A few weeks, I began feeling very lonely and somehow fell into a depressed moment. Everyone around me was talking about their significant others, leaving me alone to contribute nothing to the conversations. So I caved and messaged the one person who'd been there, paying attention to me: Wes.
(I found Wes online, two years ago, but never got the chance to meet him in person because of the other person I was dating at the time)
Right on Christmas Eve/ Day, Wes and I broke off our friendship and stopped talking altogether. I deleted him from Facebook, and blocked him from MSN and AIM chat (or so I thought.) When I didn't hear from him with an appology within the next few days, I realized our frienship hadn't been genuine in the least. I pushed him out of my mind, and carried on about my life.... until the first week of January, when he messaged me with "what's up perty lady?"
I quickly called him out on it, reminding him that we weren't on speaking terms, and if he remembered why. He said he didn't and tried to make a quick escape, but fueled with anger, I pressed on the matter even further. We "argued" for the next 2 hours about what'd been said, what we really meant, and trying to resolve things out, until I just walked out. It was apparent that neither one of us wanted to stop talking to the other, and for the next few days, we slowly started dipping our feet back to test the waters after our "storm."
We slowly started getting comfortable with each other until I admited to him that I'd been feeling down about being reminded that I was single... over and over again. Over the course of the next few days, I started flirting, saying sweet things I knew would keep his attention. We didn't have anything in common, but he was always there to pay attention to me, and that's where I admit I gave in.
One Saturday night, things became quite clear.
Wes: I think it's obvious by now that I like the shit out of you
Ren: Well I'm glad that you were finally able to admit it after dancing around it for the past two years.
Wes: Seeing as how you want honesty so much right now.... I think i have fallen for you.... and I've never met you.... how sad is that?
Ren: It's not sad. I just think you've been blinded :)
The next day:
Ren: About the msg I got early this morning [around 3am]?
Wes: I think it was kind of straight forward.
Ren: Was wondering if maybe alcohol was a pushing factor.
Wes: No. It was probably the reason I actually said it. But it isn't a false statement
Ren: You're falling for me?
Wes: Maybe so... kind of sad seeing as how we never met, but oh well I can't help it.
Ren: Why? Spit it out. Why do you like me?
Wes: You are always a sweetheart and always let me know when you don't agree with something I say.[So true. I don't take his shit] Smart, beautiful, got your shit together.
Ren: You know just what to say. Flattery hits the spot :)
The days following, we coyly continued talking, texting each other, sharing about our day. And one night, I felt it. The "L" word.
Oh shit. Noooo. Get it out of your head, he's not right for you; not only that, but he live 20+ hours away!
I knew the reasons why I was falling for him:
1) He gave me all the attention I craved for; he was always happy to respond to me, regardless of how busy he was with work and school
2) He complimented me repeatedly
3) He was sweet towards me, aside the fact that he was a tough guy on the outside.
Yep Guys, that's what we all want. Attention, flattery, kindness, romance. Did I leave anything out?
However, having him far away, unable to come to Houston until the summertime because of school, I was hurting myself more than I wanted. And I decided it was time to slowly begin to let go of this online romance..... and begin looking for someone in my own backyard...... [to be continued on the next post]