Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Marry for money or for love?

I’m at a crossroads on this one. I know most people ultimately say “for love”, but I can’t help but think that it’s not as simple as it looks.

I’d marry for comfort.

Comfort in the sense that I’d want to be financially comfortable AND emotionally comfortable to spend the rest of my years with that person. Let's face it, divorce happens.

I don't want to marry someone if I sense divorce is a possibility in the future..... therefore motivating me to choose an alternative to marriage and form a social monogamy or domestic partnership.

I didn't get married to the last boyfriend, and if I had, it definitely would have been for love. But there was no money, so I knew it wouldn't last.  I know we would have been very happy at first, but ultimately miserable, fighting over finances because that's all we did in our last 2 years together.

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis once said “The first time you marry for love, the second for money, and the third for companionship.”

It doesn't seem that far fetched at all. The second time around, you know that you need money in order to make the love work. Face it- you don't want to be in default on your mortgage and stress out over finances. That much stress will take a toll on people and slowly disintegrate a marriage.

I don't know what Sebastian married for, but I'm tempted to say that it was for love. She on the other hand, wanted the money more (as he's often told me). He set his foot down, controlled the money they could spend, and made her unhappy and violent. She left 2 years into the marriage.
I've heard time and time again that he knew even before they married that it was doomed. Somehow, he hoped her to change. He was advised against it because of her violent nature. Still, he did it, and to this day, regrets most of it. It was always fights, and honestly, I can understand. I lived it. I was responsible for most of it. However, I was much younger and very immature.
Funny how much you can change in 4 years. If you're willing to change that is.
Nevertheless, I can understand that having just money and no love does not make you happy either. I've never experienced it, and personally wouldn't want to. That's how resentment grows and infidelity happens. 

1 comment:

  1. very interesting...you have struck up a chord of discussioon between me and my boyfriend...relationship thearpy 101