Wednesday, September 23, 2009

A real date with BEG

BEG and I finally decided to make some time to get together and have our first "official" night date yesterday. Since he'd been away on a job for a while, he told me I could pick the place. And while he was open to pretty much anything, I suggested we go to Dave and Buster's for the evening. I had never been before, and I had always wanted to try it out.

I will gladly admit that my time at the video arcade was very well spent. I had a great time playing pool and racing each other on car races. We had a nice dinner, and flirted the entire time. He was very gentlemanly and didn't really grope me in an unfavorable fashion. He tried to get his arm around my waist to get me to head into a certain direction, but it was all tasteful. I felt at ease because we were in a public environment, and the alcohol helped relax me a bit. I could feel a stronger attraction creeping up.

While I was away in the bathroom, he got me a small stuffed animal from the vending machine. Not one for childish toys, I thought the gesture was very sweet and gladly accepted it. It was purple, my favorite color. Unfortunately,  a while later, while under the influence, I admitted that I didn't like plush toys all that much, because I wasn't a teenager anymore. Though I appreciated the gift, I advised to refrain from getting me those types of things in the future.

While I was playing, I noticed Sebastian had called my work phone- which probably meant he had called my personal phone as well. I couldn't call back at that moment, but figured I could call him later.

When we left the establishment, it was still early and I wasn't ready to call it a night. So I made a faux-pas. I decided to invite him over to my place which was only 7 miles down the road. He gladly accepted and followed me home. Once at my place, I turned on the tv and we started watching Family Guy, and had quite a few good laughs. Then, out of the blue, he leaned in to kiss me.


My stomach tensed up and I got an uneasy feeling as we continued kissing.

I was uncomfortable.

He asked me if he had crossed any lines, but being dumb as I am, said no. He continued kissing, and eventually got me to lay down on the small couch we were sharing. My arms were crossed over my body, fully protecting my off-limits areas. The thoughts were flying through my head, and I couldn't help but feel tense throughout the entire make-out session. I couldn't kiss with my heart. Instead, I merely kissed with my lips pressed against his. It was one of those empty kisses. It didn't mean anything to me. A complete void.

Then, out of the blue, he mentions "Ok, you had asked my dating style? Well, I've never not gone all the way by the second date."

It took me a bit to understand what exactly he was telling me, so I asked him to repeat himself.

"What do you mean?"

"Normally, by the second date, I've already gone all the way. I'm glad that we're going slow."

What? Second date? Wait a minute- this is the 5th time we've gone out, but is this our first date? Do I have to put out on the next date?


Oh nooooooooooo.......

He had just set a precedent in motion. If I wasn't nervous enough before, I was definetely shitting myself now. Around midnight, I started getting sleepy and kindly mentioned that I needed to get to bed. He quickly got off the couch and jokingly asked "Do you want me to get the f*ck out?"


"No, it's not that. It's just that I'm sleepy and I have work tomorrow, remember?"

I walked him to the door and reminded him how to exit the complex. He asked to hang out together again, and I told him we probably would. In my head, I was worried. As soon as he left, I called Sebastian, seeing as to how I had missed another call from him about 30 minutes earlier. He had fallen asleep watching a show online. We talked for a bit, until he asked me how my day had gone. I told him I had gone out with a friend, to which he asked "Is this friend a boy?" I admitted that yes, it had been. He asked if it was of romantic interest to which I admitted "Not really. I know he has a crush on me, but I just want to date. I'm not ready for a serious relationship and he is." Sebastian asked "Do you feel you're not ready because of us?"

I remained silent for a moment until I answered "Yes. Because of you. Because of the familiarity, and the attachment."

For once, he didn't bring me down by saying that we would never be together. He simply stated the evident-
we would eventually have to break apart for a long period of time in order to successfully move on.

I haven't really spoken with BEG today. He merely texted me a few times this morning to see how I was doing, and the next time we could hang out. I suggested tomorrow and he agreed. At the same moment, I texted Sebastian and suggested we go to Austin for the weekend.

His reponse?

"F*ck, why not? ;) "


  1. I'm no expert but it doesn't sound like this BEG situation is going to work out. For various're not feeling it. I don't think you can freely date others when your heart is with it will take you walking away and not having contact with him and truly healing first. Until that time, you'll stay in a limbo. I've been there, done that...and until I let him go, I would never have met the man I'm with now, or anyone.

  2. I love reading your blogs Steph. Following you on myspace for a year, and then moving onto blogger finally gave me the push to start blogging. Granted that I had quite a few things to talk about, I enjoy all the work you put into your work and the attention you give your fans. Thank YOU.