Friday, January 22, 2010

"It happened twice already"

I spent the last weekend with Sebastian, amidst my silence on my health issues. He wasn't too worried about the situation, only stating "And I thought we had seen the last of scares with the Hepatitis last year."

Facebook still says we're single. I wanted to use the weekend as an opportunity to bring it up, but after my "lab scare" felt very hesitant about possibly having to take it back down if we broke up as an effect of my blood work and lab results.

We had been going thru his friends and family on Facebook  when he noticed his wife's cousin had apparently posted a very personal comment on her wall about her marriage. Something along the lines of "Is fed up of being #2 after other women with a husband who doesn't believe in the sanctity of marriage."

We both looked at each other, unsure of what the comment really meant.

"Am I reading this right?" I asked

"Wait, I'm not sure either" he answered.

"Did she just say he cheated on her?" I asked again.

"I don't know.... but it sure does sound like it" he said.

A while later, he got on the topic of relationships. "Most men in our family can't hold onto a relationship. I don't know if it's the men that can't make it work, or if it's genetic" he stated. "I mean, my dad separated from my mom, and then dated no more than 4 years with some other women. As for me, look at me, it's already happened twice."

"Uh huh" I said without flinching.

"I mean, I know it's harsh to say it to your face, I don't know about the future. Or maybe I'm jaded, and it could work out between us two" he concluded.

Damn, I wish a had a recording device to air that sh*t out sometimes.

It strengthens me and makes me treat our relationship super casually. It seems to be what he wants anyway, so why put more effort into it? He seems to be fine with our relationship.

But was he always like this? I only have two other long term relationships to compare ours with, and the guys were very dedicated and passionate about "us." Sebastian really isn't.

When I came back home for New Year's, his Facebook had been left on. His friend messaged him as he was at work, and I told the friend he wasn't home. I told him who I was, and he said to tell Sebastian hello when he came back that evening.  Just recently, I went through his phone (cause I have trust issues) and saw their conversation on his text messages:

Friend: Uh.... some chick named Ren just talked to me through your Facebook.  I thought it was you.
Sebastian: Unbelievable! I leave her alone for 5 minutes! Ok, I'll tell her.
Friend: Who is she?
Sebastian: She's a girl I've been seeing on and off. 

Oh the nerve! That's not what you told me you'd talked about when I saw you that day after work!

Sebastian: So uh.... I see you talked to my friend today. What was that all about?
Ren: Oh, well you left your Facebook on and he messaged you. So I messaged him back to say you were at work. It's all right there on the screen. You can check.
Sebastian: Oh, cause he was confused. He didn't know who you were.
Ren: Uh huh....
Sebastian: Yeah, I had to remind him that you were Ren- the chilean girl.
Ren: Uh huh....

Yeah.... I'm just rolling my eyes now.


  1. Damn...Ren I'm sorry. I wish you the best but you need to leave him alone and find someone worthy of your love. What kind of man can't claim you in front of his friends...

  2. The issue here is your trust. When a woman (or YOUNG woman!) gets to the point where she's going through text messages and breaking into e-mails and such, some stuff needs to be dealt with. Either 1) You legitimately feel that something's wrong, in which case the text messages, etc., are just a by-product of that or 2) YOU have trust issues you need to deal with. Nothing is less attractive to someone than a needy, insecure partner. The attitude of, "I don't NEED to spy on you because if you are stupid enough to cheat on me, you deserve to lose me" is the one you need to emulate. Fake it 'til you make it. But I get the feeling you know things aren't right in this relationship and that runs deeper than what he does/doesn't say on Facebook or wherever. I think when you DO find the right one, you won't feel the need to spy on him. You'll trust him. But you have to find that person you can trust.