Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Unreliable Backup

I met Phillip back in October on POF. We talked for a couple of weeks, sharing about each other's pasts,  before deciding to meet up, although the night we did, we were both already buzzed  (just enough to warrant a 3:00 am meeting in the Wal-Mart parking lot.)

As soon as I got in his car, I was clearly disappointed and no longer seemed in the mood to talk.

His pictures clearly showed a side I hadn't seen on Facebook. The full frontal pose that is. It wasn't that he was ugly... he just wasn't able to make me go "Wow" in my head. He was by other standards... alright.

Phillip was over excited, hyper and very talkative "Wow, you're really cute!" "Thanks" I answered shyly. "Are you alright? You're not really talkative" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm just tired" I told him. "Are you sure? I mean, tell you what- you can leave right now, and I won't be upset" he counter-offered.

I really did consider it, but given the fact that it would be bitchiest thing to do, I decided against it. So what did I do? I took him back to my apartment.

What can I say, I have needs too. 

Once back home, I came face to face to an unpredictable surprise. Can you guess what it was?

Over the next few days, we continued talking, but I was clearly not interested in dating him- he wasn't exactly eye candy. Moreover, he didn't give me the attention I wanted. A week later, he said he'd be joining the Air Force the next year (something which I'd already been warned prior to our first meeting.) I jumped on the opportunity for backup sex knowing I wouldn't have him for much longer.

Didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to.

Phillip strained, and mentioned that he was worried it wouldn't be a good idea saying that I might get attached and get hurt.

We danced around the idea for a while until we met up for drinks one night after Halloween. He had seen my costume and had suggested I wear it one night for a hookup. I considered but didn't confirm anything- until we came back to my apartment for a second try.

(Most of you saw the picture from a previous post)

He spent the night and left early morning as I lounged in my apartment. As the days went by, I tried my hardest to get him to repeat the action, but he was disappointed that I needed to be drunk to perform the act. I don't blame him for wanting me to be sober, but quite honestly, I had 10 times more fun being inebriated.

A few weeks later, I went on vacation, and we continued chatting while I was abroad. I came back with the intention of hanging out, except it never quite happened. He kept canceling plans at the last minute, all of which were playing with my nerves and patience. At the end of December, I simply gave up and stopped initiating the talks. On Christmas day however, he invited me out to a pool hall with his friend to hang out. We hung out for a while until he started talking about how hot our waitress was, and I'd decided it was never going to work out.

I told him good night and left, but not before walking me out. Once at my car, Phillip said to me "So I guess there's no point in taking advantage of you tonight and taking you back to my place?"

[scoff] "Uh nope, not gonna happen" I answered.

"Oh wow, just like that?" he asked.

"Yep, it wasn't going to happen tonight" I told him.

He went to give me a hug as I saw him reach for my lips to which I quickly retreated. I heard him mumble under his breath something to the effect of "Well why do you think I walked you out?"

"Good night Phillip"  I finished.

On my way home, he texted saying:

To which I ended with "Ok."

BS. Friends with benefits means you need to offer a little more effort when hooking up. I'd already done my share of the legwork and didn't really appreciate the fact that he called me out for being hungry all the time.

Dude, it's not like you have a dick made of gold. You're far from it.

***One Month Earlier***

"So am I the smallest guy you've been with?" he asked.

I tried to hold back pity. "No, my first was smaller." 

I lied.

"Oh good, so I'm only the second smallest, yes!" he replied. 

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

"It's embarrassing though. I'm 6' tall and I have a 7 inch penis" he continued.

I've seen 7 inches, and they're quite a few inches bigger than what you've got. What ruler are you using?

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