Monday, November 8, 2010

An apology 4 years later

It's been 4 years since I broke up with one of the greatest loves of my life- the person who I planned to marry, the person I never doubted, and the only person who treated me like a queen. His name was (still is) Josh.

That 4-year relationship came to a screeching halt when I moved with my family from California to Texas. It was a deafening wake-up call from fantasy, one that left me single for 2.5 years (until I met Sebastian) and has made me depressed ever since.


Once we broke up, we never saw eye to eye on things, and while we were both hurt and angry at each other, we proceeded to alienate ourselves from one another and never be on speaking terms again. A year later, I called him to ask for money that he owed me, hoping he would somehow be able to pay me back. He promised that he would, but never did. The following year, in 2008, Hurricane Ike hit Houston, and while the rest of the country was watching the news, Josh wrote to me and asked if I was okay. We tried to make peace, but things were still painful for me and we eventually became bitter and angry at each other again. That was the last I heard of him.

Until this week......

It's Monday morning, and I'm checking my phone and see a notification on my Facebook.
I have a new message and it doesn't hit me until I read the sender's name.

"I really need to apologize for everything that ever happened.  I've been dwelling a lot lately about getting older, and growing up in general. I blamed you for the shit that happened between us for a long time, and it's taken me a while-- but I realize that I share blame in what happened between you and I. I was immature and young, and while I'll never condone the way you treated me, I instigated and forced upon you issues that you never should have dealt with.  What we both did to one another wasn't fair in the slightest, and I apologize for the stupid shit I put you through. 

Sorry to bother you. I know it's been forever, but I had to get it off my chest."

I was surprised and confused. I don't think he ever did anything remotely as bad as I did to him. Still, I couldn't help but wonder why he was coming back so many years later with an apology that he really didn't need to make.

I responded the following afternoon:

"You never did anything wrong. If anything, the only wrong thing you did was caring too much for someone who didn't deserve it..... I learned to understand that I was immature and irresponsible to have been in that relationship. I'm sure things worked out for the best and I'm glad you can finally put this behind you and move on, although, I quite honestly thought you had already."

He went on to say that looking back, he'd realized that he'd forced me to be with him (though I don't consider it so) and because he was unable to control his emotions, he put my family and I through some trying situations. He continued saying that he thought he was over it too, but some things had happened that were a consequence of what had happened between us two in the past, though indirectly. Frankly, it made me curious, because I really don't know how someone can still harbor "grudges" or "sentiments" for something that happened so long ago- especially since he is still with the same girlfriend, 4 years later.

"As far as if it worked out for the best: It's had some good things come out of it, and some bad."

Regardless of the vague statements he expressed, I still thanked him for the apology. I knew him well enough then to know that he is probably feeling depressed now; Possibly because of how his life turned out. I don't know, I'm only guessing.

1 comment:

  1. Sometimes it's just nice to have closure after some time has passed. It helps someone move forward. It's funny you said that about the hurricane, though -- my first boyfriend STILL contacts me every time a natural disaster happens here in Nashville. He's married with two kids but if we have a tornado or flood, you can count on him e-mailing to see if I'm okay.