Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Walking away

I wish I could be strong to just chuck everything out and not have to think twice about it. I really wish he would have left me alone the last time, and that he never would have asked me to try again because I honestly felt better again and the breakup had been easier to deal with. But I ended up falling for the things he told me and I so wanted someone to like me and I didn't want to leave familiar ground.

It was another big mistake and I felt myself starting to regret it now because I was having a hard time standing up for what I truly felt.

Halloween weekend came.... and the IT Pilot pulled the silent card again. We usually spent the weekends together, and I would go to his apartment after work on Fridays and stay through unti Monday, except this time, neither one of made an effort. I stayed quiet and never heard from him. Rocky Horror came and went, and on Sunday afternoon, after three days of no contact, I finally called him to ask what was going on. He acted cold, and mentioned nothing of our silent treatment for one another. When I asked if he wanted company for the day, he mentioned that he would be busy playing video games, but that I could come over to play as well.

"On what computer?" I asked, knowing full well he didn't have another one available to play together.

"I don't know" he answered.

"Then why ask me to come over?" I questioned.

"Oook, well I'm gonna go-" he said

At the sound of this, I hung up without even saying good bye.

I knew it was over. I immediately went to Facebook and deleted him from my friends. Per our previous discussion, he knew that if we broke up one more time, I would delete him from my phone and my Facebook, and would not attempt to contact him again. True to my words, I erased everything.

I can't remember how I handled the breakup, but experience tells me that I took it hard. I probably cried, called my friend to fill her in, and slept it off for a day.

The one man that I wanted didn't want to make it work. He had commitment issues, and was afraid of having a serious relationship with me. It was a bust.

The IT Pilot and I didn't speak again, and this time, he didn't come back either. Two weeks later, I went on a date with someone else, but the entire time, the IT Pilot was on my mind, and I was unable to give my full attention to the new person. Enter: Larry.

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