Fooled me again

The IT Pilot appeared on my radar again. It’s as if this asshole had some kind of homing beacon on me; he kept coming back every few months, even when we’d both made it clear that it was DONE FOR GOOD. 

All of this oftentimes confused me more, scrambled my feelings, but I knew it wouldn’t happen between us again. He had already played me dumb three times- and what had President Bush said after the first time? "Fool me — [pauses] — You can't get fooled again." Maybe he was onto something there.

The IT Pilot and I had gone to play Bingo one night, because that's all we ever really had in common nowadays. However, this time, it was much more different. He admitted to seeing someone, and he felt it was okay to hang out with me (an ex) since she, too, hung out with her exes. So as I sat there at bingo, I realized we probably wouldn't be having sex that night (as had become the norm throughout time).

Fast forward another month or so, and in May, after too many beers at Bingo (once again) the IT Pilot texted me out of the blue to show me what he was up to. After bingo was done, I asked if I could stop by to meet his new pup (actually, it was a dog he'd shared with an ex a few years back, and had retrieved it once again) and he agreed. I played with his English bulldog for a while (I adore animals) and I came in and we began talking a bit more. I didn't want to hear of his new love interest, but I knew she wasn't putting out. And he admitted that he'd be pulling the plug soon. (He'd also confirmed this through texts.) 

We sat down on his couch and talked more, and all again, the story of "US" came out, and why it hadn't worked out, and why it wouldn't work out, and why it would never happen. However, this didn't stop him from putting the moves on me and undressing me and taking me to his bedroom. We had great sex once again, and a few hours later I left. I didn't hear from him at all that weekend, but it was to be expected, but on Monday, I received a long text from him. 

It mentioned that I needed to realize that what had happened that last night was a mistake and that it hadn't worked out between us, and would never work out between us. He wished me all the best, and that he'd never forget me, but it was time to move on. I responded angrily saying that it was his decision to end it. Later that night, I noticed he'd completely removed me from Facebook. Then a few days later, as I updated my contacts, I saw a new profile photo of him..... and her....

So THAT'S why he deleted me. He wanted to spare me from getting hurt?

I was bruised, upset, furious, jealous, enraged- all the feelings a woman scorned can experience. 

I had been his toy for a year (to the date) and now he was finally getting rid of me to pursue something with someone else. I felt used, and my ego was bruised. I felt stupid for having pursued someone for so long, who obviously didn't want to be with me.

What had I done to deserve such poor treatment? I could understand being used to fulfill a sexual desire when it's agreed by both persons, but to be strung along as well for a year? I vehemently hated this asshole. 

But each story has a happy ending. Too bad it was his, and not mine.

Mr. Endowed and his not-so-humble brother

I need to take a detour to two other gentlemen I met and dated between February and May before we get to the really good stuff.

Mr. Endowed, and his brother “I had to pretend to gag”.

Mr. Endowed:

I dated this hot looking blond for roughly a month, and all we did was have sex. He never bothered to take me out on dates (why would he buy the cow if he was already getting the milk for free anyway?) He was incredibly well-endowed, but opposite of Larry, was much more considerate and gentle when it came to sex. However, after a few weeks on non-stop sex, it occurred to me that he would only come see me to have sex. We never really talked or shared anything about each other, and at one point told me that because he liked me a lot, needed to let me know where his beliefs for God stood. He was fairly religious and wanted his partner to follow in the same path. Unfortunately for him, I’m agnostic, and don’t follow any denomination or religion. Because of this, we probably wouldn’t work out. We ended up splitting ways soon after, but kept loose contact (and became FWB for a short while during the summer).

“I had to pretend to gag”:

This was a great guy that I met online as well and had a wonderful time with. He was a new teacher, and to this day, remains as one of the best/most fun date I’ve ever had. We went to dinner at this quiet Thai restaurant near my apartment and had a great conversation, and afterwards went to a country nightclub (Wild West) where he taught me to line dance. It was so much fun! Over the next few days, we’d message each other and made plans to meet a couple more times.

One night, I managed to make my way over to his apartment and spend the night after we’d watched a movie. He never made advancements toward me sexually, but as soon as I removed my bra and lay down beside him, he expressed an incredible fascination towards them. Mr. Teacher became the greatest foreplayer in history. He would play and pay attention to my breasts for hours, all of which was incredibly arousing. However, he said he didn’t want to have sex because he’d mentioned he’d had bad luck with condoms coming off before and didn’t want a baby/plan B scare/and was religious.

I reached into his pants and immediately understood why.

His penis was no longer or bigger than my middle finger. That’s 3”. Erect. Oh. My. God. Whyyy?? This guy was great, outgoing, such a gentleman, and incredibly sweet. But he wasn’t packing anything more than a roll of quarters in his pants. I was bummed out, but was actually ready to forego such a small penis only because I liked him so much. 

Then came the heavy petting. Which unfortunately didn’t last more than 47 seconds. Not only did he have small jewels, but P.E. (premature ejaculation). He’d bragged about coming over and over, and to be completely honest, there wasn’t much work on my end to be done. As soon as I’d touch him, he’d come. I’d give him a few strokes and poof! Done. I had to pretend to gag because his penis never even touched the back of my throat. One morning, I was able to make him come four times in fifteen minutes! And I only stopped because I had to go back home, or else he could have kept coming. While it was exciting to see him come so easily, I couldn’t help but imagine what sex would be like. And no wonder the condoms always came off. They were too big for him! He was completely oblivious to the fact that he had a small penis. He swore he had huge balls.

No honey, you’re far from having huge balls. I’ve seen big balls. They’re like apricots. You’ve got half a walnut in there. For both balls.  

We stopped dating when I admitted that I had HSV-1, or oral herpes. Unfamiliar with the virus, he immediately stopped kissing me on my lips and became overly paranoid. I couldn’t help it. He was ignorant, and I couldn’t do much to help him see it was okay. 

I quickly moved away from both men, not before falling into an old familiar habit. 

God*mnit.

Karma, what a bitch

A couple of weekends in a row, I had had two disturbing dreams about the IT Pilot. In my dreams, he had been a jerk about our relationship and had strung me along to get what he wanted while he was seeing someone else.

It's unbelievable, but even in my dreams I get emotionally attacked. I felt the dreams had hit too close to home and it was better to stop thinking about the IT Pilot completely and void myself of any type of sentiments for him.

Larry was still in the picture, and I was slowly coming to accept him into my life, even though he'd recently become busier all of a sudden.

I didn't put much thought into it, believing what he'd tell me about being too busy at work, and having to go home after work because of problems with his car, family or work. I'm not one to question everything a guy does, even if it may look suspicious to others because if there is no trust, the relationship won't work.

Larry happened to get President's day off, and I suggested I take the day off too to spend time together since we hadn't seen each other regularly now that I was spending the weekends at my mom's baby-sitting my younger sisters.

I had had a gut feeling ever since Valentine's day (which completely blew and wasn't celebrated) and I wanted to check his phone for some proof- any proof- that maybe I wasn't the only one. When he went to take a shower the following day, I went through his phone as quickly as I could and my worst realization came to life.

He was flirting with another girl. And it appeared to be someone new. I read as fast as I could and came to find out that the girl was new, they were sharing basic information about each other- the kind that you normally do when you meet someone online- your background, last names etc.

As soon as he got dressed, I simply asked him "Would you be open to having an open relationship?"

"What? No! Why do you ask me that?" he asked.

"Because I know you've been talking to another girl, and from the looks of it, it's too friendly for my taste" I admitted.

He tried to make me believe that the girl was "just a friend" (Sure, as if we haven't all heard that excuse before), that they knew each other for two years, and he didn't like her. She had been a possibility before I came along, but he wanted to be with me, and would stop talking to her if I wanted it.

I took it one step further. Without him knowing, I had jotted down her number and sent her a text message asking if she knew who Larry was.

I wanted him to tell her who I was, and that we would do it together. I also told him if they were just friends, that he should read the text messages with me so as to explain everything while he had the chance.

He said no to both, and with this, I told him to leave. He was furious and acted like a teenager (which was to be expected) while he packed his things and threw the Valentine's day card I had handed him the night before.

Well that was mature. 

The chick ended up texting me back a couple of hours later and told me the truth- that he’d been pursuing her relentlessly, for months, but that she didn’t want to date someone with a kid or who was a smoker. She’d also not been completely done with her ex-boyfriend, and wasn’t interested in Larry. The days following, we exchanged texts about the lies that Larry had told each of us, and comparing notes. I wasn’t mad about the breakup- but I was bitter about Larry making me out to be a “psycho” for going through his phone, and making me sound like a terrible person. 

If I was so horrible to him, why didn’t he just leave me then? 

Truth is, he didn't want to. He wanted to stay with me. But wanted to cheat around as well.