So I've gone on both Plenty of Fish and OkCupid in search of my dashing prince. In actuality, my requirements are that he:
- be attractive enough to make me go WOW,
- settled with a good job, or at least in school.
- not have kids
While on OKCupid one day, I hit the option to be quick matched with someone. I kept browsing through profiles until it landed me on Trevor's page.
This wouldn't be so bad if he couldn't see on his end that I'd viewed his profile again.
Oh man, I hope he doesn't think anything of it.
I was wrong. About two days later, I received the following message from him:
I honestly and truthfully got teary eyed when I read his letter. I felt incredibly guilty and awful for what I'd done. Here was this guy professing his interest in me, but I couldn't muster to tell him that I didn't find him attractive enough to be with him. When he didn't call me back after the second time, I honestly thought I was off the hook. I wonder if he would of ever sent me a message if I hadn't landed on his page by mistake.
"It took a small accident to make it happen. An accident?? AN ACCIDENT!!"
The more I thought about giving him a chance, the more I realized that quite possibly, in time, his character would be attractive enough to make me overlook the physical aspect. But for now, I couldn't, and I didn't want to settle.
So I responded......
After I'd sent the response, I realize how cold I must have sounded, but I felt this was the best way for him to know. From experience, people latch on if I'm not direct. They think I want to be chased when in reality, I don't want to be- by them. A million thoughts entered my mind. I thought "Shoot, maybe I should give him a chance"; "Maybe I should be his friend"; "Maybe I should call him tonight and invite him out"; "No, he'll get the wrong idea"; "If I date him, I know he's submissive and I'll walk all over him" etc. etc.
I know looks fade, but I'm not up for the task of teaching him everything- from kissing, to having sex, to dealing with feelings. I'm not a teacher, and in this case, I'd rather be the submissive one; I tend to treat guys better when I am.