Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Respect, just a little bit

Sometimes I wish I could smack Sebastian on the side of the head for every time he'd bring up the Ex-Factor. But if that was the case, we wouldn't be friends.

Before going to the movies this past weekend, Sebastian and I went to eat Pizza at Double Dave's. They serve the best pizza!

We sat down in a booth, and just began chatting about random stuff. I can't remember how exactly the subject shifted, but it ultimately landed on his ex-wife. At one point he calmly said "I've never had so much hate towards someone before. I think if I would of stayed with her, I would of ended up killing her. Probably the reason why I didn't want to own a gun. For fear of that, or of her shooting me instead."

I slowly stopped eating and shot a confused glance at him.

Say what?

I couldn't really believe he'd be capable of something like that, but I remembered all the negative comments he'd had about her, and slowly began putting the pieces together. He really did have a genuine hate towards the misses, even though he had really loved her a lot at one point. I can actually understand why some men can go as far as murdering their spouses. Something overtakes them, and they lash out. I know they don't want to, but sometimes, the spouse will get to pull on the last string and push the other person overboard.

Then, I finally got the guts to ask what had been going through my mind for a few weeks.

"Did you ever talk about your ex to your ex-wife when you guys were together?"

He paused. Looked down at his plate and slowly said "No."


I resisted slamming my hands on the table and yelling out, but I calmed asked "Why not?"

"Because my wife felt threatened when I brought her up. She became hostile and I respected my Japanese Ex a lot more than her, so I preferred not to talk about her."

I was fuming.

So the only thing that could have stopped you from bringing the topic of your exes in our conversations was for me to get pissed?

So it didn't help that I voiced out my frustration calmy or shared my insecurities peacefully. Apparently I had to turn into a vapid bitch to be taken seriously.

Last night, completely off topic, Sebastian asked me "Are there ever things that I talk about that you don't really care about?"

This was my chance.

"Well, if you want to know, yes. Your exes. I don't see how many times I have to tell you I don't want to hear about them. I got tired of telling you, so now, I just don't listen to it."

"I'm really sorry Ren" he admitted.

"Truth is, it doesn't matter how many times you say you're sorry if you just go back and do it time later. I gave up. You can keep saying you're sorry, but I know you'll just end up bringing it up again, and I learned to deal with it by letting you talk about it."

His silence and the tone of his voice showed me that he was embarrassed about what I was confronting him about. I know it won't end, but maybe I've shamed him enough and he'll truly understand what I'm thinking when I roll my eyes in front of him.

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