BEG came back from his business trip abroad last weekend. I hadn't gotten the chance to talk to him in AIM much because I had gotten sidetracked with other tasks at work and the 10-hour time difference. Plus, my cell wasn't always connected to AIM, and he couldn't just text me to ask me to get on AIM.
Every once in a while, our conversations take a turn to the secretive side. We begin talking about our significant others, or most of the time about our sexual experiences with previous partners. In our case, it becomes a competition to see who has done the most/best/unheard of act. I actually prefer these conversations because it gives us something to laugh about in regards to one another; be it sexual innuendos, embarrassing moments or bad experiences, we're there to laugh at the other's misfortune.
However, whenever BEG is chatting and his girlfriend is about to come home, he warns me with "Julia's coming home soon, so if I suddenly disappear it's because she's here." "Oooh, hide me right away!" I tease him. "Are you worried about something?" I ask him.
"No, but I don't think she'd like reading me saying you look really pretty in your profile picture or stuff about sex" he answered.
"Ok, fair game. What about lunch? Are we doing that anytime soon?" I asked him back.
"I don't know. It'd have to be when Julia's at work. I mean, we've always been together since we started dating. We've spent every night at each other's place, so it'd be kind of weird and suspicious if all of a sudden I told her I was going out to dinner with a girl she doesn't know" he admitted.
"So when do you hang out with your friends?" I asked confused.
"We hang out with her friends and my friends together" he said.
"Ooooh, so you're one of those couples. The ones that do everything together" I told him.
"Yeah. I've never had a bad relationship, and we've always spent all of our available time together. I guess that's why I get nervous and feel trapped that this relationship has no end."
"Well, good luck to you on that. A little time to oneself is good." I told him
Especially in your twenties- when you're most likely to change.
Showing posts with label BEG. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BEG. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
He's the victim of vanilla sex, Part II
I had suggested to BEG that we go do some of our christmas shopping together. He hesitated at first, saying it wasn't such a good idea, but said he would get his friend's point of view on shopping for our "significant other" together. The next day, he had agreed to going out together, only to cancel in the following hours.
BEG: We made plans to hang out when she got off work. And she has been feeling insecure
Ren: ah I see
It doesn't look like plans. Sounds more like a schedule. He said they haven't spent one night apart when he's been in town since they started dating two months ago.
BEG: She also said she doesn’t want anything for Christmas. I think she really just wants a hug and stuff
Ren: is something wrong then? You said she was feeling insecure about something.
BEG: Oh. She is feeling insecure about her abilities in the bed. I accidentally said something
Ren: oh that was baaaaaad.........what did you doooo???
BEG: I don’t want to talk about it.
Ren: ok
BEG: Lol. Maybe no on shopping today. Julia really wants to hang out. And in a week I’m leaving for a month.
Ren: ok. So I take it we're not going to hang out before you leave.
BEG: Idk... I would like to, but you don’t want to double date?
Oh hellz no.
Ren: hmm I don’t know. We’ll see
BEG: If you were free during the day. Or maybe we can do lunch
Ren: maybe lunch next week. Either Monday/Tuesday, cause I leave on Wednesday.
In the meantime, I was talking to Margot, who also writes a relationship/sex blog. I told her BEG’s dilemma and she suggested I send him the link to one of her blogs.
BEG: man this sucks. The article you sent me looks like soo much fun, but I don’t' know if she would be into any of it
Ren: why not?
BEG: Just her personality. She always wants sex, but that's it, nothing extra
Ren: it seems like she's not putting much effort into it.
BEG: yeah..... I just think she doesn't know how to. She was really only with one guy before for more then a one night thing. And he was very very boring. I don't think she was ever introduced to anything. The only thing she has ever really tried that was her idea was a peppermint in her mouth
Ren: doesn't that hurt?
BEG: Nope. When she comes up I get a cold sensation from the mint. I don't even know she has it in her mouth
Ren: tell her to read it.....
BEG: naw, I just don't think I can do that
Ren: you need to help her come out of her shell. Can’t expect her to become exciting on her own.
BEG: Yeah
[A few hours later, BEG texts me a broken message saying:]
BEG: 1:53pm: Sheogot me really tuened on and just left for condoms. This sucks!
Ren: 1:54pm: You didn't plan well enough. Always have a box avl.
BEG: 1:59pm: I know! We meant to get some yesterday. We have condoms, but she'll only use spermicide ones. I hope she gets back soon.
Ren: 2:00pm: Haha.
BEG: 2:00pm: This deff is not a laughing matter.
Ren: 2:01pm: But come on! One of you is def to blame here. Could of done it while the other came back from work.
BEG: 2:02pm: Lol. Well, now i'm sitting here waiting for her to come back. Worked up like no other.
Ren: 2:02pm: Sorry. Hoping the finale makes us for it though.
BEG: 2:03pm: I did just say I wanted to be teased but…. I suddenly am not worked up anymore. Man. All that work for nothing. Back on aim?
Ren: 2:07pm: Go for it.
BEG: 2:27pm: Go for what? I don't remember what I asked.
Ren: 2:27pm: Back on aim. I'm on. But I figured she got back.
BEG: 2:41pm: Yup.
Ren: 2:41pm: What the hell are you doing now then?
BEG: 2:43pm: Shopping with Julia.
Ren: 2:44pm: Wait, did you get your fix or are you shopping for the condoms. I'm confused.
BEG: 3:14pm: Fix. Then shopping.
Ren: 3:15pm: Well that was quick. I thought you were an hour man.
BEG: 3:17pm: Just depends
Ren: 3:19pm: Satisfactory, beyond satisfactory or excellent?
BEG: 3:21pm: First one
Ren: 4:27pm: What are you doing?
BEG: 4:29pm: Shopping with Julia. Sorry I couldn't go with you.
BEG: We made plans to hang out when she got off work. And she has been feeling insecure
Ren: ah I see
It doesn't look like plans. Sounds more like a schedule. He said they haven't spent one night apart when he's been in town since they started dating two months ago.
BEG: She also said she doesn’t want anything for Christmas. I think she really just wants a hug and stuff
Ren: is something wrong then? You said she was feeling insecure about something.
BEG: Oh. She is feeling insecure about her abilities in the bed. I accidentally said something
Ren: oh that was baaaaaad.........what did you doooo???
BEG: I don’t want to talk about it.
Ren: ok
BEG: Lol. Maybe no on shopping today. Julia really wants to hang out. And in a week I’m leaving for a month.
Ren: ok. So I take it we're not going to hang out before you leave.
BEG: Idk... I would like to, but you don’t want to double date?
Oh hellz no.
Ren: hmm I don’t know. We’ll see
BEG: If you were free during the day. Or maybe we can do lunch
Ren: maybe lunch next week. Either Monday/Tuesday, cause I leave on Wednesday.
In the meantime, I was talking to Margot, who also writes a relationship/sex blog. I told her BEG’s dilemma and she suggested I send him the link to one of her blogs.
BEG: man this sucks. The article you sent me looks like soo much fun, but I don’t' know if she would be into any of it
Ren: why not?
BEG: Just her personality. She always wants sex, but that's it, nothing extra
Ren: it seems like she's not putting much effort into it.
BEG: yeah..... I just think she doesn't know how to. She was really only with one guy before for more then a one night thing. And he was very very boring. I don't think she was ever introduced to anything. The only thing she has ever really tried that was her idea was a peppermint in her mouth
Ren: doesn't that hurt?
BEG: Nope. When she comes up I get a cold sensation from the mint. I don't even know she has it in her mouth
Ren: tell her to read it.....
BEG: naw, I just don't think I can do that
Ren: you need to help her come out of her shell. Can’t expect her to become exciting on her own.
BEG: Yeah
[A few hours later, BEG texts me a broken message saying:]
BEG: 1:53pm: Sheogot me really tuened on and just left for condoms. This sucks!
Ren: 1:54pm: You didn't plan well enough. Always have a box avl.
BEG: 1:59pm: I know! We meant to get some yesterday. We have condoms, but she'll only use spermicide ones. I hope she gets back soon.
Ren: 2:00pm: Haha.
BEG: 2:00pm: This deff is not a laughing matter.
Ren: 2:01pm: But come on! One of you is def to blame here. Could of done it while the other came back from work.
BEG: 2:02pm: Lol. Well, now i'm sitting here waiting for her to come back. Worked up like no other.
Ren: 2:02pm: Sorry. Hoping the finale makes us for it though.
BEG: 2:03pm: I did just say I wanted to be teased but…. I suddenly am not worked up anymore. Man. All that work for nothing. Back on aim?
Ren: 2:07pm: Go for it.
BEG: 2:27pm: Go for what? I don't remember what I asked.
Ren: 2:27pm: Back on aim. I'm on. But I figured she got back.
BEG: 2:41pm: Yup.
Ren: 2:41pm: What the hell are you doing now then?
BEG: 2:43pm: Shopping with Julia.
Ren: 2:44pm: Wait, did you get your fix or are you shopping for the condoms. I'm confused.
BEG: 3:14pm: Fix. Then shopping.
Ren: 3:15pm: Well that was quick. I thought you were an hour man.
BEG: 3:17pm: Just depends
Ren: 3:19pm: Satisfactory, beyond satisfactory or excellent?
BEG: 3:21pm: First one
Ren: 4:27pm: What are you doing?
BEG: 4:29pm: Shopping with Julia. Sorry I couldn't go with you.
Monday, December 21, 2009
He's the victim of vanilla sex
BEG and I have been chatting online and texting more as he's been away on work. It gives us more time to share juicy tips and forbidden secrets. I'm not including every piece of text from our conversation, else it'd turn into a complete XXX blog. No joke.
Ren: so you're coming back to houston, or still out there on the job?
BEG: We are on our way back to houston now
Ren: EXCITED?
BEG: Of course. Its nice to get home.
Ren: What's the 1st thing you're gonna do once you're back?
BEG: Duh. Think about that. It isn’t a hard thing to answer. Well.... maybe it is kind of "hard"
Ren: you know she'll be avl at that moment you get back?
BEG: Well i guess not right when i get back, but soon after. I hope. Who knows. It’s been over a week maybe this car ride vibrations might do the trick before i get there
[We soon got on the topic of sex positions, experiences and awkward moments when he shared:]
BEG: Yeah... Julia doesnt believe in foreplay... it sucks. She is boring. Nothing but missionary and little to no foreplay. She wont even talk dirty over texts or anything
Ren: I know what you feel. The bf hardly ever texts, so i feel it's useless to send a naughty msg over. sometimes he will respond when i send him one, but usually it's me initiating the idea
BEG: It really sucks. I have initiated it multiple times. and she does nothing. She likes it but isnt adventurous. I think its why im always a little horny
Ren: Does She talk dirty in bed?
BEG: No. Like i said boring. All the way around. which really sucks because im kinky i feel. Its our only downside
Ren: The bf's pretty naughty, like he has this innocent look, and the minute he started talking dirty, it threw me off guard. i thought i was going to be the one doing the dirty talking, but it was him instead. it took me a while to get used to it
BEG: Lucky you.... Im jealous lets not talk about it anymore
Ren: but i dont know what you consider, or define as kinky in bed. Give me an example.
BEG: Like i normally do.
Ren: LIKE......
BEG: Idk. like how i text? Normally i say this stuff out loud. I think thats why we click on aim but not as well in person because i felt like you were too nice and couldnt handle it
Ren: NO- i meant sex in general. like- there's one thing you'd like to do with her.... different position, situation...... environment
BEG: All of the above. In public. Postions. all of them. I dont care. Just something! Forplay at least
Ren: can you remember the best sex you've ever had?
BEG: It was five years ago
Ren: WHAT was so great about it?
BEG: Idk. it was amazing. she always wanted new things. just good overall. Wish julia would do stuff like that. I wont be able to stand up if we keep talking. lol
Ren: lol
BEG: I wish i was joking though. so christmas gifts. I need to get julia something for Christmas. Jewelry i guess. Im gonna get her the standard small diamond necklas i think. Do you talk about sex with anyone else?
Ren: no. just you. Maybe the necklace will give you kinky sex. "She'll pretty much have to."
BEG: She has a bad knee and hip. Lol. she would if she could but cant. her leg always pops out of place
Ren: ouch, i know what you mean. i have bad knees too- but i manage. he has bad knees too, so it works out lol
BEG: Yeah... but i cant do ANYTHING. :-/
Ren: side sex?
BEG: Tried. Works a bit
to be continued.....
Ren: so you're coming back to houston, or still out there on the job?
BEG: We are on our way back to houston now
Ren: EXCITED?
BEG: Of course. Its nice to get home.
Ren: What's the 1st thing you're gonna do once you're back?
BEG: Duh. Think about that. It isn’t a hard thing to answer. Well.... maybe it is kind of "hard"
Ren: you know she'll be avl at that moment you get back?
BEG: Well i guess not right when i get back, but soon after. I hope. Who knows. It’s been over a week maybe this car ride vibrations might do the trick before i get there
[We soon got on the topic of sex positions, experiences and awkward moments when he shared:]
BEG: Yeah... Julia doesnt believe in foreplay... it sucks. She is boring. Nothing but missionary and little to no foreplay. She wont even talk dirty over texts or anything
Ren: I know what you feel. The bf hardly ever texts, so i feel it's useless to send a naughty msg over. sometimes he will respond when i send him one, but usually it's me initiating the idea
BEG: It really sucks. I have initiated it multiple times. and she does nothing. She likes it but isnt adventurous. I think its why im always a little horny
Ren: Does She talk dirty in bed?
BEG: No. Like i said boring. All the way around. which really sucks because im kinky i feel. Its our only downside
Ren: The bf's pretty naughty, like he has this innocent look, and the minute he started talking dirty, it threw me off guard. i thought i was going to be the one doing the dirty talking, but it was him instead. it took me a while to get used to it
BEG: Lucky you.... Im jealous lets not talk about it anymore
Ren: but i dont know what you consider, or define as kinky in bed. Give me an example.
BEG: Like i normally do.
Ren: LIKE......
BEG: Idk. like how i text? Normally i say this stuff out loud. I think thats why we click on aim but not as well in person because i felt like you were too nice and couldnt handle it
Ren: NO- i meant sex in general. like- there's one thing you'd like to do with her.... different position, situation...... environment
BEG: All of the above. In public. Postions. all of them. I dont care. Just something! Forplay at least
Ren: can you remember the best sex you've ever had?
BEG: It was five years ago
Ren: WHAT was so great about it?
BEG: Idk. it was amazing. she always wanted new things. just good overall. Wish julia would do stuff like that. I wont be able to stand up if we keep talking. lol
Ren: lol
BEG: I wish i was joking though. so christmas gifts. I need to get julia something for Christmas. Jewelry i guess. Im gonna get her the standard small diamond necklas i think. Do you talk about sex with anyone else?
Ren: no. just you. Maybe the necklace will give you kinky sex. "She'll pretty much have to."
BEG: She has a bad knee and hip. Lol. she would if she could but cant. her leg always pops out of place
Ren: ouch, i know what you mean. i have bad knees too- but i manage. he has bad knees too, so it works out lol
BEG: Yeah... but i cant do ANYTHING. :-/
Ren: side sex?
BEG: Tried. Works a bit
to be continued.....
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Naughty Conversations
BEG: I'm going to Abu Dabi for a month
Ren: Congrats! Send me a postcard. I collect them
BEG: I don't even know where Abu Dahbi is or if I'm spelling it right
Ren: United Arab Emirates. Next to Saudi Arabia and Iran.
BEG: Exciting. Now I can say I've been to three continents and the middle East. I better stop shaving now so I fit in. All I know about Abu Dhabi is it's where Garfield always mailed that one girl cat off to.
Ren: LOL you're right, thanks for the laughs. We are competing I see. Three continents here too.
BEG: Lol. Nice.
Ren: When you leaving?
BEG: I want to sleep all day. And then have sex. And then sleep some more.
Ren: You should get as much as you can while you still can!
BEG: I know but I have to work so I can't sleep.
Ren: Then get some of the other one.
BEG: I'm around guys. All I can do is go back to the hotel bathroom lol. How is sex with your bf btw?
Ren: I have a video if you're interested in detail.
BEG: Umm... Really? Do you really have a video already?
Ren: I'll leave it to your imagination.
BEG: Lol. Ok. Wish my gf was more kinky. But that's my only complaint, so it isn't that bad.
I misunderstood him, and thought he was dissing my sex with Sebastian, so I shot back.
Ren: What made you think it was bad?
BEG: I didn't say yours was bad. Just that mine isn't great.
I felt pity for him. At least he was honest. Most guys would brag.
Ren: What makes it not so great then?
BEG: Idk. Just not exciting I guess. Maybe the sex is too good and there's nothing to try to accomplish.
Ren: Or just give it some time and it'll get better. Cause your complaint sounds paradoxical. Make up your mind.
BEG: Guess so.
Ren: But it was everything you hoped for at least, or disappointing in a sense?
BEG: Disappointing I guess. But I really like her so it makes up for it. Glad you're getting everything you want.
Ren: Wow I feel bad. [I really did.] Do you both finish?
BEG: Yup.
Ren: Then what? It's bland?
BEG: Why are you so worried about this? How's work?
Ren: Cause we kept talking about it. If you want to stop then let me know. Work is picking back up slowly.
BEG: That's good work is picking back up. It's just I get horny when I talk about sex is all. So it's probably best we stop.
Ren: Lol. Ok I'll stop.
BEG: Remember when I made you curse like there's no tomorrow?
Oh crap.
Ren: Oh craaaap
BEG: What?
Ren: Just something embarassing happened.
BEG: Shit. What?
I got beet red
Ren: I was reading your text and my colleague was talking to me at the same time. And I got this smile on my face and he called me out on it.
My colleague got a teasing look on his face and asked what I was writing and the reason for my *smile*. You know- that type of smile
BEG: Lol. Sorry.
Ren: Yeah. Don't do it again. Lol.
BEG: Ok I'll never remind you of the time I made you squeal uncontrollably.
Bastard
Ren: Shut up.
BEG: Ok. I really will. Sorry. I'm just bored. Been sick all day and I'm stuck in the back seat of a truck now.
Ren: After all this time you still have it in mind? Why?
BEG: Idk. I'll take it you don't lol. I really hope I don't feel sick tomorrow.
I have the crappiest memory. I forget events and moments very easily. It wasn't always like this.
Ren: I only remember it every so often. Then of course, I have you to remind me when you shouldn't lol.
BEG: Can I ask you something about it though?
Ren: Don't know.
BEG: Do you normally curse like that?
Ren: I'm trying to think and no. Then again, did I really curse that much?
BEG: I think yeah. So it was really good for you then is what I really was wondering.
Ren: I think it was pretty obvious, don't you think?
BEG: True. And that's why I still think of it.
About an hour later.....
Ren: You really suck.
BEG: Why?
Ren: Cause I haven't been able to get it out of my head. I keep trying to concentrate on my work but drifting back to that night.
BEG: Lol. Sorry. At least you have a bf you can meet up with. I'm stuck with guys for a week.
Ren: Yeah, but I won't see him till tomorrow, then he's gone for a week.
BEG: At least you have something to think about. I missed out on what you could do.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Aw..... he's jealous....
And that would be BEG.
You see, we're not dating anymore. Even though he said he'd wait for me for a while in case I changed my mind and wanted to pursue something with him, I knew I wouldn't commit to him.
So about 2 weeks later or so, he started dating someone else. Julia. I haven't met her, and I really don't want to either.
We still talk daily on Aim and through texts, but our attention spans have changed. He'll still surprise me with a "Hello" as I start my work day, but it's definitely not the same as it was before, and he "won't cheat on Julia" as he's told me repeatedly.
Is he worried that I may be a teasing threat?
Anyway, I haven't come out to admit that I'm going to Europe with my "ex-boyfriend-that-I'm-currently-in-an-open-relationship-with." I tend to keep that stuff private. The people who have noticed that "we may be an item" are the friends that have seen us out and about together.... like, for Halloween, or dining, or shopping. Or partying it up.
SO- today, I got my period! (read Plan B for details) and I mentioned to BEG that I was cramping.
BEG: Maybe you should stop having periods, I think that helps.
Me: Yeah, but I'm glad I have one! LOL. That was actually pretty funny.
BEG: Why are you so glad you have one? LOL, have you gotten some recently ;-)
Me: Cause that's how we know we're not pregnant. It makes me wonder why some women would prefer to have 4 periods a year - heard about those pills? How will they know if they're not pregnant until it's too late?
BEG: So you HAVE! ;-) Very awesome. Are you dating the guy or just "relieving" stress?
I tried to be coy and change the subject. I didn't want to..... flaunt or brag.
ME: Huh? No comment?
BEG: How about this, just tell me if you're dating a guy or not. I'll assume the rest.
Me: Well, if I say yes or no, you'll know.
BEG: How was it? :-) Details please.
Me: How was what? The sex?
BEG: Yeah
Me.: Painful. LOL. But you knew this already.
BEG: True. I'm slightly jealous, LOL, I mean, I woudln't cheat on Julia but still, wish we did something before hand.
What's this I hear? Wishful thinking?
You see, we're not dating anymore. Even though he said he'd wait for me for a while in case I changed my mind and wanted to pursue something with him, I knew I wouldn't commit to him.
So about 2 weeks later or so, he started dating someone else. Julia. I haven't met her, and I really don't want to either.
We still talk daily on Aim and through texts, but our attention spans have changed. He'll still surprise me with a "Hello" as I start my work day, but it's definitely not the same as it was before, and he "won't cheat on Julia" as he's told me repeatedly.
Is he worried that I may be a teasing threat?
Anyway, I haven't come out to admit that I'm going to Europe with my "ex-boyfriend-that-I'm-currently-in-an-open-relationship-with." I tend to keep that stuff private. The people who have noticed that "we may be an item" are the friends that have seen us out and about together.... like, for Halloween, or dining, or shopping. Or partying it up.
SO- today, I got my period! (read Plan B for details) and I mentioned to BEG that I was cramping.
BEG: Maybe you should stop having periods, I think that helps.
Me: Yeah, but I'm glad I have one! LOL. That was actually pretty funny.
BEG: Why are you so glad you have one? LOL, have you gotten some recently ;-)
Me: Cause that's how we know we're not pregnant. It makes me wonder why some women would prefer to have 4 periods a year - heard about those pills? How will they know if they're not pregnant until it's too late?
BEG: So you HAVE! ;-) Very awesome. Are you dating the guy or just "relieving" stress?
I tried to be coy and change the subject. I didn't want to..... flaunt or brag.
ME: Huh? No comment?
BEG: How about this, just tell me if you're dating a guy or not. I'll assume the rest.
Me: Well, if I say yes or no, you'll know.
BEG: How was it? :-) Details please.
Me: How was what? The sex?
BEG: Yeah
Me.: Painful. LOL. But you knew this already.
BEG: True. I'm slightly jealous, LOL, I mean, I woudln't cheat on Julia but still, wish we did something before hand.
What's this I hear? Wishful thinking?
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Why get me jealous?
BEG went away to a job this past weekend, and while I didn't hear from him at all, I really didn't give him much thought. I was spending time with my family as my father was visiting in from California for the weekend.
I managed to text him to say hi and see what he was up to, where he quickly shot me back:
"Hanging out with Julia and some friends watching the football game, talk to you later"
Wow. Bitter much?
I felt shut out, and I felt like rubbing my Euro trip in his face, but even then I knew it'd be rude to text back and forth while his "special squeeze" was around. I felt to leave it for the next available opportunity.
I crave attention. And when he was around, it felt great, even if I knew I wouldn't give him much of my time. Moreover, he had admitted that he liked having someone to come home to, which made it evident that he was looking for a permanent tail to be at his every beck and call when he was back into town (he travels quite a bit for his job; he's sometimes out for a week at a time.)
Has anyone felt neglected or jealous because some one wasn't paying attention to you like before?
I managed to text him to say hi and see what he was up to, where he quickly shot me back:
"Hanging out with Julia and some friends watching the football game, talk to you later"
Wow. Bitter much?
I felt shut out, and I felt like rubbing my Euro trip in his face, but even then I knew it'd be rude to text back and forth while his "special squeeze" was around. I felt to leave it for the next available opportunity.
I crave attention. And when he was around, it felt great, even if I knew I wouldn't give him much of my time. Moreover, he had admitted that he liked having someone to come home to, which made it evident that he was looking for a permanent tail to be at his every beck and call when he was back into town (he travels quite a bit for his job; he's sometimes out for a week at a time.)
Has anyone felt neglected or jealous because some one wasn't paying attention to you like before?
Monday, October 26, 2009
My opinion on Open Relationships
Why do people insist on saying that open relationships are the worst thing possible?
My friend Jennifer gave me the most disgusted look ever when she asked if Sebastian and I were together and I told her "sort of."
"Why would you do that? So you guys are like what? F- Buddies? He can get what he wants, when he wants it?"
I hate that term, and though it may seem like that's all we are, it's not quite true. We're dating. How is that any different than when other people date? I know that a few years ago, I never would have imagined being in this position, but I can't quite dismiss it as being a terrible idea. Even though we are in an open relationship, we are still honest with each other. And we don't have sex with other people. At the current time, neither one of us is dating someone else. I did date two other guys, but I wasn't ready to the idea of being divided by them.
I think the reason why Sebastian prefers that term as opposed to the boyfriend/girlfriend exclusivity titles is because it scares him. I think commitment scares him because it ended so negatively the last time around, and I can finally understand some of it. I didn't understand it before, but I do now. I guess you have to experience the situation to comprehend the motions, right?
I didn't sleep with BEG when I had the chance; I couldn't. I didn't feel completely comfortable. I have to say that a part of me is....... relieved......... and grateful. If Sebastian wasn't around, I would have gone to BEG out of loneliness, but there weren't sparks to begin with. Maybe it had a lot to do with Sebastian being in the picture.
STDs has made dating a lot harder. Sebastian and I agree on this. And I won't sleep with someone new while I'm still with Sebastian. It's not safe.
BEG and I talked about STDs the other day when we met for lunch. I said that the new generation would have it a lot harder with sex because of the percentage of teens having STDs. He said that they had it a lot easier because 1 in 4 teens has an STD and makes it more acceptable as they become more open minded to the fact.
Ok, so maybe he has a point. I think however the only reason why he feels this way is because he told me he has oral herpes and HPV.
I'm currently happy with Sebastian. I'm happy because I can be joyful with him. He's someone I can spend my time with, share new moments with, visit new places and laugh.
Laughter- that's the most important thing for me.
And I'm not falling in love. It's dating. I won't let my walls come down.
My friend Jennifer gave me the most disgusted look ever when she asked if Sebastian and I were together and I told her "sort of."
"Why would you do that? So you guys are like what? F- Buddies? He can get what he wants, when he wants it?"
I hate that term, and though it may seem like that's all we are, it's not quite true. We're dating. How is that any different than when other people date? I know that a few years ago, I never would have imagined being in this position, but I can't quite dismiss it as being a terrible idea. Even though we are in an open relationship, we are still honest with each other. And we don't have sex with other people. At the current time, neither one of us is dating someone else. I did date two other guys, but I wasn't ready to the idea of being divided by them.
I think the reason why Sebastian prefers that term as opposed to the boyfriend/girlfriend exclusivity titles is because it scares him. I think commitment scares him because it ended so negatively the last time around, and I can finally understand some of it. I didn't understand it before, but I do now. I guess you have to experience the situation to comprehend the motions, right?
STDs has made dating a lot harder. Sebastian and I agree on this. And I won't sleep with someone new while I'm still with Sebastian. It's not safe.
BEG and I talked about STDs the other day when we met for lunch. I said that the new generation would have it a lot harder with sex because of the percentage of teens having STDs. He said that they had it a lot easier because 1 in 4 teens has an STD and makes it more acceptable as they become more open minded to the fact.
Ok, so maybe he has a point. I think however the only reason why he feels this way is because he told me he has oral herpes and HPV.
I'm currently happy with Sebastian. I'm happy because I can be joyful with him. He's someone I can spend my time with, share new moments with, visit new places and laugh.
Laughter- that's the most important thing for me.
And I'm not falling in love. It's dating. I won't let my walls come down.
Monday, October 12, 2009
A string of mixed signals
Following this week, things went by.... as half expected. I was pushed and pulled into two different directions. Not knowing which road to take, I decided to opt for both.
Though I had officially pulled the plug with BEG and told him I wanted to be only friends, he insisted I kept sending him mixed signals. He even remarked at one point "You sure do hang out with a lot of guys" when I told him I wouldn't be able to spend Friday or Saturday with him because I'd made other plans with my other guy friends. He was convinced I was going on other dates; at which is not 100% true. He wrote asking if I was being "friendly" with my other guy friends. I responded "No." He asked if I was using him until someone else came along. Again, I said no.
No, there are no new guys. Well, there are two others, but I haven't made any advancements towards them. These guys are simply there in the background, awaiting my acceptance to go get dinner. Since I met these guys through Plenty of Fish before I started my relationship with Sebastian in March, I'm not too concerned about what they think of me. They do know that I dated, and they are merely guy "friends" to me. Actually, they're hardly even that since I don't know that well.
So here's a rundown of what happened from Wednesday to today:
Wednesday: I don't know how it happened, but I ended up going to BEG's house for the first time to watch a couple of movies and have Pizza. The only reason why I agreed to go was because his gay girl friend Lauren was there; I had met her last week at her music show. She was pretty cool, and I actually enjoyed her company. Around 8:30, she went into downtown for practice, which left BEG and I alone. But nothing happened. He offered to cuddle with me, and as I lay my head on his lap, he softly caressed my hand and shoulder. It made me comfortable. By 10:30, I decided to leave and head over to Sebastian, who lives 5 miles away. He had called me earlier that day on my way to BEG's and I had asked him if I could stay at his place after the movies. He automatically agreed. As soon as I walked into Sebastian's place, I crashed on the bed and fell fast asleep.
Thursday: I think I was feeling rather bored and messaged BEG to see what he was doing. Since Flashforward was playing that night, I told him I wanted to see it. This time, I decided to invite him to my place, but he said he wouldn't have a car because Lauren (the gay friend) was going to use it to go to practice. He offered to watch it at his place, and I found myself driving the 30+miles again to his place. We had leftover pizza and watched the show. However, there was so much talking, that I only watched half of it. Lauren later left us alone again to go to her practice.
BEG decided to lay down on the couch and have me lay on top of him. He was slowly putting me to sleep with his caresses when he says "You know, I canceled a date to hang out with you tonight." I quickly shot back "Why??? Don't do that!"
My phone buzzed. I looked at the caller ID: Sebastian. I pressed ignore, and quickly got up; and that's where I think I made it obvious that I had other plans. BEG didn't say anything, but I noticed a shift in mood. Knowing that Sebastian would be at the gym that night, I wanted to stop by his place to catch the first two episodes of Desperate Housewives that I had missed. I said goodnight to BEG and drove to Sebastian's, who was leaving just as I got there. He told me he'd go do some grocery shopping after the gym. I took a shower there, and got to streaming online. About two hours later, Sebastian called me to say "I'm here at Walmart, in the cereal aisle. Pick any cereal you want." I thought it was cute the way he offered; I chose Golden Grahams.
Friday: Let me remember..... Oh that's right, I came to my mom's to visit my grandma and sisters. I had planned to stay the night, until Sebastian called me during his break. "Are we.... doing anything tonight?" he asked me.
How sweet, he wants to hang out.
Me: Um.... I don't know..... are we?
Sebastian: I don't know...... you tell me.
Me: I guess we could do something tonight. You hungry?
Sebastian: A little. You want to do Zio's? (Italian Restaurant on his side of town.)
Me: Sure. Let me finish up here, and I'll meet you there.
I decide to talk to my grandma a little more and began to run late. I leave my house around 8:00 and meet Sebastian at the restaurant at 9:00. We have a quiet dinner, enjoy a few laughs and head back to his place. He asks me what we were doing this weekend and I tell him that I made plans with friends when he told me his schedule was going to be different. Turns out he had the entire weekend free, but I couldn't cancel on my friends.
Saturday: I'm to take BEG and his friends to the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the River Oaks theater. When I tell Sebastian this, he asks "Oh, can't I come?" to which I give him a confused look. As I'm about to respond with "Well, how do I introduce you to people? Cause you're more than just a 'friend' " he says "Oh no, it's okay. Go with your friends. I'll spend some time with Jason and Lorraine. I'm making enchiladas today." "Good, save me some" I say.
I'm also supposed to meet my Plenty of Fish friend David for lunch. We met online while Sebastian and I were still an item. He wanted dating advice and we quickly bonded. We shared a platonic friendship, with no ambiguity present between us. We had met in person once to have lunch over the summer and had gotten along very well. We communicate through emails since he is always traveling. I had told him mid week that we should have lunch on Saturday afternoon at a restaurant in my area. At the time, I wasn't planning on spending Friday night at Sebastian's. The next day, I completely lost track of time, and when I saw David's text to meet at 1pm, I soon saw he had sent it two hours previously. It was already 1:10 and I was all the way up north, still 25 miles away.
I felt like shit. I had carelessly passed up on a friend. And I wasn't happy. I had let Sebastian come between my friend and I. I grumpily sat on the couch, and told him what had happened.
"I'm sorry I f**ked with your time" he said.
"Yeah, literally." I replied.
Later that night, I texted BEG to see if he was free, to which he replied he was having a crisis with his friends. One of them wasn't going, and risked canceling for everyone else.
Crisis was averted as BEG, Lauren and a few other friends, met in front of the theater around 11:30pm. And then I noticed the change. BEG was distant. And I knew why. He had gone on a date earlier that day, and for all I know, it had gone well. About an hour into the movie, BEG is texting someone. I don't read what it says, but I see the name Julie on the Contact slot. It's probably his date. But why is she texting at this hour? it's after 1:30
The movie over, I drive back up to Sebastian's house, who is still up, watching a series online. We talk and kill time. I tell him I want to travel. "We just got back from Austin last week" he mentions. "No, it's not that. I need to get out of Houston. I want to splurge" I say. "You want to do New Orleans?" he asks. "Yes, let's do it." I reply.
We finally go to bed at 4 am.
Sunday: I'm used to receiving a text from BEG in the mornings, but this time, nothing. I don't know if I'm sad or relieved that he's not quite there anymore. But hey, this is what I pushed him to do, right? So I can only blame myself. As soon as all the wonderful things start popping into my head, I quickly begin concentrating on the negative things.....
So where's that bill of health exactly?
I received a text a couple of hours later, but it's a random one. Well..... almost like all his other random ones, but this one doesn't make sense. I reply, but I don't receive anything in return.
He probably sent it to me by mistake.
Sebastian is still sleeping beside me. I get his iPhone and start catching up on my blog subscriptions.
I'm supposed to go to my neighbor's art show in my neighborhood, but once again, I leave Sebastian's place extremely late. Then, once on the road, I realize I've left the leftover enchiladas at his place. I double head back to his place to get my food. He kisses me good bye and I hit the road once again.
I call my mother who has been at the exhibition for 30 minutes already, and is ready to leave. I suggest we meet for dinner, but she gets lost along the way, and tell her to head back home and stop at a restaurant around the corner. I text BEG to vent out, but he tells me he's busy, sorry and "ttyl".
I've just been dumped.
Though I had officially pulled the plug with BEG and told him I wanted to be only friends, he insisted I kept sending him mixed signals. He even remarked at one point "You sure do hang out with a lot of guys" when I told him I wouldn't be able to spend Friday or Saturday with him because I'd made other plans with my other guy friends. He was convinced I was going on other dates; at which is not 100% true. He wrote asking if I was being "friendly" with my other guy friends. I responded "No." He asked if I was using him until someone else came along. Again, I said no.
No, there are no new guys. Well, there are two others, but I haven't made any advancements towards them. These guys are simply there in the background, awaiting my acceptance to go get dinner. Since I met these guys through Plenty of Fish before I started my relationship with Sebastian in March, I'm not too concerned about what they think of me. They do know that I dated, and they are merely guy "friends" to me. Actually, they're hardly even that since I don't know that well.
So here's a rundown of what happened from Wednesday to today:
Wednesday: I don't know how it happened, but I ended up going to BEG's house for the first time to watch a couple of movies and have Pizza. The only reason why I agreed to go was because his gay girl friend Lauren was there; I had met her last week at her music show. She was pretty cool, and I actually enjoyed her company. Around 8:30, she went into downtown for practice, which left BEG and I alone. But nothing happened. He offered to cuddle with me, and as I lay my head on his lap, he softly caressed my hand and shoulder. It made me comfortable. By 10:30, I decided to leave and head over to Sebastian, who lives 5 miles away. He had called me earlier that day on my way to BEG's and I had asked him if I could stay at his place after the movies. He automatically agreed. As soon as I walked into Sebastian's place, I crashed on the bed and fell fast asleep.
Thursday: I think I was feeling rather bored and messaged BEG to see what he was doing. Since Flashforward was playing that night, I told him I wanted to see it. This time, I decided to invite him to my place, but he said he wouldn't have a car because Lauren (the gay friend) was going to use it to go to practice. He offered to watch it at his place, and I found myself driving the 30+miles again to his place. We had leftover pizza and watched the show. However, there was so much talking, that I only watched half of it. Lauren later left us alone again to go to her practice.
BEG decided to lay down on the couch and have me lay on top of him. He was slowly putting me to sleep with his caresses when he says "You know, I canceled a date to hang out with you tonight." I quickly shot back "Why??? Don't do that!"
My phone buzzed. I looked at the caller ID: Sebastian. I pressed ignore, and quickly got up; and that's where I think I made it obvious that I had other plans. BEG didn't say anything, but I noticed a shift in mood. Knowing that Sebastian would be at the gym that night, I wanted to stop by his place to catch the first two episodes of Desperate Housewives that I had missed. I said goodnight to BEG and drove to Sebastian's, who was leaving just as I got there. He told me he'd go do some grocery shopping after the gym. I took a shower there, and got to streaming online. About two hours later, Sebastian called me to say "I'm here at Walmart, in the cereal aisle. Pick any cereal you want." I thought it was cute the way he offered; I chose Golden Grahams.
Friday: Let me remember..... Oh that's right, I came to my mom's to visit my grandma and sisters. I had planned to stay the night, until Sebastian called me during his break. "Are we.... doing anything tonight?" he asked me.
How sweet, he wants to hang out.
Me: Um.... I don't know..... are we?
Sebastian: I don't know...... you tell me.
Me: I guess we could do something tonight. You hungry?
Sebastian: A little. You want to do Zio's? (Italian Restaurant on his side of town.)
Me: Sure. Let me finish up here, and I'll meet you there.
I decide to talk to my grandma a little more and began to run late. I leave my house around 8:00 and meet Sebastian at the restaurant at 9:00. We have a quiet dinner, enjoy a few laughs and head back to his place. He asks me what we were doing this weekend and I tell him that I made plans with friends when he told me his schedule was going to be different. Turns out he had the entire weekend free, but I couldn't cancel on my friends.
Saturday: I'm to take BEG and his friends to the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the River Oaks theater. When I tell Sebastian this, he asks "Oh, can't I come?" to which I give him a confused look. As I'm about to respond with "Well, how do I introduce you to people? Cause you're more than just a 'friend' " he says "Oh no, it's okay. Go with your friends. I'll spend some time with Jason and Lorraine. I'm making enchiladas today." "Good, save me some" I say.
I'm also supposed to meet my Plenty of Fish friend David for lunch. We met online while Sebastian and I were still an item. He wanted dating advice and we quickly bonded. We shared a platonic friendship, with no ambiguity present between us. We had met in person once to have lunch over the summer and had gotten along very well. We communicate through emails since he is always traveling. I had told him mid week that we should have lunch on Saturday afternoon at a restaurant in my area. At the time, I wasn't planning on spending Friday night at Sebastian's. The next day, I completely lost track of time, and when I saw David's text to meet at 1pm, I soon saw he had sent it two hours previously. It was already 1:10 and I was all the way up north, still 25 miles away.
I felt like shit. I had carelessly passed up on a friend. And I wasn't happy. I had let Sebastian come between my friend and I. I grumpily sat on the couch, and told him what had happened.
"I'm sorry I f**ked with your time" he said.
"Yeah, literally." I replied.
Later that night, I texted BEG to see if he was free, to which he replied he was having a crisis with his friends. One of them wasn't going, and risked canceling for everyone else.
Crisis was averted as BEG, Lauren and a few other friends, met in front of the theater around 11:30pm. And then I noticed the change. BEG was distant. And I knew why. He had gone on a date earlier that day, and for all I know, it had gone well. About an hour into the movie, BEG is texting someone. I don't read what it says, but I see the name Julie on the Contact slot. It's probably his date. But why is she texting at this hour? it's after 1:30
The movie over, I drive back up to Sebastian's house, who is still up, watching a series online. We talk and kill time. I tell him I want to travel. "We just got back from Austin last week" he mentions. "No, it's not that. I need to get out of Houston. I want to splurge" I say. "You want to do New Orleans?" he asks. "Yes, let's do it." I reply.
We finally go to bed at 4 am.
Sunday: I'm used to receiving a text from BEG in the mornings, but this time, nothing. I don't know if I'm sad or relieved that he's not quite there anymore. But hey, this is what I pushed him to do, right? So I can only blame myself. As soon as all the wonderful things start popping into my head, I quickly begin concentrating on the negative things.....
So where's that bill of health exactly?
I received a text a couple of hours later, but it's a random one. Well..... almost like all his other random ones, but this one doesn't make sense. I reply, but I don't receive anything in return.
He probably sent it to me by mistake.
Sebastian is still sleeping beside me. I get his iPhone and start catching up on my blog subscriptions.
I'm supposed to go to my neighbor's art show in my neighborhood, but once again, I leave Sebastian's place extremely late. Then, once on the road, I realize I've left the leftover enchiladas at his place. I double head back to his place to get my food. He kisses me good bye and I hit the road once again.
I call my mother who has been at the exhibition for 30 minutes already, and is ready to leave. I suggest we meet for dinner, but she gets lost along the way, and tell her to head back home and stop at a restaurant around the corner. I text BEG to vent out, but he tells me he's busy, sorry and "ttyl".
I've just been dumped.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
He spoils me
Crap, I never thought this would happen to me. Sebastian is a charming man. He spoils me to death that it's subconsciously setting the bar way up high for future flames.
Before meeting him, it never would of bothered me to open up my own door. It's very nice at the beginning of a courtship, but not a requirement. Sebastian does little favors here, there, everywhere in between. He orders for me at the restaurant, unlocks my car door even if I'm the driver, opens restaurant doors, and asks me to pick the restaurant. He'll even pull out the chair for me to sit.
Wow....... Where did he learn this? He was a country dude! A farmer!
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He'd made quite the impressive transition to the corporate world after he'd moved out of his small hometown.
When we're out grocery shopping together, he turns into my nutrionist. He doesn't let me eat foods with high fructose corn syrup or too much sodium. Well, it's not so much as prohibiting me entirely, but rather advising me not to. I've never really paid much attention to ingredients, but when I told him that I was getting headaches from soda, but couldn't figure out why, we started narrowing down the ingredients. We settled on high fructose corn syrup. It also never occured to me to check the sodium contents in a can of ravioli. We were both floored when we saw that it contained 1300mg. "They might as well start measuring them in grams at this point!" he mentioned.
About half of the time, Sebastian will buy my groceries. When he does, I tend to put less in my basket because I don't want to come off as a money hungry b*tch. Sebastian offers because he knows my income is a lot smaller compared to his, and doesn't mind helping me. He cooks most of the time, and makes enough to have leftovers for the both of us the next day. I remember the second time that I hung out with BEG, we ended up going around the mall and finishing up at the Target that was connected to its wing. I hadn't yet moved out and was buying some home furnishings. As soon as we hit the register, he blurts out "I'm not paying for that!" It completely caught me off guard.
Did you hear me asking for you to?? WTF do you think my expectations are?
I like my men well groomed. BEG was always overstressing about not having shaved, and not having clean clothes to impress me. At first it didn't bother me, but then I realized that I was more attracted to guys with a clean outward appearance. BEG's couture consisted of jeans, beat up boots and a black tshirt, whereas I'm dressed in office attire and stilettos. Somehow, it just doesn't balance out. I pleaded with him to get rid of the cap,which he did, but he was always scruffy and had dirt under his fingernails. A polo shirt here or a flannel shirt there would have been nice.
One time, he went in to carress me and ran his fingers through my side to which I let out a painful "Ow!" When I asked to see his fingernails, he said "It's probably my cuticles. You've never dated a laborer before have you?" I replied with "Nooo," to which he added "Yeah, you've only dated office people huh?
It was true. I'd never been attracted to the rugged look. At one point, Sebastian decided to let his hair and beard grow. I liked it a lot. He looked completely different- like one of those explorers out at sea, but without the wrinkles. But it's something that grew on both of us and got used to. I wouldn't have looked at him twice if I'd met him that way. I'm not one for facial hair- especially when it's fairly new and feels like sandpaper on my lips.
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It's a problem that will haunt me though. I half expect the dates to open up doors, and I purposely stop in front of one so he can open it for me. I've been spoiled to expect the guy to pay for the check if he was the one to invite. I'll spring for the movie tickets, snacks and outdoor activities and events like concerts or comedy shows.
When asked what I'm giving in return, I say "a boost to his ego."
Is that enough?
Before meeting him, it never would of bothered me to open up my own door. It's very nice at the beginning of a courtship, but not a requirement. Sebastian does little favors here, there, everywhere in between. He orders for me at the restaurant, unlocks my car door even if I'm the driver, opens restaurant doors, and asks me to pick the restaurant. He'll even pull out the chair for me to sit.
Wow....... Where did he learn this? He was a country dude! A farmer!
He'd made quite the impressive transition to the corporate world after he'd moved out of his small hometown.
When we're out grocery shopping together, he turns into my nutrionist. He doesn't let me eat foods with high fructose corn syrup or too much sodium. Well, it's not so much as prohibiting me entirely, but rather advising me not to. I've never really paid much attention to ingredients, but when I told him that I was getting headaches from soda, but couldn't figure out why, we started narrowing down the ingredients. We settled on high fructose corn syrup. It also never occured to me to check the sodium contents in a can of ravioli. We were both floored when we saw that it contained 1300mg. "They might as well start measuring them in grams at this point!" he mentioned.
About half of the time, Sebastian will buy my groceries. When he does, I tend to put less in my basket because I don't want to come off as a money hungry b*tch. Sebastian offers because he knows my income is a lot smaller compared to his, and doesn't mind helping me. He cooks most of the time, and makes enough to have leftovers for the both of us the next day. I remember the second time that I hung out with BEG, we ended up going around the mall and finishing up at the Target that was connected to its wing. I hadn't yet moved out and was buying some home furnishings. As soon as we hit the register, he blurts out "I'm not paying for that!" It completely caught me off guard.
Did you hear me asking for you to?? WTF do you think my expectations are?
I like my men well groomed. BEG was always overstressing about not having shaved, and not having clean clothes to impress me. At first it didn't bother me, but then I realized that I was more attracted to guys with a clean outward appearance. BEG's couture consisted of jeans, beat up boots and a black tshirt, whereas I'm dressed in office attire and stilettos. Somehow, it just doesn't balance out. I pleaded with him to get rid of the cap,which he did, but he was always scruffy and had dirt under his fingernails. A polo shirt here or a flannel shirt there would have been nice.
One time, he went in to carress me and ran his fingers through my side to which I let out a painful "Ow!" When I asked to see his fingernails, he said "It's probably my cuticles. You've never dated a laborer before have you?" I replied with "Nooo," to which he added "Yeah, you've only dated office people huh?
It was true. I'd never been attracted to the rugged look. At one point, Sebastian decided to let his hair and beard grow. I liked it a lot. He looked completely different- like one of those explorers out at sea, but without the wrinkles. But it's something that grew on both of us and got used to. I wouldn't have looked at him twice if I'd met him that way. I'm not one for facial hair- especially when it's fairly new and feels like sandpaper on my lips.
It's a problem that will haunt me though. I half expect the dates to open up doors, and I purposely stop in front of one so he can open it for me. I've been spoiled to expect the guy to pay for the check if he was the one to invite. I'll spring for the movie tickets, snacks and outdoor activities and events like concerts or comedy shows.
When asked what I'm giving in return, I say "a boost to his ego."
Is that enough?
Monday, October 5, 2009
Halloween is upon us
This past weekend was spent lounging around indoors. It was very relaxing. After work on friday, I proceeded to go to my mom's to accompany my sisters and grandma to their school carnival. It was tiring, humid and boring. The only fun part I had was riding a lap on a Barbie horse. After the carnival, I took the girls to McDonald's so they could get some "dinner."
I had already messaged Sebastian earlier that day and told him of a midnight showing of a movie I was interested in seeing. He said he was willing to come, and I told him to pack his bag and that he was staying at my place for the weekend.
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He showed up at my place with a rice pot and stir fry in tow. We ate dinner, took a short nap and went to the local theater to watch the limited release of Parnormal Activity. It was great. I haven't looked forward to a movie in a very long time. And even though the movie was a bit slow paced, it only got better as it continued. That night I went back home still shaking.
The following day we awoke fairly late and had a very filling breakfast- eggs, hot dogs, mushrooms and smoothie. BEG texted me asking how my day was going, to which I simply replied "At home. How are you?" Sebastian and I had planned to go to the Greek Festival that day and enjoy the festivities. However, it was soon aparent that the Houston weather wasn't going to let us have any of it as it continued to rain the entire afternoon.
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We decided to head out to the mall instead for a sale at XXI (Forever 21), but realized it was too late and the mall would be closing within the hour. I was feeling pretty bummed out, but I didn't want to stay couped up indoors for the rest of the night. Seeing the disappointed look on my face, Sebastian asked me what I wanted to do. I asked him if he wouldn't mind going grocery shopping with me, to which he enthusiastically answered "Sure! I need to do some shopping myself also."
We drove around the corner to HEB and spent 1 1/2 hours slowly browsing. We took our sweet ass time. At one point, Sebastian asked me what I wanted to have for dinner on Sunday, which took me about 30 minutes to decide. It was hard to narrow it down since I had a full stomach and not thinking of food at the moment. I finally settled on shrimp, rice and vegetables. Seeing as to how I didn't have any seasonings and flavors at my place, Sebastian decided we take all the food to his place and have dinner there instead.
I looked through my coupon book and started "sifting" through the tabs to find the things that I needed, then noticed that they didn't have everything. I suggested we finish there and head over to Wal Mart to get the rest- which just so happens to be next door also. I got the rest of my groceries and went back home. We finally got home around 11:30 and started putting the groceries away. We snacked on some crackers, watched some TV and went to bed.
On sunday morning, I awoke to hear a beep from a text message on my phone. It was BEG. It appeared to have been a mass text asking "Anyone want to go black light putt putt?" I ignored it and didn't message back. Sebastian and I lazily got out of bed and had mimosas for breakfast along with cereal, mushrooms and toast. I had planned to go to the mall then to take advantage of the sale, until Sebastian told me the sale was only up to the previous day. I decided to do laundry as Sebastian continued reading his book. I finished up my chores, and we drove to his place where I would spend the night.
Once home, we finally got on the topic of Halloween and decided to narrow down a costume set. We came across Beetlejuice and Lydia, and Spy Vs. Spy. We loved both sets, but figured it'd be more appropriate to do Beetlejuice. I'm really interested in doing the Spies, but would have more fun doing the other.
I came across some photos of other users and saw these two designs:
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I personally love the red dress and think it'd be much funner to play dressup and easier to show off who I'm supposed to be since Beetlejuice's costume is evident, but I think it'd be much easier to create the black dress- I already have one like it. Sebastian preferred the black dress as well.
Spy Vs. Spy looks like so much fun, however, a bit uncomfortable with the mask.
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Sebastian said we'd work on our costumes this weekend, and I'm really looking forward to it!
I had already messaged Sebastian earlier that day and told him of a midnight showing of a movie I was interested in seeing. He said he was willing to come, and I told him to pack his bag and that he was staying at my place for the weekend.
He showed up at my place with a rice pot and stir fry in tow. We ate dinner, took a short nap and went to the local theater to watch the limited release of Parnormal Activity. It was great. I haven't looked forward to a movie in a very long time. And even though the movie was a bit slow paced, it only got better as it continued. That night I went back home still shaking.
The following day we awoke fairly late and had a very filling breakfast- eggs, hot dogs, mushrooms and smoothie. BEG texted me asking how my day was going, to which I simply replied "At home. How are you?" Sebastian and I had planned to go to the Greek Festival that day and enjoy the festivities. However, it was soon aparent that the Houston weather wasn't going to let us have any of it as it continued to rain the entire afternoon.
We decided to head out to the mall instead for a sale at XXI (Forever 21), but realized it was too late and the mall would be closing within the hour. I was feeling pretty bummed out, but I didn't want to stay couped up indoors for the rest of the night. Seeing the disappointed look on my face, Sebastian asked me what I wanted to do. I asked him if he wouldn't mind going grocery shopping with me, to which he enthusiastically answered "Sure! I need to do some shopping myself also."
We drove around the corner to HEB and spent 1 1/2 hours slowly browsing. We took our sweet ass time. At one point, Sebastian asked me what I wanted to have for dinner on Sunday, which took me about 30 minutes to decide. It was hard to narrow it down since I had a full stomach and not thinking of food at the moment. I finally settled on shrimp, rice and vegetables. Seeing as to how I didn't have any seasonings and flavors at my place, Sebastian decided we take all the food to his place and have dinner there instead.
I looked through my coupon book and started "sifting" through the tabs to find the things that I needed, then noticed that they didn't have everything. I suggested we finish there and head over to Wal Mart to get the rest- which just so happens to be next door also. I got the rest of my groceries and went back home. We finally got home around 11:30 and started putting the groceries away. We snacked on some crackers, watched some TV and went to bed.
On sunday morning, I awoke to hear a beep from a text message on my phone. It was BEG. It appeared to have been a mass text asking "Anyone want to go black light putt putt?" I ignored it and didn't message back. Sebastian and I lazily got out of bed and had mimosas for breakfast along with cereal, mushrooms and toast. I had planned to go to the mall then to take advantage of the sale, until Sebastian told me the sale was only up to the previous day. I decided to do laundry as Sebastian continued reading his book. I finished up my chores, and we drove to his place where I would spend the night.
Once home, we finally got on the topic of Halloween and decided to narrow down a costume set. We came across Beetlejuice and Lydia, and Spy Vs. Spy. We loved both sets, but figured it'd be more appropriate to do Beetlejuice. I'm really interested in doing the Spies, but would have more fun doing the other.
I came across some photos of other users and saw these two designs:
I personally love the red dress and think it'd be much funner to play dressup and easier to show off who I'm supposed to be since Beetlejuice's costume is evident, but I think it'd be much easier to create the black dress- I already have one like it. Sebastian preferred the black dress as well.
Spy Vs. Spy looks like so much fun, however, a bit uncomfortable with the mask.
Sebastian said we'd work on our costumes this weekend, and I'm really looking forward to it!
Friday, October 2, 2009
I pulled the plug
I went out with BEG last night to one of his friend's concert in downtown. We met up for dinner before the show and had a really good time. Once at the lounge, we met his other friends- one of which happened to be his ex-girlfriend. This is the first ex-girlfriend of a potential flame that I've ever met in my life! I've never had to with anyone else before, and I think it was because the occasion never arose.
We had a drink until we waited for his friend to perform. At one point BEG turns around to me and says "Do you want another drink?" I respond with "Not right now, but maybe later." He replies with "Ok, cause when you do, you're gonna have to not touch me for about 5 minutes."
I was a little confused by his remark so I asked him "What do you mean 'not touch you'?"
"Because I'm sporting an erection and I don't want everyone to notice" he said.
Dang-I was just caressing the back of his neck!
We enjoyed the show and he leaned in to kiss me.
Shrimp breath. Total Killer. It was foul! Oh my god. How could he not notice to put gum or a mint in his mouth? They even had them at the restaurant! I was starting to get a little tired and decided to tell him I needed to get on home. He drove me back and was about to shut off his car and follow me up when I quickly said "Well thank you for dinner"
"Oh you don't want me to follow you?" he asked.
"No, I'm really tired and sleepy" I answered.
I leaned over again, and got a full taste of that shrimp again. It was enough to make me gag. It smelled so bad.
"So are you free this weekend?" he asked"
"No, I'm with my family" I replied
"So when are we hanging out again?" he said
"We'll talk about it tomorrow. Have a good night." I said as I shut his car door.
I had decided in my mind that I wasn't going to continue seeing him romantically knowing full well I was giving him my divided attention. I called Sebastian that night and spoke with him a bit more seeing as to how I'd missed his call ealier that night.
I didn't tell him I had gone on another date. I stretched the truth and told him I'd gone to dinner and a show with some friends. He had called me to invite me to eat dinner at his place.
Today, BEG texted me to wish me a good day. He wanted to get on AIM to play a round of 21 questions- where we ask questions back and forth to each other, never asking the same question back to the person again. It's tough, because sometimes, you are asked a good question that you'd like to ask them in return, but can't during the session.
It was just a simple game, until he asked me the following:
BEG: why aren't you ready to be in a relationship? or are you just not ready to be in a relationship with me? if that's the case I understand, just let me know so I don't waste my time
ME: i'm not ready to be in a relationship with anyone.i haven't gotten over my last one completely. i'm sorry.maybe one day i'll regret it, cause you're nice to me, but my heart's not in it, and i dont want you to develop anything for me. i only want to be friends.
BEG: no more dates then, thanks for telling me early
I slowly began feeling a bitter taste in my mouth
ME: wow, i didn't think it'd hurt to tell you but it did. i got this queasy feeling in my stomach
BEG: I'm not sure what to tell you about that. I like you Ren, but I can't wait around for you to realize your past is out of reach. I guess let me know if you change your mind and want to see me.
ME: ok so be it
5 minutes pass then,
BEG: well... I can't wait around forever, but I can wait around some... I didn't think I would ever get over my ex, and you were the first girl i've had some feelings for in a while. I guess that's why it just hurts to hear you say youre not over your ex after meeting me.
I proceeded to sugarcoat the "it's not you it's me" excuse.
ME: i know , and i feel bad. i get attached really hard, and i wish i was over it. it took me a month to get over the previous guy, and we were only together for 2 weeks. i couldn't handle rejection all that well.... i've been rejected so much that i dont want to fall for anyone. my heart's.... brittle right now.
BEG: it's been two months for me to get over the last girl I had feelings for so I understand. well if you don't have feelings for me after dating me, maybe it's not meant to be. but i'm here if you change your mind. i'm gonna get offline, have a good day at work.
We parted ways. It was a little sad considering I'd offered to take him to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show next saturday. I'm more than willing to do it still.
But for right now, I'm not going to get into a serious relationship with someone new. My heart and mind are not there. Sebastian still lingers, and I have so much fun with him still. We do share a special "friendship" and a true one at that. He calls me everyday and we talk for hours- something we never did when we were actually together.
What changed?
We had a drink until we waited for his friend to perform. At one point BEG turns around to me and says "Do you want another drink?" I respond with "Not right now, but maybe later." He replies with "Ok, cause when you do, you're gonna have to not touch me for about 5 minutes."
I was a little confused by his remark so I asked him "What do you mean 'not touch you'?"
"Because I'm sporting an erection and I don't want everyone to notice" he said.
Dang-I was just caressing the back of his neck!
We enjoyed the show and he leaned in to kiss me.
Shrimp breath. Total Killer. It was foul! Oh my god. How could he not notice to put gum or a mint in his mouth? They even had them at the restaurant! I was starting to get a little tired and decided to tell him I needed to get on home. He drove me back and was about to shut off his car and follow me up when I quickly said "Well thank you for dinner"
"Oh you don't want me to follow you?" he asked.
"No, I'm really tired and sleepy" I answered.
I leaned over again, and got a full taste of that shrimp again. It was enough to make me gag. It smelled so bad.
"So are you free this weekend?" he asked"
"No, I'm with my family" I replied
"So when are we hanging out again?" he said
"We'll talk about it tomorrow. Have a good night." I said as I shut his car door.
I had decided in my mind that I wasn't going to continue seeing him romantically knowing full well I was giving him my divided attention. I called Sebastian that night and spoke with him a bit more seeing as to how I'd missed his call ealier that night.
I didn't tell him I had gone on another date. I stretched the truth and told him I'd gone to dinner and a show with some friends. He had called me to invite me to eat dinner at his place.
Today, BEG texted me to wish me a good day. He wanted to get on AIM to play a round of 21 questions- where we ask questions back and forth to each other, never asking the same question back to the person again. It's tough, because sometimes, you are asked a good question that you'd like to ask them in return, but can't during the session.
It was just a simple game, until he asked me the following:
BEG: why aren't you ready to be in a relationship? or are you just not ready to be in a relationship with me? if that's the case I understand, just let me know so I don't waste my time
ME: i'm not ready to be in a relationship with anyone.i haven't gotten over my last one completely. i'm sorry.maybe one day i'll regret it, cause you're nice to me, but my heart's not in it, and i dont want you to develop anything for me. i only want to be friends.
BEG: no more dates then, thanks for telling me early
I slowly began feeling a bitter taste in my mouth
ME: wow, i didn't think it'd hurt to tell you but it did. i got this queasy feeling in my stomach
BEG: I'm not sure what to tell you about that. I like you Ren, but I can't wait around for you to realize your past is out of reach. I guess let me know if you change your mind and want to see me.
ME: ok so be it
5 minutes pass then,
BEG: well... I can't wait around forever, but I can wait around some... I didn't think I would ever get over my ex, and you were the first girl i've had some feelings for in a while. I guess that's why it just hurts to hear you say youre not over your ex after meeting me.
I proceeded to sugarcoat the "it's not you it's me" excuse.
ME: i know , and i feel bad. i get attached really hard, and i wish i was over it. it took me a month to get over the previous guy, and we were only together for 2 weeks. i couldn't handle rejection all that well.... i've been rejected so much that i dont want to fall for anyone. my heart's.... brittle right now.
BEG: it's been two months for me to get over the last girl I had feelings for so I understand. well if you don't have feelings for me after dating me, maybe it's not meant to be. but i'm here if you change your mind. i'm gonna get offline, have a good day at work.
We parted ways. It was a little sad considering I'd offered to take him to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show next saturday. I'm more than willing to do it still.
But for right now, I'm not going to get into a serious relationship with someone new. My heart and mind are not there. Sebastian still lingers, and I have so much fun with him still. We do share a special "friendship" and a true one at that. He calls me everyday and we talk for hours- something we never did when we were actually together.
What changed?
Thursday, October 1, 2009
How living with my parents helped save $$
My mom accuses me of being cheap. She teases me and brings it up in conversations with my grandma, uncle and dad. I like to consider myself as being frugal. Such a comment from her doesn't hurt my feelings at all- it just pisses me. It's something I don't quite understand because my father always told me to take care of my money; I would finally learn the value of a dollar when I was paying for my own things, he said. I finally learned it when I saw how expensive an 8pk of Bounty paper towels was at Target.
"But they'll last you longer" said Sebastian. "Yeah, but $12 hurts!" I whimpered.
I don't have my savings earmarked for anything big- probably the reason why I'm depressed 80% of the time; I've got nothing big to look forward to in the near future really. No house, no car, no extravagant vacation and no kids either. But I'm glad that I'm not in debt. I've got one credit card balance of approx $1600 that I have to pay off before the 0% APR offer is over in Feb. 2010. So far, I've been able to take full advantage of my introductory offers on the American Express (0% APR for 15 months) and Bank of America (0% for 12 months.) I played it safe and paid my balances in full at the end of the month. When I moved out, I started charging most of my purchases on my Discover (0% for 12 months) knowing full well I would pay it off when the offer was over. I was doing it for the cashback incentive.
I'm responsible when it comes to money. I've managed my father's business and personal finances, and I have never once in my life bounced a single check or overdrafted on my accounts.
Well, there was that one $2.88 purchase at Starbucks that I made from the wrong account when I was 18 years old- the account that was empty. But at the time, WAMU was very understanding and in touch with their customers' needs. I never paid an overdraft fee.
I have good credit history also; I started out when I was 18 and today, I have a good FICO score. I've only been hit with identity theft once, and luckily, I caught it and took care of it right away. I check my credit reports and my dad's every 4 months from Equifax, Experian and Transunion for free. So far, I haven't come across any black marks. I have too much available credit than I know what to do with. It's merely there for catastrophes. I have enough in savings to take care of emergencies at the moment, thank God. I request my credit line to be increased every so often to create a bigger gap between percentage owed.
I am a frugalista. I was a bit bummed out the other day when I went to the store and didn't see anything that I needed to buy. I had everything taken care of. I've saved more money in the past year than I did since I started working. And the reason why?
I lived with my parents until I got too old. I didn't have a rent to pay, or groceries to buy; I babysat my sisters in return. So all the money I was making, I was spending on my own personal affairs or going into the bank. I don't make that much money either; I make 28k. When I thought about finally taking the leap out of the nest, I started buckling down and stopped shopping out of habit when I was bored. It became a competition with myself. I had to distinguish the difference between want and need. I've taught Sebastian how to do it, and as a result, walked away from buying a brand new car.(His Tercel started working again, and after asking me for the umpteenth time as to what I'd recommend him doing, I simply stated that I personally felt it was a better choice to pay off his debt completely from his previous marriage before thinking of buying a car. Once the debt is paid off, I suggested he continue putting the same amount of money in a savings account until the car finally gave out. At that time, he would have accumulated money for a bigger down payment)
It hurts me when a friend is in financial trouble. Then I see their 42" Plasma TV, or their Armani and Dolce & Gabbana wardrobe in the closet, and realize they put wants over needs first. I wish I could help them, but I don't want to mix money and friends. I did it once, and though I was lucky and got the money back after a few months, she wasn't too happy when she asked to borrow a bigger sum and I drew up a promissory note.
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I eat on the floor on a tiny "coffee table" taken from leftover pieces of an old dresser that Sebastian was going to throw out. And I took a wine rack that I had previously given to my dad. He didn't use it once. I now use it to store my magazines. And a couple of wine bottles as well......
Having a small space cuts down on the amount of furniture I have to buy, and I'm glad. Sebastian and BEG have both told me how much they like my new place. I've organized it in a way that is cozy and isn't cluttered. Everything has its place. My wall decorations are pictures my sisters have drawn out which I have placed in simple black frames, and my own black and white photographs I took of them when I was in school.
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I stopped going to the salon to get my nails done this year. Now, I do them myself. It beats spending about $40 a month. It's very time consuming doing it myself, but people notice the nice work. All the guys I've dated have complimented me on it. Who thought guys could notice that kind of stuff? Plus, it's a lot more sanitary than the parlor. My mom got a fungus on her toes because they don't disinfect their tubs. Naaasty!
I buy off-brand when it comes to certain food items and apparel. I'll wait for a book to be in publication for a while before I buy it used online. I do the same for series on DVD- I buy it at Best Buys when the show is on the 4th season on TV, and then I try to resell on Amazon when I'm done with it. I listen to music on Pandora and LastFm for free online. I'm always on schedule with my credit card payments. One late payment and I'd have to pay the entire interest I've accumulated since the purchase.
I will be enrolling at the University of Houston in the spring where I'll most likely start to experience the money crunch. I will be majoring in Accounting and minoring in Spanish.
"But they'll last you longer" said Sebastian. "Yeah, but $12 hurts!" I whimpered.
I don't have my savings earmarked for anything big- probably the reason why I'm depressed 80% of the time; I've got nothing big to look forward to in the near future really. No house, no car, no extravagant vacation and no kids either. But I'm glad that I'm not in debt. I've got one credit card balance of approx $1600 that I have to pay off before the 0% APR offer is over in Feb. 2010. So far, I've been able to take full advantage of my introductory offers on the American Express (0% APR for 15 months) and Bank of America (0% for 12 months.) I played it safe and paid my balances in full at the end of the month. When I moved out, I started charging most of my purchases on my Discover (0% for 12 months) knowing full well I would pay it off when the offer was over. I was doing it for the cashback incentive.
I'm responsible when it comes to money. I've managed my father's business and personal finances, and I have never once in my life bounced a single check or overdrafted on my accounts.
Well, there was that one $2.88 purchase at Starbucks that I made from the wrong account when I was 18 years old- the account that was empty. But at the time, WAMU was very understanding and in touch with their customers' needs. I never paid an overdraft fee.
I have good credit history also; I started out when I was 18 and today, I have a good FICO score. I've only been hit with identity theft once, and luckily, I caught it and took care of it right away. I check my credit reports and my dad's every 4 months from Equifax, Experian and Transunion for free. So far, I haven't come across any black marks. I have too much available credit than I know what to do with. It's merely there for catastrophes. I have enough in savings to take care of emergencies at the moment, thank God. I request my credit line to be increased every so often to create a bigger gap between percentage owed.
I am a frugalista. I was a bit bummed out the other day when I went to the store and didn't see anything that I needed to buy. I had everything taken care of. I've saved more money in the past year than I did since I started working. And the reason why?
I lived with my parents until I got too old. I didn't have a rent to pay, or groceries to buy; I babysat my sisters in return. So all the money I was making, I was spending on my own personal affairs or going into the bank. I don't make that much money either; I make 28k. When I thought about finally taking the leap out of the nest, I started buckling down and stopped shopping out of habit when I was bored. It became a competition with myself. I had to distinguish the difference between want and need. I've taught Sebastian how to do it, and as a result, walked away from buying a brand new car.(His Tercel started working again, and after asking me for the umpteenth time as to what I'd recommend him doing, I simply stated that I personally felt it was a better choice to pay off his debt completely from his previous marriage before thinking of buying a car. Once the debt is paid off, I suggested he continue putting the same amount of money in a savings account until the car finally gave out. At that time, he would have accumulated money for a bigger down payment)
It hurts me when a friend is in financial trouble. Then I see their 42" Plasma TV, or their Armani and Dolce & Gabbana wardrobe in the closet, and realize they put wants over needs first. I wish I could help them, but I don't want to mix money and friends. I did it once, and though I was lucky and got the money back after a few months, she wasn't too happy when she asked to borrow a bigger sum and I drew up a promissory note.
Only lend what you can afford to lose.
I shop at Target, and sometimes at Ross. Sometimes, I even shop at the thrift store. I find new looking clothes and purses and get really excited when I pay a fraction of what it would cost brand new. I give my clothes too. It's a circle that keeps it going. My favorite purse was $5 from the Thrift Store. It's starting to wear out.
I buy the bare necessities. I don't buy snacks- it's easier on the waistband that way. And when I'm bored at home I watch TV, write, or call a friend. I haven't bothered to sign up for internet yet. I've got a school campus around the corner, so if I need the internet, it's a short drive away. Impulse buys are the worst, but I can control myself. If I'm in the mood for a smoothie on the way home from work, I stop myself and remember that I have frozen fruit and apple juice at home to make it myself. It saves me $4 every time I drive by Jamba Juice. That's why I spent $30 for a good blender. (Sebastian taught me that too)
When I'm at the store and I see something pretty, the first thought that enters my mind is "Where am I going to put it?" If I don't find a spot for it, I realize I don't need it. My place is simple and doesn't have too much furniture. I decided not to buy a bookcase for my living room because I didn't want to spend the $55 at Ikea. I organized all my DVDs and books in a way that was "modern" and efficient. I didn't buy a dining table for $100 either because I didn't really need it or want it. It's just me at home, and if I invite someone over, we're most likely not going to eat there because I don't cook.
I eat on the floor on a tiny "coffee table" taken from leftover pieces of an old dresser that Sebastian was going to throw out. And I took a wine rack that I had previously given to my dad. He didn't use it once. I now use it to store my magazines. And a couple of wine bottles as well......Having a small space cuts down on the amount of furniture I have to buy, and I'm glad. Sebastian and BEG have both told me how much they like my new place. I've organized it in a way that is cozy and isn't cluttered. Everything has its place. My wall decorations are pictures my sisters have drawn out which I have placed in simple black frames, and my own black and white photographs I took of them when I was in school.
I have medical bills from a procedure, and it's taking me until September 2010 to pay it off. I plan to take advantage of the 0% APR on that as well and make all my payments on time. I drive my 2000 Protegé , and am not considering to trade up. I've recently started clipping coupons, and though it takes some time getting used to, I get very excited when I can save $1 on toilet paper- something I need to get anyway.
I stopped going to the salon to get my nails done this year. Now, I do them myself. It beats spending about $40 a month. It's very time consuming doing it myself, but people notice the nice work. All the guys I've dated have complimented me on it. Who thought guys could notice that kind of stuff? Plus, it's a lot more sanitary than the parlor. My mom got a fungus on her toes because they don't disinfect their tubs. Naaasty!
I buy off-brand when it comes to certain food items and apparel. I'll wait for a book to be in publication for a while before I buy it used online. I do the same for series on DVD- I buy it at Best Buys when the show is on the 4th season on TV, and then I try to resell on Amazon when I'm done with it. I listen to music on Pandora and LastFm for free online. I'm always on schedule with my credit card payments. One late payment and I'd have to pay the entire interest I've accumulated since the purchase.
I will be enrolling at the University of Houston in the spring where I'll most likely start to experience the money crunch. I will be majoring in Accounting and minoring in Spanish.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
I don't know what I want with Men
So I've known for some time now that BEG's still dating around. Early on last week, he broke up with the other girl he was seeing because he wasn't feeling it. When I asked him how far he had taken things with her he said without flinching "You mean sexually? Oh, all the way."
Damn, and I thought you only slept with girls you were in a committed relationship with.
Since then, I went onto Plenty of Fish and saw that his last sign in was early on the same morning.
This guy is definetely fishing.
But you know what? I've learned to accept it because I'm not being completely honest either. I'm still seeing Sebastian, and though he told me he wouldn't want to know if I was seeing someone else until I admit I'm no longer interested in him, I still feel I need to be honest on that. But I haven't yet decided what to do about that. Sebastian and I get along good, and if I wasn't so nervous with BEG, I might be willing to let things progress.
But a part of me wants to intentionally sabotage it. Ren wants to rebel to get a rush. I long for excitement. I've been down in the dumps ever since I moved to Houston, and I want to live life once again. The more time I spend with Sebastian, the more I'm finally able to see more of his flaws. Maybe this whole "friends with benefits" could work out, I don't know. Maybe I'll learn to get over him and slowly begin letting him go rather than just cut off ties abruptly. I don't know. It's just my way of thinking for the moment. And as long as I'm not upset or.... heartbroken, I feel I'm okay with the decisions I'm making in my personal life.
I don't know if BEG is what I need. Maybe he is, or maybe he's just the rebound. Maybe with time I can learn to see Sebastian as the friend I truly need. I don't know.
The other day, I was feeling it was time to come clean with BEG, and tell him that I didn't think it would work out. We've been "dating" for over a month, and I want to tell him that although I might regret it later, I don't want to be in a relationship right now. I don't want the same things he does. Or maybe we do. I don't know. I know he wants to spend those lonely nights with someone, and to have someone miss him when he's gone on jobs. Hell, that's what he told me he wanted for himself. "I want someone to miss me while I'm gone. I want someone to text when I'm far away sitting on a job somewhere. I want to come home to be with someone. Sit on the couch, cuddle and watch a movie. Have dinner with them. I want to feel needed."
I don't blame him. I want that too, I just don't want the stress or the tension to have to put out when he needs it. What's the point of going through all the awkwardness with BEG when Sebastian is available and are both content with the "relationship" we have? I would only be adding BEG to my list. He'd be just another notch on my wall.
No thank you. I want my security deposit back when I move out.
Damn, and I thought you only slept with girls you were in a committed relationship with.
Since then, I went onto Plenty of Fish and saw that his last sign in was early on the same morning.
This guy is definetely fishing.
But you know what? I've learned to accept it because I'm not being completely honest either. I'm still seeing Sebastian, and though he told me he wouldn't want to know if I was seeing someone else until I admit I'm no longer interested in him, I still feel I need to be honest on that. But I haven't yet decided what to do about that. Sebastian and I get along good, and if I wasn't so nervous with BEG, I might be willing to let things progress.
But a part of me wants to intentionally sabotage it. Ren wants to rebel to get a rush. I long for excitement. I've been down in the dumps ever since I moved to Houston, and I want to live life once again. The more time I spend with Sebastian, the more I'm finally able to see more of his flaws. Maybe this whole "friends with benefits" could work out, I don't know. Maybe I'll learn to get over him and slowly begin letting him go rather than just cut off ties abruptly. I don't know. It's just my way of thinking for the moment. And as long as I'm not upset or.... heartbroken, I feel I'm okay with the decisions I'm making in my personal life.
I don't know if BEG is what I need. Maybe he is, or maybe he's just the rebound. Maybe with time I can learn to see Sebastian as the friend I truly need. I don't know.
The other day, I was feeling it was time to come clean with BEG, and tell him that I didn't think it would work out. We've been "dating" for over a month, and I want to tell him that although I might regret it later, I don't want to be in a relationship right now. I don't want the same things he does. Or maybe we do. I don't know. I know he wants to spend those lonely nights with someone, and to have someone miss him when he's gone on jobs. Hell, that's what he told me he wanted for himself. "I want someone to miss me while I'm gone. I want someone to text when I'm far away sitting on a job somewhere. I want to come home to be with someone. Sit on the couch, cuddle and watch a movie. Have dinner with them. I want to feel needed."
I don't blame him. I want that too, I just don't want the stress or the tension to have to put out when he needs it. What's the point of going through all the awkwardness with BEG when Sebastian is available and are both content with the "relationship" we have? I would only be adding BEG to my list. He'd be just another notch on my wall.
No thank you. I want my security deposit back when I move out.
Monday, September 28, 2009
My first weekend in Austin
The weekend went by just great. It was Sebastian and I's first time on a weekend trip together, and also the first time exploring Austin. We stayed at a Day's Inn just off I-35, about 6 miles from Downtown.
The hotel itself was pretty crappy. It was about $50 a night, and though it included a continental breakfast, the hotel room was not to my satisfaction. Not only was it incredibly tiny as the king-sized bed took up most of the available space, I found hair and a bug on their "clean" towels. The bathroom didn't have a lock, and was so small you had to step into the bathtub in order to close the door. Their linen had some stray hair, and I didn't even want to walk on their carpet barefoot for fear I'd get a foot fungus. I'm very anal about cleanliness, (though I wasn't the cleanest person while living with my mom.)
We left Houston late on Friday night, though quickly realized we were wasting a night stay at the hotel. We rented a car with Enterprise, but because Sebastian didn't have full coverage with GEICO on his car, was royally raped on the insurance portion. The insurance itself was $20 a day, while the car rental was only about $16 and some change. I've always rented with Enterprise, but will not be considering them for future use after requiring Sebastian to get their coverage. (I've never taken their insurance before either, as I've used my own.)
We made it into Austin in about 3 hours and checked in and went to sleep. The next day, we woke up to have breakfast, where I found myself buttering Sebastian's bagel. And no, that's not a sexual euphemism in any way. I really did toast a bagel and butter it for him, as well as prepare him a waffle. It didn't occur to me that I was serving him until after I sat down. It didn't really bother me as much..... I just felt a little silly considering what it meant.
Later in the afternoon, we decided to drive out sightseeing and we went to the State Capitol. We drove around trying to find parking, but couldn't because everything was cash, and the lots were full due to a Texas Longhorn game going on close by. I stopped by the bank to withdraw money, and we continued looking for a lot when we found a parking space right off the capitol ground.
Score! Free parking! (We later realized there was parking all around the capitol ground because it was Saturday)
Sebastian had recently gone to an Atheist meet-up night in Houston and exchanged contact info with a member that night, a guy named J.P. who was going to be in Austin at the same time with another friend (Joe). We later got together at a bar and while they discussed religion, God and Christ, I silently watched Lost Boys on the big screen, often laughing at a funny remark the guys made. We moved over to a Club across the street and had a few drinks.
When J.P walked out to take a call, Sebastian and I decided to head out on our own and go to another club. A few drinks later, and we reunited with the duo going to two other night clubs. At closing time, I could barely walk straight and could feel the impending blisters on my toes from my high heels. We went back to the hotel, requested a late checkout and quickly passed out.
The next morning, I stumbled to the bathroom, and though I felt fine and didn't have a hangover at all, could still feel drunk. We had breakfast in the kitchen, and came back into the room to rest. We got our stuff together, and checked out.
There was an arts and crafts fair on 6th St. and quickly made the lap around. Sebastian doesn't know how to stroll. He takes big strides which leaves me running behind. We went into a Playstation tour bus and played some video games, ate some fried alligator and drank lemonade. I couldn’t take anymore alcohol for the weekend.
Overall, it was a fun weekend. BEG only texted me once, of which I was glad, considering I didn't want to talk with him over aim and texts in front of Sebastian. Sebastian and I got along just fine, though we did have a few disagreements about some sarcastic moments here and there. I soon realized we were finishing each other's sentences and making inside jokes. At one point, he mentioned he'd had a dream where I had told him I had a boyfriend but didn't want to stop seeing him because I wasn't ready to have sex with my new boyfriend yet. I gave him a shocked look as he continued telling me the dream where he felt that I couldn't possibly say that.
Oh my god..... how could this be? It sounds just like me. That's what happened with BEG this week...... I couldn't have sex with him then cause I wasn't ready. How can he see this? Should I tell him what happened?
"Oh shit. That's so creepy cause that's definitely something I would do" I replied.
"Really? That's weird. Anyway...." as he quickly trailed off into a different subject.
(Some art we found on our way back to the car. We really didn't know what to make of it.)
I didn't tell BEG who I was going to Austin with, but when he asked why I was going, I simply told him it was to get out of Houston. I didn't want to enter into details because I didn't want to..... upset him I guess. I thought about our "relationship" a little bit throughout the weekend and I know I won't be faithful if I enter a monogomous relationship with him. At this point in time, I just want to date. However, I will not sleep with someone I don't know well, and without seeing their clean bill of health. Since I haven't seen BEG's, you can bet I won't be getting close to that region........
Sebastian ended up footing the entire bill for this Austin trip. We had agreed that we would split it halfway, but he decided to call it even since he had to give me about $100 for an ultrasound I had had in the summer. Again, this was not something I had requested him to do, he simply felt he could help me out by paying half of the bill. Sebastian said that the trip had been very enjoyable and that we should go to New Orleans next time. I agreed fully.
Once we got back into Houston, we went to Walmart so that I could get safety pins to take care of some blisters I had gotten on my feet. Once there, we decided to buy bread, brie and also fruits so that I could make crêpes. Sebastian spent most of the time on the couch watching T.V. while I made the crêpes- which took forever.
At about 10pm, Sebastian decided to head on home because he had to be in at work early today (8am, normally it's 11). I saw him to do the door where he gave me a deep kiss, which took me off guard. He's not one for smooth kissing; usually, he's sloppy, urgh. I said good night and quickly closed the door behind him. I looked out the peephole to see him off, and right after, he climbed back up the stairs and knocked on my door. Once open, he smiled and stuck his head in to get one last kiss for the night. It surprised me completely.
I didn't tell BEG who I was going to Austin with, but when he asked why I was going, I simply told him it was to get out of Houston. I didn't want to enter into details because I didn't want to..... upset him I guess. I thought about our "relationship" a little bit throughout the weekend and I know I won't be faithful if I enter a monogomous relationship with him. At this point in time, I just want to date. However, I will not sleep with someone I don't know well, and without seeing their clean bill of health. Since I haven't seen BEG's, you can bet I won't be getting close to that region........
Sebastian ended up footing the entire bill for this Austin trip. We had agreed that we would split it halfway, but he decided to call it even since he had to give me about $100 for an ultrasound I had had in the summer. Again, this was not something I had requested him to do, he simply felt he could help me out by paying half of the bill. Sebastian said that the trip had been very enjoyable and that we should go to New Orleans next time. I agreed fully.
Once we got back into Houston, we went to Walmart so that I could get safety pins to take care of some blisters I had gotten on my feet. Once there, we decided to buy bread, brie and also fruits so that I could make crêpes. Sebastian spent most of the time on the couch watching T.V. while I made the crêpes- which took forever.
At about 10pm, Sebastian decided to head on home because he had to be in at work early today (8am, normally it's 11). I saw him to do the door where he gave me a deep kiss, which took me off guard. He's not one for smooth kissing; usually, he's sloppy, urgh. I said good night and quickly closed the door behind him. I looked out the peephole to see him off, and right after, he climbed back up the stairs and knocked on my door. Once open, he smiled and stuck his head in to get one last kiss for the night. It surprised me completely.
Friday, September 25, 2009
When you get yours and he doesn't
I decided to go out on another date with BEG last night, just to see if maybe more sparks could fly. We met up at Olive Garden for dinner right after work and had a really good time. We argued mainly about work ethics and the people he had to deal with at work. It was funny to hear him complain about his payroll department. He filled me in on his group of friends, promising to take me one day to meet them if we were still dating.
After dinner we went back to my place because I was anxiously awaiting the season premiere of FlashForward on ABC. I don't like to watch shows with others because there's too much talking and I can't concentrate on the show, but I was anticipating this show so much that I decided to make an exception.
We ended up kissing in between commercial breaks, and my attention quickly reverted to the show when it came back on. I quickly realized I was acting like a guy when I heard him groan because I wasn't paying attention to him. I was still pretty much content until he got on top of me and decided to straddle me right on my narrow couch.
Oh my god he's heavier than he looks!
But I let him. He got heavy into and when I wouldn't let him lift my shirt, he'd whine. I figure he's one of those guys that thinks by whinning he'll get what he wants. Yeah, it might work one day, but not right now.
By 10:30, I started getting ansty about having him leave.
How the hell do I get him to go?
He started getting very comfortable until I suddenly gasped and said "Oh shit, I needed to call my dad!"
"About that paperwork?" he asked.
That's right....... he knows about the paperwork! Uh, yeah.....
"Yes. Shoot." I replied
"But it's not too late?" he added
"No, he's two hours behind. Remember, he's in California."
So at that, he slowly started moving back, but not before asking "Can't I crash here?"
Hah! Pleeeeease.......
"No, I'm sorry. You need to go. Plus, this is a lady's place. No guys spending the night." I concluded
If only you knew the special treatment Sebastian got......
So at this, I saw him out the door, and quickly went to brush my teeth. I started a load of laundry when I saw the missed calls from Sebastian on my phones. Two calls per line. The last one had been 30 minutes earlier, so I figured that at 11:30 he'd still be up. No answer. I called again about 10 minutes later. No answer. I texted him to get him to call me back. About 30 minutes later, when I was drifting off to sleep I get the reply that he had been in another room reading a book.
That's funny. Your place isn't even that big. Plus, you don't even have a bedroom door.
I texted him with "It's okay," and went to sleep.
Today, BEG texted me a few times saying how happy and surprised he'd been about the previous night. I won't go into detail, but I will say that my needs were met with satisfaction. COMPLETE satisfaction.
Besides that, I'm really looking forward to this weekend. Sebastian and I never took a weekend trip because there was always something going on. Plus, my mother was always working friday nights, so I was restrained. So we've finally made plans to go out to Austin tonight and stay the weekend. We're renting a car because both of ours are practically falling apart and not reliable, and we've reserved a room at Days Inn about 7 miles away from downtown.
I can't wait to go down to 6th Street and get shitfaced. I've been strongly advised to.
Have a good weekend people.
After dinner we went back to my place because I was anxiously awaiting the season premiere of FlashForward on ABC. I don't like to watch shows with others because there's too much talking and I can't concentrate on the show, but I was anticipating this show so much that I decided to make an exception.
We ended up kissing in between commercial breaks, and my attention quickly reverted to the show when it came back on. I quickly realized I was acting like a guy when I heard him groan because I wasn't paying attention to him. I was still pretty much content until he got on top of me and decided to straddle me right on my narrow couch.
Oh my god he's heavier than he looks!
But I let him. He got heavy into and when I wouldn't let him lift my shirt, he'd whine. I figure he's one of those guys that thinks by whinning he'll get what he wants. Yeah, it might work one day, but not right now.
By 10:30, I started getting ansty about having him leave.
How the hell do I get him to go?
He started getting very comfortable until I suddenly gasped and said "Oh shit, I needed to call my dad!"
"About that paperwork?" he asked.
That's right....... he knows about the paperwork! Uh, yeah.....
"Yes. Shoot." I replied
"But it's not too late?" he added
"No, he's two hours behind. Remember, he's in California."
So at that, he slowly started moving back, but not before asking "Can't I crash here?"
Hah! Pleeeeease.......
"No, I'm sorry. You need to go. Plus, this is a lady's place. No guys spending the night." I concluded
If only you knew the special treatment Sebastian got......
So at this, I saw him out the door, and quickly went to brush my teeth. I started a load of laundry when I saw the missed calls from Sebastian on my phones. Two calls per line. The last one had been 30 minutes earlier, so I figured that at 11:30 he'd still be up. No answer. I called again about 10 minutes later. No answer. I texted him to get him to call me back. About 30 minutes later, when I was drifting off to sleep I get the reply that he had been in another room reading a book.
That's funny. Your place isn't even that big. Plus, you don't even have a bedroom door.
I texted him with "It's okay," and went to sleep.
Today, BEG texted me a few times saying how happy and surprised he'd been about the previous night. I won't go into detail, but I will say that my needs were met with satisfaction. COMPLETE satisfaction.
I can't wait to go down to 6th Street and get shitfaced. I've been strongly advised to.
Have a good weekend people.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
A real date with BEG
BEG and I finally decided to make some time to get together and have our first "official" night date yesterday. Since he'd been away on a job for a while, he told me I could pick the place. And while he was open to pretty much anything, I suggested we go to Dave and Buster's for the evening. I had never been before, and I had always wanted to try it out.
I will gladly admit that my time at the video arcade was very well spent. I had a great time playing pool and racing each other on car races. We had a nice dinner, and flirted the entire time. He was very gentlemanly and didn't really grope me in an unfavorable fashion. He tried to get his arm around my waist to get me to head into a certain direction, but it was all tasteful. I felt at ease because we were in a public environment, and the alcohol helped relax me a bit. I could feel a stronger attraction creeping up.
While I was away in the bathroom, he got me a small stuffed animal from the vending machine. Not one for childish toys, I thought the gesture was very sweet and gladly accepted it. It was purple, my favorite color. Unfortunately, a while later, while under the influence, I admitted that I didn't like plush toys all that much, because I wasn't a teenager anymore. Though I appreciated the gift, I advised to refrain from getting me those types of things in the future.
While I was playing, I noticed Sebastian had called my work phone- which probably meant he had called my personal phone as well. I couldn't call back at that moment, but figured I could call him later.
When we left the establishment, it was still early and I wasn't ready to call it a night. So I made a faux-pas. I decided to invite him over to my place which was only 7 miles down the road. He gladly accepted and followed me home. Once at my place, I turned on the tv and we started watching Family Guy, and had quite a few good laughs. Then, out of the blue, he leaned in to kiss me.
Shit
My stomach tensed up and I got an uneasy feeling as we continued kissing.
I was uncomfortable.
He asked me if he had crossed any lines, but being dumb as I am, said no. He continued kissing, and eventually got me to lay down on the small couch we were sharing. My arms were crossed over my body, fully protecting my off-limits areas. The thoughts were flying through my head, and I couldn't help but feel tense throughout the entire make-out session. I couldn't kiss with my heart. Instead, I merely kissed with my lips pressed against his. It was one of those empty kisses. It didn't mean anything to me. A complete void.
Then, out of the blue, he mentions "Ok, you had asked my dating style? Well, I've never not gone all the way by the second date."
It took me a bit to understand what exactly he was telling me, so I asked him to repeat himself.
"What do you mean?"
"Normally, by the second date, I've already gone all the way. I'm glad that we're going slow."
What? Second date? Wait a minute- this is the 5th time we've gone out, but is this our first date? Do I have to put out on the next date?
Oh nooooooooooo.......
He had just set a precedent in motion. If I wasn't nervous enough before, I was definetely shitting myself now. Around midnight, I started getting sleepy and kindly mentioned that I needed to get to bed. He quickly got off the couch and jokingly asked "Do you want me to get the f*ck out?"
YES!
"No, it's not that. It's just that I'm sleepy and I have work tomorrow, remember?"
I walked him to the door and reminded him how to exit the complex. He asked to hang out together again, and I told him we probably would. In my head, I was worried. As soon as he left, I called Sebastian, seeing as to how I had missed another call from him about 30 minutes earlier. He had fallen asleep watching a show online. We talked for a bit, until he asked me how my day had gone. I told him I had gone out with a friend, to which he asked "Is this friend a boy?" I admitted that yes, it had been. He asked if it was of romantic interest to which I admitted "Not really. I know he has a crush on me, but I just want to date. I'm not ready for a serious relationship and he is." Sebastian asked "Do you feel you're not ready because of us?"
I remained silent for a moment until I answered "Yes. Because of you. Because of the familiarity, and the attachment."
For once, he didn't bring me down by saying that we would never be together. He simply stated the evident-
we would eventually have to break apart for a long period of time in order to successfully move on.
I haven't really spoken with BEG today. He merely texted me a few times this morning to see how I was doing, and the next time we could hang out. I suggested tomorrow and he agreed. At the same moment, I texted Sebastian and suggested we go to Austin for the weekend.
His reponse?
"F*ck, why not? ;) "
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