Sunday, July 11, 2010

Will Karma get me?

I've come to the conclusion that things with the marine will most likely not move forward. We hardly ever talk these days as we're both incredibly busy with school, and the only contact we manage to have are the forced texts daily. Or what I presume to be at least.

So I've gone on both Plenty of Fish and OkCupid in search of my dashing prince. In actuality, my requirements are that he:
  • be attractive enough to make me go WOW, 
  • settled with a good job, or at least in school.
  • not have kids
I'm really not in the mood for the 25 year old who's still searching himself in life. So it appears to be kind of difficult to find that combination as many guys may be attractive, but when they don't have a job or aren't going to school, their attractiveness level drops by about 90 points. Same goes with the nerd (which I prefer) who has his life in order, but is not physically attractive, which was the case with Virgin Boy Trevor.

While on OKCupid one day, I hit the option to be quick matched with someone. I kept browsing through profiles until it landed me on Trevor's page.


This wouldn't be so bad if he couldn't see on his end that I'd viewed his profile again.

Oh man, I hope he doesn't think anything of it.

I was wrong. About two days later, I received the following message from him:

I honestly and truthfully got teary eyed when I read his letter. I felt incredibly guilty and awful for what I'd done. Here was this guy professing his interest in me, but I couldn't muster to tell him that I didn't find him attractive enough to be with him. When he didn't call me back after the second time, I honestly thought I was off the hook. I wonder if he would of ever sent me a message if I hadn't landed on his page by mistake.

"It took a small accident to make it happen. An accident?? AN ACCIDENT!!" 

The more I thought about giving him a chance, the more I realized that quite possibly, in time, his character would be attractive enough to make me overlook the physical aspect. But for now, I couldn't, and I didn't want to settle.

So I responded......

After I'd sent the response, I realize how cold I must have sounded, but I felt this was the best way for him to know. From experience, people latch on if I'm not direct. They think I want to be chased when in reality, I don't want to be- by them. A million thoughts entered my mind. I thought "Shoot, maybe I should give him a chance"; "Maybe I should be his friend"; "Maybe I should call him tonight and invite him out"; "No, he'll get the wrong idea"; "If I date him, I know he's submissive and I'll walk all over him" etc. etc.

I know looks fade, but I'm not up for the task of teaching him everything- from kissing, to having sex, to dealing with feelings. I'm not a teacher, and in this case, I'd rather be the submissive one; I tend to treat guys better when I am.

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