Megaphone Guy

I’ve decided to lay low on OKCupid and have deactivated my profile for the time being, however, not before pulling out the last two candidates and continuing the dating process off the site through texting and AIM.


Late last week, I continued messaging another guy who was a 30-year old high school teacher. I appreciated his direct approach when he messaged me “I’m in the mood for pie and coffee. Are you busy this weekend?”

I like direct men. It shows confidence and weeds out the otherwise shy, quiet guys. I told him I was up for it, seeing as to how he appeared normal in his pictures and online, and we agreed to meet up on Saturday night.

He told me he’d call between 3 and 4 on Saturday afternoon and at 3:50 pm, my phone rang.

Hmmm, right on time. I like this.

He sounded extremely chipper and active and told me we could meet up on my side of town at The House of Pies. “And if you want, we can go out later, to like Dave and Buster’s” he said

What if I don’t like the guy? Ugh… I don’t want to get stuck following up on an agreement if I want to pull out.

“Uh, let’s see how we do first. I mean, I don’t want to pressure you into hanging out if we don’t get along” I told him. “Ok, sounds fair” he answered.

That night, I got caught in a thunderstorm, and I showed up to the diner about 20 minutes late. On the way there, I tried to pump myself up and hoped “Man, let this guy be IT.” I saw him from a distance and continued walking towards him. I was completely shocked by what I came up to.

Oh man was he NOT what I was expecting. He looked completely different from his profile picture. Maannn…. I should pay closer attention and always find a way to ask for MORE pictures. We greeted with a hug and sat down. I couldn’t look at him straight in the eyes. He was so unattractive. But what bothered me the most weren’t his looks- it was his loudness. He talked so loud that everyone within a 4 table radius could notice we were on a first date. He wasn’t talking to me personally- he was talking to the entire diner. He was hyper, excited and too outgoing. Megaphone guy. So I played the cold and quiet card.

Man this sucks. I got stuck with an ugly guy. Again. We continued with the date and ordered something to eat. I honestly lost my appetite and ordered an ice cream shake instead. I tried effortlessly to speak to him in a quiet tone so he’d get the hint. Didn’t work. I just kept looking around at the other customers, sinking lower and lower into the booth.

About an hour later, I decided to hint that I was leaving. I told him I was going to my mom’s for the night and bid him good night.  As he walked back to his car, I noticed he had slumped down and was no longer standing tall.  The date lasted an hour. It actually took me longer than that to get ready. Past midnight, he texted me “Had a good time tonight, sorry pie and coffee wasn’t your thing.” I don’t remember responding, but the following day, around midnight again I got the following text “Assuming there won’t be a second date, which seems safe based on last night, I just wanted to extend best wishes and say good luck in the whole finding happiness life thing. Bye.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle.

Oh well, one guy chucked out of the running. No big deal.