Friday, September 18, 2009

I like you more when you're not here

I read a blog article on Yahoo's Shine about the 9 wrong reasons for liking someone. Within them included the reason of boredom, and being desperate. They explained a few of the incidents I'm experiencing at the moment.

BEG went away on assignment late last week, but returned over the weekend. I didn't know this because I was too busy spending time with Sebastian to see his missed call.

I chatted with BEG early on in the week, and we tried to set up a real dinner date for that evening. I wanted to go back to a Vietnamese restaurant I'd once tried out, and I texted him the address to meet me there (Remember the Chili's incident? I have to text him exact addresses to insure accuracy now.)

He said he needed to do laundry still and was very tired. He tried to get me to skip the restaurant in the following two ways:

1- He offered to make dinner and watch a movie at his place instead.
2- He asked to stop by my place to do his laundry after work.

I was laughing inside. Nervously.

Aren't we supposed to be friends only? .

So I reminded BEG that he couldn't cook (he had told me this before), and that I wanted to unwind at my own place, alone. Having him there would be weird. Not to say even weirder to have him there for the first time and do his laundry. I told him I could wait around and we could meet up later if he needed to finish his laundry.

He ended up texting me later that afternoon while I was still at work, and said he was way too tired to head out to do anything. He offered again to have dinner at his place and watch a movie there. I told him I was going home instead to spend time with my family, but not to worry, and that we could do dinner the following day.

He messaged me early the next morning near dawn to tell me he was getting called back out to the same job out by San Antonio. I wished him a good trip and didn't hear from him until the following evening.

Herein lies the sentimental attachment: Early on, I didn't see much spark between us. He has the most beautiful eyes,but that was pretty much it. I couldn't find an attraction strong enough to make me want to drop Sebastian as easily as a hot pot, but the distance plays a big factor on my attachment to BEG. He's not always available, which makes it harder to see him in person, hence forget what he looks like. I'm developing a connection to his character, which is what I was mainly interested in at first. I want to be friends with this person, and get to know him before we get into anything serious. We've both always rushed into relationships, and I wanted to stand my ground for the first time, and really work on a connection before the title of a couple came into play. I'm more into that now, seeing as to how things worked "so well" with Sebastian, and how badly I got burned.

BEG texts me with his "itinerary" every day. He's always telling me what he's up to throughout the day, and I know I can count on him for a compliment without fail when I see him. (See previous blog for Sebastian's failure to compliment.) Because of this, I'm confident to assume that I do cross BEG's mind during the day, which is what every girl needs. (The guy I dated before Sebastian would often text me telling me he thought of me and missed cuddling with me. Isn't that sweet? I never shared that with Sebastian, and it was painful not to have that attention.) The farthest Sebastian will go to say is "You're so cute Ren" when I make a quirky comment or have a funny outburst, which is okay and a reason why I won't dimiss him as downright useless.

BEG comes back next week, and I know it'll finally be time to share a real dinner date. We've had fun in the meantime spending some afternoons together, but I don't know what it'll turn into especially with Sebastian in tow.

I can't seem to shake my feelings for him off. I really should have taken a break.

1 comment:

  1. Ahhhhhhh I've been through this so many times. I went through this with my boyfriend at first, though...not sure. Listing all the reasons he wasn't right for me. In the end, I came to realize I was just afraid of getting close to him because I was sure he was going to hurt me. Turned out, he had the same fears. But that was just my situation... Sometimes we think we're open to falling in love but we don't realize that our fears are actually walls we've put up that HAVE to come down for us to find someone...