I like you more when you're not here

I read a blog article on Yahoo's Shine about the 9 wrong reasons for liking someone. Within them included the reason of boredom, and being desperate. They explained a few of the incidents I'm experiencing at the moment.

BEG went away on assignment late last week, but returned over the weekend. I didn't know this because I was too busy spending time with Sebastian to see his missed call.

I chatted with BEG early on in the week, and we tried to set up a real dinner date for that evening. I wanted to go back to a Vietnamese restaurant I'd once tried out, and I texted him the address to meet me there (Remember the Chili's incident? I have to text him exact addresses to insure accuracy now.)



He said he needed to do laundry still and was very tired. He tried to get me to skip the restaurant in the following two ways:

1- He offered to make dinner and watch a movie at his place instead.
2- He asked to stop by my place to do his laundry after work.

I was laughing inside. Nervously.

Aren't we supposed to be friends only? .

So I reminded BEG that he couldn't cook (he had told me this before), and that I wanted to unwind at my own place, alone. Having him there would be weird. Not to say even weirder to have him there for the first time and do his laundry. I told him I could wait around and we could meet up later if he needed to finish his laundry.

He ended up texting me later that afternoon while I was still at work, and said he was way too tired to head out to do anything. He offered again to have dinner at his place and watch a movie there. I told him I was going home instead to spend time with my family, but not to worry, and that we could do dinner the following day.

He messaged me early the next morning near dawn to tell me he was getting called back out to the same job out by San Antonio. I wished him a good trip and didn't hear from him until the following evening.

Herein lies the sentimental attachment: Early on, I didn't see much spark between us. He has the most beautiful eyes,but that was pretty much it. I couldn't find an attraction strong enough to make me want to drop Sebastian as easily as a hot pot, but the distance plays a big factor on my attachment to BEG. He's not always available, which makes it harder to see him in person, hence forget what he looks like. I'm developing a connection to his character, which is what I was mainly interested in at first. I want to be friends with this person, and get to know him before we get into anything serious. We've both always rushed into relationships, and I wanted to stand my ground for the first time, and really work on a connection before the title of a couple came into play. I'm more into that now, seeing as to how things worked "so well" with Sebastian, and how badly I got burned.



BEG texts me with his "itinerary" every day. He's always telling me what he's up to throughout the day, and I know I can count on him for a compliment without fail when I see him. (See previous blog for Sebastian's failure to compliment.) Because of this, I'm confident to assume that I do cross BEG's mind during the day, which is what every girl needs. (The guy I dated before Sebastian would often text me telling me he thought of me and missed cuddling with me. Isn't that sweet? I never shared that with Sebastian, and it was painful not to have that attention.) The farthest Sebastian will go to say is "You're so cute Ren" when I make a quirky comment or have a funny outburst, which is okay and a reason why I won't dimiss him as downright useless.

BEG comes back next week, and I know it'll finally be time to share a real dinner date. We've had fun in the meantime spending some afternoons together, but I don't know what it'll turn into especially with Sebastian in tow.

I can't seem to shake my feelings for him off. I really should have taken a break.

Why won't you compliment me??

I need attention. I crave it. Women need to be reminded that they look good on date night.

Sebastian and I decided to meet up for a cheap dinner the other night at Ikea. I'd mentioned it weeks before that Ikea boasts their 15 piece meatball dinner for $2.49 on Tuesday nights. Since he loves it, I wanted to show him that I shared his enthusiasm for those swedish meatballs.

The work day went by like a total drag. I had lunch with my colleague, which pushed my off time to 5pm. I usually get off at 4pm, and with good reason: I'm already psychologically on off-mode by 3:30. I couldn't wait to get home to do my hair. I'd been wanting to let it down for a few weeks, but was always too busy or lazy to do anything about it. And meeting up on a date with Sebastian gave me the push to try something new.

Once home, I spent the following two hours getting ready at a snail's pace. I got the curls I wanted and the smoky eyes I'd been dying to try out. I put on Sebastian's favorite shirt- the one to fully enhance my chest, and felt good and ready. I felt confident about my look- which definitely merited a compliment.


I showed up at the cafeteria and Sebastian barely batted an eye. He didn't even hug or kiss me. He was more concerned about the food. No compliment, Zilch. I was pissed and spent most of the dinner quietly ignoring him and rolling my eyes at his comments. He asked me a couple of times if something was wrong because he wasn't used to seeing me this quiet. I told him no and went on to finish dinner.

I told him I had to get a couple of things from the store for my place, and we went downstairs to pick them up. About an hour later, he finally says "I like your hair." Two minutes later he mentions "I like that shirt. You look nice tonight."

When I finally got the compliment I was desperately seeking, I relaxed and became my usual chitter self. Yet, I couldn't get past the long wait for a compliment. Then I remembered that Sebastian doesn't compliment or show much attention to any change in appearance very often.

While we were together, I hardly ever got a "you look good" compliment which made me think that maybe he wasn't all that interested in me. My previous boyfriend made damn sure to compliment me every day, which might have "spoiled" me.

He asked if we were going back to my place, which threw me off guard. I wasn't expecting him to come over since I hadn't given him a key to my apartment- I was having problems with the lock, and the extra keys didn't work very well. Plus, he started work a lot later in the morning, which meant he'd have to leave with me at the same time in the morning. I had already packed a bag with the intention of sleeping over at his place instead. Since he "asked" to come over, I agreed.

Along the way, we took a detour because I'd mentioned there was a sex shop around my work that was having a going out of business sale. (note: just because it says "out of business" and they offer you 20% off on toys, it doesn't mean it'll eventually be cheaper. After our purchase, we realized that we'd paid the same as any other store- plus driven out of the way to get there. A long way out.) Sebastian was eager to try it out because I'd mentioned a few days earlier that I wasn't happy with the toy I had and wanted to try something new. His excuse to going to the store was "Let's get you something better for when I'm not there with you."



How... sweet?

Afterwards, we stopped by the CVS pharmacy so that he could buy a toothbrush since he always forgot to bring his extra one with him. Once home, he looked at the dresser he'd singlehandedly built for me the previous weekend. I had noted that it was still empty because I really couldn't find what to put into it. He pulled the third drawer and chuckled "Well, I guess one of these will be mine."

I sweated at the thought.

A while later, he added "I found three boxers I could leave here with you."

What for??

"Oh really? W....hy?" I numbingly asked.

"You know- for when I come over and stuff" he replied.

Oh shit

This kind of stuff would have never bothered me had we been in an exclusive relationship the way we were supposed to be.But since we aren't, it rubs me the wrong way, and I don't have the balls to tell him no. I mean- what message am I sending to people by having two toothbrushes in my bathroom? Plus, I know some people snoop around, so how will it look if a potential flame looks into my drawers and finds his boxers? Yeah, what's my excuse there?

Uh... people like to sleep over.

The following morning, I got ready for work while Sebastian rolled around in bed trying to drift back to sleep.


We still hadn't talked about the key and I thought that maybe he'd leave along with me, and I wouldn't have to offer my extra key. When it was apparent that he wouldn't crawl out of bed in time, I had to test out the key again and when I kissed him good bye, he sheepishly asked "Um, do you have an extra key?" As I handed him the copy he thanked me and I instructed him "You have to wiggle it and shove it in the lock to get it to turn. Have a good day at work."

"Thanks, you have a good day too."

Before leaving, I deleted the browsing history on my laptop for fear that he'd stumble across my blog.

When I came home, I half-expected for him to have made my bed, like I normally do when I stay at his place. Most of the time, I'll clean up the kitchen, the bathroom and throw out the trash because it needs it. It doesn't bother me at all, and I actually prefer to do it. However, when I came home, my bed had been left unmade.



Huh.... I forgot guys don't cooperate much in that department. Oh well.