Sunday, July 4, 2010

When dating backfires

I met up with Matt at Ikea after work on Tuesday and managed to spend about 2.5 hours just walking around, flirting.  I admit it wasn't awkward and we behaved rather well, like a couple in the honeymoon phase.

I invited him back to my house, and went into the bathroom to freshen up. Soon after, I join him in the living room and we begin watching TV.  Some time later, things progress and heat up. And those 5 little words creep up: "Do you have a condom" I ask. "Yeah" he answers.

Finally!! He's up. Oh.... way up this time. I guess he got some fuel earlier today.

We move things into the bedroom- my parent's bedroom to be precise, and manage to take care of business, much more efficiently this time.

Oh wow, this time was much better than the last.

Once finished, Matt disposes of the evidence in the kitchen trashcan and quickly heads into the living room to get dressed.

Hmmm, mmmmh, okay. I guess he's in a hurry to go somewhere.

We lie back on the couch and continue watching TV for a good hour or so, making a few jokes every now and then. Soon enough, things become warm again and I "somehow" get down to my skivvies.

"Do you have another condom?" I ask him.

He doesn't respond.

"You know we can't then" I tell him.

He continues taking off his pants, fumbling to get them off of his legs.

"So do you?" I ask him again.

From underneath, he produces a second wrapper as I hear the hallelujah chorus in my head.

Ca-ching! Round #2.

We begin on the couch until he tells me to go into the bedroom. I climb off, underestimating my own equilibrium and nearly fall to the ground.

"Oh my god, my legs are so weak" I say laughing, "I can't walk!"

My legs managed to cramp up and fall asleep, to the point where I stumbled into the bedroom. Once there, Mark puts me on the bed and without skipping a beat, gets down to business.  Everything is great when all of a sudden he grabs me by the hair and pulls it down into my back. Hard.

Ooh, kinky. 

I try to straighten out and bring my neck forwards, but he continues tugging at my long hair.

Ow!! WTF?? Let go of my hair!

Suddenly, I can't move my head. He's got my hair in a fist grabbed so tightly that the more I struggle, the harder he pulls.

"You like that?" he asks

Huh, I guess he's one of those hair-pulling guys.

"Mmh hmm" I manage to muster, hoping that he'll release my head from his fist of fury.

He continues working when I tell him to go faster as I'm close to completion. He finally comes and lays on me for a while until he rolls off the bed and takes off the condom.

We go back into the living room and continue watching TV for a while until a few hours later when he has to leave home. I get attached and don't want to see him go as I walk him over to the door.

The next day at work, he texts me a couple of times and we make small conversation. I call him later that evening to see if he's available to hang out the next evening considering he doesn't work or have school. "I'm not sure. Depends on how I'm feeling."


"Well, nevermind then"  I tell him.

"Are you offended?" he asks.

"Well, you either know it or you don't [if you want to hang out] None of this 'We'll see' [crap]" I answer viciously.

"Well, it's just that it's been a while since I've had some time off to myself. I've been busy with school and work and I want a breather" he says.

I didn't know going out with me was such hard work. If it's that big a deal for you to drive to my side of town, I'm open to going to yours. It hurts that I'm being rejected this way.

The following day, I ask him if he can hang out Friday, and we go through the same dance, except this time he says "I work tomorrow."

"I thought you said you only worked morning and early afternoons" I mentioned.

"I do, but sometimes I get off at 5pm" he answers.

That's it. I've had it. I can take a hint. So I get the courage and say what's on my mind. "Ok, I don't want to get hurt. I like you, but I really don't know if you like me. I don't want to get strung around because I've done it before and I didn't like it" I tell him.

He remains quiet on the line and begins again "It's not that I don't want to hang out with you. But my school is my top priority, you know what I mean? I went into the military to be able to get school paid for, so I don't want to fall behind and mess with this opportunity. I took these courses over the summer, but I didn't think I was going to have such a hard time with them. On the other hand, I think we moved way too fast the last couple of days" he said, referring to sex.

"I agree, but it's a little too late now to slow down. What happened already happened. You can't change it" I told him.

"I know it's partially my fault. I never should have let things progress the way they did. That was just way too soon" he said.

He had mentioned that his previous two girlfriends and he had waited at minimum a couple of months before engaging in a sexual relationship. We met on a Tuesday and had sex on that Friday. And I have to be a big girl and realize that I made a mistake.

"Well, you've already turned me down twice, so I'm not going to ask you again when we can hang out" I told him.

"What do you mean? I haven't turned you down twice" he said.

"Yes, you said you wouldn't be able to hang out yesterday, and now tomorrow too" I explained.

"But I didn't say we couldn't hang out on Friday. I can come to your side of town" he said.

We made plans to meet up on Friday, but we had such bad rain that day, that I told him it would be best if he didn't drive out. There was a lot of flooding and I didn't want him to risk being stranded at midnight, considering I had to leave to pick up my mom at the airport later that night.

I talked to my friend Roger, who I had been "romantically involved" with a few years ago and he asked me about my dating situation.  I told him the truth and he mentioned that I was making a faux-pas and not making them wait long enough. "We dated for months and you never gave it up for me. What happened?" he asked.

"I'm sexually frustrated and my backup isn't available. I realize now that I made a mistake and I will learn from it." I told him.

Honestly, it never occurred to me that sleeping with someone too soon would have its consequences. I haven't had that many sexual partners, and it didn't happen with Sebastian when we slept together one week after we'd met, but I guess the timing was just right. We'd talked so much on the phone and went out a few times during that week leading up to it. But now I know that with Matt, things weren't as easy.  We aren't a couple and we're not exclusive in a sense.

I noticed on POF that he was still regularly logging into his account and asked him if he was dating around. "No, I don't have the time. You're the only person I'm talking to on a regular basis. I get messages, but I don't reply to them" he told me.

Lately, we haven't talked on the phone as much, and when we do, we only talk for a while until one of us has to call the other one back. He'll text sometimes, but it just feels empty.

I screwed up, and I need to take this as a serious lesson. I never would have known how to deal with it if it hadn't happened to me, so in a sense, I take this experience as a "positive" but ugly occurrence.

I know what to do now.

"Just get a bigger toy" Roger recommended.

1 comment:

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