The Venus Flytrap

Wes and I got into an intense makeout session that worked its way into my bedroom. There was no element of surprise on my behalf. I knew exactly what was going to happen as soon as I suggested we go out for drinks just a block from my apartment.

I go into my closet to reach for a couple of condoms and hand it to him. Initially, he didn't want to wear one, so he grabs it and says "Okay, you want me to wear one, fine." He puts it on and his penis becomes limp immediately, and I'm like Dude WTF? So I help him out, and he starts thrusting. We start having messy sex, where the movements are out of whack and not entirely exciting.

In the back of my head, I'm thinking "Man, it better only suck cause he's had too much to drink, cause his moves are completely out of sync right now." With much effort, I manage to orgasm, I don't know, I may have faked, and he climbs off and lays on the bed. He asks for a blow job, to which I answer "Ok, but go wash up first." I momentarily fall asleep as he takes a shower, and as he comes out, I mention "You didn't come."

"It's a good thing I didn't" he answers.
"Why do you say that?" I ask him.
"Cause I took the condom off" he replies.

My eyes nearly bulge out of my head.

"What???" I nearly scream out. "Why the hell did you do that for?? I'm ovulating right now. You picked the worst possible time to use the pull out method. And moreover, I didn't give you permission to take off the condom" I chastise him.

At this point, I just want him to GTFO and never look back. I'm pissed and irritated that he would choose to take the condom off in the first place.

Head down, he begins dressing back up, not saying a word and goes out the front door. Seconds later, I realize I need to go unlock the gate to let him out in the first place, so he comes back up the stairs and says "You do realize you need to let me out right?"

Nice way to kick someone out, yet still have to walk them to the door. Fail.

I angrily stomp down the stairs and open the gate to let him go. We both say goodbye, and I rush back up to my apartment, get into bed and try to fall back asleep.

A few hours later I wake up and check my phone, and see an incoherent text from him:

Wes: Oh.... btw I didn't pull our off it came off on its own and j didn't notice..... but thanks for kicking me out..... I'm going back tomn... you were the real reason I came down here.... you hate me so wtf ever.... I'll never come back.

Looks like predictive texting couldn't help him on this one.

I check the floor, the trashcans and I don't see the condom. I look around the room and there's clothes everywhere, including his undershirt and his t-shirt on the floor. WTF did he leave with last night???

I text him back and say "I need to know- did you throw the condom away or is it inside me still?"

At this point, I have a bunch of thoughts going through my head. I don't feel anything weird inside me, but I somehow manage to smell a condom. Or at least I think I do. So I check myself. I check for a while, but I don't feel anything in me. Yet, I'm still convinced that I have a lost condom inside of me so I start digging as deep as I can (which is hard considering the angle...)

I do my kegel exercise and push as hard as I can and I finally feel something-
the ring to the condom.

I'm like... Ooooh F&%$........  How the F&#@ am I going to get it out??

I swear to God I started going through names of people in my head that I could trust to give me a hand. Literally. My friend Slut Monster was the only one I could think of. If I don't get this condom out today, I have to call her tomorrow.

I keep pushing, and digging deeper. I just need to grab it with both fingers so I can tweeze it out. I need to pull this condom out before I see Joshua. There is no way in hell I could explain a lost condom inside me if he finds it.

I finally glide it out just a tiny bit- enough to pinch it and grab it. I'm laying there on the bathroom floor, one leg up against the wall, the other against the counter, with my fingers inside my vagina, while I muster enough strength to push out and pull out- Is this what birth will look like? - until finally, I slowly pull it out and it comes out in one piece.

My vagina has become a flytrap.

Someone else showed up

Things with Joshua weren't looking too good. Our attempts at a "relationship"- or better yet, our "fling"- had turned into something I dreaded. I came to realize that he in fact did have a drinking problem. He continued calling me and texting every day, but in the middle of all our phone calls, our conversations turned into spats. It became a series of "shut up; let me talk; don't cut me off; you're not listening to me; I just told you, were you not paying attention?" happening more often than I can count on two hands.

I was mentally drained. No matter how each phone call began, no matter how hard I tried to tiptoe around his dialogue, it was bound to end up in a screaming match and a dial tone [well, more like a click since this is 2011 and we only use cell phones.....]

Wow, I haven't had this much excitement since I took some ipecac.

Turns out that I just..... couldn't handle Joshua. It's true that I didn't listen, but the reason for that was his stories just went on forever and took so many damn turns that I was nauseauted just trying to follow all the loops and curves. [chutes and ladders. it felt a little something like this]
In short, I zoned out a lot of the time. I always figured that I could just ask him to repeat the last sentence if I wasn't paying attention. But at a certain point, I just didn't care what he told me. It wasn't interesting to me and it required too much concentration.

After spending yet another night on Ben Franklin's couch, watching Tosh.0 on a loop, my back seriously started aching. I was experiencing cabin fever, and I needed to get out.

Then something, or rather "someone" happened.

Do you by any chance remember Wes? The online relationship with the "verbal abuser" that I had at the beginning of this year? (That coincidentally was also a heavy drinker?) Well..... he came by for a visit to Houston from Minnesota.

He had messaged me a few days earlier saying he "might" be stopping by for a long weekend to visit his new nephew and sister. Since things with Joshua weren't all peachy, I asked him if it was possible to meet, to which he responded "Possibly."

I wasn't exactly interested in getting into a relationship with Wes, but I was most of all curious to see what he actually looked like and acted like in real person. I guess the thought of meeting a guy who had expressed profound interest in me, and uttered the words "I Love You" got the best of me. I wasn't swooning, but I was definitely intrigued.

After some arrangements, we made plans to go to Minute Maid to catch an Astros game. He came to my apartment and we drove out to the stadium. He was just as short as I expected him to be- approximately an inch taller or so than me. He had a thick goatee, and piercing light blue eyes. His gaze was nerve-racking. It was the Fourth of July weekend, and unfortunately, a full stadium was in order. The cheapest tickets seated together were selling for $50.

"Yeah, no. forget that" I told him. We walked over to a grill across the street and decided to watch the game from there and order food and drinks. Conversation flowed easier than I expected it to. I felt like I had full control of the dialogue, and even though I knew he possessed the dominant characteristics, I could sense that I could drive this date any way I wanted to.

In other words, I was the boss. He was just in it for the ride.

We laughed, got along just fine and I suggested we go out to my side of town to a bar just around the corner from my apartment. You can sort of sense where this is going, right?

We showed up, ordered beers and went and played cricket- to which I did exceptionally well. We continued flirting around, pushing each other teasingly and talking. After two games of cricket, we sat back down at the table and had a "serious" conversation.

"So what do you think about me?" asked Wes.
"Um.... well.... I'm glad I finally met you in person. You're really different than how you act through messages. You're..... not as scary in real life" I told him. Personally, he reminds me of the Jesse James character. On the outside, he seems tough and scary, but inside, I can sense he's just a hopeless romantic. Hell, he talked to me day and night for three months straight.

"What about me? What did you think about me when you saw me?" I asked him
"Well, I think you're a lot more beautiful than you let on" he said.

I suddenly shrunk in my chair. Feeling the effects of the alcohol, my lips parted to say "Wow, that's.... a nice compliment..... thank you."

But suddenly, the alcohol brought out my emotional side, in a way that I couldn't quite comprehend. I began talking about my misfortune with dating, "especially with the last guy" I told him. He listened intently as I told him that lately, the guys I had been dating hadn't been serious about getting into a committed relationship; "All they want to do is date. Have their cake and eat it too" I continued telling him.

"I'm not like that" he tells me. "You just need to stop dating assholes" he said as he wiped away my tears. "Ok, so what do you want to do? If we're gonna keep drinking, might as well go buy alcohol and drink it at your place cause it's a lot cheaper" he mentioned. It was Sunday afternoon, the bar was completely dead anyway, and I had more liquor in my freezer than I knew what to do with. He succeeded in cheering me up and we drove back to my apartment to continue drinking there.

We had shots, beer and just laughed and continued flirting. At one point, he mentioned that he'd be coming back to Houston within the year. I asked him if he saw us being "friends" for real. "Yeah, I could deal with that" he said. "To go out and do stuff with?" I asked him. He said yes to which I pressed on with "Well what if I'm in a relationship then? You don't expect me to wait for you until then, right?"

"No, I don't expect you to wait, and we could hang out with whatever boyfriend you're with" he said.
I came up close to him, my lips inches from his and said "And you wouldn't feel the least bit tempted to do anything?" I tease.
"Nope. Cause if you're with someone, I'm not going to come in between your happiness" he said.

At this point, I'm on my kitchen counter, inches from pressing my lips to his.

"Really....? Not the least bit?" I ask coyly.

He stared at me with a soft grin on his face, his pupils grossly dilated, as I saw him falling in towards my mouth.

"Nuh uh! You said you wouldn't be the least bit tempted!" I warned him as I pulled my head back away with a teasing smile.
"But you're single now. Come here" he said as he drove his lips towards mine.

 to be continued......

Verbal abuse with The Unknown

I had previously discussed my confusing friendship with Wes. Though he had first admitted to liking me back in January, it was apparent that he'd been "interested" for over two years, when we'd first begun talking on Plenty of Fish.

"What do you want?" I'd texted him.
"A relationship with you" he replied.

But our complicated "friendship" wasn't something I was too proud of. We'd fight, argue, stop talking and break apart again. Then, we'd find ways to talk again a few weeks later. It had become a routine. So when I'd last mentioned that I knew we'd talk again, it was because I knew it was evident and inevitable.

Wes would give me all the attention I needed. We'd text non stop all day while we were working, he'd keep me entertained, and he'd make me feel wanted. He complimented me the way I wanted to be, he'd be sweet, attentive and had ultimately become my stress reliever. That was until he found a way to take out his insecurities and stress on me after a few drinks. Wes and I would have a blissful two weeks of conversation, but after a night at the bar, he'd call me drunk and express some type of frustration in the not-so-subtle way.

A few of the "fights" we had involved me going out to parties, to which he said he was jealous of.  "I'm not okay with you going out, dressed up, all sexy to some party, especially in a mask" (it was a masquerade party.) "I'm not okay with you going to a party with your friends, especially with a whole bunch of POF guys" (I'd told him of my friend's birthday party, to which she told me she'd be inviting a few of her Plenty Of Fish dates from the past.) "I'm sorry, ok, I'm jealous, but I don't like it" he'd say.

I hadn't talked to Wes on the phone too often, but one thing was for sure: I could tell when he'd been drinking too much- it was past 10:00 pm, and his southern country accent got a hell of a lot more obvious. One night, I was out with girlfriends, and had already had a drink. Wes called and angrily started going off, cussing, unhappy about the parties I was going to; I didn't put up with it and promptly hung up on him because I didn't want to cause a scene in front of my friends.

Wes continued calling me for the next three hours, texting me and annoying the hell out of me while I was at the club. He kept repeating the same dance, telling me "This is what you want, then I won't bother you no more", "I won't bother you again. Bye, you'll never hear from me again" and "You got what you wanted."

Damn, talk about a broken tape player.

But in the midst of it all, when I'd get lonely and bored, I'd send another text in the hopes of hooking him again, hoping that by some miracle, Wes would be nice to me all the time. It never worked. We flirted, were "affectionate" and attentive, each time falling harder for each other, but would fight approximately two to three weeks later; it had become a regular dance.  A love/hate relationship that neither one of us wanted to really come to terms with.

I can sincerely understand now why women stay in abusive relationships- because when he's not drinking, he's the sweetest person you've ever talked to. And when you break off, and you talk it out, he promises you things will change, and he won't act that way again, and he'll restrain himself. I get it. And you know what, for those girls who are stuck in that dreadful and ugly routine, I don't blame you. You want the love and the affection, and he gives it to you half of the time. You don't want to be alone, so you stay with him. It's hard to break away because you don't know where else you'll find that "love." Wes later called and left me a voicemail, and I could almost feel the sadness in his voice when he said: "Baby I know I've made mistakes and I know..... I know my drinking has become a problem but, I hope someday you can forgive me cause I do love you, and I don't want to lose you... so.... please call me back. Alright? I love you. Bye."

But, I'm looking at the future, and it ain't pretty. I've never hung out with someone who was volatile when they were intoxicated, and that's what I get from Wes. I told him at one point that it was best that we weren't together, or else I'd get the shit end of the stick when he was drunk, but he said it only happened because we weren't together. It's likely that he's  jealous that we're not in the same place, and that he can't see what I do in my free time, and you know what, I don't blame him. Even though I never let on that I'm hanging out with other guys, it's normal to have that jealousy. However, it's not normal to have it towards me- someone you've never met in person.

You're not exactly making your case dude.

I know we'll talk again

My friend Wes and I "broke up" again a while back in late January, after I'd expressed my concerns for being scared of his demeanor. Upon hearing this, he blew up and sensed that I wasn't being completely honest and wished me good luck with "whoever he is."

Damn, this f*cker gets me every single time. How does he do that?

It was indeed true. I had just begun dating Mr. Anime/Leto's Twin and was juggling my possibilities. I was hoping things with Mr. Anime would progress so that I'd have an excuse to back away from Wes, but when things didn't quite work out as I'd envisioned, I got lonely and reverted back to Wes.

Wes wasn't quite that pleasant at first. I'll admit it- I got bored, and I texted him back, but I didn't get a response back for about a week or so- with him bitching about wanting to be left alone and that "WTF do you want from me? Your choice not mine..... you wanted it, you got it" etc etc deal.

I know we're not on the best of terms right now, but I know we'll end up coming back together eventually. I can just feel it.

"It's all or nothing"

I'll admit it- I was juggling my chances with Mr. Anime and Wes. But I never honestly believed Wes and I could happen.  The worst outcome could have been that they both dumped me- but I'd be getting ahead of myself, and we haven't even breached the topic on Mr. Anime yet. So let's continue....

Past midnight one night, Wes texted me asking "How come you don't hardly talk to me anymore?"
Yes, I know, poor grammar, just bear with it.

Ren: Because I don't want to crush myself anymore.
Wes: More what? I already told you once my schooling is done I'm going back
Ren: And I told you we wouldn't work out. We'd end up hating each other in the end.
Wes: So in the meantime you are just going to not talk to me? F*ck that....... You can't go from liking me as much as you did to nothing... f*ck that... either you do or you don't.... there is no in between... what's it going to be.... it's all or nothing.
Ren: And I'd rather not do anything to risk the chance of losing your frienship.
Wes: Well I want more than that. And all I asked for was your patience... I'm going back home... I just have to finish school first... and I don't want to be just friends.... Sorry.

Well Shit. He never asked me to be exclusive, and him flirting and me reciprocating it was not exactly the same idea then.  I never thought about being in a committed relationship while he was away; it never even occurred to me. Can you assess the chances of us meeting face to face and being disappointed by the physical outcome? Ugh.

My thought was that if he came to Houston in the summertime and I was still single, then we'd meet and see if we hit it off. But the thought of waiting for him never even entered my mind; I simply didn't think it would work that way. So I told him the truth.....

Ren: You don't want to be my friend, then you don't have to be. I need to trust my gut on this, and say that I'm not comfortable with you. As a friend it's okay because I'm not involved, but romantically I'm scared of you which is why I know it wouldn't work; which is why i prefer to hold back and keep you at a distance.
Wes: Why are you scared of me? What the f*ck... I've done nothing to you...
Ren: it's the way you express yourself!!

A few minutes later, my phone rings. "Wes" on the caller ID.
[Sigh] Damnit.

And we argued, and talked and argued some more.... but it was mainly Wes venting out his frustration, while I just listened.

He said "I dont give a f*ck about Houston. I've been overwhelmed with funerals. I'm tired of it. One thing's for sure though, I'd never do you wrong. No lie, the day you told me not to talk to you anymore, I almost went to my boss and to my school to quit for you. I almost quit everything just to be with you."

My jaw dropped, but I let a heavy sigh escape. This can't be true. I don't believe it. Drop everything for me? Is he playing the guilt card?

"No don't do that" I told him. "Why not??" he asked. "Because we won't work out" I told him.

I continued telling him that the way he talked, expressed himself actually scared me to which he said "You're a sweetheart and I love the f*ck out of you. The way I act is not directed towards you. I miss talking to you and you just keep pushing me away!"

When it got to the point where I couldn't get my words in because he wouldn't let me I frustratingly yelled "You see this is what I mean!! We're not even together and we're fighting! I've already told you what I felt- why do you keep asking me??"

I honestly can't remember how the conversation ended, or what answer he accepted; all I remember was me telling him that it past 2:00 AM and I needed to go to sleep for work the next day. A few minutes later:

Ouch!

I haven't heard from Wes since that night, and he hasn't responded to the AIM and text message I sent him within the last few days explaining that I didn't want him out of my life completely and that I did care for him, and hope he'd be okay.

We "broke up."
Again.
[Sigh]

Online romance Part II

[continued from the previous post here]

I felt it was the right time to let go of Wes. I'd returned to OkCupid in search of the next one, when I found Mr. Anime (avid fan) and broke the ice with a Fifth Element quote. We messaged for a few days and had much to share, and when a few days went by without a response, I sent him another message asking if I'd scared him off and wished him a good weekend. He replied saying he thought he'd sent over the message, and instead gave me his number because he wouldn't be coming around to OkCupid any more.

In the meantime, feeling down about the whole Wes/distance situation, I broke down and told him what I was experiencing.

Ren: I actually cringe for the day you'll say "Yeah, I need some quiet time" lol cause that'll be a hard pill to swallow.
Wes: Why
Ren: Cause then I'll know I've officially exhausted you. Maybe I'm getting too attached and that's not good.
Wes: Not bad either.
Ren: And that's what I'm scared of. Liking someone- falling for someone who's only going to last a season, someone who's going to walk away just as easily as they walked in. That's why I hold back [because it's not worth it].
Wes: Ahhh I'm not going anywhere without reason.
Ren: I'm gonna go to sleep. Have a good night.
Wes: Is something wrong?
Ren: Idk. I don't know what to say. I don't know what I'm thinking. I just need to... clear my head.
Wes: Did I say something wrong?
Ren: Nothing wrong.
Wes: I don't understand.
Ren: I just hope that some day you can understand that you're not on your own, that there's someone who honestly cares for you and wants you to find happiness. And that person is me.
Wes: Where is this coming from?
Ren: That comes from the heart.
Wes: Seems like something else is bothering you.
Ren: You not being able to be here is probably the biggest factor. And I know there's nothing either one of us can do about it, and it's all moot.
Wes: I'll be back soon enough sweetheart

The next day, I didn't say hello and Wes texted me around mid-morning with "I didn't get a good morning text :(."
It actually broke my heart a little that he was upset.

A few days later Mr. Anime and I talked on the phone for the first time, and remain glued for 5 hours- always a good sign. The next night, in the middle of my conversation with Mr. Anime, I received a text from Wes:

It didn't hit me at first; I thought it was one of my friends being silly. But when I got up to look at it, I froze. Those are some pretty powerful words.

Ren: What are you doing?

Wes: Drinking

Ren: Is that why you said what you said?

Wes: No

Ren: Tell me why you said it

Wes: Because I feel it

I firmly believe in the "proverb" "A sober man's thoughts are a drunk man's words", mainly because it strips away all inhibitions and lets a person act out on impulses. God knows I've kissed  a "friend" or two while tipsy just because I had the courage to do so and wouldn't be offended if they pushed me away.

Wes and I didn't exactly discuss the subject further, and I simply dropped it because I didn't know what else to say. Over the weekend, I met Mr. Anime for the first time, and spent most of my available time hanging together. Along the way, Wes texted me asking me if he'd done something wrong because I wasn't talking to him much the last few days.

Ren: No nothing at all. It was just hurting too much to like someone who was so far away. I felt like keeping distance would help.

Wes: Why? And does it help?

Ren: Being alone helps.

Wes: Want me to leave you alone then?

Ren: I'm sorry

Wes: No need to apologize. I'll back off. I don't want to upset you.

I was being partially honest. Though it was true that the distance was putting a halt to anything I'd want to possibly experiment on with Wes, I hadn't told him about Mr. Anime being in the background. Main reason was out of selfishness, but also out of privacy. Wes never asked me to be exclusive together, and I didn't feel right bringing up the fact that I had just seen someone new over the weekend.

So what did I do?

Find out next.

Online romance

A few weeks, I began feeling very lonely and somehow fell into a depressed moment. Everyone around me was talking about their significant others, leaving me alone to contribute nothing to the conversations. So I caved and messaged the one person who'd been there, paying attention to me: Wes.

(I found Wes online, two years ago, but never got the chance to meet him in person because of the other person I was dating at the time)

Right on Christmas Eve/ Day, Wes and I broke off our friendship and stopped talking altogether. I deleted him from Facebook, and blocked him from MSN and AIM chat (or so I thought.) When I didn't hear from him with an appology within the next few days, I realized our frienship hadn't been genuine in the least. I pushed him out of my mind, and carried on about my life.... until the first week of January, when he messaged me with "what's up perty lady?"

I quickly called him out on it, reminding him that we weren't on speaking terms, and if he remembered why. He said he didn't and tried to make a quick escape, but fueled with anger, I pressed on the matter even further. We "argued" for the next 2 hours about what'd been said, what we really meant, and trying to resolve things out, until I just walked out. It was apparent that neither one of us wanted to stop talking to the other, and for the next few days, we slowly started dipping our feet back to test the waters after our "storm."

We slowly started getting comfortable with each other until I admited to him that I'd been feeling down about being reminded that I was single... over and over again. Over the course of the next few days, I started flirting, saying sweet things I knew would keep his attention. We didn't have anything in common, but he was always there to pay attention to me, and that's where I admit I gave in.

One Saturday night, things became quite clear.

Wes: I think it's obvious by now that I like the shit out of you
Ren: Well I'm glad that you were finally able to admit it after dancing around it for the past two years.
Wes: Seeing as how you want honesty so much right now.... I think i have fallen for you.... and I've never met you.... how sad is that?
Ren:  It's not sad. I just think you've been blinded :)

The next day:

Ren: About the msg I got early this morning [around 3am]?
Wes: I think it was kind of straight forward.
Ren: Was wondering if maybe alcohol was a pushing factor.
Wes: No. It was probably the reason I actually said it. But it isn't a false statement
Ren: You're falling for me?
Wes: Maybe so... kind of sad seeing as how we never met, but oh well I can't help it.
Ren: Why? Spit it out. Why do you like me?
Wes: You are always a sweetheart and always let me know when you don't agree with something I say.[So true. I don't take his shit] Smart, beautiful, got your shit together.
Ren: You know just what to say. Flattery hits the spot :)

The days following, we coyly continued talking, texting each other, sharing about our day. And one night, I felt it. The "L" word.

Oh shit. Noooo. Get it out of your head, he's not right for you; not only that, but he live 20+ hours away!

I knew the reasons why I was falling for him:
1) He gave me all the attention I craved for; he was always happy to respond to me, regardless of how busy he was with work and school
2) He complimented me repeatedly
3) He was sweet towards me, aside the fact that he was a tough guy on the outside.

Yep Guys, that's what we all want. Attention, flattery, kindness, romance. Did I leave anything out?

However, having him far away, unable to come to Houston until the summertime because of school, I was hurting myself more than I wanted. And I decided it was time to slowly begin to let go of this online romance..... and begin looking for someone in my own backyard...... [to be continued on the next post]

Losing a friend

It happens every so often; you gain a friend, you lose a friend, but I've always found frienship breakups to be somewhat awkward. Is it just as easy to walk away?

I "met" Wes on a POF (single's website) almost two years ago, when I began my foray into the dating scene. He was the first person I spoke to, and because of that, developed an attachment to him. However, we never actually met in person; he was too different for me: too rough, vulgar and different from what I physically liked. I hardly talked to him during the year, and we'd reconnect every once in a while for a few weeks, and trail apart soon after. We just didn't have anything in common.

During the summer, we began talking again as I found myself single and openly searching for my next challenge. I soon found out however that he had moved away to Minnesota and was currently undergoing a harsh breakup with a girl he loved. Somewhere along the way, he finally called me and we spoke on the phone for the very first time. It was an instant connection we shared, one based on friendship.

Over the months, we talked online more often, but never on the phone. He had started school again and kept himself very occupied but always found the time to talk to me. We vaguely touched on each other's feelings, but he made it an open promise to meet up when he came back to Houston.

On Christmas Eve, Wes messaged me on Aim saying he needed to talk to someone. He'd been agonizing over the death of his brother 9 years back and couldn't stop blaming himself for what had happened. His brother was in the USMC and was killed in Iraq. He opened up about losing over 35 people in the last 8 years and couldn't bring himself to lose any more, hence why he'd kept me at such a distance all this time.

"I'd rather not know then know and lose [someone]" he said.

I could tell he was hurting, and I tried so hard to help, but I couldn't possibly fathom what he'd experienced. I couldn't put myself in his place. The more I tried, the more he pushed me away, telling me to walk away while I still could. He said he couldn't be helped, and that ever since he'd been out of the military himself, couldn't stop dwelling on his losses and fighting his own demons.

So I cracked. I gave up.

Ren: You want me to walk away from you?
Wes: It'd be best for you to be honest.
Ren: I'm hurt. But if you want me to do that for you,
Wes: Doesn't matter about me Ren....
Ren: There's not much else I can do
Wes: Save yourself while you can.

I felt a lump in my throat, rejected, and my heart actually hurt from losing someone again, even if it wasn't romantic. I shed a few tears, and thought hard about the decision I'd made.

I feel that perhaps I gave up too easily; maybe the alcohol got to him, and he was talking nonsense. Either way, I deleted him from Facebook and Aim as well that night and we haven't spoken since then.

Did I do the right thing?