Chile Earthquake

In the early hours of Saturday, February 27, 2010, Chile suffered from an 8.8 magnitude earthquake which damaged the structure of many buildings in 5 regions across the country. It set off large waves on nearby islands which claimed the lives of a few dozen people in addition to hundreds in metropolitan and urban areas as a result from the rubble. The numbers are only increasing.

My entire family (with the exception of one of my brothers, cousins and grandmother) lives in Chile. Unable to communicate with anyone, we have been using Facebook as a means to pass information along with other family members to update each other on their current situations. To time, I have received the news from my cousins and aunts that everyone is okay. They have suffered minor damages to personal possessions, but they are all safe.

But I've yet to hear anything from my other brother, and the phone lines are still down. Because Chile has a long history of natural disasters, the government is more prepared in coordinating relief and rescue efforts. I am therefore confident that my brother and his family are okay as well.

 

I hope that the casualties aren't overwhelming, and that many more survivors are rescued.

My heart broke a little just now......

Oh gosh... I think my heart may have suffered a fracture.

I recently sent a text message to Gorgeous Guy, an adoringly, sweet and gentle guy I went on a few dates during my limbo period with Sebastian. Gorgeous Guy was just that- incredibly good looking. He had the smarts (PhD in Engineering) and liked to travel, just as I did. But our dates didn't progress into anything because I didn't let it.

Every time we met up, I'd get this painful heartache because Sebastian was always on my mind. Gorgeous Guy was really nice, but I feel that he could probably sense I wasn't up to dating; he could tell in my watery eyes that I'd been hurt and the pain was still fresh. We never opened up on the subject of past relationships, and I'm grateful for that, because I'm sure the floodgates wouldn't have held on much longer.

He never made any sexual advances and I really liked that. However, it was evident that there wasn't much to do because of how shy I was around him. He was older (I think he's 30 now...) and much more accomplished than me. I felt like a high schooler around him. The only thing that bothered me was that he was a bit of a party animal.... though a relaxed one- drama free. The majority of his Facebook pictures have him holding some type of alcoholic drink, and I felt uncomfortable by it because it seemed to me that the only way we'd go out, would be to go for drinks.

In his text, he told me he'd gone to New York last week, so while on Facebook, I saw his updated pictures. They seemed pretty generic and I left a comment. When I went back to his wall, I scrolled down for a weird reason and saw it: The little heart..... "in a relationship with: her name here."

I gasped.

Gorgeous Guy, my Gorgeous Guy, was officially off the market.

Crap!!

All too quickly, our previous dates came into mind... 

I wonder what would have happened if I'd let go of Sebastian the way I was supposed to. Would we be dating now? Would it have lasted?

"Damn. What did I miss out on?" I kept thinking to myself.

He was hot! He still is damnit! And what did I trade him for? An arrogant geek!

Ok, so that's a little  harsh, but if you knew they way Sebastian and I joke about his ego, you'd understand and laugh too. Yes, he is "geek" or a "nerd" whatever you want to call it. He has the highest self esteem I've ever come across, which yes, does make him more attractive because he's confident, but his ego can be overwhelming sometimes. I sometimes purposefully play with his confidence and try to bring it down a notch. It doesn't work. I wish he'd be more humble.

I can't lie and say I didn't care, but I just couldn't help but wonder what I'd given up on.....

What if, what if.....

He has Sexomnia

Sebastian has sexomnia, what can easily be described as "Sleep Sex, a legitimate medical disorder."

I admit I'd never taken this condition seriously prior to meeting him, as I considered it downright impossible. But then he told me he had experienced it twice in his previous marriage, and left me in a curious and "huh??" state.

Then I remembered this one girl who would masturbate in her sleep if she went to sleep on her back, (or was it her stomach?) and there was the typical sleepwalker. Sebastian told me that when he was younger, he'd go to the extremes of going to the kitchen and make himself and sandwich and eat it in a state of parasomnia. He'd carry full length conversations with people before going back to sleep. I asked him how he knew and he said "Because my dad told me."

I found it very humorous and interesting. I asked him what would trigger it and he said he didn't know. He only knew he'd become violent if he was involved in a fight right before going to sleep; which is why he told me we'd never share a bed following a fight. We've never fought, so I haven't experienced this event. I asked him what I should do if I found him sleepwalking and he said to utter the words "You're asleep" and he would drop right back into his sleep.

Then one night as I lay next to him in bed, he awakened me in the middle of my sleep by rolling over me and kissing me deep. Still half-asleep I thought it was one of those middle of the night sessions (which we'd never had.) I tried kissing him but was drowsy and was trying to push him off because I wanted to use the restroom. I never made it out of bed.

Caught up in the moment, I let the act progress until all of a sudden I hear him say "What's going on?"

Confused, I face towards him and answer "What do you mean?"

"How did I get here? How did we start?" he asked with a hint of surprise in his voice.

"Were you...... asleep?" I asked him, half expecting him to say no.

"I....think... yes. Oh my god, no way" he answered.

"What??" I replied.

As we finished the deed, I turned on the light and tell him "Are you serious? You weren't awake at all? How is that possible??" I told him

"I just.... don't remember. What happened?" he asked.

"Well, you started kissing me pretty hard, rougher than normal, than you took off my pajamas and climbed on top of me and started......" I explained to him.

"Really?" He asked with a devious grin on his face.

It had indeed happened, and I was still shocked. Since then, it has happened more than a handful of times, and each time I'm surprised out of my sleep. It isn't apparent to me of what's happening until I'm completely awake and I'm able to judge his movements.

He moves aggressively and there is no foreplay. It makes me laugh, yes. His moves flow more smoothly and there are no pauses; almost like a robot with no interruptions. His thrusting happens to be at the same speed and he doesn't wake up until he's having an orgasm. I've been tempted to turn on the lights and say "You're asleep" just to see what will happen, but being the selfish creature that I am, I don't want to cut the action short. Plus, most of the time, I don't realize what's happening until a few minutes into it, and I always assume that he must have awoken by then, therefore don't want to sound like an idiot by saying the phrase.

In time, I've come to notice that he experiences sexomnia when we haven't seen each other and had sex in a few days. The last time it happened, he told me he'd been dreaming when he experienced it.

"About what?" I asked.

"That you and I were having sex" he answered confused.

"Funny because your dream became my reality" I said.

Job scams by the masses

It's unbelievable. I thought scams only targeted consumers. But in today's economy, where our national unemployment rate is nearing 10%, scammers have found a way to dupe the most desperate group of people- the ones actively looking for jobs.

It makes me sick.

Ever since losing my job and filing countless numbers of applications, ranging from 15 to 20 minutes each, the only responses I manage to get are scams! I haven't received a single positive response for an actual interview.

Below are the few examples that have managed to make their way into my inbox:

I got your resume for the position of an administrative assistant but the post has been filled up.Your resume has been reviewed and i did appreciate it,but there is an alternative position available which is the post of a Personal Assistant,so if you are interested in the post then I will give this a GO ! As my Personal Assistant,your activities amongst other things will include; *Running personal errands, supervisions and monitoring. Scheduling programmes, flights and keeping me up to date with them.Acting as an alternative telephone correspondence while I'm away.Making regular contacts and drop-offs on my behalf.Handling and monitoring some of my financial activities.

Basic wage is $500 Weekly.  I tend to have a very busy schedule at this point,as I am presently in Canada and i will be back in Three Weeks time. I'm online most of the time as I am hard of hearing so I prefer we contact each other through E-mails,but if there is need for me to call, I will be glad to do that.

..... Tasks include to run some errands out to some of the orphanage home, I do that every month. A payment in form of a Cashier Check/Money Order will be sent over to you from one of my clients 

 The email sounded interesting, although not in my price range. I wanted to confirm if she would be reporting taxes, and surprise, never received a response. In Canada and not back for three weeks with funds deposited to me right away? Yeah right.

The following one was about a financial manager position for a company based in Russia:
 
My name is Vadim Smolniy. I am personnel managr of our Co. Our department got your information on Yahoo!HotJobs and Our dept sure that u are great candidte for the position of  US Financial Managr.

They even had a legitimate looking website:
Design Extensions, LLC

One quick look search through Google led me to immediate results of "Stolen Identity Scam". Turns out a similar company based in Florida was victimized by this Russian entity. Vadim's offer for the position was extended because:

1. All financial services operations have to take place inside the USA
2. Customers cannot make payments to a company don’t have offices inside the US, even if the company is an industry leader around the world.  Our Home Office is located in Russia, which is why customers are not able to directly transfer money (payments for our designs) to our office in Russia.

So what they initially wanted was for someone to receive payments into a checking account, and wire the money, while being entitled 5% of the deposits received from US customers. The so-called Vadim is still looking for my participation, telling me there are 5 other candidates in line for the offer and that I "should hurry for this 3-hour a week work opportunity!"

Be wary of foreign entities.

The most recent one went one step further:

I received a call from a woman asking me if I was still job searching. I told her yes, and she said that they would be conducting interviews the following day, and that I could come in at 1pm "to discuss available job opportunities within their company". She told me to bring a copy of my resume and encouraged me to visit their website to form a list of questions I may have regarding the company.

I wasn't too psyched when I found out it was an insurance company servicing the senior sector. I'm not interested in sales or commission-based employment. I had decided upon the interview anyway, and left it at that. Late that night, I began doing more research on the company to prepare myself for the next day, and before I could finish typing " Bankers life and casualty" in Google, the drop down menu gave "complaints", "scam" and "rip off" within the first 7 results.

Upon further review, I found out that the company is in fact legitimate, but operates with unethical practices.Their insurance premiums for seniors is 3 times that of the norm, and agents are commission based, with a drop out rate of 90% within the first 6 months of employment. Agents are not employed directly by the company, but subcontracted, and receive no health benefits. The interview process takes place with 20 other individuals over 3 meetings, and must pay $210 for "start up costs". They must obtain their license, most of which fail to receive, regardless of passing the practice portion online repeatedly.

Most agents do not make over $20,000 during their first year, but can increase their commission after years of service and experience. Payments are direct deposited into their personal accounts, where Bankers can withdraw or deposit as they see fit for a period of 60 days; it's all in the contract you sign when you begin. This forum post describes the previous individuals' experiences with the company.

Needless to say, I saved myself 60 miles of commute that day for the interview. So now, I'm faced with doing more research on potential scam employers than on legitimate ones.

Where is the end to fraud??

Proper Etiquette in the Workplace

Not too long ago, I used to work in an office environment. My employers were a team of brother and sister who had been in business since 1982. They're humble people, and we all had a good working relationship with them.

Except for one girl. Things didn't sit well between the Sister Employer and her.

Jennifer and I became very good friends while we worked in the same building. There were quite a few different companies for tax reasons, but were all ran by the Sibling team. Jennifer worked on the other side of the building and I would have to turn my orders into her so she could process them.  In my opinion, she was very good at her job; very fast, but didn't exactly exude positive energy. She was much younger- about 20 years old, and had been working there almost 2 years; so she took her job less seriously.

I wouldn't take her to be a very good team player; she often complained about the amount of work she had, and the tedious tasks she was given. Come 5 o'clock, she was already in the parking lot. She was very punctual when it came to leaving work. I often noticed she was very wasteful when it came to office supplies. When I would tell her to be more appreciative, her answer was "So? Don't worry- the company pays for it." It just never sat well with me.

She was a very generous and compassionate person with her colleagues however, I can never complain about that. But in the end, it was her missteps that ultimately ended her job.

She wouldn't ever tell the Sister Employer when she would take a vacation/sick day. Since the Sister Employee is in the same side of the building as I am, I heard her complaints, and decided to tell Jennifer about it, as cautionary advice.  She scoffed and said in her defense that she wasn't her boss.

Jennifer: I wasn't hired by her. I was hired by the other Executive V.P.

Ren: Ok, you may not have been hired by her directly, but she still runs the show. She's the one paying you. Just let her know next time. When I'm out, I let everyone know by email, regardless of the company they are with, and our relationship. It's a good announcement.... you know, just in case.

Jennifer: Whatever. She's just causing drama. We don't even work together.

On more than one occasion, I heard the Sister Employee said she was cutting her off, which resulted mainly in frustration of Jennifer's work, or when she didn't know she wasn't in the office that day. I can't blame her. It's only respectful to let the Owners of the company know you'll be out.

Sister employee eventually "let her go" due to Jennifer's company doing particularly poor in sales, and not making much profit. It was her way of cutting costs. Again, I don't blame my boss for it. Jennifer wasn't the only one- a couple of employees in the warehouse lost their jobs too. It was the poor economy. That year, we didn't even see a Christmas party.

Jennifer was given her final paycheck plus a week's worth of work as "severance pay." Pitiful in my opinion, but others have been let go for a lot less.

After 5 months from leaving the office, Jennifer made a surprise visit at work. She said hi to everyone except the boss who hired her and my boss [Sister Employee]. And it's not like she couldn't see them: We all work in an open area, so even if the V.Ps have doors, she made a deliberate act not to pass in front of their doors.  I thought she would make a gesture and offer to say hi to the two bosses, but nothing.

A complete snub, utterly unprofessional, disrespectful and uncourteous.

That lacks etiquette.

I understand that Jennifer may still harbor bad feelings about being let go, but she should at least have said "hello" to them, considering they are owners of the companies. And if she felt uncomfortable, then she should have not stopped by.

When her V.P heard her voice in the hall, he asked who was there, and we softly said "Jennifer."

V.P: Jennifer? Jennifer's here? [to one employee] Did you see Jennifer? Jennifer came by? Well why didn't she say hi? Where is she?"

Ren: She's in the lobby. Go see her.

So he did. I know there's no bad blood there, so she was very surprised and happy to see him. When the V.P came back to his office he told Sister Employer about Jennifer's visit and asked if they had seen each other. She said no.

After discussing the situation with one friend, he told me:

Vincent: Well, I don't know if it's correct, but I would have done the same. She's not obliged to say hello or see someone who fired her. Would you look at your boss and say hi with a smile?

Ren: No, I just wouldn't go. It's a snub.

Vincent: Well, you could go see your old colleagues if you had a good relationship with them without being obligated to see your old boss to say hi. Then again, she wasn't there to see her boss.

Hmmm, interesting.

What would you have done in this situation?

A double life: Cyber Stalking

It's time- the time has come for me to say goodbye. I must put you out of my life completely and resist the temptation to look back.

I'm talking about the last ex.

Yes. I, Renrexx, am guilty of cyberstalking!!!!

Yesterday, I came across a forum he had posted....... years ago. I read every entry and discovered his "double life." From 6 months into our relationship, we were engaged- yet, I had no clue because I had never said yes. I found out he was 15 when he lost his virginity (we were both 18), his dad had been in a coma (no such thing), he had gotten his own apartment (he didn't get it till he was 24) and car (still no car of his own) , and was on a trip across the US (never even happened. No car, remember?)

I was flabbergasted. I couldn't believe what I was reading, and unfortunately, I was mouth agape in shock.

It made me realize how much he needed others to know that he was not a failure, when he was just that. For 4 years I watched him struggle through life. He rested and relied upon me and never felt the motivation to start his life. I blame myself for that. I sheltered him too much, and didn't give him a reason to motivate himself. Not just that but I emasculated him as well. I don't think I'll ever forget or forgive myself for that.

Years later, I could see him committing the same mistake with the person he was dating and is with now. Except this time, the roles were reversed, and he was the one who felt the lack of motivation from her. How can he possibly expect her to make an effort when he won't? She's the one resting on him, and as he had told me a few times long ago "I know how you felt then. I know why you tried to push me so hard."

Although I felt so much sadness and despair for having left him in the first place, I can never forget the debt he incurred upon me. I was nice. I knew he was struggling, but he disrespected me from the beginning when he had no intentions of ever paying me back for what he borrowed. I need to admit that at first, it didn't bother me that he couldn't pay me back because I was fortunate enough to be able to pay it when I could. I also realized that this debt was one more reason to keep us connected…. in contact once every so often. I knew that as soon as that debt was repaid, I would never have a reason to talk to him.

I was the victim of gullibility and stupidity. He never paid a cent, and I wrote it off completely about a year and a half later. I can't respect him for that.

I think about him sometimes. I wonder how he is doing, and while I wonder if he's struggling or if he's comfortable, I tell myself that I have pushed forward because I wanted to. I can only hope that he has changed from what he was at 21 years old. I know I bit it completely, but I've picked myself up again and moved forward.

He is my past.....

I sincerely wish him the best.

I loved his colleagues

I don't know if they're thinking the same thing about me, but I personally have to say I fell in love with them. They are the type of people I could totally be myself with. I don't have to impress or really think twice about how they view me.

We met up for pizza around 11-ish, before the movie, even though none of us really wanted to eat. Sebastian ordered a medium pizza for everyone, but I could only grab a slice because the $50 per person lunch he'd taken me to earlier that day at the Brazilian steakhouse was still whooshing around in my stomach. It's expensive, but soooo well worth the experience. You can definitely taste the quality of the meal. I'm not talking about the $50 in your mouth, but when you spend most of your time dining at Applebee's 2 for $20 deal meal, you are definitely taken aback with their menu.

Sebastian ended up having about 5 different types of meats. Their salad bar was just as delicious. The food melts in your mouth.

As we met his colleagues, I was instantly greeted with wide smiles and laughter. The feel-good type of laughter. I didn't talk much, but that's only because I'm rather shy around new people and first meetings. It takes me a bit to warm up to people.

We then went onto to RHPS to catch the show and had a great time as we watched one of the colleagues experience her first live audience show.

For Valentine's Day, I was left with babysitting my sisters because my mom worked. Sebastian still came over to take us out to eat, and to please my sisters, opted for a Chinese buffet on our side of town.

Overall, everything came out good. Sebastian tried to slide in the Japan trip again in between conversations by telling me he'd been practicing more lessons on his way to work. He looked at me and said "You're coming with me right?"

Uh.....uh..... am I?

"I wasn't invited" I answered.

He looks at me and says "Ren, you know you're welcome to come-"

Oh great, that's nice!

-"well, actually, I don't know now that you don't have a job [nervous laughter.] I mean, I haven't planned anything formal yet, and I don't know if I'll be able to afford for the both of us [laughs.] I guess we'll see!" he finished.

Damn it, my dreams were crushed faster than they were built.

Getting a good job has become my ticket to travel now! Blargh

Boyfriend's Appreciation

A few days prior, I had asked Sebastian if he would care for some stuffed mushrooms. Not one to cook, I somehow expected him to welcome this suggestion with praise. My willingness to prepare something was quickly shot down with "Why?"

I'm offering dinner and he's questioning it?? Does he not realize that I never cook and I want to do something that takes effort?

"Because I'm bored" I answered incorrectly.

"Shouldn't you be looking for a job instead?" he asked.

Low blow. That hurt.

He apparently didn't see it the same way I did. No need to make a nice gesture after all.

A silence washed over the phone line.  

Fine. Let him not have it.

"Yeah, you're right. Forget I mentioned it" I retaliated.

"Well, I didn't mean it negatively. I just think you should be looking for a job instead of worrying about cooking, that's all. Don't take it wrong Ren. I mean, ok you can-" he said

"No no, you're absolutely right. I shouldn't be wasting time" I said.  Nevermind feeling completely useless with no job, and wanting to do something nice for the boyfriend, my idea was being shot down before I even bought the ingredients.

"Oh crap. 'Why did you say anything Sebastian?' Damn it..... I just lost the mushrooms didn't I?" he asked

"No, you're just right about taking time to cook when I should be looking for a job. Don't worry about it" I concluded.

I was already disappointed.

Why did he have to question my offer? I just wanted to do something nice. It wasn't even about being bored. That wasn't true at all. I just wanted to feel useful for a moment. And I truly felt like he deserved it. In my mind, all I could think about was how generous he'd always been to me. He'd always cooked and prepared the meals. All I could do was make spaghetti and bake simple things. I didn't want him to think of me as lazy or useless.

I decided to go to the gym later that night to wear out my frustration. I didn't wear it out; I don't exercise vigorously, but I did melt it off. I watched the TV monitors and I started watching this new show I hadn't heard of: Modern Family. I nearly busted out laughing at a few occasions, and I felt my smile growing back.  By the time I left, I was happy again.

I talked to Sebastian on the next day and he asked what I had been up to. I told him I had gone off to the gym when he asked "To beat a punching bag as you envisioned me?"

Silly boy.

"They didn't have bags. I just walked it off, and felt much better" I said.

"Was it because you were still upset about what I said?" he asked.

Well that's good he noticed I was upset.

"Yes. But I'm better now" I told him.

Later on during the week, I went back to his place, and decided to prepare those mushrooms after all. They were a success, and two days later, Sebastian was still thanking me for dinner.

I finally felt appreciated.

The meeting of his colleagues

Finally, after 6 months of him going on and on about his colleagues, I get to meet them tonight. Where are we going you might ask? No other than to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Sebastian might actually be more excited than expected about this meetup tonight. I see it as any other Rocky showing; Maybe it's because I've seen it about..... 5 times last year and it's been enough. The reason why I like going is no other than to bring a virgin to the show- a person who's never experienced the movie with audience participation. I'll admit the movie still gives me the creeps, but the first time I saw it, I was hooked. The experience was so much fun, I was ecstatic about seeing it again a few years later.

But the reason why I'm actually looking forward to tonight is because I'll finally be introduced to the people he works with. Since the beginning, I've managed to be introduced to only two others. They were a lot of fun, a bit different, but I didn't mind. It was the act of being introduced and included that made me feel appreciated. Silly, maybe- but with a private guy like Sebastian, I was lucky to get anything at all.

I expect it to go without a hitch; they are older than me- by at least 10 years I think, so I can only hope they don't go off about science or politics with each other. These are subjects I'm no expert on, and a bit ignorant compared to their vast knowledge.  If you suggest talking about culture, I'll go all off. 

We are making progress. Definitely at a s.n.a.i.l.'s pace, but some progress at least.

Valentine's Day tomorrow: I get to spend it babysitting my sisters as I'm making mah greens.

Have fun peoples.

His emotional insecurities

I think we might of had a breakthrough!

Late last night, amidst my studying economics and his FPS game on his PC, we managed to somehow trail into a conversation of emotional comfort.

It has unnaturally taken quite a lot of guts for me to open up about my feelings to Sebastian. From previous posts, I have mentioned to shy away from confrontation and not talk about my insecurities about my relationship with Sebastian. I think one of the main reasons has to do with him being the dominant character of the relationship. Regardless of who it is, when the other person has control (friend, parent, colleague, boss), I don't speak up much.

Then last night, out of nowhere, I had a sudden burst of confidence and spoke the truth: "I really don't see you as an emotional person."

"Why do you say that?" he asked.

"I can just tell. You're not like that.  I know it'll sound totally cliché at what I'm about to say but...... you're not..... really in touch with my emotional needs" I admitted.

At the sound of this, he kind of chuckled.

"You're right. It does sound clichéd" he said.

"You're not in touch with your emotional side either" I added.

"Do you really want me to be more in touch with my feminine side?" he quipped.

"Yep, I knew you were going to smart mouth, but understand this: I don't mean to insult you, it's just.... I don't understand why you don't comfort when I'm upset" I continued.

"But I don't hurt your feelings. I take care of you when you're sick" he quickly defended.

"I know, and I don't want you to think that you hurt me on me purpose. It has happened before, and I really don't think you do it out of malice. And yes, it's true that you're always there to nurse me back to health when I'm sick. I'm very appreciative of that; I don't want you to think I'm attacking you. But when I'm upset, you're more likely to treat me like one of the guys- you comfort with a tap on the head. I feel like we can't talk about our feelings because you don't really care..... it's not your thing to do, or you think it's silly" I confessed.

He laughed a bit more and said "Oh Ren, it has nothing to do with that. And the whole 'pat on the head' thing, trust me, I don't do that with my male friends. "

"I know that. I was just trying to compare" I answered.

He paused for a while, trying to form an appropriate answer and finally said "It's not that I don't care. It's just that.... I don't know..... how to comfort. I feel there's nothing I could say to make the situation better. I put myself in your shoes, and feel that if I were the one who's upset, I would want to be left alone. There's nothing anyone could say to make me feel better."

Oh my- duh!! He is a guy! I completely understood. It finally made sense!

"Ok, I understand now. I actually do the same thing when it comes to friends and family. I don't know how to comfort; but when it comes to my partner, I always know how. It makes sense to me now that you didn't comfort me when I was upset about something" I reasoned.

Slowly but surely, we are tackling the relationship issues that have been on my mind for quite some time. It puts me at ease to know that I don't need to overstress on it anymore; I got my concerns answered.

Job Loss +7 days

Oh my dear fellow readers- the comments on one of my last post made me chuckle and happy at the same time. There was a reason why I decided to post that blog before posting this one; because in 3 weeks' time, Sebastian had changed dramatically. Needless to say, I still felt I needed to document what had happened 3 weeks ago, in case the topic came up again and you would know what the hell was happening.

Maybe it's my negativity or pessimism that I felt towards Sebastian not too long ago that made him an easy target; or maybe it was that the relationship wasn't perfect- it's still far from it. This blog initially began on shaky grounds- catapulting into independence with an open relationship with Sebastian, that turned into a semi-committed one without me even realizing it. Needless to say, I'll still be sharing the tricky situations I manage to get myself into during my adulthood.

It's been an entire week since I've lost my job and I still don't have solid leads on anything! ZILCH! I've sent out résumés, emailed 11 recruiters, signed up with job search engines, and told my friends (to try to get a word in) and I've yet to receive a call back! The only thing I've got in the works is a testing appointment with the Census Board about doing temporary work.

My old job in the meantime is keeping me afloat part time. My boss called me Tuesday afternoon to tell me not to come in on Wednesday because there wasn't enough work to be done, and my other boss wasn't in. Instead, I came over on Thursday to complete payroll and tie up loose ends with other things such as invoices, vendors, and workers' applications. I got paid for that day and left with some pride. I'm still optimistic that everything will work out, even if my bosses aren't able to give me back my old job as they REALLY hope will happen. Nope- at this point, I'm on my own.

Sebastian has been a real sweetheart lately [See the dramatic change?] Not a moment goes by that we are not able to laugh. I can sense things definitely changing between us-  for the better. He's always smiling, laughing which proves me that he's genuily happy. He also rushed to see me last week when I told him about the job loss (right at the same moment I was thinking of going to see him; fortunately we didn't cross paths) and brought me these beautiful purple flowers. My favorite color.

 I spent most of the week at his place using the internet, and helped him make meals and clean his apartment. Late on Wednesday night he turns to me and says "It's been really good having you here everyday. It makes preparing meals a lot easier when there are two people involved. Hey! How would you feel about coming over more often to have dinner ready when I come home. Eh eh?" he said with a slight chuckle.

Now Pause. I know this sounds sexist to all women, and I'm not going to lie, it did to me too- but only for a split second. "Well, if you paid for my gas for me to get up here, I'd consider it if I had an easy schedule" I told him.

"Hmmm..... hmmmm..... interesting....... I'll think about it," he answered.

Yeah that's right. It's not so easy when there are demands!

The way I see it- he's teaching me how to cook. My mom is a great cook, but I never got to learn from her. I think I just didn't really care to. Plus, she's not the best teacher; kind of like "Those who can't do, teach." Well in her case it's more like "I can, so I do" and she always ends up finishing making the meals- leaving me watching TV on the side.

Plus, if Sebastian were to pay for gas and groceries- I think I might have just scored. I'd actually have real food in my belly instead of fast food. And anyway, I see it as balanced work- he's been making the meals since we met- almost one year, so I figure it's only fair that I finally put some effort in that aspect of the relationship.

In the meantime, I'm remaining calm about the job loss and taking in as much of the positive vibes and effort that everyone is giving me.

Optimism is definitely working for me this year. That, and the funny photo ops I see around Houston:

Outside a Chinese Restaurant:

 

Translation- Wanted: Woman to clean tables with experience; who speaks little English is better.

Facebook status updated

Yes, we have finally transitioned into the world of coupledom. Back from dinner one night, I finally got the guts to mention to Sebastian that I wanted to switch our statuses on Facebook. He gladly obliged, so while logged on, he went to edit his info, and dropped down to change status. He even went as far as putting my name down and anniversary date.

 I swallowed hard.

Do I really want every member of his family to know my full name?

The next day, he told me a colleague of his had tried her hand at flirting by coyly mentioning “So… uh… I noticed you had changed your relationship status. How long has it been?”

“Almost a year” he answered.

“Oh wow…..I had no idea” she said.

“Yeah…. I don’t talk about my private life” he told her.

That’s right- we’ve actually been dating since March of last year.

I felt we were slowly coming to an acceptance with our relationship, and that he was finally taking it seriously by updating his status. 

Oh what the hell- who am I kidding? You know very well that Facebook relationship status to a girl is one of the most important statuses she can change. He's taken! Step off! We all dread going back to "single" so when we make the jump to "in a relationship" we instantly expect a fanfare to play out in our celebration.

I wanted it so badly, and the few friends who noticed the change made the wait worthwhile.

I quickly damned myself for posting other links, statuses and photos soon after, resulting in an immediate oversight on this mother of all statuses!

Jealousy for the wrong reasons

[This post is a little old- approximately.... 3 weeks old. I felt I needed to post it now, before I continue with a more positive side of Sebastian.]

Sebastian texted me the other day to tell me that he had been promoted at work, which included a raise, bonus, and 2 more weeks of vacation. 2 more weeks. That's 4 weeks a year.

My GOD!

I was really happy for him, and knew he had worked very hard to get where he was at, but I couldn’t help but feel a smidge of jealousy in all of this.


“What am I going to do with two extra weeks a year?” he texted back.

“I don’t know; travel, or do absolutely nothing like xmas and feel great afterwards”

“Or both! Lol” he wrote back

Later that night, he called me so he could tell me with more excitement about the great news. “Looks like I’ll be able to go to Japan in September after all”

Fu……..ck……

Gee, I wonder what’s going in September. Could it have anything to do with a Japanese girl getting married perhaps?

Oh you better invite me!

He didn't mention anything more, and my resentment grew deeper. Why aren't I invited? Hell, I invited him to Europe! Why can't he invite me to Japan?

I can't remember if it was later on in the conversation, or the next day, but he finally did mention the Japan trip again.... though.... I noticed he choked as he asked "Would you...... say..... like to go..... to Japan?"

Finally!! Hellz yes!

"Sure, it would give me another stamp on my passport," I said unaffected.

"But could you afford it?" he asked.

"Well, I have enough in savings now. I don't know about next year, cause I'll be using that money for school- so if anything, I'd rather travel this year" I answered

"Oh well, we still have a lot of time to talk about that. I mean, I'm not even sure if I'll be able to go" he concluded.

Huh, interesting. So did he just "offer to invite" because he thought I wouldn't be able to go? Did he do so because it would be more appropriate to ask, never in a million years thinking I would actually consider it?

Playing with Fire

BEG came back from his business trip abroad last weekend. I hadn't gotten the chance to talk to him in AIM much because I had gotten sidetracked with other tasks at work and the 10-hour time difference. Plus, my cell wasn't always connected to AIM, and he couldn't just text me to ask me to get on AIM.

Every once in a while, our conversations take a turn to the secretive side. We begin talking about our significant others, or most of the time about our sexual experiences with previous partners. In our case, it becomes a competition to see who has done the most/best/unheard of act. I actually prefer these conversations because it gives us something to laugh about in regards to one another; be it sexual innuendos, embarrassing moments or bad experiences, we're there to laugh at the other's misfortune.

However, whenever BEG is chatting and his girlfriend is about to come home, he warns me with "Julia's coming home soon, so if I suddenly disappear it's because she's here."  "Oooh, hide me right away!" I tease him. "Are you worried about something?" I ask him.

"No, but I don't think she'd like reading me saying you look really pretty in your profile picture or stuff about sex" he answered.

"Ok, fair game. What about lunch? Are we doing that anytime soon?" I asked him back.

"I don't know. It'd have to be when Julia's at work. I mean, we've always been together since we started dating. We've spent every night at each other's place, so it'd be kind of weird and suspicious if all of a sudden I told her I was going out to dinner with a girl she doesn't know" he admitted.

"So when do you hang out with your friends?" I asked confused.

"We hang out with her friends and my friends together" he said.

"Ooooh, so you're one of those couples. The ones that do everything together" I told him.

"Yeah. I've never had a bad relationship, and we've always spent all of our available time together. I guess that's why I get nervous and feel trapped that this relationship has no end."

"Well, good luck to you on that. A little time to oneself is good." I told him

Especially in your twenties- when you're most likely to change.

I lost my Job

In adulthood comes different obstacles and problems. This past Friday, I was faced with one of the major ones: I was let go from the company after working with them for two years.

The company had been doing very badly in recent months, and we didn't have any projects coming up until November. I had been mentally preparing myself for the layoff, and was actually surprised to have seen my employment follow into the new year.

Yet, regardless of the situation, I am doing very well; I am not stressed or nervous. I am very calm because my bosses have given me the opportunity to work 2 days a week with them while I find a permanent job elsewhere. That, and they have also agreed to continue paying my health insurance.

In the meantime, I'll be babysitting my sisters on the weekends for a few extra bucks, and looking for a new job online. I've already updated my resume during the weekend and sent it off to two job postings I came across on Craigslist. Sebastian helped me out with the update, and made me see that I had many more skills than I was aware of. His feedback truly made me feel better about myself.

I'm also looking at applying for a temporary job as a Census Taker for this year's Census. It offers a very attractive pay rate, and goes for 5 to 10 weeks; And they are really in need of bilingual people.

Luckily I have enough in savings to keep me afloat for awhile, but I also have to set a limit and be realistic in this whole job search. I hope I'm not out of a job for more than a month.

And yes, the gym is still a go!