Friday, March 30, 2012

The new kid on the block

Larry was 23, had a 6-year son, and was a smoker. All red flags, but was so wise with his words that I was smitten. His profile picture made him look shy/cute, and I needed to meet someone with the hopes of getting over the IT Pilot.

We met for bingo on a Thursday night, and at almost 6'3", his long blond hair and green eyes instantly caught my attention. Picture the middle brother of the Hanson band. Exact replica.

We had a fun time at bingo, shared two pitchers of beers and cheap food, and by 10:00 p.m., decided to head over to the next bar/pub creek down the street.

Bad idea.

By then, I was drunk and not in the greatest state of mind. I had been texting my friend in NYC when I caught myself thinking about the IT Pilot.

Ren: I miss the IT Pilot
Shann: Whyyy??
Because Bingo was our hang out spot. And I've been drinking and am emotional right now.
Shann: Bingo was OUR thing. Forget about the IT Pilot. He's bad for you.

As soon as I realized what I was texting, I slowly felt my nose tingling and my eyes welling up. I could feel tears forming in my eyes. I excused myself, and walked quickly to the restroom to contain the waterworks.

When I came back about ten minutes later, Larry asked me if everything was ok. I lied and said I was, all while the IT Pilot kept riding my mind. I can't believe it- he's actually ruining this good date for me. Why can't I get over him? I thought.

Larry was a great conversationalist and tried his hardest to make me laugh even though he could tell something was wrong with me. A couple of hours later, Larry said "I don't think I'll be able to make it home tonight. I'm pretty drunk. Is it okay if I come home with you?"

Not feeling the best out of this date, and assuming it wouldn't go anywhere between us- and drunk as well- I agreed to let him stay at my place, where he could sleep on the couch.

Once we arrived at home, I felt the need to take a shower to get rid of the stickiness that is Houston humidity. While at the bar, I had been constantly texting my friends about the date as it unfolded, and had left my phone on my dresser. When I came back from my shower, Larry was in the dark in the living room getting ready to go to sleep. He was incredibly quiet and as I said good night, I checked my phone and noticed I had new texts that had already been opened.

He went through my phone! WELL F*CK.

I confronted Larry about it, and he admitted to going through my phone, saying he didn't appreciate me talking shit about someone I'd just met to people. I honestly can't recall what he read, but if memory serves me right, it could have been one of two things: 1) I had mentioned to one friend that he didn't want to take an STD test because it was a waste of money and knew he was clean and 2) I had told my other friend how much I still missed the IT Pilot.

Frankly, I didn't know which one was worse.

But I was drunk, and I didn't care about it or him to be honest, and wasn't going to lose sleep over it. So I did what any smart girl would do in a tense situation like this- I had sex with him to shut him up.

Surprisingly, this kid was packing more ammo than I'd ever need in my life. It was the biggest penis I'd ever seen. No contest. I felt slightly scared by the pain I may experience during and a couple of days following the act.

We tried, and he managed to get off rather quickly, leaving me tired, but unfulfilled. With that much ammo, he surely doesn't know how to handle the gun. Well this sucked!

We both fell asleep shortly after, and split ways the following morning to go to work.

Larry didn't pull the disappearing act, and he continued texting me continuously throughout the day, and for the days following. He came over every other day to see me, and told me he'd told his co-workers that he'd met a woman, and that she was his girlfriend.

I suddenly felt myself being suffocated.

Girlfriend? We JUST met.

Question: Why is it that women crave the attention from a guy they like, but when they receive it in abundance almost immediately without much effort, it scares them?

Answer: Because there was no chase, and it happened too quickly.

I felt smothered by Larry. I would have been over the moon had the IT Pilot expressed a fraction of Larry's eagerness towards me, but in Larry's case, it was just too much, too soon. Just like his penis and orgasms.

Larry couldn't make me orgasm- he was lazy in bed and would make me do most of the work. He would pump a few times, but quickly run out of breath; he had no stamina and couldn't keep up. Although he was lean, and had a beautiful body, he had no energy. He didn't work out and would be outdone with 30 seconds of cardio.

The more I became dissatisfied with sex between Larry and I, the more I began to feel that the relationship wouldn't last. Not only was the sex mediocre, but we constantly argued. He loved to pick fights with me, acted so immature it was frustrating. I told him repeatedly that I needed someone on the same level, and that he was too hyper and had too much energy for me. I couldn't handle him- it was like literally dealing with a 17 year old. He made jokes about everything, I couldn't hold a serious conversation with him, and the only time I actually saw myself getting along was when he was completely calm due to a hangover or being sick.

I was at my wits' ends, and tried to end things numerous times. I pushed him away on a weekly basis, but he was so persistent, that he always came back and said he wanted to make it work because he cared.

And that's when the IT Pilot popped up back into the picture.

F*ck. Again?!

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