Friday, June 10, 2011

30 going on 17

Against better judgment, I got sucked into the worst douchebag of all time. I can't exactly figure out why, but I'm tempted to say that it was his gaze that made me go bonkers.

I met this guy online, and from the beginning he made the rudest and most awkward comments. We talked for a few days, but this guy was just..... I don't know. He would offend and say "I'm just kidddiiiing!" I hate that. Just because you say 'no offense' doesn't mean you can say whatever it is you want.

I decided to meet this guy at Bingo and go simply as "friends" which automatically translated to 'Friends with Benefits.' Ay chihuahuas..... as my coworker would say.

Anyway, we have fun at bingo, but it's clear that we're both physically attracted to each other cause we're playing footsies and what not, and he's petting me and carressing when we're in line (ie- putting his hand on my back, running his fingers through my hair etc.)

I don't mind it. I'm not going to complain about getting attention. We share two pitchers of beer during Bingo, and we're having a really fun time, cracking jokes at other people's expenses and making funnies. After bingo, he suggests we go to a bar not too far away. I follow him there, and we continue drinking and teasing each other, flirting, even being mean to one another-

And then he starts saying a whole bunch of stuff like "I love you and I want to be your boyfriend. Want to be my girlfriend? What do you want?" etc, etc. Then it just gets graphic. "Let me suck on your breast. Lets go have sex. I want to eat you out." I laugh it off of course, cause I know that it's most of the alcohol doing the talking. I was pretty drunk too, but I kept my composure. I always pushed him away, but I did it slyly, and in actuality, I was teasing him back too when I would smile and laugh it off. So I guess he got upset at something, told me I said something mean, and he said he was leaving and asked if I was leaving too.

He just walked out so I'm thinking "Well I guess I have to go as well. I'm not staying here alone." We walked back to our cars, me ahead of him, and he's just dragging along in the back, in silence. He comes running and grabs me by the waist and hugs me. So we get back to the car, and he opens the back door to get into the back seat and he's like "Come on... get in."

I'm drunk, but not that drunk.  I'm like "Uh huh. No. I'm not getting in there. So you can Just close the door and stand outside with me."At this point we're facing each other, he's holding me, and I'm about to kiss him but I back off until I finally just go ahead and kiss him. We make out for a bit, and then I hear my mom's ringtone. Somehow we end up separating and as he's walking back to get into his car he says "Finally I'm free" and I just give him the confusing look, like, "Umm okkkk.... WTF? You're weird."

We go home our separate ways, and the next morning, I end up texting him and saying 'thank you' because you know... I have manners? He responds saying he was late to work by an hour and a half. I reply "Sorry dude. You must have been really drunk" to which he says "No, just sleeppyy."
He had asked me at the bar about the whole bf/gf thing and why I kept saying no, and he asked me "You want a FWB (Friends with Benefits) don't you?" and when I didn't answer, he said "Yeahhh you want one."

The more I think about it, the more I realize he's a douche. That's why he's not boyfriend material. I wouldn't mind him as a FWB cause I don't feel anything emotional for him- he's fun to flirt with, there's a sexual attraction, but his character turns me off so badly and leaves me scratching my head. It's like he's 17, when in actuality he's 30. Dude, act your damn age! It was a lot of "I'm just kidding" during the night when he'd say something slightly offensive,  so there was never a serious moment.
 I remember him telling me "Man you didn't even thank me for buying you a beer"- which sounded more like a complaint.

Sorry dude, but I was pretty drunk to care about what you thought of me.

PS: If you live in Houston, Bingo night at the SPJST Lodge 88 in the Heights on Thursday nights is TONS of fun. Cheap food, beer and games. Bring your own liquor/alcohol/food as well (not beer) if you prefer. I guarantee at least 3 hours of fun.

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