Oh so you're married now?

Roger and I had a thing a few years back. I was too naive to know that he was merely  sewing his wild oats and not looking for anything serious. He went away to Afghanistan for work on a 5-year contract and hardly heard from him since.

During the course of the year, he messaged me through Facebook when he would see me online, but we hardly talked about anything interesting. He did however begin to act quite differently.

He brought up "our past"- which I had long ago filed into my "do-not-ever-revisit" folder which had worked out quite effectively.

At one point, Roger asked me to marry him, and I deduced it to be run of the mill shit talk. I blamed it on being so far away, alone, in a desert with no female in sight and only an internet connection to the outside world. It was natural for him to fall on me, a backup from years before.

While on my trip to Chile in late November, Roger messaged me once more.

It didn't affect me in any way. If anything, I was surprised he thought that I was still the same gullible girl as before, who was more than willing to eat it all up. He told me he was coming back to Houston for a visit in late December, to which I took as an invitation to hang out.

Boy was I wrong....

On the night of Shannon's going-away dinner, we went to a popular Mexican restaurant which I'd frequented years before with Roger and the gang, when we all hung out as a group. As I was paying for my drink, I look up at the other side of the counter and see him, along with two of our other acquaintances (a couple).

I try shouting out for him, but the noise in the bar is so much that he can't hear me calling him. I get my cell phone out to call him, but get his voicemail right away. When I look up, he finally sees me and a stare of shock/surprise comes up on his face. I try to wave him over to say hi, but he ignores it completely and tells me to come over instead. I make my way over, hug him and say hello to the other couple. The guy looks surprised as well and articulates clearly "This is Mrs. West, Roger's wife" and points to the woman behind me with a warning look.

"Wife?? Oh my gosh, congratulations!!" I tell her excitedly as I give her a welcome hug and introduce myself.

I turn around to look at Roger and give him a raised eyebrow and mouth "wife??" as he nervously looks away.

"When did you get married?" I ask

"5 days ago" she answers.

"Wooow. This is great!" I tell her.

I continue catching up with the other couple until our table is ready for dinner and I separate myself from them. I fill my friends in on the ordeal and tell them what had happened previously to which they say "%#@$ him."

At the end of our dinner, I decide to head over to say bye and feel someone grab me by the waist. I turn around, thinking that it was my gay friend, and come face to face with Roger who gives me a hug.

"So how you been?" he asks.

"You're married now? So was this before or after you proposed to me?" I ask him.

"Uuh....." he says as I trail off to find his friends.

I didn't care that he was married; if you ask me, he was duping everyone. What pissed me off was that he could be such an asshole. I know it's silly to think about it, and it was obvious that it wasn't actually real, but I can't help but think how many other girls he fed the same story to. I knew he hadn't changed, and I knew to keep my guard up- and for good reason obviously. He just wanted to get married. Didn't matter to who really.

I met a girl

No... not in that way.... sorry to disappoint.

I firmly believe in the saying "People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime."

I met Shannon at a friend's party a couple of months back, and we just clicked from the beginning. I'm certain alcohol played a big factor in allowing me to feel comfortable enough to go back to her place along with her gay male friend, but that's beside the point.

The following weekend, she invited me out to celebrate her friend's birthday, and from that point on, we hung out every single weekend.

The kicker here though is that she was moving to NYC in December, so I made sure to exploit every outing to the maximum. We went to bars, clubs, restaurants, even BINGO out of all places and had a blast each time. We stayed in, got drunk on cheap vodka, dressed up to go out and made memories captured on film for our 3-day Halloween weekend.

During this time, I didn't even even bother to do any dating- I simply wasn't interested in giving up my girl-time for a guy. Time was limited and critical.

And this was when I realized that I didn't need to have a guy in my life to make me happy; as long as I had a strong group of friends, I was happy with that, and was sure to have fun. She came into my life for a reason, and that was to get me out of my dark, depressed moments. I can honestly say that this season was by far the easiest and funnest I've had in a VERY LONG TIME. And even though she moved away, I feel like she will remain in my heart and memories a lifetime.

Nerds.

One year later....

I just realized that it is my one year blogoversary today.  What better way to celebrate than to summarize the beautiful, crappy, exciting, sexy, and sad things that happened since the inception (no, not the movie) of this Survival Guide along with the things I have learned since then.

A year ago, I was researching my first apartment, and was in a complicated open relationship with my ex-boyfriend Sebastian. Sebastian became a character in this blog and garnered the affection and approval of quite a few readers even though he was very difficult to deal with.  He had excess baggage from his previous marriage, a lot of which carried over into our time.

I didn't speak up enough in the very beginning, but in time, I learned to voice out my concerns and frustrations with the help and support of you, my readers.

Even though I still hold some anger towards Sebastian, it is only because the end came before I wanted it.  Sebastian had always been a gentleman and I can't badmouth him. Things didn't work out between us, but he was great, unfortunately.

During the year, I also managed to go to Europe for a dozen days and explore other cultures. I experienced new things with Sebastian, and visited new places as well.

I also managed to go back to school and continue with the prerequesites for Business Administration. I lost my job at the construction company, and was dumped by Sebastian within the same time period.

I had my grieving period and started dating again- most of which have not managed to outlast the dreaded 2-week period [sigh].

Since Sebastian, I became involved with a few guys where it didn't quite work out. I wasn't romanced and pursued and quickly lost interest in the potential candidates.

I began a new job which showed me how to be part of a bigger team and feel much more appreciated than before. I learned to like and dislike the benefits of being single.

It's been an eventful year so far, and I really have no idea what's on my plate in my personal life from here on out.

The only thing I've got looking up for me is my next planned vacation during Thanksgiving Break: Chile and Peru, here I come!

On a special note:
To my subscribed readers and frequent visitors:

Thank you in the USA to : L.A., Modesto, Alameda, San Fran, Austin, Bourbonnais, Chicago, Racine, New York, Brooklyn, Pinellas Park, Lutz, Greensboro, Bellingham, Minneapolis, Dayton, Nashville, Atlanta, Portland, Phoenix, Midvale, and of course HOUSTON.

Canada: Saskatoon, Toronto and Don Mills

England= my favorite group of people!!: London, Wigan, Bootle, Liverpool, Canterbury, and Manchester

Norway: Bergen and Stavanger

Germany: Cologne, Berlin and Munich

Australia: Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney, Adelaide

and special recognition in : Ireland, France, the Netherlands, Austria, Switzerland, Italy, Spain, Greece, Russia, Poland, Philippines, India, Japan, New Zealand, Argentina, Brazil and Chile

This blog is for you.
Thank you.

A double life: Cyber Stalking

It's time- the time has come for me to say goodbye. I must put you out of my life completely and resist the temptation to look back.

I'm talking about the last ex.

Yes. I, Renrexx, am guilty of cyberstalking!!!!

Yesterday, I came across a forum he had posted....... years ago. I read every entry and discovered his "double life." From 6 months into our relationship, we were engaged- yet, I had no clue because I had never said yes. I found out he was 15 when he lost his virginity (we were both 18), his dad had been in a coma (no such thing), he had gotten his own apartment (he didn't get it till he was 24) and car (still no car of his own) , and was on a trip across the US (never even happened. No car, remember?)

I was flabbergasted. I couldn't believe what I was reading, and unfortunately, I was mouth agape in shock.

It made me realize how much he needed others to know that he was not a failure, when he was just that. For 4 years I watched him struggle through life. He rested and relied upon me and never felt the motivation to start his life. I blame myself for that. I sheltered him too much, and didn't give him a reason to motivate himself. Not just that but I emasculated him as well. I don't think I'll ever forget or forgive myself for that.

Years later, I could see him committing the same mistake with the person he was dating and is with now. Except this time, the roles were reversed, and he was the one who felt the lack of motivation from her. How can he possibly expect her to make an effort when he won't? She's the one resting on him, and as he had told me a few times long ago "I know how you felt then. I know why you tried to push me so hard."

Although I felt so much sadness and despair for having left him in the first place, I can never forget the debt he incurred upon me. I was nice. I knew he was struggling, but he disrespected me from the beginning when he had no intentions of ever paying me back for what he borrowed. I need to admit that at first, it didn't bother me that he couldn't pay me back because I was fortunate enough to be able to pay it when I could. I also realized that this debt was one more reason to keep us connected…. in contact once every so often. I knew that as soon as that debt was repaid, I would never have a reason to talk to him.

I was the victim of gullibility and stupidity. He never paid a cent, and I wrote it off completely about a year and a half later. I can't respect him for that.

I think about him sometimes. I wonder how he is doing, and while I wonder if he's struggling or if he's comfortable, I tell myself that I have pushed forward because I wanted to. I can only hope that he has changed from what he was at 21 years old. I know I bit it completely, but I've picked myself up again and moved forward.

He is my past.....

I sincerely wish him the best.