Monday, January 18, 2010

Something's wrong

Something isn't sitting right with me, and it's yet too early to say anything about it. The time has come to see if I'll actually be truthful to the title of this blog- "A Survival Guide to Young Adulthood."

I went in for my pap smear and blood work last Friday the 8th. My doctor wasn't in at all last week (though I was aware) and she told me that someone from the office would be calling me to review my results. About Wednesday afternoon, I missed a call from one of the other doctor's nurses (each doctor is assigned one nurse at their office) and left a voicemail saying to call her back. It was already too late, so I left a message. Next morning, nothing. Afternoon, and still nothing.

Then the next morning while showering, I noticed it.
A bump.
One that shouldn't be there. 

By late evening, I was starting to worry.

I called again Friday morning and decided to talk to my own doctor's nurse about getting the results from my labs, and she told me they hadn't been transcribed yet. I asked if there was something I should know right away about my results and told me I'd have to schedule an appointment with my doctor to review. So I scheduled for the next available date.

I felt depressed, scared, frustrated and anxious.  My heart beat faster than normal, and I was uncomfortable.  

This is not how I wanted to start the New Year.

Thoughts flying through my head.
Am I being punished for BEG? 
Is it even possible?

The weekend was dreadful, and Sebastian knew something wasn't right, but was completely calm and supportive of my inability to say what I felt was wrong. I never told him I had found a bump. I worried that he would freak out. Let's face it, I can't tell him what's wrong about something I don't know.

For now, all I can do is wait for my appointment...... and hope that the anxiety doesn't give me away.

[update 1/20/10: "Lab Results" ]


  1. The best thing you can do right now is not panic. Think happy thoughts and if you need to talk to someone about it do so. Trust me it will make you feel better. I'm going to pray for you and I hope everything works out for the best.

  2. Yeah, don't panic Ren. I found a bump on my breast a couple of years ago, it was awful I was an emotional wreck, it turned out to be a blocked milk duct apparently they're quite common. I'm thinking about you and hope the results come through soon.

  3. Bloody hell. This is obviously going to be a worry for you - that can't be avoided - but a large percentage of the time these things turn out to be nothing. Keep us updated, I've got my fingers crossed for you.