Monday, March 19, 2012

Sebastian incarnate

While going through the notions of my breakup of the IT Pilot, someone unexpectedly showed up on my radar again.

My ex-boyfriend Sebastian.

We had dated for exactly a year,  had even managed to visit Europe a couple of years earlier, and got along splendidly well- for "friends."

Coming in hot from his divorce, Sebastian was just never going to settle down with me- he didn't believe in long term, and after countless discussions, I had realized too late that he had stayed with me for a year simply out of selfish reasons- he didn't want to be alone.

A year and a half later, Sebastian called me for the first time and we managed to stay glued to the phone for almost two hours. It felt incredibly familiar to what we'd shared during our relationship. The teasing, the playfulness, the easiness of talking to someone who could make you laugh and understood your sarcasm.

He began telling me of his current situation to try to offset my current sadness of my breakup with the IT Pilot: He had a girlfriend for a few months, from Houston, and even though he had moved back to California a few months before, he had stayed in this "relatioship" with the girl. She had moved to Ohio to be with her family because her father had died recently.

She came to visit him in San Francisco for a few weeks and he told me the most shocking news of all: she's pregnant. I knew Sebastian, and I knew that nothing would put him over the moon more than to know that his girlfriend was expecting- that is unless it was the current girl he was with. He told me he was actually trying to convince her not to have it because he had planned on breaking up with her before he found out. He told me she had an attitude problem and didn't see himself raising a child with her. 

I'm like "Well shit, good luck on that. I always thought you wanted to be a dad. Don't tell her now that you want to end it cause she may use it against you and have the baby just out of spite. Would you have told me to lose it if I had gotten pregnant too?"
He said "Oh no. I know you would have made a good mom. I just don't want to have it with her and I can't see myself married to her for 18 years."
A few weeks later I found out that he had paid for his girlfriend to have the abortion afterall, and a part of me lost some respect for him. It just so had happened that he had gotten three girls pregnant in his life time (all while on birth control) and each girl had mysteriously not had a baby because he didn't think it was the right time. Two had had miscarriages, and the latest had the abortion. 

Even though we'd both moved on and got along great, I sincerely hoped that Karma would one day pay him a visit and not grant him children. I don't think he deserved them for what he had done to women throughout his life.

Yes, I had become a bitter woman.

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