Friday, August 28, 2009

You want a kid??

I'm tired as hell, but I made a promise to myself to blog at least once a day.

I just spent the last 2 hours packing some more of my stuff, all the while talking to Sebastian on the phone. I managed to give myself an itchy and runny nose, as well as watery eyes. Perfect combination. I'm still not done. I got one of my sisters to get everything out from underneath the bed, and all my shoes out of my closet. I took off the last few picture frames I had up, and went through my closet and drawers to get rid of old tshirts that I would most likely never wear again.

Sebastian and I got on the topic of kids and that he would be delighted if I became pregnant with his child. He had told me he was glad he hadn't had children with his ex-wife, and would actually look forward to having a little Sebastian running around. I try to push those ideas aside by admitting that I would want to have kids for selfish reasons- I don't want to die alone. Plus, I like the idea of having family gatherings with at least 3 kids. That is when they're in their 30s.

While the idea of such a surprise is intriguing to me, how long would the novelty last? How long before we begin to despise one another? And how long before we possibly regret making such a decision? Moreover, how hard would it be to date others with a kid in tow??

I don't want to have a child with someone I'm not in love with. I've always regarded the idea of childbearing as a gift to my partner. I would want him to be in love with me as well. I mainly think Sebastian is rushed to be a father because he's almost 27 and loves kids.

We joke about it, and that's the only thing to do at this point, because I know we'll eventually grow out of it. I've been careful too-

come 9 o'clock every night,
I'm popping that pill religiously

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