Saturday, September 19, 2009

"How are you on your own?"

A few people were worried and concerned when I announced that I would be moving out. Those people were my parents, my coworkers and my friends. Sebastian was very confident that I would be able to manage and I was somewhat sure that I would be too.

It's been two weeks since I've flown the nest, only to be replaced by two adorable chicks- chickens that is. I love animals and it filled my heart with glee when I found out that my sisters had "found" two chicks one day at the park. I've always wanted chickens, even though I know they are a mess to handle. Plus, there's the added surprise of not knowing which sex you have until the male decides to crow at sunrise. I went by early this week to see them, but I couldn't get too close since I was sick with my cold. (update: 17 days after exposure, I still have minor phlegm.)

I talked to one of my hot vendors yesterday, and he asked me how living alone was going. I couldn't help but smile and say that it was going great. He wondered if I'd been okay since the move, and I couldn't admit that I hadn't spent much time at my new pad alone. Truth is, the reason why it has been going great, and why I haven't broken down yet is because I've been spending every other day in the company of Sebastian. I've traveled to his place to have dinner a few times, and we've gone out to eat as well. I have only "prepared" dinner in my kitchen 3 times in a period of 14 days. It's so much easier to hang out now that I'm not restricted to home. I have something to do every night. 

So I told my hot vendor the only thing I could think of at the time:
"I haven't been spending many nights at my place actually. I end up going home"

At which he laughed. "No it's okay, I can understand the need to be with your family when you're alone. I mean, I did it too. It was hard at first, but eventually you'll get used to it."

I continued trying to polish my answer by saying "But I like having moved out alone and not with someone else. I don't have to worry about ignoring my roommate."

Prior to moving out, I was worried about living alone. Though I had always envisioned to move by myself the first time, I couldn't help but think how nice it'd be to move in as a couple- like my ex was doing at the exact same moment in California.

I thought I'd be miserable also. I honestly thought I'd become depressed by not having someone to hang out with to combat boredom. But it hasn't been the case. Sebastian has been there for me. Though we are not an actual couple, we are still dating one another, though with no intentions that it will lead to something. He intends to keep it strictly "friends only", but with an "emotional attachment involved" might I add. We still talk every single day for hours on end. We actually talk more now than we did when we were a couple. We still make plans for the weekends, and make decisions as a couple. You know, I really have no idea what this all means.

Sebastian gave me the added push and motivation to continue moving on and out of my parents'. Even though we weren't together when I moved out, I didn't want to go back on my word. I needed to go. And it is because of him that I'm doing so much better on my own, and the fact that I'm so much happier and relaxed.

My coworker pulled me aside the other day and asked me how things were going. When I told her they were great, she said "I can tell. This is the first time I've seen you smile. I'm very happy for you."

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