How did I get this mean?

There is a colleague, Rick, near my work area who is in his late twenties and will casually catch up with me during the days. Yesterday however, I realized that I'd most likely ruined that new-found friendship.

We are both sarcastic, but I admit that I can be overly to the point of being very mean, short and rude. At least, that's what it seems to be to others, but deep down inside, I mean it in the most twisted playful way. Rick knew about my date this past Friday with Nate, and asked me how it had gone on Monday.  I filled him in on the details and we joked around about the things that had happened.

The next day, Rick told me he'd spent just as much time with one of his colleagues talking about life, as I'd spent it on my date with Nate (10 hours.) My intention was to be playful and quickly shot back with "Don't even think about comparing my date with yours." He tried to correct himself as he walked off and somewhere along the way mentioned that it hadn't been a date because she was married.

The next day I went to see him at his desk to ask him to finish telling his story and without looking at me once said "I noticed you have an attitude that's rather negative. You appear to be one way, but completely different at other times. You act very similar to my ex and the lady who used to have your spot, and I don't like people like that."

I was shocked. He'd set me straight, and I quickly realized my wrongdoings. My stomach sunk, so low and I could only muster "Well I'm sorry I offended you" as I hurriedly walked away. In the distance I could hear him say "No, it's not that you've offended me it's......." as the words trailed in the air.

All day yesterday, the thought just lingered on in my head. I felt so bad and embarrassed about what I'd done. Late last night, I wrote a note offering my apology with the idea putting it in the box with one of the blueberry muffins I needed to buy him back, considering I'd accidently taken it from his stash earlier this week. I slipped the note into my purse this morning,  and was prepared with my apology.  I figured he'd either accept the appology, or worse just let it sit and refuse, but I would have at least tried.  Once at work, I went through  my purse to get a dollar and the note.... which wasn't there.

What the hell? Where is it? Man this sucks. Everything happens for a reason? God works in mysterious ways? Bullsh*t!

Earlier this morning, Rick quietly greeted me at my desk, but quickly returned to his work area. Later on, he spent quite some time talking with my cubicle roomate and left, not before bringing back the book I'd suggested for reading last week. He said "I don't think I'm going to have time to read it" as he placed it on my desk.

Ouch. Cold shoulder maybe? 

Alright, well here's to attempt #2 tomorrow morning on the apology letter. I better not screw this one up again cause not talking is making things tense and very awkward.

Plus, take note- this might actually be the first time a woman has admitted that she was wrong, and he was right!

Work is still new but..... frightening

No, not scary in the fact that it's a new environment and I'm trying to catch up and adjust to the work load. No, I'm an expert at that. I'm doing rather well on that front. I'm supposed to be upstairs on the third floor for training for the next two months. When my new boss asked me how it was going and if I was feeling lost, and I replied no, he asked me if I was ready to come downstairs to my "real desk." I hesitated and said "But I like it up there. The view is so much better. I get to see downtown"

He took it as an excuse that I didn't want to see him and wanted to avoid him as much as possible.

I grinned.

It was true.

No- what scares me are not my coworkers or even the disgusting cafeteria food. What scares me are the "clients." From my initial interview, my boss has instilled in me that the children who are in foster care are referred to as "clients" and live in "residential treatment areas" next door. The first day at lunch, I went downstairs to have lunch in the garden.  There were a variety of teenage kids on their lunch break too, and it was a bit refreshing to come within ear-shot of adolescent life again.

3 minutes later, a girl storms out into the garden screaming out expletives and death threats on another student/client/teenager.

My eyes wandered over to her as a counselor ran after her into the distance.

A few days later, I was reviewing some security logs that the officers document during their shift. One line in particular caught my eye- "Responded to Houston Police department; incident at residential treatment."

I asked my boss if he knew what had happened and he lowered his voice and said "This doesn't leave the room, but one of the kids got a hold of a knife and attempted to stab one of the counselors. They were unsuccessful thankfully, but the HPD had to be contacted."

My eyes widened at the thought.

This past week, I was talking with one of my coworkers from my department who is the facility technician. I asked him why they were changing the furniture in the treatment center (I had seen a proposal for renovations.) He said "We're planning to change all the furniture to plastic furniture, made of one piece. One of the kids got the leg off of a wooden table and hit one of the counselors in the face, and as a result, lost her eye."

I gasped in astonishment.

When I initially interviewed for the position, I knew I wouldn't be working with kids. I was a bit disappointed because I wanted to be part of something positive. I wanted to feel like I'd be working to improve the lives of these foster kids in some way.  I can't imagine what these kids go through in foster care, not being able to live with people who can love them.  It must be so difficult on their self-esteem and cause them to have so many emotional problems. I had a great vibe for the organization itself.

Not so much nowadays.  I tend to stay away from the residential treatment as much as I can and regard these kids as clients, like I was instructed to.

It helped a lot more when I noticed one of the teenage girls eying  me through her bangs one day in the cafeteria. It was definitely creepy.

I actually have violent dreams now.

Don't think about him!

They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.

Personally, that doesn't work for me. I tried it once, and my mind was still connected to the past, so I stopped it from going anywhere. If my heart's not in it, I'm not going to move on with a new person. I'm just going to mess around with them. No pun intended.... or not......

For me, it's better to disconnect myself completely. Emotionally, physically and technologically as well.

Getting away from Facebook and holding myself back from calling Sebastian is probably one of the most effective ways to separate myself from him. If I don't see what he's doing, then I simply don't think about him. I haven't ventured into the world yet because I know I'm not ready, but I'm a bit excited for that day to come.

Today I went in for a testing session that the Kids's Center needed me to complete prior to my second interview tomorrow. I went into a staffing firm that tested me for my proficiency with Excel 2003. Pfft. Old school. There were 30 questions, and it consisted of working with a sample spreadsheet giving me directions on completing simple tasks like sums, averages, fixing margins, adding new cells, bolding, changing font, etc. I felt pretty confident even though there were a few questions that I'd never encountered before. However, I was able to handle the gist of it, and I'm sure my interviewer will see that I know how to work with Excel.

I called my interviewer to confirm my appointment for tomorrow, and he told me to come in a little bit earlier to review the load of questions he'd asked last week before meeting with his boss, the CFO. He had told me last week that she wasn't the one to give the final word on the hiring process (that was up to HR after they'd review his recommendations) but he wanted potential candidates to meet with her to get to know each other. That sounds promising right?

So here's to tomorrow. I hope I nail this job. I need something new.

Looking to the bright side

This week has had its downs and ups.

My dad came to visit for the weekend before spring break, and I spent most of my time at my mom's. We went to the Houston Children's Museum where the only time I managed to enjoy myself was while building racing cars out of Legos. I noticed that occupying my time with something physical took my mind off of Sebastian.

I dedicated all of Wednesday to browse for jobs online (through HotJobs, Cummulus and Indeed that Sebastian had suggested.) The only thing making its way into my inbox was automated email from the job engines giving me "tips" and "help" on looking for more jobs. Then while on my lunch break on Thursday from my part time work, I received a call from a company I had apparently applied for. The caller caught me off guard completely and asked me if it was a bad time. Since I wasn't the one driving, I said that it wasn't, not realizing he was about to embark on a preliminary "interview" over the phone.

"I have to be honest" he began, "Your resume caught my eye and I have to say you are at the top of the list. We've gotten a lot of applications for this position- somewhere around 85. But I'm not going to call 85 people. I'm only calling 4." This reassured me.

When asked why I had applied for the job, I stumbled and told him it was due to my field of work. He was very sympathetic and told me "It's okay, I've caught you off guard. Don't worry. Next question." I was lucky enough to have understood that his name was "Ray" because he actually asked me for it at the end of the call. It took me more than a while however to understand where he was calling from exactly. He asked me if I knew what the organization did and I fumbled again and told him the truth "I haven't read on the company completely, but from the website, I understand you deal with adoption and foster care, as well as counseling services." Again, he sympathized and continued with the questioning.

He asked me about my salary expectations, why I had left my previous employer, strengths and weaknesses (which I couldn't come out with any- seriously, who admits that?) and future plans.He left me with his office and cell phone numbers which I interpreted to be a very good sign.

Later that night, I went to the Muse concert with one my colleagues. I had sold Sebastian's ticket when he told me to take a friend. My other colleague wasn't able to go, so I offered to sell his ticket as well on Craigslist. A buyer quickly accepted, and I met them at Ikea to sell both tickets. I managed to make a $130 profit which paid for my ticket originally, so I went for free. It was loud, but incredible.

The following day, I had plans to go to another interview at a doctor's office that one of my previous colleagues had talked me into. Turns out they were at a seminar that day, and no one was in the office. I left my contact information and went back to finish other errands, all the while thinking about Ray and the center. When I happen to check my phone, I notice 3 missed calls. I listen to the voicemail and it turns out to be Ray from the kids' center asking me if I am available for an interview some time next week.

Ecstatic, I call him back and catch him on the road. I await for a while and he asks me when I am free to come in. "I'm available on Monday morning. Say 10 o'clock?" I suggest. "Let me check my agenda. One moment. Yes, I have a meeting prior to that, and it may run a little bit past 10, but I am available" he answers. I realize now that I could have simply suggested 10:30 to give him a breather window. But I figure if it wasn't okay, he would have suggested later also.

As for the dating front, I've updated my profile on POF, but have it hidden still. Sebastian is also actively looking. I've promised myself I won't start dating again until my heart is healed and I have a job. I don't want to be the jobless date. It just shows I don't care about myself first and would rather spend my time dating than actively looking for a job. Of course, that's different if you're in college full time, but that's me too, and I want someone to know I'm a hard worker as well.

I've done research on the adoption center, and compiled a list of questions for the interviewer tomorrow. Wish me luck. I can sense something big is about to happen!

Proper Etiquette in the Workplace

Not too long ago, I used to work in an office environment. My employers were a team of brother and sister who had been in business since 1982. They're humble people, and we all had a good working relationship with them.

Except for one girl. Things didn't sit well between the Sister Employer and her.

Jennifer and I became very good friends while we worked in the same building. There were quite a few different companies for tax reasons, but were all ran by the Sibling team. Jennifer worked on the other side of the building and I would have to turn my orders into her so she could process them.  In my opinion, she was very good at her job; very fast, but didn't exactly exude positive energy. She was much younger- about 20 years old, and had been working there almost 2 years; so she took her job less seriously.

I wouldn't take her to be a very good team player; she often complained about the amount of work she had, and the tedious tasks she was given. Come 5 o'clock, she was already in the parking lot. She was very punctual when it came to leaving work. I often noticed she was very wasteful when it came to office supplies. When I would tell her to be more appreciative, her answer was "So? Don't worry- the company pays for it." It just never sat well with me.

She was a very generous and compassionate person with her colleagues however, I can never complain about that. But in the end, it was her missteps that ultimately ended her job.

She wouldn't ever tell the Sister Employer when she would take a vacation/sick day. Since the Sister Employee is in the same side of the building as I am, I heard her complaints, and decided to tell Jennifer about it, as cautionary advice.  She scoffed and said in her defense that she wasn't her boss.

Jennifer: I wasn't hired by her. I was hired by the other Executive V.P.

Ren: Ok, you may not have been hired by her directly, but she still runs the show. She's the one paying you. Just let her know next time. When I'm out, I let everyone know by email, regardless of the company they are with, and our relationship. It's a good announcement.... you know, just in case.

Jennifer: Whatever. She's just causing drama. We don't even work together.

On more than one occasion, I heard the Sister Employee said she was cutting her off, which resulted mainly in frustration of Jennifer's work, or when she didn't know she wasn't in the office that day. I can't blame her. It's only respectful to let the Owners of the company know you'll be out.

Sister employee eventually "let her go" due to Jennifer's company doing particularly poor in sales, and not making much profit. It was her way of cutting costs. Again, I don't blame my boss for it. Jennifer wasn't the only one- a couple of employees in the warehouse lost their jobs too. It was the poor economy. That year, we didn't even see a Christmas party.

Jennifer was given her final paycheck plus a week's worth of work as "severance pay." Pitiful in my opinion, but others have been let go for a lot less.

After 5 months from leaving the office, Jennifer made a surprise visit at work. She said hi to everyone except the boss who hired her and my boss [Sister Employee]. And it's not like she couldn't see them: We all work in an open area, so even if the V.Ps have doors, she made a deliberate act not to pass in front of their doors.  I thought she would make a gesture and offer to say hi to the two bosses, but nothing.

A complete snub, utterly unprofessional, disrespectful and uncourteous.

That lacks etiquette.

I understand that Jennifer may still harbor bad feelings about being let go, but she should at least have said "hello" to them, considering they are owners of the companies. And if she felt uncomfortable, then she should have not stopped by.

When her V.P heard her voice in the hall, he asked who was there, and we softly said "Jennifer."

V.P: Jennifer? Jennifer's here? [to one employee] Did you see Jennifer? Jennifer came by? Well why didn't she say hi? Where is she?"

Ren: She's in the lobby. Go see her.

So he did. I know there's no bad blood there, so she was very surprised and happy to see him. When the V.P came back to his office he told Sister Employer about Jennifer's visit and asked if they had seen each other. She said no.

After discussing the situation with one friend, he told me:

Vincent: Well, I don't know if it's correct, but I would have done the same. She's not obliged to say hello or see someone who fired her. Would you look at your boss and say hi with a smile?

Ren: No, I just wouldn't go. It's a snub.

Vincent: Well, you could go see your old colleagues if you had a good relationship with them without being obligated to see your old boss to say hi. Then again, she wasn't there to see her boss.

Hmmm, interesting.

What would you have done in this situation?