A failed attempt at sex

Nate and I had been exchanging a few flirty texts the week leading to, but hadn't planned on meeting up at all. I'd been out with my girlfriend Noelle and her friends at a club on Washington Ave. that Friday night. I was having a pitiful night, and was texting with Nate and arguing with Wes (go figure) trying to pass time until 2 am rolled by (since we'd taken a cab from my gf's house.) I'd had a few drinks, but was suffering from a painful bladder. Apparently, when I drink, my bladder falls asleep with me, and if I don't remember to pee, I suffer from total blockage the next morning.

Somehow, while I was chatting with some guy, I completely forgot to use the restroom, and was the slave to the porcelain god for a good 15 minutes, unable to even squeeze out a drop. I joked about this to Nate, and somehow, ended up accepting his invitation to pee at his place up in Cypress, about 40 minutes away. When the lounge closed at 2:00 that morning, Noelle said she wanted to go out to her friend's house to sing some Karaoke. I was ready to head over to Nate's then and there, so I told her I needed to go get my car, which was only 10 minutes away.

I called Nate on my way out to his place, and I suggested he order us food since I hadn't eaten all evening. He asked what I wanted, and when I told him Pizza, he said he'd look for an all night pizzeria who would deliver. I arrived at his apartment, and was greeted by his dog Lady, who I hadn't seen since August of last year.

Wow, had it been that long since I'd last seen Nate?

We talked and caught up about small stuff, and genuinely had a few good laughs. We settled down into the couch together and started watching The Sopranos. A little while later, he started caressing my hair and moved my head around to kiss him. I really don't have memories of us having makeout sessions prior to this, just simple kisses.

At around 4:00 am or so, we went into the bedroom, still reeling from excruciating pain from my inactive bladder. I could hardly move, and Nate was up and ready to get down to business.

Oh crap....

I told Nate this, and he encouraged me to use the restroom as much as I needed to get the show on the road. I would get into the bathtub, run the water and push with all my might to try to empty out my bladder, but it just wasn't cooperating. I came back into the bedroom and asked Nate to get a condom out.

"You and your f*cking condoms" he said laughing.
"Well, I'm not on any birth control right now, so yeah, you kinda have to" I said sarcastically.

We proceeded to have a repeat episode of our last show during the summer last year, where as soon as he would put the condom on, he would lose the erection.

[sigh] Great. Here we go again.

"I f*cking hate condoms" he said.
"Why can't you do it?" I asked.
"Cause I can't feel anything with it!" he replied.

We tried a couple more times, to no avail, where at one point, he took off the condom, and
tried without it.

"Stop it Nate. I told you, I'm not on birth control" I said sternly.
"Don't worry, I'll pull out" he said.
"And come where?" I asked him.
"I don't know, on your stomach" he counteroffered.
"Ew, no. Just stop" I told him.

A few thrusts later, Nate stopped and laid back down defeated.
"I hate you" he said.
"Yeah, I know" I replied.

A few hours later, around 7:00 am, I woke up, unable to urinate still, and decided to head on home. I kissed Nate goodbye, and dashed out the front door. Once home, I hopped in the shower and continued pushing. It took me nearly all day to pee and feel comfortable. I later realized that I had probably suffered a urinary tract infection, making it nearly impossible to empty my bladder because I was completely blocked up.

The next night, Nate texted me asking what time I'd left in the morning.
"Around 7:00am or so" I answered.
"Oh wow, I didn't even notice" he replied.
"Really? You said bye" I said.
"Yeah, Nyquil knocked me the f*ck out last night" he ended.

Well, I'm glad one of us doesn't remember it then.

Men have become difficult

Just like men will say they don't understand women, I sometimes can't understand men either.
My labor day weekend was....... confusing, and it was all because of men.

Nate and I hung out on Friday night after my class at the college, and he decided to take me to the nice wine bar just down from his house. We had a great time. We tasted a variety of wines, cheeses and had scallops and ceviche. I don't think the meal could have been more perfect. It was past midnight, when we decided to leave. I was slowly gearing up to head back to his apartment, when his body slowly started leading me out towards the bar across the street.

"I feel like it's a waste to go to the bar, especially after the nice wines we just had" I told him.

"Come on, it's a ritual to go to the bar" he said as he grabbed my hand and walked up the stairs.

I told him not to get me anything to drink as I headed to the bathroom, saying that I would pick something when I came back. Already feeling tipsy, I wanted a break from the drinking. I came back a short while later, to find a Cosmo, and a Jägerbomb just for me. I sighed and let out a small hint of frustration.

I told him not to get me anything.

We talked out on the balcony, and continued drinking. At one point, Nate met up with some of the waiters that had been out at the Wine Bar and struck up a conversation with them. I was beginning to get very quiet because of how tired I was and Nate got mad.

"You're being mean right now. I'm the only one talking and you're not saying anything. Usually you're more talkative than this" he pointed out.

I calmly told him that I was tired, seeing as to how my day had started at 6:30 that morning, and that it was past 1:00 already. I wasn't ignoring him, I just didn't have the same amount of energy after all those drinks.

After finishing off the 4th drink at the bar (because he got me two more), we went back up to his apartment and I started getting ready for bed. I brushed my teeth and changed clothes and laid out on the couch. Nate came back with a red solo cup full of Lemon Drop. That cup is 16 ounces.

No way. I'm definitely not drinking this.

"I can't drink that. I just brushed my teeth" I told him.

"So?" Nate said, asking for justification.

"It's lemon, and I just had toothpaste in my mouth....." I said. Duh. "It's not going to taste good"

He gave me a look suggesting "And....?" and rolled his eyes and walked away.

I ended up dozzing off a few times during the dawn hours, with Nate trying desperately to keep me awake and get me to watch things online and on youtube.

"Come on, please wake up. I want to hang out with you" he commented. I did manage to get up a few times to watch what he wanted me to see, but would ultimately fall back asleep. At 5:00 am, Nate finally decided it was time to go to bed, and I crawled in to snuggle with him.

At 7:30, his phone starts beeping repeatedly, and I kindly ask him to turn it off. He opens his eyes, and completely ignores me.

Ok, he's drunk. Whatever. I took the phone, turned it off, and got my iTouch and started checking my messages and navigate towards Facebook. And that's when I notice it:

Around 3:30 am, around the same time he was talking about my status update for the wine bar, a sober man's thoughts became a drunk man's words.

I felt upset, and quickly said "I don't think this is going to work out" as he laid passed out next to me. I went into the bathroom, got my things together, and came back to wish him goodbye.

"I had a lot of fun with you, and don't regret anything at all. Take care" I said, as I gave him a kiss and headed for the door. He opened his eyes one last time, completely glazed over, and closed them back.

I went back to my apartment, a bit disappointed about the events of that evening, but determined that I wouldn't let it affect me. I thought about it for the remainder of the day, and on early Sunday morning, sent him the following text, knowing that he would be at work:

I hope you're having a good day at work. I can't explain how I felt about leaving you on Saturday. Saying "sad" doesn't quite justify it.  I had exciting times with you and am bummed not to have you there anymore. Big Hugs.

When I didn't receive a response for the rest of the day, I pushed it aside, and decided that he had spoken and was done with me. I went back to OKCupid, and began my "re-search."

****

The following day, a really cute guy named J contacted me, and we spent most of the afternoon texting and chatting online. After a while, we exchanged Facebook profiles to get a better look at each other and liked what we saw.

Around 9pm, as I'm chatting with J and talking with my mom, my phone starts ringing.  I check the caller ID and see "Nate."

WTF? Is this for real? Is he about to chew me out?

I answer the phone, and he gently greets me as usual. He asks me how I'm doing and what I've been doing this weekend, and then fills me in on what he did.

"Yeah so, I don't know when you sent me that text, and sorry for not replying sooner but..... I've been in jail this past weekend" he said.

"What?? What happened?" I ask him.

"Well, I went out on Saturday night with Renee (the neighbor), her boyfriend and her brother to the bar, and had a few drinks. We split ways when the bar closed, and I decided to get in my truck and go buy some cigarettes just down the street. Well, turns out there was a raid operation because of Labor Day weekend, and they were pulling over a whole bunch of people. I declined to do the field sobriety tests, and they took me into a mobile blood bank bus and withdrew blood, and yeah, well..... I got charged with a DWI (Driving While Intoxicated)"

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry" I admitted.

"It's ok, it's not your fault. It's mine" he said.

I don't know what I felt at that moment, but it wasn't anger, happiness, or fear. It was peace. Although having a DWI sucks big, I felt that this would possibly help control him and tone him down on his drinking, and become more responsible.  He had spent 30 hours in jail, and had been released earlier that Monday morning. He explained that he'd have to go to court on Friday, and would most likely plead guilty, and have his license restricted for 6 months, to driving to work only.

I asked him if he remembered what had happened on Saturday and if he knew why I'd left. He said he knew that it was because of his Facebook posting, but he never gave an apology, simply stating it had been what he felt at that moment. He said he hadn't talked or seen his ex since they'd broken up over the summer.  I asked him what he wanted with us, and if he wanted to keep it going.

He simply gave me the response "Let's just play it by ear."

Play it by ear? Does it look like I want to make music??

Quick update

I need to quickly update you before I go "away" (to Nate's) for the weekend.
Nate and I are still hanging out, despite having had a tense moment last weekend. Drunk, but tense in my opinion. I swear, a sober man's thoughts ARE a drunk man's words. Anyway.....

I must also admit that someone else came into the picture- someone who I wrote about this summer. An unexpected phone call came thru. (No it wasn't Sebastian....) And I have to say that although it's not quite possible to have things progress with this particular person, it definitely is a nice feeling to be paid attention to.

It's all due to a lack of options I must say....

[sigh]

Friends and Neighbors

When I went to Nate's place last weekend, I got the chance to meet his best friend Seth.  Since I had had quite a few drinks in me by the time he came home, I don't quite remember the details of our time spent together but I remember having a very good time with both of them.

Yesterday, as the work day slowly came to an end, I received a text from Nate asking if I wanted to come over that night. It seemed a bit odd since he works the third shift (11:30pm to 8:30am) so I called him to find out what he meant; I thought he might be texting in his sleep like before. He said he'd been stuck on the phone with his cell phone company all day and hadn't had the chance to go to bed and was going to skip on work. I still had a report to finish at work and needed to go home to shower. I told him that I wouldn't get there until the 9 o'clock hour and that it would mean I'd have to stay over. "That's fine, you know you can stay over" he reassured me.

Well I didn't know it, but I guess I do now.

I arrived around 9:30 (not before receiving a handful of call from Nate asking me if I knew what time I'd be arriving. Cute, but annoying. I'll get there when I get there.) He was out on his neighbor's balcony, a girl named Renee which I had incidentally met last weekend also. They were outside smoking and having a couple of drinks, waiting for me to show up.

As soon as I walk into her apartment, she loudly greets me with "Hey beautiful!" She quickly makes me feel welcomed, offering me food out of her full fridge and freezer.

I barely have one frozen pizza in mine.

She quickly launches into a conversation, showing me pictures of her family, her past and becomes extremely chatty. As the drinks continue to be poured, Renee opens up more about her dating life and her new boyfriend who she's been with for a month. She becomes very friendly with me and offers me to raid her closet for clothes she will no longer wear. She asks for my number and begins suggesting plans for when her best friend comes to visit this weekend, including me in their dinner dates. Turns out Renee has only been living in Houston for a short while.

She takes me into her closet and has me try out a few items, when I notice a purple kimono. "Oh wow, that's my favorite color" I tell her. "Really?" she says, and pauses. She looks at me, and already incredibly tipsy, takes it off the hanger and lets me try it on. She then turns to me and says "I want you to have it."

"What....? Are you serious?" I ask her astonished.

"Yes. I never wear it anymore. But you have to promise to take care of it and wear it because it's been passed down in the family and been through the Korean War. My grandfather brought it back" she said.

I took the kimono, hugged her and thanked her. "I have a good feeling about you, and even if it doesn't work out with my new buddy here, we're still hanging out. Here is to our new friendship."

(I'm sorry the quality sucks- cell phone....)

We continued talking out on the balcony, having a few more drinks where I got the chance to loosen up some more and feel more comfortable with her. (I tend to tense up around new people who are very open and forward. As a result, I get really quiet and don't say much.) Assuming that I would be coming over this weekend, she invites Nate and I for dinner on Friday night. (Apparently she's a real good cook.)

Now, throughout all of this, Renee managed to compliment me- twice. The first happened to be when we were at the kitchen counter and she was discussing how she had told her boyfriend that she was happy to have gained weight over the years because she now had breasts. "She’s got some pretty big boobies" she said to Nate, motioning to me. I tried to brush it off. It reminded me of Gina Gershon's character in "Showgirls" when she compliments Nomi about her tits. While outside, I managed to lean my legs out onto the railing where Renee blurted out "You've got hot legs."

I don't know if I felt more embarrassed getting a compliment or the fact that it came from a girl....

Either way, it was pretty fkn sweet.

I've got you Babe

I haven't been called this in.... wow.... over 4 years.
True story.

(290 is a highway, and we were talking about how long the commute had been from his place to my work this past Thursday after spending the night there)

A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts

(Continued from "The Sleepover")

After making open-ended plans with Nathan to go ice skating this past weekend, I finally decided to text him 10 minutes before my shift was over on Friday to see if he wanted to do something that nights. 10 minutes went by..... then 20, and 30.

Ok, I think we're done....

It wasn't until almost an hour later that I got an answer, and while still sitting at my desk (blogging).

"Sure sounds good to me. I just need to be back around 1-ish bc my buddy Seth wanted to hang when he got outta work" he texted.

Well that.... sort of sucks, but whatev. I quickly called him back when I hear a muffled strain and stretch in his voice. "Were you sleeping?" I asked. "Oh wow, that was weird. I dreamt that you texted me and I replied an hour later." "Well you did, so did you still want to hang out" I asked. "Yeah yeah" he replied.

We made plans to go meet at his apartment and go to a steakhouse for dinner. We ordered drinks and discussed about our week since we hadn't talked at all. When our meal came in he said "You're welcome to stay as long as you want tonight, it's just that Seth is coming over and we're gonna play video games after he gets off work."

I thought it over but didn't answer. Did that mean he wanted me to stay over? I didn't see a problem with this, and felt invited to meet his best friend. We finished with dinner and went to a pub afterwards to have a few drinks. We talk more, and he tells me about his neighbor who also has a dog and how they exchanged keys in case they need to walk their pets. I give him a confused look and he says "Well, just in case I'm out, like spending the night at your place, she can walk Lady, and I can do the same for her dog."

Wait, you're.... spending the night at my place now? Um... ok.... that's.... I have to say, surprising to hear.

A couple of hours later, completely drunk, we made a run to the supermarket so that Nate could pick up more beer for his game night. We came back to his apartment and went over to the bar across the street for drinks there, again.

Now, through all of this, I begin to see a pattern: we are always drinking. And the problem I see with this is that I am a lightweight and don't know my limits. If you put a drink in front of me, I will drink it because I don't want it to go to waste and mostly because by the time I'm beginning to sip that drink, don't feel drunk yet.

After a short while, we came back into his apartment where I immediately crashed on the couch. Now, from here on out..... I can't remember specific details. Most of the evening ended up just phasing out, but I do remember a few moments. I don't remember seeing Seth for the first time and actually greeting him, but I do remember talking with him and laughing all together.  I remember him discussing his online dates and escapades. I remember waking up with a painful stomachache, with the need to throw up, and going into the bathroom and hugging the toilet, but not vomiting afterall. I remember falling down on my hands, and still feeling pain as I type this (as well as discovering a bruise on my upper thigh. How the hell did I get that??) I remember us crouched over the computer desk, watching SNL videos, and Nate saying "Baby" to me, and me doing a double take.

Why did he call me "baby?" Well, I don't know.... I think he was trying to get my attention to tell me something.

Eventually I went into Nate's bedroom and fell asleep. Later on in the night/dawn, Nate came into the bedroom to gently caress me and tell me that Seth was about to leave shortly. It was still dark, so I figured it was about 4 or 5 am. He then smiled and said "I wish you were still wearing that skirt" since I had changed into my track pants (that I always carry in my trunk for gym/pilates class.)

A few hours later, Nate crawls into bed and awakes me by gently caressing me. I can sense where this is going and tell him "You're doing everything right but I'm just getting off of my period." He sighs, smiles and says "I hate you" but continues caressing. I remind him again when he doesn't give up. I stop him and ask him "Are you sure? I can go check if you really want to do it." He responds with yes, and I proceed to go to the bathroom to find out that I am no longer on it.

I come back into the bedroom and ask him to put on a condom to which he just stares at me blankly. "Nate, where are your condoms?" He shakes his head no. "Nate, are you serious? Do you honestly not have condoms??" I ask him. "No" he responds.

UGH!!!!

At this point, I get a bit peeved. Seeing as to how he is still under the influence I shoot him an angry look and say "Do you mean to tell me that I'm going to have to do a condom run?? It's either you or me." With no answer on his behalf I reply "Well then, I guess it's me!"

At 7:30 am, I drive over to the supermarket, go into the pharmacy aisle to find it closed. I drive over to WalMart, find the box of condoms and head to the register.


This is embarrassing. It is so obvious what's happened here, especially this early in the morning, in my track pants, my hair all knotted up and my eyeliner running. Bullshit.

I come back into the apartment where Nate is completely naked, sprawled out onto the bed, erection lost. I throw the pack of condoms at him hoping to wake him up, and head toward the restroom. I come back, Nate is snoring.

Well then, I guess no sex here!

I fall asleep next to him, and am awoken a while later again for attempt #2. This time it actually went through. Then I realize he is still drunk, and the sex is going nowhere. I'm actually in pain at this point. It needs to stop. I get quieter and stop cooperating. He senses the point and climbs off and falls back beside me, asleep. A couple of hours later, slowly out of my buzz, I wake up and turn on the TV in the bedroom. Nate comes in and out of his sleep for the rest of the morning until we finally get out of bed around 2:30 that afternoon.

The rest of the day just passed us by as we watched TV all afternoon. Later that night, Nate decided to make dinner and we headed over to the supermaket so he could shop for groceries. I got a little concerned seeing as to how I needed to leave that night to head back to my mom's for babysitting duty on Sunday.

Around 10pm, Nate began cooking, and I fell asleep. I did manage to help him with prepping. Around 1:30 am, he was done. He'd made étouffée, which I personally didn't like because it was so spicy (he used jalapeno peppers).  I love it when guys cook, and apparently he can. At 2:30 am, my alarm sounded off, and I was on my way back home.

So that was my.... "out of the ordinary" weekend. It still hurts to walk a bit.....

The sleepover

I'd been meaning to write about this date but had a lack of interest to.

Honestly, I wasn't sure how things were turning out with Nate, and didn't want to dedicate too much of my time to write about someone who wasn't going to be around the following week.

If I can remember correctly, the week after the first date, Nate invited me out to a very nice wine bar right by his apartment complex so we wouldn't have to drive. It was the first time for both of us, so we weren't exactly sure what to expect. We began tasting a white wine spritzer that tasted similar to a soda. I ordered chicken, he ordered tuna and had a relaxing time. By the end of our bottle, he decided to order a set of "flights" (wine samplers, typically about half the size of a wine glass) of 3 different red wines. Not to our liking as we soon found out, but fun to try out.

After dinner, Nate asked me if I wanted to go get some drinks at the bar next door, so we went to that. We continued drinking until the bar closed, and about $250 later, walked back home. Once there, I remember passing out in his bed, where, miraculously, no sex took place. The next morning, I woke up with a bad stomach ache and the need to fart so badly, but couldn't bring myself to. His bathroom was also right next to his bedroom and was sure he'd be able to hear the echo if I did, so I went into his closet instead.

I can't remember anymore what happened the following day, but I do remember leaving before 2pm because he had to go to sleep again before starting his shift at 11 that night. I went home, called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to hang out for lunch, and ended up making plans to go to Lake Charles, Lousiana to the casinos that weekend as a last minute ditch. I went home, took my online math test that was due, and packed up for the mini getaway. (I lost about $50 at the slots)

The following week, I suggested to Nate to go to a game of laser tag and go-karts. He said to come meet at his apartment, but after taking over an hour to get ready, and close to another hour to get there, decided not to go out once I got there at 9pm. I tend to get very tired early evenings because I start work at 8am. That, and I'm a grandma deep inside. We ended up just sitting on the couch, where we watched reality t.v. I will ADMIT without hesitation that we watched Jersey Shore and Fantasy Factory on MTV. And, kudos to Nate for letting me keep the dial on Keeping up with the Kardashians. Sebastian wouldn't have any of it. But, let's not compare, yeah?

Anyway, I left Nate's early the next Saturday morning because I had to go downtown to take my final for my computer class. Later on, I think I remember going to visit my friend for a few hours, until I came back home for the weekend and spent the rest of the time couped up at home, enjoying my first weekend off for the summer.

The following week, Nate and I didn't hang out because my father came into town with my sisters from their vacation in California; I always spend the weekend at home when he comes over. Later that week, Nate and I hardly talked and the late night texts didn't come through anymore.  After no responses, I texted him one last time to see if he had disappeared where he told me what his phone screen had shattered and he was unable to get all of his messages.  We talked a bit about our weekends, and we made half-assed plans to hang out the following weekend to go ice skating.

To be continued.......

Looking past the "First Date Mistake"

Early Friday afternoon, my boss came up to my desk and said "I have two tickets to the Astros game tonight. Do you want them?" "Sure, yes!" I answered.  "Here, take them. Have fun. I want to see pictures on Monday."
 
As a good friend, I texted one of my girlfriends first to see if she wanted to go but said she couldn't. I had two other options: two guys I was currently talking to. One was Aaron, the other was Nate. I had befriended them both on Facebook in the hopes of finding out if they had more pictures that would help me determine if they were in fact as attractive as their profile pics.
 
I first accepted Aaron’s request and went to look at his pictures. I was very disappointed by what I found, or didn't find for that matter. Most of his pictures were 4 years old. Oh hell no. As we had talked earlier, I had asked him what kind of girl he was attracted to and he'd said someone who took care of herself physically saying he ran 3 miles every other day.
 
I really don't think you run cause the most recent picture showed a really chubby guy. Ugh. I hate guys who put "average" instead of "a few extra pounds". Man up and be honest!
 

Nate on the other hand appeared to be more physically fit and had a stare that really attracted me.
 
Aaron had already asked me out twice on too much of a short notice which I had turned down. Nate seemed like the perfect candidate so when my friend said no, I texted him if he was free that night to go to the game. He replied saying yes and we made plans to go for dinner before the game. I was a bit concerned that we might not be able to hit it off and that we'd be stuck with each other for 3 hours afterwards during the game.
 
Luckily we hit it off right away and had much to talk about. We arrived at the game and settled in to our seats right by the dugout and had a great time.
 

 
Even though I was attracted to Nate, I was concerned that he might not be attracted to me. This is what happens when you have low self esteem- you believe that you’re never good enough to be liked; Therefore I didn't want to get my hopes up for fear that it would backfire. When the game ended we remained in our seats to watch the fireworks display afterwards. He slowly put his arm around me and let me lay my head on his shoulder. The first step to mutual attraction [sighs.]
 
When the fireworks ended, Nate asked me if I wanted to go to the bar across the street. He got us drinks and as the alcohol slowly started taking over, the conversation became seemingly easier. We spent a few hours talking and soonafter challenged one another to darts; the loser would have to take a swig of beer. We were laughing, flirting with each other, and watching the other drunk people around us stumble to the ground. At one point, Nate said “Ok, the next game is for a kiss.”
 
I went along for it, not realizing that either way, we would end up kissing- that’s how drunk I was.  I lost, brought his face towards my lips and kissed him. We continued playing, getting a kiss after each game, and eventually went back out onto the porch so he could smoke a cigarette.

I'm sorry, what? "You smoke?" I asked. "Only when I drink" he said. Ew... gross.  He pulled out a fancy black box from his pocket and showed me what he smoked.

 
"See, look. It's an e-cigarette" he pointed out.
 
I admit I was curious and asked if I could try it. It felt like smoking hookah. The filter he was using was mentholated and wasn't as painful as taking a long drag from a regular cigarette. The air I exhaled turned out to be a water vapor instead of "second hand smoke." He only took about 3 drags from the cigarette during the night and put it away each time.
 
At one point, we ended up talking with a few other drunk people outside on the patio and can't quite remember how it lead to the discussion of dating but I remember him telling one of the older women there "Yeah, this is our first date."
 
"First date? really? Awww..... Honey look! It's their first date" she commented to her male partner.
 
I couldn't help but feel both happy and sad at the same time. Happy to hear him acknowledge our meeting as a date to strangers, but sad that this would be the only "first date" we'd experience. The excitement for each other would never be able to amount to that first night we spent together; I'd never be able to feel that confused, happy, giddy feeling in my stomach ever again as I did during our first date.


As the bar closed down, it was time to go back. We weren't ready to call it a night and wanted to stay together, but couldn't think of any place to go to just talk. The only options were to go to a 24-hour diner and get something to eat, or back to the other's place; I'd promised myself that as much as I wanted to be near him, it wouldn't be the right thing to do on the first date. I admit I wouldn't mind doing it, but I know it's not the greatest idea- we all know what happened when I rushed things with Matt, the marine right?
 
I had to go pick up my car at work, so we stayed in the parking lot for a while. Some time later, I actually dozed off or passed out, and woke up to us kissing, his hand caressing my breast, unbuttoning my shirt.
 
Wait, what? What's going on? I was completely out of it, and even though I noticed we were kissing, my ability to react wasn't all in place and I didn't respond until he was halfway through my buttons. I knew his hand was there, but my mind just reacted too late. Or maybe subconsciously, I wanted it as well.  I stopped him, fumbled slowly to get my buttons back on, let out a small sigh of frustration and got out of the truck. I walked back to my car without looking back and got in. A few minutes later he left.

On the way home, I received the following text from him:

“Ok, I guess I shouldn’t expect a reply but I thought we were messing around. I’m sorry if I crossed a line I didn’t know or else I wouldn’t have. I just thought we were both enjoying it. I’m really confused right now and I hope you’re ok. If you need something let me know.  I really did like you and I didn’t mean to cross that line.”

I thought about texting back when I got home but decided to call and chew him out instead.

“Why would you do that?” I questioned.
“I’m sorry, I just thought we were in the moment and that you felt the same way. I’m really sorry” he replied.
“I was asleep when you started doing that” I told him.
“Well, you were kissing me back so I didn’t think you were” he said
“I’m drunk, and I’m really disappointed in you Nate” I said.
“Oh man, I’m really sorry. The last thing I want you to think is that I took advantage of you. It’s just….. it’s been so long for me… I’m really really sorry” he admitted.

I could sense he was legitimately sorry and decided to give him one more chance. “I can admit that all the drinking we did tonight impaired us a lot and made us do things we probably wouldn’t have done sober. So tell you what, sleep on it. Think about what you’ve done, and if you want to talk to me again, you’ll call me tomorrow,” I told him bluntly.

“I don’t need to wait until tomorrow” he said.

I have my reasons for letting this slide. For one, a lot worse happened with my last boyfriend Sebastian, on our first date last year. I actually cried as I drove back home. I was blindsided and let things progress to benefit him solely. I was very ashamed of what had happened. Sebastian apologized profusely, and the very next day brought me roses and took me to dinner. Yep, that’s the way to do it!

With Nate, I didn’t let things go that far, and I know that alcohol played a big role in me letting loose and dropping my guard substantially. But I also walked away quietly and made him ashamed of what he’d done.  In a way, I knew we would end up making out if I stayed longer in his truck- however, the whole unbuttoning-the-shirt thing threw me off guard completely. I wasn’t expecting that at all.  I’m not going to lie and say it felt horrible. It felt good and it was pleasant, but I knew this shouldn’t be happening on a first date, so I put a stop to it. I’m pretty sure that if I would have told him “No” in the moment, he would have stopped also.

The next day, around 2 o’clock, Nate called me and we talked for about an hour before he went to sleep (he works graveyard shift.)  I didn’t feel like bringing up the incident, and ultimately swept it under the rug.  I invited him over for breakfast at my apartment on Sunday morning and we spent a couple of hours talking and watching TV. We didn’t make any other plans past the week, and due to our schedules, haven’t talked on the phone, but we’ve been able to text a few times and are planning to meet up again on Friday night.

If I let it, I know sex can happen, but after what happened with Matt, I’m not willing to put myself into that position. I know it’s better to wait and get to know each other, so that when the act does happen, there’s actually feelings involved and better chances that it may last longer than just a couple of weeks.

Or maybe I’m just a modern girl trying to exercise power and control. Yeah, we’ll see how that goes….

I think my safeguard is to just not shave prior to Friday.
Any ideas on how to withhold sex?