A failed attempt at sex

Nate and I had been exchanging a few flirty texts the week leading to, but hadn't planned on meeting up at all. I'd been out with my girlfriend Noelle and her friends at a club on Washington Ave. that Friday night. I was having a pitiful night, and was texting with Nate and arguing with Wes (go figure) trying to pass time until 2 am rolled by (since we'd taken a cab from my gf's house.) I'd had a few drinks, but was suffering from a painful bladder. Apparently, when I drink, my bladder falls asleep with me, and if I don't remember to pee, I suffer from total blockage the next morning.

Somehow, while I was chatting with some guy, I completely forgot to use the restroom, and was the slave to the porcelain god for a good 15 minutes, unable to even squeeze out a drop. I joked about this to Nate, and somehow, ended up accepting his invitation to pee at his place up in Cypress, about 40 minutes away. When the lounge closed at 2:00 that morning, Noelle said she wanted to go out to her friend's house to sing some Karaoke. I was ready to head over to Nate's then and there, so I told her I needed to go get my car, which was only 10 minutes away.

I called Nate on my way out to his place, and I suggested he order us food since I hadn't eaten all evening. He asked what I wanted, and when I told him Pizza, he said he'd look for an all night pizzeria who would deliver. I arrived at his apartment, and was greeted by his dog Lady, who I hadn't seen since August of last year.

Wow, had it been that long since I'd last seen Nate?

We talked and caught up about small stuff, and genuinely had a few good laughs. We settled down into the couch together and started watching The Sopranos. A little while later, he started caressing my hair and moved my head around to kiss him. I really don't have memories of us having makeout sessions prior to this, just simple kisses.

At around 4:00 am or so, we went into the bedroom, still reeling from excruciating pain from my inactive bladder. I could hardly move, and Nate was up and ready to get down to business.

Oh crap....

I told Nate this, and he encouraged me to use the restroom as much as I needed to get the show on the road. I would get into the bathtub, run the water and push with all my might to try to empty out my bladder, but it just wasn't cooperating. I came back into the bedroom and asked Nate to get a condom out.

"You and your f*cking condoms" he said laughing.
"Well, I'm not on any birth control right now, so yeah, you kinda have to" I said sarcastically.

We proceeded to have a repeat episode of our last show during the summer last year, where as soon as he would put the condom on, he would lose the erection.

[sigh] Great. Here we go again.

"I f*cking hate condoms" he said.
"Why can't you do it?" I asked.
"Cause I can't feel anything with it!" he replied.

We tried a couple more times, to no avail, where at one point, he took off the condom, and
tried without it.

"Stop it Nate. I told you, I'm not on birth control" I said sternly.
"Don't worry, I'll pull out" he said.
"And come where?" I asked him.
"I don't know, on your stomach" he counteroffered.
"Ew, no. Just stop" I told him.

A few thrusts later, Nate stopped and laid back down defeated.
"I hate you" he said.
"Yeah, I know" I replied.

A few hours later, around 7:00 am, I woke up, unable to urinate still, and decided to head on home. I kissed Nate goodbye, and dashed out the front door. Once home, I hopped in the shower and continued pushing. It took me nearly all day to pee and feel comfortable. I later realized that I had probably suffered a urinary tract infection, making it nearly impossible to empty my bladder because I was completely blocked up.

The next night, Nate texted me asking what time I'd left in the morning.
"Around 7:00am or so" I answered.
"Oh wow, I didn't even notice" he replied.
"Really? You said bye" I said.
"Yeah, Nyquil knocked me the f*ck out last night" he ended.

Well, I'm glad one of us doesn't remember it then.

Verbal abuse with The Unknown

I had previously discussed my confusing friendship with Wes. Though he had first admitted to liking me back in January, it was apparent that he'd been "interested" for over two years, when we'd first begun talking on Plenty of Fish.

"What do you want?" I'd texted him.
"A relationship with you" he replied.

But our complicated "friendship" wasn't something I was too proud of. We'd fight, argue, stop talking and break apart again. Then, we'd find ways to talk again a few weeks later. It had become a routine. So when I'd last mentioned that I knew we'd talk again, it was because I knew it was evident and inevitable.

Wes would give me all the attention I needed. We'd text non stop all day while we were working, he'd keep me entertained, and he'd make me feel wanted. He complimented me the way I wanted to be, he'd be sweet, attentive and had ultimately become my stress reliever. That was until he found a way to take out his insecurities and stress on me after a few drinks. Wes and I would have a blissful two weeks of conversation, but after a night at the bar, he'd call me drunk and express some type of frustration in the not-so-subtle way.

A few of the "fights" we had involved me going out to parties, to which he said he was jealous of.  "I'm not okay with you going out, dressed up, all sexy to some party, especially in a mask" (it was a masquerade party.) "I'm not okay with you going to a party with your friends, especially with a whole bunch of POF guys" (I'd told him of my friend's birthday party, to which she told me she'd be inviting a few of her Plenty Of Fish dates from the past.) "I'm sorry, ok, I'm jealous, but I don't like it" he'd say.

I hadn't talked to Wes on the phone too often, but one thing was for sure: I could tell when he'd been drinking too much- it was past 10:00 pm, and his southern country accent got a hell of a lot more obvious. One night, I was out with girlfriends, and had already had a drink. Wes called and angrily started going off, cussing, unhappy about the parties I was going to; I didn't put up with it and promptly hung up on him because I didn't want to cause a scene in front of my friends.

Wes continued calling me for the next three hours, texting me and annoying the hell out of me while I was at the club. He kept repeating the same dance, telling me "This is what you want, then I won't bother you no more", "I won't bother you again. Bye, you'll never hear from me again" and "You got what you wanted."

Damn, talk about a broken tape player.

But in the midst of it all, when I'd get lonely and bored, I'd send another text in the hopes of hooking him again, hoping that by some miracle, Wes would be nice to me all the time. It never worked. We flirted, were "affectionate" and attentive, each time falling harder for each other, but would fight approximately two to three weeks later; it had become a regular dance.  A love/hate relationship that neither one of us wanted to really come to terms with.

I can sincerely understand now why women stay in abusive relationships- because when he's not drinking, he's the sweetest person you've ever talked to. And when you break off, and you talk it out, he promises you things will change, and he won't act that way again, and he'll restrain himself. I get it. And you know what, for those girls who are stuck in that dreadful and ugly routine, I don't blame you. You want the love and the affection, and he gives it to you half of the time. You don't want to be alone, so you stay with him. It's hard to break away because you don't know where else you'll find that "love." Wes later called and left me a voicemail, and I could almost feel the sadness in his voice when he said: "Baby I know I've made mistakes and I know..... I know my drinking has become a problem but, I hope someday you can forgive me cause I do love you, and I don't want to lose you... so.... please call me back. Alright? I love you. Bye."

But, I'm looking at the future, and it ain't pretty. I've never hung out with someone who was volatile when they were intoxicated, and that's what I get from Wes. I told him at one point that it was best that we weren't together, or else I'd get the shit end of the stick when he was drunk, but he said it only happened because we weren't together. It's likely that he's  jealous that we're not in the same place, and that he can't see what I do in my free time, and you know what, I don't blame him. Even though I never let on that I'm hanging out with other guys, it's normal to have that jealousy. However, it's not normal to have it towards me- someone you've never met in person.

You're not exactly making your case dude.

Twosomes and leftovers

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Did I take his virginity away?

Oftentimes, I go to OKCupid to see which one of my previous dates is still searching. I don't pay too much attention to J, but I usually go looking for Trevor, the sweetest awkward guy I blindsided. Trevor and I didn't even make it to find out if we had any common interests, because as soon as he told me he was a virgin, I took advantage of the situation. Almost a year later, I still feel guilt for what I did, how I handled the incident, and how I treated him. But most of all, the one thought that lingers my mind is "Does he think I took his virginity away??" cause I most certainly didn't get the chance to. I may have been his first sexual encounter, but his virginity was still very much intact when I left him that night.

I know Trevor has a good, calm character, but I was too impatient to have to teach him everything. Moreover, I really didn't see him as my protector, and I know I wouldn't have given him the respect he deserved or been overjoyed with having him as my partner. I would have most likely have been content, and at the moment, that wasn't enough for me.  I know Trevor could have cared, and probably fallen head over heels had I continued seeing him, but.... the feelings weren't mutual. He just didn't feel like "the one."

I had made plans to go see The Rocky Horror Picture Show on a Saturday night; that same night, I was out at a bachelorette party, sandwiched in between a lap dance and a few dildos (it featured a passion party presented by my good friend.) I told my friend about my dilemma, who saw it as an opportunity to ask the other girls around about my situation with the sex. The opinions were mixed, but ultimately fifty-fifty. Half of the girls agreed that I shouldn't have to waste time in teaching a grown man about intimacy, while the other half suggested I make him feel more at ease and teach him to my satisfaction.  Trevor had texted me during the party, asking me when I'd be over at his place to go see the movie at midnight. I was just around the corner, literally two streets over from his house. I replied saying I'd let him know in a while, saying I was busy at the moment.

And then I pulled a bitch move.

At about 10:30 pm or so, I called and told him I'd been drinking and was feeling too tired to go out that night. Even though he didn't get angry over the phone, I could sense that he  was disappointed. I had made him wait all day and ditched him at the last minute, when it was too late for him to make alternate plans. I felt bad, and I know I had been mean. The next week he called and texted me while I was at work, but I couldn't respond and told him I would return his call later on. I never did, and when I didn't hear back from him again, I knew it was over. He'd lent me a book which I had since finished and wanted to return it, but he never accepted it and didn't push it further when I told him I could mail it back to him. I still have Trevor's book, but I can't quite remember where he lives to drop off the book with an "I'm sorry" note. Even then, I think it may be a little stalkish if I do. I've always wanted to get in touch with him, but I wouldn't want him to get the wrong idea. I saw Trevor as a "hang out" friend- one that I wouldn't be tempted to pursue anything with.

Earlier this season, I began spending my time at the library, browsing the dating and relationships aisle. I picked up "Sex and the City" and devoured it. Amongst some useful advice I came across- 1) Older men prefer women under 30 years old, 2) finding love in NYC is nearly improbable, and 3) marry a man who loves you more than you love him.

I know we didn't get that far into the courtship, but I got a vibe from Trevor- the dedicated and overly committed gentleman. It's easy to dismiss what you may not like in the present, but how many of us ever really regret passing up on someone, only to think of them months, even years later, all the while wondering if maybe it could have been worthwhile?

Share your iPhone apps!

I finally decided to upgrade my boring LG Shine incapable of even playing a song due to its piss poor quality, to a smartphone. After both my iPod Touch and digital cameras died out on me in late September, I made the bold move to buckle down and go big- I purchased and signed a new 2-year contract with AT&T and went for the iPhone 4.

I haven't looked back since.

Seeing as to how I'd grown so attached to my "iTouch" during the two years I'd had it, I didn't need to think twice about the capibility of the iPhone. I'd also held out for so long, waiting for the day it would be able to offer video calling and a flash on its camera.  (Side note- my iPhone takes much better flash pictures than my friend's ginormous 8 mp HTC Evo.... just sayin'....)

I'll admit however, I wasn't too thrilled about the new design, but I've had it since mid-October, and I haven't been able to let go of it since.  I'm always in search of interesting apps to add to make my phone to use it for everything other than its original intention- a phone.

My three favorite apps are: Pandora, Pinger's TextFree, DataMan.

Pandora: I'm sure most of you know what Pandora does, but just to recap- it's an internet radio where users can enter an artist or song, and the station will play artists that are of the same genre. It's free and unlimited on the iphone, except for a few 20-30 second commercials every few songs or so. (Another similar app is LastFm; however, this station will include photos of the artist as the music is playing)

Pinger's TextFree allows you to text anyone with a US-based cell phone number for free by giving you a number of your own. You are also able to send images from that number, and helps save money by not paying anything to receive/send out texts (and in my case, doing without the $20 charge for unlimited texting plan.)

DataMan monitors your data usage, closely updating every 10 minutes. This is useful for users, like myself, who do not have an unlimited data plan. AT&T decided to forego with their unlimited plans as soon as the new iPhone came out (unless you were already an iPhone user and carried over your contract.) This tracker lets you set limits and will set off an alarm when you are approaching your data allowance for the day, week or month all based on the start date of your billing cycle.

My other useful apps include:
iTorch 4: a flashlight
DailyDeals and Groupon: for discounted coupons and deals
Grocery IQ: a grocery scanner
TV Guide, Flixster, Stumble Upon
Kayak: for airfares
Discover, Chase and American Express

Games: Bejeweled, Spit, Impossible test, Movie Cat (trivia), 4 Steps (timed brain test), Cut the Rope, Words with Friends, Chess, Uno, Dots, Simon Says, Talking Tom, Qrank (trivia)

Music: Last.Fm, iHeartRadio (radio stations from across the US), AmbiSci 100 (ambient noise/music), Shazam, Classic FM, Inception (a cool dream app) Spark Radio (international radio stations)
Air horn, GPS Drive, OkCupid, iLoader (upload albums to Facebook)

And of course, I can't forget about the Otterbox Commuter case from The Cell Guru. At about $23 after shipping and handling, it has been the best case I've purchased to date, and has protected my baby from scratches and dents.

I'm asking now for your suggestions- to share your favorite apps, ones that you think are so cool and have fun using that I need to know about.

A break from OkCupid

I'm putting a halt to the whole online dating thing due to the fact that I am just not energized enough to meet new guys. I'm lazy, don't really feel like conversing with anyone new because I know it'll end before I want it to.  I'm not ready for rejection just yet, and I'd much rather date when I'm feeling more optimistic of the idea. So for now, it's on hold. Who knows... it may come back online later this month.

For now, the only male in my life is my adorable rescued dove. He follows me around, gives me the attention I need, and hardly ever leaves my side- case in point, he's there to lend moral support: 

"Baby"

I know we'll talk again

My friend Wes and I "broke up" again a while back in late January, after I'd expressed my concerns for being scared of his demeanor. Upon hearing this, he blew up and sensed that I wasn't being completely honest and wished me good luck with "whoever he is."

Damn, this f*cker gets me every single time. How does he do that?

It was indeed true. I had just begun dating Mr. Anime/Leto's Twin and was juggling my possibilities. I was hoping things with Mr. Anime would progress so that I'd have an excuse to back away from Wes, but when things didn't quite work out as I'd envisioned, I got lonely and reverted back to Wes.

Wes wasn't quite that pleasant at first. I'll admit it- I got bored, and I texted him back, but I didn't get a response back for about a week or so- with him bitching about wanting to be left alone and that "WTF do you want from me? Your choice not mine..... you wanted it, you got it" etc etc deal.

I know we're not on the best of terms right now, but I know we'll end up coming back together eventually. I can just feel it.