Halloween 2010

I had a very successful weekend for Halloween. Everything that I planned for didn't happen, and someone completely took me by surprise as well.

Last week, I ended up meeting a guy I had been talking to for the week prior. We hit it off in conversations rather well, and thought we would end up meeting sometime the following week. We ended up meeting late on a Saturday night and hit it off rather easily but it soon occurred to me that this would only turn into a "benefits" thing. Things heated up and we became physical right away, but days later, he said he would be joining the Air Force in the new year. This didn't surprise me at all because he had openly admitted it before we'd even met in person.

Still, he offered to take me out on a real date the Friday before Halloween, and I accepted and told him to meet me after class in my side of town. Somewhere along the way, he was... "detained" and had to attend to his mother who had "mysteriously" gotten a "flat tire" on the "other side" of town. I was angry that I had to wait so long and asked him to tell me right away if he would cancel altogether so that I could go out with my friends instead. When I didn't hear back in time, I took off to my friend's. An hour later, I received a text asking me that if I still wanted to wait, he would be ready in an hour- at 11:30. Dinner that late? Yeah Right.

"I already left for the night" I responded.

Once at my friends, we dressed up in our costumes and went out to Washington St. to the different bars and pubs having their festivities that night. (I was Red Riding Hood)

The following day, we proceeded to do the same but this time went to the gay side over at Montrose. I admit, I haven't had that much fun in a really long time. The gay guys in costumes were hilarious! And a lot of them looked absolutely amazing in their outfits.  Soon after, I start thinking about my Gorgeous Guy. GG or "Duff", is someone I met last year and went on a few dates. It never materialized; the guy was way out of my league, both intellectually and physically. The guy is the most amazingly good looking guy I've ever had the pleasure of kissing. However, every few months or so, we get back in touch, talk and hang out for a while before splitting ways and not hearing from each other again. It's normal, I'm ok with it, and it makes me excited when I see him again. The last time we hung out was..... in April and we parted ways with an unexpected kiss.

At about 11:00 pm, buzzed and feeling very happy, I decided to text Duff to see if he was out enjoying the festivities as well.

Ren: 10:58 pm: Whatcha doing tonight?
Duff: Hey we're on washington, come =)
Ren: I think we're headed out that way later. What are you wearing?
Duff: 11:15 pm: Text me when u around. Pearl Bar.

Unfortunately, to my dismay, Saturday night was reserved for our gay friend, meaning that we would only be going to the gay bars that night. I was disappointed considering I wanted to see Duff, but figured that maybe the next day could bring on another opportunity.

Around 3:30 or so, we decided to head back home, completely wasted out of our minds. I remember texting people that night, but the one I remember the most is Duff's.

Come over? Oh wow. Now that's an intriguing invitation considering we've never gotten physical.

I won't lie. If I could have gone, I would have, but I could not see straight, and he didn't have his car either. He was only 4 miles out, and the temptation killed me. However, the alcohol got the best of me and I ended up falling asleep on the couch regardless. The next day, I woke up to find out Duff had passed out cold as well. At about 2 pm, I decided to give him a call and see how he was doing. I suggested we go out to eat, and an hour later, I was at his apartment. With a hangover. He as well. 

We had a long lunch with painful, strained conversation, which was to be expected. About two hours later, I take him back to his friend's to pick up his car and he gives me a hug good bye. I can see him moving forward to give me a kiss, but I turn my head and he kisses me on the cheek. We look at each other, and I plant him a kiss on the lips as he's getting out of the car, and flat out say "I really want to make out with you."

He smiles, says "OK!!" and closes the door back.

"No, not here!" I tell him.

"Ok, then where? You want to go somewhere?" he asks

"Um, yeah. But I don't know where" I reply.

"We can go back to my place, and take a nap" he suggests.

"Ok, let's do that" I agree.

A short while later, we're in his bedroom, listening to his band's rehearsal pieces. He comes over to me and starts kissing me. We eventually DO end up falling asleep and waking up randomly to continue kissing. I'll admit, it was very hot, but I never once felt uncomfortable. If anything, the intensity of the kissing was exciting, and I could, ahem, *feel* that he was enjoying it as well. At about 7:30 or so, I ended up leaving to go to my friends, with my hair disheveled, but with a huge grin on my face.

I'm glad I got my treat. :) 

We make music

I was on campus yesterday for my Tuesday evening classes when I found out my 7pm lecture was canceled. Seeing as to how I was technically free and dressed, I texted Gorgeous Guy to ask him if he was free, to which he called me back right away.

“I’m just getting out of the gym and I’m really hungry. Want to get something to eat? Say, Mediterranean?”

Ugh. I just ate, but… that doesn’t mean I have to eat a handful. I wouldn’t mind just sitting down and…. talking. Eek.

He gave me directions and we met at a Greek place about 15 minutes away.  I admit we had a few awkward silences and moment lost in conversation, but it was a casual meet-up after our last (and awkward) hangout back in September.

I managed to get him off the topic of soccer and asked him about his relationship stint earlier this year which had disappeared just a few days later on Facebook.

He laughed and said “Well, it was more of her pushing the status change. I guess it’s important to some people. If all my friends know I’m dating someone, I don’t need to announce it on Facebook.”

Guys just don’t get it!

“Things just moved too fast between us. It was almost like she moved in cause she was always over and spending the night. I mean, it’s not that I’m against it, it was just…. too soon for me. She was walking around in her pajamas and she was…. kinda butch; she was broad shouldered, so I was kind of scared she’d one day scratch her balls or something” he said.

This sent me into a laughter.

“She just turned me off. I don’t know how else to say it. I didn’t tell her that obviously, but my friends know” he added.

So he likes the feminine woman I see….

Nearing the end of our dinner, he asked if I was up for anything else, to which I replied “Uh, I guess. What did you have in mind?”

Well, I can let you listen to our band’s music. We’ve got some new material” he said.

Oh that’s right… I forgot he’s a bassist for a local band.

“Yeah sure” I replied.

With that, we went over to his place where I met his roommate who high-fived me, and his girlfriend as they were on the couch eating dinner.

We went into his room and listened to music and he then decided to play along on his bass to one of their tracks.

He then got out his keyboard and started messing around with the controls making all different noises and sounds with instruments. I came up next to him and started hitting keys also until we somehow decided to make a loop track to “All my friends know the low rider.” It was actually pretty entertaining.

This entire time I’m thinking it’s nothing but two people having clean fun (yes, it still exists mysteriously) and once it got past midnight, I decided to leave seeing how sleepy he was getting. He walked me out to my car where he gave me one of those awkward hugs like, he's going in for the kiss, but I'm brushing it off completely by nuzzling my head against his chest.  He suggested we hang out again and I told him to find time in his busy schedule and give me a buzz if he ever was available. I asked him if he was free Saturday late night to catch a showing of RHPS; he said he would be at a soccer game but would call me either way to let me know if he could make it. With that he leaned into me and kissed me!

I was surprised that he made the first move, though I was half-expecting us to part ways with a smooch on the cheeks or whatever seeing as how he’d been coyly caressing me as the evening wore off.  We smiled as we hugged one last time and I left back to my place.  Early on, I’d decided against making the first attempt seeing as to how I wasn’t sure if this was a date.  I guess I know what to expect for this weekend!

I managed to go on a date without realizing it.

Is he....... gay?

So Mr. Gorgeous Guy has appeared back after a few months beeping low on the radar, and it's gotten me thinking. I first initiated the conversation the day of my breakup with Sebastian asking him of his plans to attend the Muse concert in mid-March. Since then, it's been a text here and there every once in a while, but nothing to get my hopes up. I've decided that I won't make a move if he doesn't.

So the day of the concert, I text him and he says we should meet up after the concert for a beer. I tell him ok, but seeing as to how I got a ride from someone, I really couldn't. However, my phone died out on me, and I couldn't text him back until I got home after the concert. I got a message asking me if I was at the bar, and I explained to him what happened. The next day, I wrote on his wall on Facebook just chit chatting about the concert, and he responded with "I had fun..." blah blah blah and "we should do something next week."

I know he's not one to really follow through with plans, and neither am I, so I don't check up on him at all. Earlier this week as I'm thinking about him and our "attempted" plans, I get a casual text with "hola." We engage on some weak convo and he tells me he's going to Utah for a business trip. Today, I text him asking how his trip went, and get a missed call with a voicemail from him telling me a bit about it. He asks to call him back to talk, and I call him maybe 30 minutes later when I have free time. We just engage in simple convo about his plans for the year, travelling and getting published in a magazine next year for engineering. Wow, great job and that's really good I tell him. Then he asks me "So when are we hanging out again? So we can talk in person instead of over the phone."

I'm a bit surprised and think to myself Wow, this is.... out of the ordinary, though a little expected I guess, but whatever....

"Well, I guess whenever you can. Like, I guess tell me when you're free and we'll see if we can meet up" I tell him.

"Well, I'm free Tuesday and Wednesday" he tells me.

I tell him I'm free on Wednesday and he plans to keep his schedule clear for that day.

"Yeah, and you should come to a soccer game with me!" he explains.

Ugh..... well..... live sports event aren't my thing, even though I had fun with you last time.

"Yeah, I guess" I answer weakly.

Fifteen minutes later, we say our goodbyes as I go and venture off on to my book.

Later in the evening, I notice he comments on one of my posts, which is rather strange seeing as to how he never comments on anyone else's. So I decide to venture off onto his photo album where he has literally a thousand pictures of his trips and events with him and friends, and don't find a single picture of him and a hot girl.... like... making out, or you know. All I see are really good friendly faces and a lot of drinking and travelling either by himself or his male roommate. However, I do remember him showing me a picture of a girl he dated when I went to his place last year when we were "dating."

Then, I decide to check his info profile just to satisfy my curiosity and see what he's "interested in" and it's not there. It leaves me dumbfounded. I mean... I met the guy on a dating profile. We kissed, but it was I who made the move, and since then, I haven't really seen girls in the picture. I did see his status change a couple of months ago, but a few days after I commented on it, the status was gone. I was confused.

I'm not chasing this guy. We don't have much in common, and the only thing he's good for is arm candy cause the guy is hot. However, I have had.... sort of... bad luck with "handsome" men in the past- wherein that they turn out gay a couple of years later.

Could my gorgeous guy be gay and still be closeted? I mean, no guy that hot should be single, unless he choses to be, or as they say "looks only get you so far" and he's lousy in relationships.

I guess I'll have to get him to open up about that quicky relationship he had earlier this year and explain that to me.

My heart broke a little just now......

Oh gosh... I think my heart may have suffered a fracture.

I recently sent a text message to Gorgeous Guy, an adoringly, sweet and gentle guy I went on a few dates during my limbo period with Sebastian. Gorgeous Guy was just that- incredibly good looking. He had the smarts (PhD in Engineering) and liked to travel, just as I did. But our dates didn't progress into anything because I didn't let it.

Every time we met up, I'd get this painful heartache because Sebastian was always on my mind. Gorgeous Guy was really nice, but I feel that he could probably sense I wasn't up to dating; he could tell in my watery eyes that I'd been hurt and the pain was still fresh. We never opened up on the subject of past relationships, and I'm grateful for that, because I'm sure the floodgates wouldn't have held on much longer.

He never made any sexual advances and I really liked that. However, it was evident that there wasn't much to do because of how shy I was around him. He was older (I think he's 30 now...) and much more accomplished than me. I felt like a high schooler around him. The only thing that bothered me was that he was a bit of a party animal.... though a relaxed one- drama free. The majority of his Facebook pictures have him holding some type of alcoholic drink, and I felt uncomfortable by it because it seemed to me that the only way we'd go out, would be to go for drinks.

In his text, he told me he'd gone to New York last week, so while on Facebook, I saw his updated pictures. They seemed pretty generic and I left a comment. When I went back to his wall, I scrolled down for a weird reason and saw it: The little heart..... "in a relationship with: her name here."

I gasped.

Gorgeous Guy, my Gorgeous Guy, was officially off the market.

Crap!!

All too quickly, our previous dates came into mind... 

I wonder what would have happened if I'd let go of Sebastian the way I was supposed to. Would we be dating now? Would it have lasted?

"Damn. What did I miss out on?" I kept thinking to myself.

He was hot! He still is damnit! And what did I trade him for? An arrogant geek!

Ok, so that's a little  harsh, but if you knew they way Sebastian and I joke about his ego, you'd understand and laugh too. Yes, he is "geek" or a "nerd" whatever you want to call it. He has the highest self esteem I've ever come across, which yes, does make him more attractive because he's confident, but his ego can be overwhelming sometimes. I sometimes purposefully play with his confidence and try to bring it down a notch. It doesn't work. I wish he'd be more humble.

I can't lie and say I didn't care, but I just couldn't help but wonder what I'd given up on.....

What if, what if.....