Tuesday, September 6, 2011

An empty apology

Joshua wouldn't let up, and I was forced to play "nice" while I still needed to get my stuff back. I didn't lash out or tell him to go to hell. Instead, I just stayed quiet, and didn't respond to any of his texts and calls.

I had edited his name from my contacts and filed it under "Unknown Caller" so that the next time he'd call, I wouldn't pick up, tricking myself to believe it was a private call. I do this to all the guys I no longer want to speak to. I can't remember who's who anymore, so the "Unknown Caller" trick works!

One of the calls that definitely stood out happened on a Saturday morning while I was getting out of the shower at the IT Pilot's apartment. I let the call go to voicemail, but I could sense that it was Joshua, and didn't want to pick it up in front of the Pilot. I listened to the 1:08 minute message intently:

"Hey Ren. A couple of things: I definitely want to give you your stuff. If you still want me to just give it to Ben [Franklin] I will. I know for the next few days he's going to have a friend from out of town. If you want to stop by you can, uh, you know you can get it from me. I also wanted to really, really really apologize for uh, how I was to you. Uh, [sigh] you know, uh that was very unfair. You know and I'm not trying to get you to talk to me or anything like that. I mean I'm giving you a sincere apology. Uh, God what a prick. I was definitely a prick. I feel bad about that, you did not deserve that. Um, I've actually been apologizing to a few people here lately as I realize what a complete and utter asshole I've been and you definitely deserve an apology. Once again I am very, very, very from the bottom of my heart truly sorry. [sigh] Bye."

I didn't buy it. I was too angry at Joshua, and his so-called "apology" meant absolutely nothing to me. If he wanted to feel better by trying to apologize, have at it. I didn't care. I couldn't forgive someone who treated me like shit after only hanging out for three weeks. It's like one of those people that think that just by saying "no offense" they can get scott-free when they say something rude. Mmmh, yeah, no. Doesn't work like that.

I was stuck. I didn't know whether to tell the IT Pilot about what was happening. But I didn't want him to think that I was hiding Joshua, since I was actually trying to avoid him. So I sat him down and told him the situation.

"Would you want me to tell you if Joshua was calling me?" I asked.
"Why?" he responded.
"Because he's been calling me and texting me, trying to apologize about what happened. I haven't actually spoken to him since before you and I got together, and I don't intend to, but I don't know how you'd want me to handle it. I left some things at his place last time, and I've been trying to get it back" I told him.
"What did you leave behind?" he asked.
"A necklace I got from my mom as a gift, and a pot of conditioner that cost me $25" I answered.
"I can give you the money for the conditioner, but I don't know about the necklace. I don't know. It's up to you" he said.

At least he was in the know, and I'd been completely honest about Joshua. There was nothing else to hide.

I continued spending the weekends at the IT Pilot's apartment, spending all days indoors watching TV and movies. I managed to ignore Joshua's texts, which soon became completely confusing.

1 comment:

  1. He seems to be an expert apologizer. The "Uh,[sigh]" combo is an advanced technique!

    Out of curiosity, have you ever been to a Toastmasters meeting?