, the conversation became seemingly easier. We spent a few hours talking and soonafter challenged one another to darts; the loser would have to take a swig of beer. We were laughing, flirting with each other, and watching the other drunk people around us stumble to the ground. At one point, Nate said “Ok, the next game is for a kiss.”
 
I went along for it, not realizing that either way, we would end up kissing- that’s how drunk I was.  I lost, brought his face towards my lips and kissed him. We continued playing, getting a kiss after each game, and eventually went back out onto the porch so he could smoke a cigarette.

I'm sorry, what? "You smoke?" I asked. "Only when I drink" he said. Ew... gross.  He pulled out a fancy black box from his pocket and showed me what he smoked.

 
"See, look. It's an e-cigarette" he pointed out.
 
I admit I was curious and asked if I could try it. It felt like smoking hookah. The filter he was using was mentholated and wasn't as painful as taking a long drag from a regular cigarette. The air I exhaled turned out to be a water vapor instead of "second hand smoke." He only took about 3 drags from the cigarette during the night and put it away each time.
 
At one point, we ended up talking with a few other drunk people outside on the patio and can't quite remember how it lead to the discussion of dating but I remember him telling one of the older women there "Yeah, this is our first date."
 
"First date? really? Awww..... Honey look! It's their first date" she commented to her male partner.
 
I couldn't help but feel both happy and sad at the same time. Happy to hear him acknowledge our meeting as a date to strangers, but sad that this would be the only "first date" we'd experience. The excitement for each other would never be able to amount to that first night we spent together; I'd never be able to feel that confused, happy, giddy feeling in my stomach ever again as I did during our first date.


As the bar closed down, it was time to go back. We weren't ready to call it a night and wanted to stay together, but couldn't think of any place to go to just talk. The only options were to go to a 24-hour diner and get something to eat, or back to the other's place; I'd promised myself that as much as I wanted to be near him, it wouldn't be the right thing to do on the first date. I admit I wouldn't mind doing it, but I know it's not the greatest idea- we all know what happened when I rushed things with Matt, the marine right?
 
I had to go pick up my car at work, so we stayed in the parking lot for a while. Some time later, I actually dozed off or passed out, and woke up to us kissing, his hand caressing my breast, unbuttoning my shirt.
 
Wait, what? What's going on? I was completely out of it, and even though I noticed we were kissing, my ability to react wasn't all in place and I didn't respond until he was halfway through my buttons. I knew his hand was there, but my mind just reacted too late. Or maybe subconsciously, I wanted it as well.  I stopped him, fumbled slowly to get my buttons back on, let out a small sigh of frustration and got out of the truck. I walked back to my car without looking back and got in. A few minutes later he left.

On the way home, I received the following text from him:

“Ok, I guess I shouldn’t expect a reply but I thought we were messing around. I’m sorry if I crossed a line I didn’t know or else I wouldn’t have. I just thought we were both enjoying it. I’m really confused right now and I hope you’re ok. If you need something let me know.  I really did like you and I didn’t mean to cross that line.”

I thought about texting back when I got home but decided to call and chew him out instead.

“Why would you do that?” I questioned.
“I’m sorry, I just thought we were in the moment and that you felt the same way. I’m really sorry” he replied.
“I was asleep when you started doing that” I told him.
“Well, you were kissing me back so I didn’t think you were” he said
“I’m drunk, and I’m really disappointed in you Nate” I said.
“Oh man, I’m really sorry. The last thing I want you to think is that I took advantage of you. It’s just….. it’s been so long for me… I’m really really sorry” he admitted.

I could sense he was legitimately sorry and decided to give him one more chance. “I can admit that all the drinking we did tonight impaired us a lot and made us do things we probably wouldn’t have done sober. So tell you what, sleep on it. Think about what you’ve done, and if you want to talk to me again, you’ll call me tomorrow,” I told him bluntly.

“I don’t need to wait until tomorrow” he said.

I have my reasons for letting this slide. For one, a lot worse happened with my last boyfriend Sebastian, on our first date last year. I actually cried as I drove back home. I was blindsided and let things progress to benefit him solely. I was very ashamed of what had happened. Sebastian apologized profusely, and the very next day brought me roses and took me to dinner. Yep, that’s the way to do it!

With Nate, I didn’t let things go that far, and I know that alcohol played a big role in me letting loose and dropping my guard substantially. But I also walked away quietly and made him ashamed of what he’d done.  In a way, I knew we would end up making out if I stayed longer in his truck- however, the whole unbuttoning-the-shirt thing threw me off guard completely. I wasn’t expecting that at all.  I’m not going to lie and say it felt horrible. It felt good and it was pleasant, but I knew this shouldn’t be happening on a first date, so I put a stop to it. I’m pretty sure that if I would have told him “No” in the moment, he would have stopped also.

The next day, around 2 o’clock, Nate called me and we talked for about an hour before he went to sleep (he works graveyard shift.)  I didn’t feel like bringing up the incident, and ultimately swept it under the rug.  I invited him over for breakfast at my apartment on Sunday morning and we spent a couple of hours talking and watching TV. We didn’t make any other plans past the week, and due to our schedules, haven’t talked on the phone, but we’ve been able to text a few times and are planning to meet up again on Friday night.

If I let it, I know sex can happen, but after what happened with Matt, I’m not willing to put myself into that position. I know it’s better to wait and get to know each other, so that when the act does happen, there’s actually feelings involved and better chances that it may last longer than just a couple of weeks.

Or maybe I’m just a modern girl trying to exercise power and control. Yeah, we’ll see how that goes….

I think my safeguard is to just not shave prior to Friday.
Any ideas on how to withhold sex?

Megaphone Guy

I’ve decided to lay low on OKCupid and have deactivated my profile for the time being, however, not before pulling out the last two candidates and continuing the dating process off the site through texting and AIM.


Late last week, I continued messaging another guy who was a 30-year old high school teacher. I appreciated his direct approach when he messaged me “I’m in the mood for pie and coffee. Are you busy this weekend?”

I like direct men. It shows confidence and weeds out the otherwise shy, quiet guys. I told him I was up for it, seeing as to how he appeared normal in his pictures and online, and we agreed to meet up on Saturday night.

He told me he’d call between 3 and 4 on Saturday afternoon and at 3:50 pm, my phone rang.

Hmmm, right on time. I like this.

He sounded extremely chipper and active and told me we could meet up on my side of town at The House of Pies. “And if you want, we can go out later, to like Dave and Buster’s” he said

What if I don’t like the guy? Ugh… I don’t want to get stuck following up on an agreement if I want to pull out.

“Uh, let’s see how we do first. I mean, I don’t want to pressure you into hanging out if we don’t get along” I told him. “Ok, sounds fair” he answered.

That night, I got caught in a thunderstorm, and I showed up to the diner about 20 minutes late. On the way there, I tried to pump myself up and hoped “Man, let this guy be IT.” I saw him from a distance and continued walking towards him. I was completely shocked by what I came up to.

Oh man was he NOT what I was expecting. He looked completely different from his profile picture. Maannn…. I should pay closer attention and always find a way to ask for MORE pictures. We greeted with a hug and sat down. I couldn’t look at him straight in the eyes. He was so unattractive. But what bothered me the most weren’t his looks- it was his loudness. He talked so loud that everyone within a 4 table radius could notice we were on a first date. He wasn’t talking to me personally- he was talking to the entire diner. He was hyper, excited and too outgoing. Megaphone guy. So I played the cold and quiet card.

Man this sucks. I got stuck with an ugly guy. Again. We continued with the date and ordered something to eat. I honestly lost my appetite and ordered an ice cream shake instead. I tried effortlessly to speak to him in a quiet tone so he’d get the hint. Didn’t work. I just kept looking around at the other customers, sinking lower and lower into the booth.

About an hour later, I decided to hint that I was leaving. I told him I was going to my mom’s for the night and bid him good night.  As he walked back to his car, I noticed he had slumped down and was no longer standing tall.  The date lasted an hour. It actually took me longer than that to get ready. Past midnight, he texted me “Had a good time tonight, sorry pie and coffee wasn’t your thing.” I don’t remember responding, but the following day, around midnight again I got the following text “Assuming there won’t be a second date, which seems safe based on last night, I just wanted to extend best wishes and say good luck in the whole finding happiness life thing. Bye.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle.

Oh well, one guy chucked out of the running. No big deal.