I'm offering dinner and he's questioning it?? Does he not realize that I never cook and I want to do something that takes effort?
"Because I'm bored" I answered incorrectly.
"Shouldn't you be looking for a job instead?" he asked.
Low blow. That hurt.
He apparently didn't see it the same way I did. No need to make a nice gesture after all.
A silence washed over the phone line.
Fine. Let him not have it.
"Yeah, you're right. Forget I mentioned it" I retaliated.
"Well, I didn't mean it negatively. I just think you should be looking for a job instead of worrying about cooking, that's all. Don't take it wrong Ren. I mean, ok you can-" he said
"No no, you're absolutely right. I shouldn't be wasting time" I said. Nevermind feeling completely useless with no job, and wanting to do something nice for the boyfriend, my idea was being shot down before I even bought the ingredients.
"Oh crap. 'Why did you say anything Sebastian?' Damn it..... I just lost the mushrooms didn't I?" he asked
"No, you're just right about taking time to cook when I should be looking for a job. Don't worry about it" I concluded.
I was already disappointed.
Why did he have to question my offer? I just wanted to do something nice. It wasn't even about being bored. That wasn't true at all. I just wanted to feel useful for a moment. And I truly felt like he deserved it. In my mind, all I could think about was how generous he'd always been to me. He'd always cooked and prepared the meals. All I could do was make spaghetti and bake simple things. I didn't want him to think of me as lazy or useless.
I decided to go to the gym later that night to wear out my frustration. I didn't wear it out; I don't exercise vigorously, but I did melt it off. I watched the TV monitors and I started watching this new show I hadn't heard of: Modern Family. I nearly busted out laughing at a few occasions, and I felt my smile growing back. By the time I left, I was happy again.
I talked to Sebastian on the next day and he asked what I had been up to. I told him I had gone off to the gym when he asked "To beat a punching bag as you envisioned me?"
Silly boy.
"They didn't have bags. I just walked it off, and felt much better" I said.
"Was it because you were still upset about what I said?" he asked.
Well that's good he noticed I was upset.
"Yes. But I'm better now" I told him.
Later on during the week, I went back to his place, and decided to prepare those mushrooms after all. They were a success, and two days later, Sebastian was still thanking me for dinner.
I finally felt appreciated.
