Friday, October 2, 2009

I pulled the plug

I went out with BEG last night to one of his friend's concert in downtown. We met up for dinner before the show and had a really good time. Once at the lounge, we met his other friends- one of which happened to be his ex-girlfriend. This is the first ex-girlfriend of a potential flame that I've ever met in my life! I've never had to with anyone else before, and I think it was because the occasion never arose.

We had a drink until we waited for his friend to perform. At one point BEG turns around to me and says "Do you want another drink?" I respond with  "Not right now, but maybe later." He replies with "Ok, cause when you do, you're gonna have to not touch me for about 5 minutes."

I was a little confused by his remark so I asked him "What do you mean 'not touch you'?"
"Because I'm sporting an erection and I don't want everyone to notice" he said.

Dang-I was just caressing the back of his neck!

We enjoyed the show and he leaned in to kiss me.

Shrimp breath. Total Killer. It was foul! Oh my god. How could he not notice to put gum or a mint in his mouth? They even had them at the restaurant! I was starting to get a little tired and decided to tell him I needed to get on home. He drove me back and was about to shut off his car and follow me up when I quickly said "Well thank you for dinner"

"Oh you don't want me to follow you?" he asked.

"No, I'm really tired and sleepy" I answered.

I leaned over again, and got a full taste of that shrimp again. It was enough to make me gag. It smelled so bad.

"So are you free this weekend?" he asked"

"No, I'm with my family" I replied

"So when are we hanging out again?" he said

"We'll talk about it tomorrow. Have a good night." I said as I shut his car door.

I had decided in my mind that I wasn't going to continue seeing him romantically knowing full well I was giving him my divided attention. I called Sebastian that night and spoke with him a bit more seeing as to how I'd missed his call ealier that night.

I didn't tell him I had gone on another date. I stretched the truth and told him I'd gone to dinner and a show with some friends. He had called me to invite me to eat dinner at his place.

Today, BEG texted me to wish me a good day. He wanted to get on AIM to play a round of 21 questions- where we ask questions back and forth to each other, never asking the same question back to the person again. It's tough, because sometimes, you are asked a good question that you'd like to ask them in return, but can't during the session.

It was just a simple game, until he asked me the following:

BEG: why aren't you ready to be in a relationship? or are you just not ready to be in a relationship with me? if that's the case I understand, just let me know so I don't waste my time

ME: i'm not ready to be in a relationship with anyone.i haven't gotten over my last one completely. i'm sorry.maybe one day i'll regret it, cause you're nice to me, but my heart's not in it, and i dont want you to develop anything for me. i only want to be friends.

BEG: no more dates then, thanks for telling me early

I slowly began feeling a bitter taste in my mouth

ME: wow, i didn't think it'd hurt to tell you but it did. i got this queasy feeling in my stomach

BEG: I'm not sure what to tell you about that. I like you Ren, but I can't wait around for you to realize your past is out of reach. I guess let me know if you change your mind and want to see me.

ME: ok so be it

5 minutes pass then,

BEG: well... I can't wait around forever, but I can wait around some... I didn't think I would ever get over my ex, and you were the first girl i've had some feelings for in a while. I guess that's why it just hurts to hear you say youre not over your ex after meeting me.

I proceeded to sugarcoat the "it's not you it's me" excuse.
ME: i know , and i feel bad. i get attached really hard, and i wish i was over it. it took me a month to get over the previous guy, and we were only together for 2 weeks. i couldn't handle rejection all that well.... i've been rejected so much that i dont want to fall for anyone. my heart's.... brittle right now.

BEG: it's been two months for me to get over the last girl I had feelings for so I understand. well if you don't have feelings for me after dating me, maybe it's not meant to be. but i'm here if you change your mind. i'm gonna get offline, have a good day at work.

We parted ways. It was a little sad considering I'd offered to take him to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show next saturday. I'm more than willing to do it still.

But for right now, I'm not going to get into a serious relationship with someone new. My heart and mind are not there. Sebastian still lingers, and I have so much fun with him still. We do share a special "friendship" and a true one at that. He calls me everyday and we talk for hours- something we never did when we were actually together.

What changed?

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